Two Steps Forward, One Step Back- Redux
Forward- The GSA made the school announcements.
Forward- Talked to my mother and she did order the rainbow shirt. (color me shocked.)
Back- The school pulled the stills of the boys from the website. (color me not shocked but saddened.)
~~*~~
I wanted to address the issue of flaunting, or of making their sexuality their identity, that my mother brought up because I’ve had some of those same thoughts and I’m often unsure of, not only how I feel about it but what to say to people like my mother when they bring it up.
So I’ve been thinking about it.
I know on the surface it looks like “those gays” are only displaying their sexuality for the world to see. But that’s because they’re being discriminated against because of their sexuality. If there was no discrimination, I don’t believe homosexuals would be “flaunting” their sexuality at all, to anyone.
I’m sure they would like to be able to have their privacy and sleep with the gender of their choice behind closed doors and NOT be judged for who they are sleeping with.
But they can’t. Because when they talk about how they are discriminated against, everyone knows why. How do they avoid making you think about their sex life when it’s their sex life that is the target?
You’re bothered by the parades with the mostly nude leathermen and the rallies with their rainbow flag-waving and the Pride symbols on shirts, and key chains and bumper stickers because all you think in your narrow little mind is how they’re advertising their sexual choice (by the way, when did you CHOOSE to be straight? Hmm?) and how you are simply not interested in knowing who they’re having sex with.
When women were the target, when blacks were the target, when interracial couples were the target; they had parades. They had rallies. They had leaders who were loud and outrageous and who shoved the truth of discrimination down people’s throats until they couldn’t ignore it anymore.
There are going to be extreme examples. Of course there are. In any walk of life you will have extremists and people who do things for the shock value. But those people, that bare ass in the chaps? Bless him for it. Because they get your attention, don’t they? They make you look. Maybe you wrinkle your nose, maybe your stomach turns. But you can’t ignore them and if you can’t ignore them, you can’t ignore the issue, either. Even negative attention is better than no attention, and some people, the get-back-in-the-closet crowd, YOUR crowd, would like nothing more than to pretend the issue isn’t REAL.
Gays have their parades and they have their rallies. They wear, wave and display the symbols of their fight, which is NOT an advertisement of their sex. It’s not just a fight for tolerance because tolerance by itself isn’t enough. It’s not GOOD enough. Acceptance is what they need. Fuck tolerating my daughter, you smug, sanctimonious, self-righteous prick. You accept her because she deserves it.
When I see a symbol of gay pride, I’m not thinking about what they are doing in the bedroom. What I’m reminded of is that the fight hasn’t been won yet.
I’m thinking about the kids who are literally being bullied to death, because of their sexuality.
I’m thinking about partners being denied hospital visitation in times of illness and death, because of their sexuality.
I’m thinking of the people, and their children, who are denied insurance benefits, tax breaks, custody, because of their sexuality.
I’m thinking of the men and women who are kicked out of the military, passed over for promotions, or who lose their jobs entirely, because of their sexuality.
There’s been progress. There’s been amazing progress, encouraging progress, heartwarming progress. You know why? Because of that distasteful “flaunting”.
You want the truth of it, though?
It’s not them flaunting their sexuality in your faces.
It’s everyone’s inability to keep your goddamn noses OUT of their sexuality.
They don’t want you there. They really, really don’t. That’s what they’re fighting FOR.
You stop shoving their sexuality in their faces by way of discriminating against them because of it and I guarandamntee the “flaunting” you think you see will all but disappear.
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Friday December 17th, 2010 9:08am
I could kiss you right now…. but that would be flaunting :)
It’s a GREAT post Kaya. It truley is. I kind of want to repost this all over the everywhere… plaster it everywhere like local band posters.
It’s always that phrase “flaunting their sexuality” – and it calls up all these images that the people complaining have never seen in real life.
And while the conversation is started by something innocuous as a rainbow tshirt, or a couple holding hands at the mall – the people so upset by all the “flaunting” are so quick to relate that to scary leather dudes and bathhouse horrors.
It really says more about them, then the gay people they are looking down on.
I agree with Boxer. This is an amazing post. You cut right through all the bulls**t to the heart of it.
KellyRed´s last [type] ..C is for Cookie
wonderful post Kaya and you really do bring up some important points.
the fight for acceptance isn’t over yet and though i do agree there has been progress, it isn’t enough.
for those who believe gays are ‘flaunting’ their sexuality, or sexual behavior, i ask that they please stop flaunting theirs.
if it is unacceptable for a gay couple to hold hands or kiss in public then is it not equally unacceptable for a straight couple? if pda’s are unacceptable for some then they must be unacceptable for all. i, for one, am not prepared to give up on giving, or receiving, a quick kiss in the mall and i love it when Master takes my hand. i’m not willing to give that up so why would i ask that of any other couple.
and don’t get me started on the inequality shown by our governing bodies. i can only bet their outlooks would change if it were their son or daughter being denied the basic human need to have a loved one close when in times of illness or worse.
keep up the good fight and lets hope 2011 brings about a few more greatly needed advancements in all areas of acceptance.
And since I can’t say what I want to elsewhere…I’m soooooooooooo gonna steal this for another project of mine. -ahem-
fe´s last [type] ..Bronze Lining
Very well put!
I disagree. Thats all I’m going to say.
You’re allowed. ;-)
Vicky, just wondering why even bring it up at all if you won’t elaborate or engage?
I’m curious what exactly Vicky disagrees with. That gay folks flaunt it for fun and would anyway, or that they shouldn’t have rights at all?
I try very hard to give thought to all sides of a story, but when it comes to discrimination I have a really hard time.
takenbylovely´s last [type] ..Public Post
Love you for this and many other reasons, Kaya. Bunches. <3
Well said :).
Kaya,
There’s an aweful lot I want to say, and just so little time right now to put it into words. The short version? Two to three years ago, I couldn’t have said that I agreed with everything you wrote, while today, I can. The why of that is the long version.
I feel another Insatiable Desires post coming on.
Dave
I once had a woman in a Starbucks mutter something about “gays flaunting it” just because a bi friend and I were discussing homosexuality at the next table – not even in the context of ourselves!
The problem I have is that something as simple as holding your lover’s hand is considered “flaunting your sexuality” when someone gay does it, but completely normal when heteros do it. It’s bullshit. While assless chaps in the streets at Folsom Street Fair are understandably shocking for some, holding hands or a peck on the lips shouldn’t be something only heteros get to do.
You’re right, your daughter shouldn’t be “tolerated.” I’m glad she has a mother who supports her and understands that.
Nadia´s last [type] ..Jaded
Points wonderfully put and well made.
This is so well-said. We queers are lucky to have you as an ally. <3
takenbylovely´s last [type] ..Public Post
I am normally a lurker. I was horrified to read today that a woman was tied-down, beaten, tortured, and then “correctivly raped” recently for being a Lesbian, and her partner was murdered, for being in a “homosexual relationship”…that is absolutly horrendous!!!
Lady, your fingertips doth drip gold on the keyboard!
Your post reminded me of one day when I was in Ikea holding hands with my partner and some dick thought he was entitled to come up to us and say that this was a family area and we should be ashamed. He looked at me/us like we were naked and engaged in the most depraved sexual acts in the middle of a catholic church at full mass (now there’s a fantasy!) instead of holding hands and walking in the middle of a store.
I wanted to scream at him that he was shameful for turning something as innocent as hand holding to something “perverted” in his mind. I felt angry but more than that I felt violated. And I could have pulverized him because while being open and targeted for it wasn’t new to me, my partner comes from a pretty religious area of the world and his words all but shattered her. And it is exactly in answer to this and many moments like it in the lives of people I care about that I get dressed up in my leathers and rainbows and show up at Pride. I am saying you will not stifle me, you will not silence me and if you try I will only BE louder.
while agreeing with all you’ve said, I would also say that the other huge difference between gay people and ethnic minorities/women (and some disabled people) is that with those latter choices, you can *SEE* the “difference”. its obvious that someone is a woman, a black person, a person in a wheelchair. its not obvious, (without the behaviour or some kind of other informative way), that someone is gay, therefore that kind of behaviour on marches is almost obligatory. Black people marching, women marching, disabled rights marches – relatively speaking, all they had to do was to show up and be themselves (that doesn’t mean i’m disparaging the huge advances made in both ethnic and gender rights over the last 40 years, btw, just as a point of comparison). with gay people, if they were to show up and march, without the behaviour, without some placards, some kind of way of identifying.. you’d have no way of knowing what they were marching for. Its invisible.
kethxx
p.s. Happy Christmas to you all!!!
hey lady, hope all is well in your world! Happy Christmas to you and Yours!
kaya……
HERE HERE !!!
You probably don’t remember the slogan from the 60′s .. “Say it loud .. I’m black and I’m proud” – I do…
I think now we should chant”Say it loud I’m gay and I’m proud”.
I have a rainbow key chain.. a rainbow bracelet .. a rainbow tshirt.
I wear them to show my support. The same way I wear a pink ribbon for breast cancer..
We can’t leave it to the them alone to fight this battle.. we have to surround them and support them and help them fight this battle.. until it is won!!!
morningstar´s last [type] ..Patience
On the one hand in general I totally agree with your point that kissing or holding hands or wearing pride symbols or whatever isn’t rubbing people’s noses in it, it’s just trying to live your damn life and showing you’re not going to be silenced. Rallies and marches per se – alright, good.
But the whole thing of “… But those people, that bare ass in the chaps? Bless him for it. Because they get your attention, don’t they? They make you look. Maybe you wrinkle your nose, maybe your stomach turns. But you can’t ignore them and if you can’t ignore them, you can’t ignore the issue, either. Even negative attention is better than no attention…”
Fuck no. He isn’t representing me, he isn’t fighting the good fight; he’s shit-stirring and aggravating, or he’s showing up for the party more than his rights, and that’s not right. Running around flashing skin, showing off and dancing to kylie fucking minogue isn’t making your mark, it’s showing the haters they were right all along about how filthy and immoral and disgusting these homosexuals are.
Look to Berlin; CSD isn’t a rally, it’s a fucking party. Transgenialer CSD has the right idea; they’re making a rally, so they dress and act like people who actually want to be taken seriously. Ugh. Right, I’m rambling.
I was thinking the other day how the group of intolerant parents that got their panties all in a bunch over the picture on the website are the ultimate cause of bullying. It is this very intolerance that validates the harassment, the systematic ostracizing, the unspoken approval of verbal and physical assaults.
Kids breathe it in at home and bring it to school and inject a little middle school immaturity and impulsiveness, stir with a big mixer of peer pressure and you get some pretty nasty shit…
Any kind of pride, any kind of fucking assless chaps are better than that.
Yup.
And it’s not just in middle school. My first grader came home the other day saying that his buddy told him they couldn’t be seen walking down the road together because ‘they would look gay.’ *Sadpanda*
takenbylovely´s last [type] ..Public Post
Gay, kinky, hooker, esturarian hedgehog fornicator…
If you ain’t sleeping with someone, or trying to – their sexuality is none of your business….
When I first came out back in 92 I was 34. I flaunted it and made sure everyone knew! I was proud to be a dyke! I’m still proud to be a dyke but don’t feel the need to flaunt it. My house and car and body was filled with rainbows. Now, while I still have some, most have been given away or lost over the years. I guess it’s like anything new. Exciting!! Now it’s just who I am ya know? No big deal…
If you want a t-shirt for Am.. I’d be shocked if she hadn’t already seen the youtube video.. it’s wonderfully fun but apt.. you tube.. search FUCKH8: straight talk on gay marriage.. i would warn that it’s a bit vulgar.. but… ha.. that’s like telling a volcano the stove burner is hot.
I hate to sound like a broken freakin’ record…but DID YOU VOTE? Each time one of those right wing nut jobs is elected,we, our children, lose the right of be who and what we are…