Tuesday With Kaya
I have pms. I realized it this morning when I started wondering if 14 years after giving birth is too late for an abortion.
My son had this bright idea that he needed to skip school today so he could catch up on the homework he’s behind on because he’s already missed 3 days since school started.
How does that EVEN make any sense? “I missed too much school and am behind so let me miss one more day. K, mom? K?”
Um. No. Jaysus.
I swear I can go from thinking my kids are at least of average intelligence to wondering if I should have them tested for disabilities.
Speaking of abortion-
No. Nevermind. Let’s not.
I had a long post typed up about abortion but I scrapped it. I’m just going to say this: Judging is not the same thing as condemning.
~~*~~
I really wanted to make a kink related post considering I have a kink related blog, but I’m hard pressed to find kink related material to blog about.
(Speaking of kink blogs, a while back I got an email from someone who said they were going to “review my blog in a podcast”.
So, yanno, whatever. I wanted to hear it because I find the whole blog reviewing thing to be curious. Curious and odd.. well, not odd so much as rather egotistical. Especially when it’s not been asked for. It’s one thing if I specifically ask, “hey, tell me what you think of my blog.” It’s another for someone else to say, “Hey! I’m going to tell you what’s wrong and/or right about your blog!” You know what I mean? Like, who are you?? (I don’t actually even know who they are. I’m sure they are Someone Important.)
Anyway. So I listened to it and it’s not a horrendous review. Not fan-girl fawning (sniffle) but not horrible either.
However.
This part was really, super clear.
They didn’t read much of it. Could not have.
Now… call me silly. But. If you’re going to give a review, shouldn’t you, like, read it? Maybe not ALL of it, or.. hell. Maybe ALL of it.
That’s like giving a movie review after only watching the opening scene. Or a book review off of one chapter. Am I off my rocker here?
I say they could not have because the one question they left with was easily and clearly answered simply by reading a couple of entries. I mean, I’ve only quit M/s about a hundred times, right?
“Why does she refer to herself as a cunt and make that distinction between a cunt and slave?” followed up by “Here is how they are doing the Master and slave thing incorrectly.”
Now, can anyone answer that first question by way of the second observation? I will give cookies for the correct answers. Virtual cookies, but cookies nonetheless.
Anyway. I digress.)
Back to kink-related material, or the lack thereof:
It’s not that it isn’t there. It’s just… so very much there every day that I can’t pick up any single bit to discuss anymore.
I feel like I’ve talked about it all six ways to Sunday. And then repeated it again.
It’s all just so routine, so normal, so… so everything that I’ve read in blogs that have been blogging for a long time and I used to say to myself, man, I’m NEVER going to think of this as routine and normal because it is WAY COOL, OMGZ KINK!!
Yet here I am.
I’m not bored with it. On the contrary, I LOVE my life. It just doesn’t make for kewl blogging material.
Maybe I’m approaching it all wrong though. Maybe I need to rethink the purpose of blogging and figure out what it is I want to get out of it.
So here’s something that I had totally dismissed as being worth blogging about:
Master left yesterday for a short business trip. The first thing I asked him was if he’s going to fuck/use another woman.
He shrugged. Said he didn’t know. Said maybe. Said it would depend. Blah blah blah.
I told him he should. In fact, I practically begged him to.
I’ve done that often actually. Encouraged it.
He’s never done it. Never. Oh, to play with another, yes. But fucking? Nope.
When he talks about it, he talks too much about my feelings. He wants me involved, he wants me there, he wants me to not feel cheated on. He thinks something like that should be a joint activity.
This frustrates me.
He’ll talk about threesomes, things like that, and I just shake my head. I don’t WANT to have a threesome (well. I mean, I DO. And I would. But that’s a separate thang.) What I want is to be at home while he’s off fucking another woman. Or to be in the room, but not allowed to participate while he fucks/uses another woman in front of me.
I want my face rubbed in it. I want to cry about it. I want to hurt about it. I want to wonder if she was better than me- No. I want him to tell me she was better than me. I want to be compared, and found lacking, even if it isn’t true.
We have these repeated conversations, pretty much every time he takes off on a trip. He keeps saying that he doesn’t want or need another. That he’s content with me, that I take care of his needs, blah blah blah. And I keep saying that it isn’t ABOUT that (and think that maybe I should stop taking such good care of his needs if’n I’m ever gonna get my way. But *smack my hand* them’s bad girl thoughts, dontchaknow.)
Finally he was like, wtf is your deal? Why do you push this all the time?
So. You know why? I’ll tell you why.
It’s not just about emotional masochism, though I’m sure that factors in.
It’s because I want to… I NEED to… have this prideful contentment erased. Scrubbed out. Obliterated.
I want to feel less secure in my slavery. I want to experience jealousy and fear.
I want to be reminded that I don’t own him.
Plus, you know, it’s perverted as all fuck.
So I asked him to take pictures if he does do it. Lots and lots of pictures.
I’ll keep you posted.
~cunt
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Tuesday October 27th, 2009 10:16am
Your head is so screwed up. No, I mean, sensible. Either way, I love it. Your angst about being prideful is charming … and a bit whacked.
Don’t worry, I don’t think it makes sense either.
s
[rq=1008074,0,blog][/rq]Pleasantville
charming and a bit whacked? That’s like the best compliment EVAR! I love you!
So, here’s the thing. If he fucks someone else and takes pictures, he’s doing things to suit you, not him. So, really, he ought to keep it in his pants, no? And anyway, if the point is to suit you, he ought to be fucking her in your bed while you’re gagged under the desk, listening, or something of the sort.
Besides, taking pics of himself with another woman is like providing you with ammunition in case, during menopause in later years, you really DO fly off the hormonal handle and decide you are Over and Done and Not Doing It Anymore. Not that you would do that, of course. Still, according to the podcast, you are not a proper slave, so it’s possible.
And thanks, I love you too!
s
[rq=1012125,0,blog][/rq]Pleasantville
Absolutely! In fact, when I was writing this, round about the part where I mentioned smacking my hand for bad girl thoughts, I backspace a section on how it was topping from the bottom.
Or.. trying to anyway. Clearly he’s not listening and doing it my way.
That’s a whole ‘nother post though- maybe one I can do tomorrow! Yay. I so need direction and ideas. Thanks!
First thing that came into my head was that old saying “Be careful what you ask for…..”
Having been there with my ex husband, i agree, be very careful what you ask for. Some hurts don’t go away
Well.. I know. And thats probably why he hasn’t done it.
He doesn’t think with his crotch anywhere nearly as often as I do.
Plus, he’s a lot smarter than I am.
Still though… it’s hot.
im not gonna give an opinion either why- i just want to say like some above, be careful giry girl..anyway, i just wanted to say hi, its been awhile since i commented even though i read every single post..hugs sweetie,
Hisflower
*waves madly*
I know how it is. I read everyone through Google and commenting takes a back seat. Boo on not having enough time!
No one knows why you say cunt instead of slave. It’s a mystery of the universe. You should totally explain that sometime.
And, I mean, OBVIOUSLY ur doin’ it wrong.
Incidentally, I practically came just reading/thinking about The Man with another woman. (I’d want to be made to watch. Preferably gagged and in some painful position. I wonder if we can get a two-way mirror installed somewhere – I’d LOVE it if the girl couldn’t see me… And, wow, see? I’m off on a Private Fantasy Tangent here. Sorry ’bout that. Anyway, I’m TREMBLING just thinking about it. So. Un-fucking-believably hot.
Then again, if it happened in reality, I might end up jumping off a bridge. I’m clever like that.
~Chloe
[rq=1009083,0,blog][/rq]Delayed Flights
No cookie for you!
So.. what about the girl not seeing you trips your trigger? I think her not knowing I was there would detract some of the pain. Thats why, in m fantasies, she’s got to be a sadist, at least somewhat, herself. So she can join in the taunting.
ps. Hold me a spot at that bridge.
I could likely ramble about this forever.
I guess it’s like, I want her to know he’s “with” someone else and I want her to think that I think he’s committed to me… I want her to know this man is “spoken for” when she fucks him. (In so much as I can speak for him, that is to say, not at all. But you get the idea.) But her knowing I’ll be there and aware? That I wanted it too? Antonio planning it out with her? Her being a sadist and doing it on purpose because she knows I’m a masochist and *I* want to be hurt? It seems… I dunno. Too arranged. Too clean. Too organized and too much of an isolated incident. Too much about ME.
I’d rather her know precisely who I am, what I look like, and preferably be someone I might bump into at the store. I’d LOVE it to be someone he knows, you know – a girl working at a bar we drop in at frequently. She’d have to get off on “stealing” a guy, yanno? Be a bit of a whore. It would work best if she didn’t like me and kind of wanted to hurt me for NON-planned-and-arranged-sadistic reasons.
Nothing… NOTHING… can replicate the smugness of “Your man totally stepped out on YOU, with ME, bitch!” in someone’s eyes. That would be humiliating. TRULY humiliating. Knowing she probably told all her friends what she did, pointed me out to them, laughed at me behind my back… And knowing that I had to see her and her pals and KNOW they are all thinking about me as a total fucking loser who can’t satisfy her man while out, maybe at that bar… While out with Antonio…
*shudders*
Yep. That’s what trips my trigger. You can orchestrate this kind of thing, this kind of sadism and humiliation… But the pure and natural kind? I think it just might hurt more.
NOT THAT I WANT ANYTHING TO HURT, EVER EVER EVER! I so don’t. Gah, why do I open my stupid mouth?!!?
(Thank goodness Antonio doesn’t make me show him links to the comments I make these days.)
~Chloe
[rq=1010807,0,blog][/rq]Delayed Flights
Yeahbut-
Even in your scenario it’s ‘arranged’. Even if only between you and Antonio, it’s arranged. You’d know what was going on, you’d know she’s not really stealing him and that he’s not sneaking behind your back.
So.. I dunno.. what I get from your scenario is the non-consent of the other girl, pulling her into your guys kink. You know what I mean? Not that I have a particular problem with that really. Its not like you’d be tying HER down and beating her or whatever. She’d clearly be consenting to the fucking anyway. So.. not exactly crossing the line by any means.
You’d get off on the kind of behind-your-back humiliation. I’d get off on the in-your-face humiliation.
Isn’t it funny how, with practically the same scenario, we’d get entirely different things out of it? The human mind is fucking fascinating. Why are we such fucked up weirdoes?! Gah! I WANT TO KNOW!
I’m totally going to mail him this comment of yours. I must. This is pertinent information. Like how you love to drink his piss. *grins*
Yes, true, it’s arranged. But… That part would be arranged anyway. So it’s… *less* arrangement. Does that make sense? Actually, don’t answer that; I rarely make sense.
And, I mean, obviously this lives in fantasy for a reason. I don’t know if it’s truly okay to NOT let someone know I’d be aware. I mean… Is it worse that she knew I knew, or worse that she was ramped up to involve herself in a cheating situation? I dunno, but it’s clearly not my call.
GOD it still makes me quiver to think about, though.
I would get off on in-my-face humiliation too… I just… Part of me couldn’t buy it if we all knew it was going to happen. I guess it would just hurt more if I KNEW this girl actually thought bad things about me, rather than was saying them because we arranged it.
It IS kind of odd how we get totally different things out of very very similar situations. We rock?
And, question. If he’s off nailing someone else while you’re at home, that can’t be quite the same as in-your-face humiliation… Is that a different humiliation, a different kink? Or is it the “lower” option. Like, okay, we’re gonna do this. Best case would be me in the room, second-best would be me at home?
Btw, I’ve decided we are awesome, not weirdos. Or possibly just awesome weirdos. In any case, there is NO NEED to email any of this. O_O None at all, you secret sadist! *grins*
~Chloe
It’s a different humiliation. Actually one that would be “better”. Because I’d be left wondering everything rather than knowing everything.
Does that make sense?
Leaving me to imagine all the details would be so much worse (and therefore better) than seeing it.
your son asking to skip school makes sense.
if he was to stay home all day and catch up on his home work from the missed days.
because he would not have to sit and listen to teachers lecture instead just get the work done. then he would have only 1 day to catchup and he could do a 1 or two every night for a week and all would be good. but your too stuck on him skiping school
No it does not make sense. Skipping a day of school only puts him further behind with more work to catch up on, plus another day without the teacher’s explanations to help him understand what he’s doing.
None of his make up work is due right away. He can do it all on the weekend if he has to. He can do a little bit of it in the evenings. He can stay after school in the homework help program. Skipping a day of school is counterproductive.
Darn skippy I’m stuck on him skipping school. Ain’t happening.
Obviously, Anony. up there skipped too much school since he/she cannot even spell “skipping” correctly, nor use good grammer (the incorrect use of the word “your” for instance…)
Sheesh. Hate it when someone disses you on your own blog. You’re fantastic. Nods.
Nilla, dismounting from her high horse now…..
[rq=1018871,0,blog][/rq]Camp Nekkink ch. 16
Written like a real straight-A student…
Kaya,
Before I read the other comments, let’s see, why do you call yourself cunt instead of slave? Because you’re not a slave, certainly not submissive. You argue, complain, want what *you* want, and he just doesn’t let you, sometimes. He may own you, but you’re not a slave because…wait for it…you don’t do the slave thing *right*. See, all you need is to read the whole thing.
As for your son’s idea, it makes sense on the surface, but…the reason he’s behind is that he didn’t get taught the material he’s behind on and thus, even if he does the homework, he may not have the comprehension needed to succeed in the class as a whole. So, if he missed even more days, he’ll only fall farther behind in his comprehension, making the class in general all the harder. The only way to catch up that will work is to put in the extra time on his own. Welcome to high school (and just wait until college and no making up homework).
Dave
PS does anyone know *how* to make bold in a comment?
YOU WIN!
The only way I know how to make bold in the comments is through a little html tagging. Put the letter b inside these brackets <>, before the word, and then after the word, you have to ‘end’ the code by putting /b inside those same brackets.
(B)Bold(/b)
replace parenthesis with <>
Bold
Kaya, love this post, read everything you post here, just don’t comment often.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
[rq=1009618,0,undefined][/rq]If you register your site for free at
Thanks Paul! long time no see!
Can you do a review of that person’s podcast, by chance? In their comment section, not just here.
I think that you use your blog as a place to reflect on your life and there is more to you, and your life, than just kink. It’s a large part of its appeal, kaya. And it is YOUR blog, ffs.
You think it’s odd, too? The review thing?
It’s one thing to offer a review for other people, but I find it odd that they felt the need to tell you they did one. But I’ve also deleted some of my comments before posting because I’ve thought “why on earth would she care what some random reader has to say?” But I have gotten a few LOLs from you when I’ve left comments so I guess I’ve added something positive.
I do care what random readers have to say. Otherwise I’d shut down the comments. So don’t delete (unless you want to, of course. I don’t wanna force you. Like “comment or else! Grrs!” Nothing like that!)
Mostly I only argue with people who are clearly wrong when I am clearly right..lol
Firstly its too late for an abortion after the birth, you can only opt for corrective brain surgery this is usually an anal procedure done with leather objects to the child’s backside until they show signs of recovery more radical surgery is done by withdrawal of shiney objects like iPods game boys and computers.
Unfortunately statistics show that this form of post birth corrective surgery is short term and needs frequent re-application
[rq=1011293,0,blog][/rq]Wednesday it had to happen sometime
Ha! I lol’ed.
Is this the line for volunteers?
>.>
<.<
I'll even be bitchy about it. tee hee.
[rq=1011600,0,blog][/rq]
Yes! You win. When are you coming??
*piddles*
We can set something up for Spankfest. We shall organize said humiliation. Bwahah.
[rq=1042160,0,blog][/rq]“I suck” space
If YOU are doing it wrong, their head would explode with me and Mat.
[rq=1012304,0,blog][/rq]Used like the property I am
LOL.
I’m totally pointing them your way.
I understand you! I do! I do!
Lol, I kind of have the same fantasy thing going on.
As for cunt, well you can call yourself sugarplum if you so choose. I haven’t used my given name for, hmm, my whole life! Master almost never uses my name, He gave me one He liked and uses it.
As for not doing it right, shame on you! You have been teaching me all the wrong ways! Gasp! Lol
Ignore em. As for skipping, right with you there momma. I could never understand skipping to get ahead, makes no sense. With a freshman in the house, I also sympathize. And I thought of you when Master and I talked about getting my hair cut, lol
Hey! Cunt is hot and I love that you sign your journals with that, its actually more humiliating and RAWR then just signing slave. Plus if they read they’d know its what Scott calls you isn’t it?
I dont know about the whole my man with another woman thing. I dont think I’m big girl enough that it would turn my crank, remind me of my place it would, but it would cause a rift for me I think cuz I’d never be able to erase the thought.
I get what DWeaver said about the slave thing and nodded along.
But I know he calls you cunt because he owns you and he gets to do what he wants. So isn’t that what M/s is about? If not I guess we are doing it wrong too.
On the sleeping with another woman. uh huh….right there with you. I have whispered those fantasies to Master quite often. Yet — like many have pointed — it might not work like it works in our head.
But I like the emotional pain from it too. And things he does now….I often go through that pain. And it does remind me I am owned.
[rq=1019609,0,blog][/rq]Daily Om – Actions
I just listened to the podcast. I think they were pretty good about what they said. They weren’t rah rah kaya
But they weren’t omg she needs to leave! lol
The only place I was kind of iffy on is the healthy relationship part but they did preface that – what they were describing was a healthy relationship *for them* so that is good.
I also liked that they said they were going to ask you about the cunt thing instead of just assuming.
[rq=1023312,0,blog][/rq]Daily Om – Actions
Yeahbut- they never asked! Fuckers. lol
And it was the whole healthy M/s relationship that made me quit being a slave and become a cunt. Because there are no standards on being a cunt, therefore, no one can decide it’s not healthy.
See! Makes sense to me dammit.
Dear kaya, I have been a reader for quite some time now. I am a Domme who cucks her slutboy. This may not make anysense to you… (yeah I know My fetish is not for all) but what you describe is some of what I do to him.. I tell him when I have been fucked and make him be My service whore and clean My well fucked pussy..I tell him he is only allowed to taste where he has been…like I said this is a big part of My kink…. this keeps him humble and he knows just what he is to Me.. (he is many things actually but he knows.. he is My property).. just My two cents..and I love reading your posts..they make Me smile.. keep up the good work..
R
[rq=1019872,0,blog][/rq]sucking My toes and getting cuck training
Yeah. You get it.
Lucky man, that one of yours.
What if the woman isn’t a submissive? (Casting no aspersions, just wondering if it changes your thoughts about it. Actually I think maybe you’ve explored this before but hey, if you are looking for topics to write about, I’d love to read you explore it again…
)
Doesnt matter. In fact, ideally she’d be dominant and could “help” him humiliate me.
I don’t think I’d feel AS humiliated if she were sub anyway. We’d be too equal. Does that make sense?
It totally makes sense! Being double-dommed makes sense. What if she were dominant with him though? Again casting no aspersions. One of the big hotnesses around here (heh) is the notion of one’s dom being dominated…. like that makes the sub even more… sub. Like you’re farther down the ladder if you add a rung somewhere up top.
sounds like topping from the bottom to me. You dont have to fear him being with someone else if it was your idea
I’ve never had to fear it anyway because there was never an agreement that he’d be monogamous. He’s never had to worry about it. He can fuck whoever he wants, whenever he wants. That was the deal way before we even got married or got serious.
Cheating doesn’t exist. Can’t exist.
Being with another wasn’t “my idea”. At some point in our lives, he WILL take on another slave. That’s always been in the plans. The time just isn’t right, yet. It may never be. Thats his choice to make.
Though I’m not dismissing the topping from the bottom aspect. I’m going to explore that further sometime soon.
Hey Kaya…it’s Thursday. I read Tues w/ Kaya…but now you are MIA! (and I’m really missing you!) Oh! I know…I’ll bet you are once again chained to your stove,right? Hmmm…You know, since I read your last cooking post, I’ve done a lot more cooking, too! Yesterday, Muffins that Taste Like Donuts (the ones w/cinnamon sugar on the top)…had to make them again today, too!
Oh, this cooking thing is contagious??? *nilla runs around the room, waving arms in the air* Help! Help! I need a Shot for this!!
*silly*
Nilla
[rq=1027365,0,blog][/rq]Peek-A-HNT!
Muffins that taste like donuts! Nom!
I’m just short of free time I guess. Not really been cooking much (Usually dont when the man is away)- but been busy with kids and appt’s and babygirl and and and…
You know how it is!
This is one of my biggest fantasies/fetishes.. and I’ve gotten to play it before… on a small level. Unfortunately the girl was a bit too vanilla for me I would have liked some of the humiliation from her too…but… I did get to lick her after he came inside her..(sans condom via three way consent)… mmmmm loved that… and then got to suck him afterwards. I really enjoyed it… and would like to play along those lines a little more too…but it is hard to find girls honestly … they come and go..heh.
but the fetish is called cuckqueaning…there is a group there in fetlife that I’m part of….
I am actually finding there are more women out there who are into this fantasy than just me lol!
Mmmm
I’m here for you Kaya… I’ll email a google map and chip in half the plane fare
I just emailed, but I know you must be inundated with them, so I thought I’d just share this bit –
It’s like a roller coaster – people love rides like that because they get a controlled sense of fear. It is scary as hell while on the ride, but you know that in the end, you are going to pull back into that station and be just fine. Because of that, you allow yourself to get somewhat lost in that fear, and the experience is wonderful. When your partner has sex with another person, it creates a controlled sense of jealousy. You know that they are going to come back home to you, and everything is going to be okay. With a roller coaster, the higher the drops are and the faster it goes, the better the ride is, because more fear is produced. With this, them not being in the room, you not being allowed to be involved, and being told that you are an inferior lover is what produces more jealousy and make the ride even better.
-John
Just found your blog…it was mentioned in a Cuckold site so I followed the link. ‘I have pms. I realized it this morning when I started wondering if 14 years after giving birth is too late for an abortion.’ I laughed so hard after reading this that I nearly threw up! You’re a great writer, I’ll be following your work for sure!
Thank you!