Comments on: Trust vs. Control

By: click

click — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 00:08:27 +0000

%-) genuinely interested by this website

By: guide

guide — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:58:20 +0000

I dont even remember how i reached your site but it doesnt matter, cause i’m so happy i found it, it really made me think, keep up the good work

By: Hisflower

Hisflower — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 01:38:55 +0000

my relationship with Master is long distance- we only see each other every 4 or 5 months for a week at a time.. its never enough time, but it is what we can have. when im with Master, i arrive in the clothes He tells me to wear, im naked and collared and cuffed the remainder of the time until i get back on the airplane. i eat what He gives me, i obey Him completely every moment. when im home, i have items of clothing that are not allowed, but the outfit choice is mine. im to follow a diet and exercise routine and He does question me about it..( not saying im really good with that rule…) my emails are forwarded to Him as are my replies, unless its family or work related. i have to ask permission to buy anything that isnt a normal purchase. when we talk every day, i have to ask permission to use bathroom, run an errand, etc…rewards and punishments are given and carried out.
those are just some of the ways Master controls me… im not empty- headed nor stupid.. i have raised my children who are awesome young men now.. i control the household budget, take care of things at home and am a manager for a business, hiring vendors and workers, over seeing projects, do the banking and accounting..
the control Master has over me works for us both.. its not abuse- my consent was given at the beginning, and it includes anything that He deems appropriate. the control factor is huge to me, more so than the kink (which is totally awesome too, i might add..lol) being submissive is giving away your control- it doesnt really matter how much or limited it is. if you are making all your own decisions, keeping all the control… then to me you are just having kinky sex… which by the way, isnt bad or wrong either- but to me, control ( in whatever form) and submissive go together.
hugs,
Hisflower

By: MstrWillControl

MstrWillControl — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:30:42 +0000

Why is it others so often take issue with what works for you? To Me it is simple but complicated as in “Do as I Say” simple but complicated. It is a good thing that most of those who cast stones can’t throw far

By: M:e

M:e — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 11:31:31 +0000

Its not often I de-lurk here though I come visit every day. It never ceases to amaze me how often we will look at someone else’s life and say in some shape or form “that’s not right, I’d never do that”, when we’re not being asked to. What isn’t right for us may be perfect for someone else.

dweaver999 said:

“When my dad controlled my mom’s mail, phone calls, travel, letters, it was abuse. When your Master does the same thing, its not abuse. Why, because of all the OTHER factors that need to be considdered, including how much you thrive and adore under such control. Guess what folks, the world is a complicated place and there isn’t a one size fits all solution to many things.”

Amen to that. The difference is in our consent. That consent is the basis of our submission. For many of us, it is the foundation of our relationships. The ‘kinky sex’ is just the icing (and sometimes the cherries too) on top of an extremely satisfying and fulfilling cake.

love and hugs xxx

By: exile

exile — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 04:43:21 +0000

if i had a dog and i taught it to use the computer, i’d probably read it’s e-mail too

and honestly who wouldn’t a dog that can fucking e-mail? that’s the most awsome thing ever! does it e-mail the neighbor’s cat with threats? what is the newest word on dog food? are purple collars in this year?

wait, where was i?

oh yeah, your master reading your mail. i have to agree with you completely on this one. you are owned, you are property, you have nothiing that is not his. that includes this blog and that e-mail and anything else that is you.

as far as this being a sign of your master being distrustful, that’s just stupid. hell, by that logic if he’s putting you on shaving restriction does that mean he thinks you’ll cut your clit off?

By: dweaver999

dweaver999 — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 04:16:01 +0000

Kaya,

I just had a thought. Army DIs must be the single most insecure group of peopl in the world. I mean, look at how they operate. They force the recruits to do all the same thing, and it can only be done the army (DI’s) way. They can’t leave the base without permission. They can’t talk in line to anyone else. The DIs make surprise inspections to see if anyone is doing things they shouldn’t be doing. God, Kaya, I think we need to teach these DIs how to be trusting sould that let the recruits think for themselves.

This is the same problem I have in math classes. Students ask me “what is the rule for solving sory problems?” (my appologies to the math-phobic) I can’t seem to get it through their heads that every problom need to be judged on its entirety. Relationships are the same way. When my dad controlled my mom’s mail, phone calls, travel, letters, it was abuse. When your Master does the smae thing, its not abuse. Why, because of all the OTHER factors that need to be considdered, including how much you thrive and adore under such control. Guess what folks, the world is a complicated place and there isn’t a one size fits all solution to many things.

Dave

PS I’ve heard it observed that there are two truths. 1) the sum of intelligence ion the world is fixed. 2) the populaiton of the world is increasing. Do the math. ;)

By: Branwyn

Branwyn — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 03:56:35 +0000

Then you have the other side of the coin.

I’m in a 24/7, slave to my husband/master relationship. Only, he doesn’t want to have that much control over me. He likes playing EQ, not emailing, and he doesn’t want to see what groups I’m part of on what internet websites, or what I’m saying to anybody.

I can talk to anybody I want to, even so far as being rude to anybody I deem deserves it, and he doesn’t care. The only time he cares is when my feelings get hurt, and even then he doesn’t tell me to stop posting/responding/whatever.

And what I hear is that I can’t *possibly* be a “real” slave because I have so much freedom. That we might think what we have is slavery, but really, I’m “just” a submissive. It’s even been hinted at times that I’m topping from the bottom (because, you know, if I wasn’t, he’d have me so much more under control).

I’ve found it really doesn’t matter how well your relationship works for the people involved, other people are always going to find something to criticize about it.

But hey, what do I know, I’m just a deluded ‘submissive’ who doesn’t even know I’m not a slave and who’s topping from the bottom anyway. :)

By: sinnamon

sinnamon — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 00:40:11 +0000

It’s because people are dumb. Big dummy sundaes with dummy sauce & dummy sprinkles.

By: Alexandra Lynch

Alexandra Lynch — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 23:02:38 +0000

This is interesting to me because my own focus as a dom is much more on control. I’m not a sadist; pain is a tool used for purposes of control.

But I have told several people in the careful back and forth of establishing relationship that any slave I take is going to have a bank account, with his name on it, with enough money to get him out and keep him out of our lives in it. That’s security. Neither would I force him to sign over the title of any vehicle he owns to me. That’s security as well.

But if he finds that my reading his emails before he sends them or reading his blog and his IM logs and my ordering for him in restaurants and telling him when to go to bed is a great big YES….then we will both make ourselves very happy.

I haven’t found him yet, but I am looking.