With friends like that….
The other day I got an email from someone who wanted to let me know that they were un-friending me. Initially I shrugged it off. I mean.. I don’t rely on my friend list… or any other list… for validation in my life. I was puzzled, I guess, in why this person felt the need to inform me of it at all. It’s very true that this person and myself are on completely different paths and that there was very little in common between us. I rarely read that blog because it didn’t interest me. But I saw no value in pointing that out either.
The email was polite enough. Or so I thought. But I’m naive like that, you know? I want to see the best in people, I give the benefit of the doubt way past when it should be and as a result I’ve been sucker punched (metaphorically) a lot. Master read the same email.. and was irritated by it. Which just isn’t like Him to react that way to some stranger’s email.. especially over something as benign as taking my blog off a list. He made a few snarky comments about it, enough so that I went back and reread it.. looking for the source of irritation.
If this person truly felt the need to let me know why their blog suddenly wasn’t showing up on my friend’s page, wouldn’t it have been sufficient to say “Hey, we’re going different directions in life, was nice knowing ya, good luck and good bye”? And it did say that, along with other digs… how they can’t understand our choices, can’t continue to read it and have to bite their tongue.. and how Master’s and my goals are unhealthy, even for a slave.
I offended their delicate sensibilities.
So…… don’t read it. I wasn’t particularly fascinated with reading about toddler’s sticky fingers but I didn’t dash off an email about THAT. I didn’t because I’m not a self-righteous bitch.
It’s not that I expect everyone to approve or like or agree with most of what I blog about. I know perfectly well that it’s a sensitive subject, that Master and I are a tad on the extreme edge and that where He is taking me (us) is… oh I don’t know… different. And I don’t even care that someone lets me know that they think I’m insane or implies that Master is abusive. Wrinkle your cyber noses at us.. it’s not going to change the path I’m on one little iota.
What tends to get to me is how it’s the ones who say in the loudest voice “everyone has their own path to follow in bdsm” who are the quickest to reject anyone NOT following them, panting and drooling in anticipation of the next words of wisdom to fall from their keyboard. Your way of Master/slave is not the only way. The goal is to gain something from those who do it differently. I can’t believe that anyone anywhere has it all figured out, has all the answers. And if you do.. write a book or something. But if what you are really saying is that *I* have absolutely nothing to offer you.. that you will never gain anything but disgust from my blog.. then good riddance. And save the polite-but-hiddenly-snarky emails. I don’t need them.
I write what I feel, what I think. It might be hard for you to read, but it was just as hard for me to write it.. to live it.. to process it. I switched from a private journal to an online one not for the feedback.. but because I was helped tremendously by reading other people’s blogs (and still am).. and I wanted to attempt to give a little of that back. It’s had the added benefit of being an immensely helpful communication tool from myself to Master. For whatever reason, opening it up online tapped something in me.. and I started pouring my innermost thoughts out.. for Him. You’ve all gotten to ride along…. and if some of it scares you at times, imagine how I’m feeling.
But am I not conveying through here how deeply satisfied I am also? Do I not come across as happy and content, barring the difficulties dealing with Master’s travel and what not… If not, then I’m failing in that aspect. Because I am. Head over heels in love with a Man who not only knows my deepest darkest desires and loves me anyway… but will stop at nothing to give them to me. He’s intense, He’s brilliant, He’s gorgeous, both inside and out. He’s my rock, my knight. My owner. Someday soon I’ll do a post on how He spoils me rotten. It’s probably long overdue.
If anyone else finds that this blog leaves a bad taste in your mouth.. then by all means, go on to the next one.. take my link off your list.. do whatever it is you need to do to keep your own little world clean and sparkly. That’s how it should be. What’s the point in being a bitch about it though?
I don’t care that someone doesn’t want to read me… really, I’m not that big of a narcissist. I’m appalled though, at the gall some people have to try and belittle me.
Shame on you.
Tags: insults
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Tuesday January 3rd, 2006 11:33pm
I responded on your other page, but I just read it again LMAO and it fired me all up. Jeeze I need a beating LOL. Its called stress relief in my house.
Lets go nuts together see who’s boats can be rocked LOL.
In Friendship
tia
Damn you are fast..lol
Let’s go. I’m about due for a good boat rockin’…lol
*hugs*
Just wanted to warn you, that your blog is in my favorites.. right on the first ones!
I come and visit you, every day of the week, and really enjoy reading you!
sometimes, some of what you write, I don’t quite agree… but then… you wouldn’t quite agree in everything I write neither… If we all agreed in everything this would be a very boring world!!!
kaya_s, I came to ask you one single thing… keep writing, just has you’v been doing… you and your Master have been giving me some great ideias ;) and some very good insights… ones I need, because, I am really new at this lifestyle.
kaya_s, and your Master… Thanks
Wow, what an asshole …
Like you, I have to wonder about the desired effect of that e-mail. Were you supposed to suddenly see the light and then go running to this person, offering to suck their toes in gratitude for being saved from yourself??
As I read this post, I kept thinking of all the people in the chat room, who crow so loudly about acceptance – and then would always try to convince me I was wrong, when I brought up ideas contrary to theirs. I was just a baby in the BDSM woods, I didn’t know what I was talking about, blah blah blah. (I refuse to do the yada yada yada thing – I so hate Seinfeld :-)
Yes, you and your Master are pretty damn extreme, are on the farthest side of this landscape – and personally, I love hearing all about it – and not just because I’m a horny prevert. I want to hear all about closets and boxes, because I won’t ever really be able to do those activities. I want to hear about your 2,006 whaps – so I can have some perspective on the 20 whaps that have me blubbering. I need to know I’m not the only person in the world who sometimes wishes her kids would just go the fuck away – and stay the fuck away, for at least a little while. I appreciate your openness and honesty, in showing us your landscape.
I can’t say I don’t always agree with you, because, really, I do … I just know my path will be a bit different than yours – because of my health, and because of what my Emperor wants.
And just for the record …
you are still the standard to which I hold myself as a slave.
Good riddance, I’d say.
I am so grateful that I’ve gotten to “ride along” on your journey. Your blog is an inspiration and a comfort to me. Yes, a comfort. This is my first stop every day on my cruise through Blogville.
Luv ya,
sk
I would like to second pure_blue’s closing line!!
(Her post wasn’t there when I wrote my first post!)
sk
I completely agree with you that people simply don’t say what they mean. I read your blog to get some idea of what everyone else does and how other people interested in the lifestyle live. There shouldn’t be a judgement one way or another, its simply someone else’s lifestory. I’m sorry there are people out there who are so judgemental, they don’t help anyone. The only comfort we have is, perhaps they are so judgemental becuase they feel judged themselves. Cudos to you for being so comfortable in your own skin that you can share with the rest of us.
I have to agree with everyone’s posts. I also think that people shun the things in which they don’t understand. People are sheep. A lot of the things you and your Master do are beyond MY comfort level, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad or wrong. I have found myself wanting to ask you if you are happy, if you are OK with everything, but before I do, I see a post in which you make clear that you are happy, you are OK…. And there is a lot I don’t understand – but the difference with me is, I ask questions. I have asked you a few over the last few months and you have been so open and honest with me and I appreciate the insight so very much.
I would say, go back to that email, hit DELETE, and never think another thing about it.
I also enjoy reading your blog and visiting the links you provide to your website (your photos with the candycanes are just about my favorite Christmasy picture this season). What you do is extreme and it took me a while to see the whole picture. An occasional reader will probably miss seeing the woman/couple/family and the extraordinary dynamic but I’m not sure there is anything you can do about that.
Thanks for writing.
Woodsbunny
the world is small!
such situations have no boundaries, i see :( i’m an Italian slave and i faced a similar “problem” not too long ago – “they” say i’m being abused by Master, i, as a slave, am the shame of all women on earth… Now there’s a disclaimer at the top of my journal: all people who think i’m disgusting just clic on the X to close the browser’s window. Period. Live your life, while i live mine!
Hope this is the first and last time for you, kaya
Hugs from Italya,
schiava
http://schiava.blogspot.com
Screw the small minded
I read your blog everyday. I enjoy your blog everyday! I cringe sometimes (because I am a weenie) and other times my heart bleeds for you because I can feel how very much you miss your Master. Please do not allow a small minded wannabe to affect how you write and your peace. They are most definitely not worth it!!! If they are a true part of an alternative lifestyle they should not judge. There are many fetishes I do not get, I do not want to get and I just say to each their own. I have never commented on your blog before because honestly I just enjoy reading it and I do not feel a need to comment on it. I think you are very secure in who you are and you are living life how you wish to live it. I would write this person off because they are petty and jealous, nothing more nothing less. I can see the love, the respect, the honor between you and your Master and I do believe your Master is giving you what you need and desire.
kaya,
your blog remains one of my favorites. I may not always comment but I am always here reading. Your blog is on my list of blogs I read and I will always be a loyal reader.
Take care and hugs
padme/shyanne
you know, it’s ok to not agree with everything someone else says or does. and it’s even ok to get turned-off or squicked by someone’s post. what’s not ok is to make it the other person’s problem. “shame on you for writing something I didn’t like.” well, fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
erica
Hear Hear
kaya,
i could not agree more with what you have written. If it is abuse then i am all in for it!
Hugs,
aphrodite
14 to 1
wow kaya…… i read your blog this morning (before coffee which is why i didn’t comment then) and came back this afternoon to say “hang in there” but ya know what??!! 14 people beat me to it… 14 to 1.. WOW!!! so damn the nay sayers (says i)… and keep on keeping on kaya…
morningstar (owned by Warren)
http://wtsubbie.blogspot.com/
Oh my God. Thank you all so much. I really honestly mean it when I say I don’t blog for the comments but damn if it doesn’t feel good to see this. Just.. thank you. Wow.
Some of you made me laugh, and some of you actually made me tear up (a feat generally reserved only for Master, mind you)… (and the occasional Folger’s commercial)… (and Hallmark)… (and little kids singing christmas carols, gets me every damn time). I’m touched. I’m really deeply touched.
I want to hug you all!
Folger’s commercials???
Ok, you get the biggest crybaby award :-D
If you dont cry when the big brother makes the coffee on christmas morning.. you get the Black Heart award!…lol
Is it the Folger’s commercial where the little girl wakes up christmas morning to her big brother coming home to suprise his family by making coffee, or something like that?? I look forward to that stupid commercial every year. I’m a dork. :P
sk
Yes! Exactly..lol.. even thinking about it makes my chin quiver.
I can not handle children singing anything sends me right over the edge!
Every christmas program the kids have put on I’ve had to sneak kleenex in my sleeve because I feel like such a fool sitting there blubbering. I have that “I’ve got something in my eye” excuse down pat.
unhealthy choices
Well, I can’t say I am all “You go girl!” as many who have commented. Nor can I judge you or your Master in the path you follow. What I can do is worry about you both, empathize with your ups and downs, rejoice in you triumphs, and above all learn from you. That is why I come to read your journal. And as silly as it may be, I do worry about the faceless people I know only from their writings, and you are one of those, every day.
My thing is a little tie-up-and-torture, so some of what you write and post about is very hot, but I do not come here for cheap thrills. I do want to understand what makes you and others tick because 1) that leads to deeper understanding of one’s self and 2) some glimmer of what my partner may think/feel as well. – know she flirts with the idea of total loss of control, but I am sure we will never walk your road, just as you would not be happy on ours.
The “cunt in a cage (or closet)” thing does not hold any appeal for me – indeed the risk of breaking someone until they are totally dependent scares the hell out of me – and Yeah! I think it is potentially unhealthy too, but I am not you, and I am not your Master. Besides you seem to be doing pretty darn good considering all life is throwing at you – car crashes, kids, separation from loved ones and all the rest!
So I frown when you had a less than perfect weekend with Master – somebody I’m rooting for didn’t get the total happiness I would wish them, and I worry that maybe they won’t either, and damnit somebody’s got to live happily ever after! Plus, being male and human I get the visceral reaction “Bad, bad, Master! Doesn’t he know what the hell he’s got there? Com’on give the little lady a break! Get her out of that closet, tie her up and torture her til’ she’s a big puddle of girl goo!” And with that response I have to acknowledge two things 1) that’s my libido peeking out, not yours or your master’s LOL and 2) its perfectly ok to frown WITH you but it is definitely not anyone’s place to frown AT you.
So I do totally agree that to pull someone down because you don’t agree with their choices or actions is less than useful – sure, bug out and remove the link with a “wish you well” but anything else is selfish and hurtful.
And if someone was indeed certain in their own mind that you were at truly at risk then the correct thing would be to offer what support they could, (offer a sympathetic ear, maybe even go so far as question your motives or attempt to dissuade you) but why in hell would anyone who actually cared express disgust except to reinforce their own paradigms?
Ah, hell, I can too say it – You go girl!
Best wishes,
Peter Grimm
Re: unhealthy choices
Wow.. thank you. You really said alot and I keep reading it, and re-reading it.
I especially like this line “Bad, bad, Master! Doesn’t he know what the hell he’s got there? Com’on give the little lady a break! Get her out of that closet, tie her up and torture her til’ she’s a big puddle of girl goo!” I’m definitely going to make sure Master reads that one..;)
I’m really appreciative of these comments, more than I can express. From all of you.
Hun I agree with what everyone has said… don’t let the one or two people who don’t like what they read waste more then a second of your time. You’re truly an inspiration to me as I am sure you are to many. I stop her everyday, sometimes twice. I love what I read and think man if she can handle her tasks then so can I. Keep up the awesome work and thanks for being so great at it!
Intricate
Funny how I think the same things about YOU…lol.
oh lord…kaya…you finally got some of them naysayers…damn them…
you and your Master’s life is to do with as you chose, plain and simple…and while its one thing if someone expresses concern…care…it sounds like that email was just being a bitch…
you and your Master live life the way you want…I think you are great…;)
ack…not as pretty as I wanted it to come out…I’m sleeepy…sorry…just saying…I support you 100%
*hugs*
Aww thank you annissa… that means a lot, a whole lot, coming from you. You are one of those that I hold myself up to.
I can’t believe you get any naysayers! No way!
lol…I do from time to time…but it’s part of the territory me thinks…I just ignore it…what do they know anyhow?
Thank you love, you are too kind to me :)
Hi,
I just read your comment about someone being offended by what you write. Hats off to you for sending them packing. You are right in that if someone is offended then simply quit reading, simple as that. I have never commented you before and have been reading for a while. I appreciate your honesty in expressing your thoughts and feelings. I live an extrememly vanilla life, probably could be considered the modern June Clever. I live this spiceless lifestyle because that is the way I was brought up and raised. Since being in a monogomous relationship for way too long I have developed curiousities. I have been reading, searching for something to unleash the uneasiness burning inside me. I found your journal and am addicted! Yes a lot of what you write I don’t understand but I don’t judge you. In fact, I am often times jealous that you have the life you do. I am seeking and what better way to learn than from someone who expresses their thoughts, feelings and desires so well. I guess what I am saying is THANK YOU for your posts and please keep the forum open. I think I would be left feeling empty without my daily read of you.
Thanks again.
Wow.. thank you so much. I was once a vanilla bean too and I started in just the way you are talking about..reading thoughts and ideas and scenes..and look at me now!..lol
I see no reason this blog would be pulled, as long as I mind my p’s and q’s with Master…:)
Dear kaya,
Okay, let me be blunt… i think whoever sent you that note is an ignorant b-tch. Your journal entries may be extreme… the path that you’re on may be extreme… but the ONE thing that comes through clearer than anything else is how happy you are to be on that path with someone who cares for you and loves you as much as you love Him.
i’ve been reading your journal through from the begining and i’m still at it (i feel so decadent, laying in bed naked with the laptop all day long. sigh)… your journey is completely different from my own… but i completely understand your drive… and i’m sooo grateful that you are able to express all of your hopes/fears/insecurities/struggles, etc. so well. My journey may be different… my goals may be different, but imho we *all* share the same doubts and insecurities and need for reassurance no matter *what* path we’re on. And knowing that you can face your struggles head on… and deal with them… and that you *always* seem to come out the other end stronger and more secure in who you are is a huge inspiration to me.
Thank you for sharing your life.
Now… i’m going back to reading… i’m hoping to make it through your entire journal by the end of this weekend. We head home on Sunday and then i’ll be back to having to do all the things i *need* to do instead of having all of this wonderful time on the computer. And despite the IB’s comments to you, i’m *choosing* to spend my precious free time reading your *entire* journal. :)