Comments on: Topping From the Bottom

By: french

french — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 10:28:24 +0000

So I read this post a few weeks ago, and let it percolate in my head, and then I have a conversation with Jay in the car about some of the content, without mentioning what sparked the thoughts, and he says “Yes, I read that post too.”

Oh. Okay so my partner reads some of the same blogs as I do, all unbeknownst to me. THAT’S not disconcerting at all!

Anyway. I’d (we’d) tend to agree with you – expressing one’s feelings, preferences and desires does not take away the agency of the other person in the relationship, and if you think it will, you’re taking away that agency all on your own by not giving them the opportunity to respond.

In other words, if as a sub you think that opening your mouth is going to control your dom, you’re probably really, insultingly underestimating them.

By: Biddable

Biddable — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 01:52:03 +0000

Him: Hey cunt, wanna get beat?
Me, careful to keep my face blank: If you wish, Master.
Him: I know that, cunt, but I’m asking for your input.
Me: My input is that if you want to beat me, then you should. If you don’t, you shouldn’t.
Him: Bitch, Imma fuck you up if you don’t start just answering the fucking questions. Jesus H. Christ. If I want to know what you think, then tell me what you think! God Damn!
Me: *lips sealed*
Him: I swear I’m not letting you get online anymore. EVAR!

I swear, the Captain and I have had that conversation more or less verbatim. We both got a good laugh reading this.
[rq=1101706,0,blog][/rq]Biddable´s last blog ..Rare As Frogfur*

By: Mira

Mira — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:35:26 +0000

I had a lot of the same problems too. I was so worried that I would say something to tick him off that I said nothing, which ticked him off. No win situation there. But lately I have gotten better about saying what I want. I know I can’t expect to get everything I want, but he likes it when I give him feed back. There are still times though that I am REALLY hesitant to say what I want or what I feel.

By: radha

radha — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 14:47:20 +0000

I tend to think that a good Dom/me is a smart, intelligent one. If the sub is silent or a totally agreeable, I think that can get boring after a while. Krishna says this to me when I don’t speak up. When bored, a Dom/me may have the urge to head elsewhere for the mental stimulation – another sub, a bar, or to some buddy’s place. I feel it is my job to keep him entertained here in his own home and that includes expressing my thoughts and suggestions about the night’s playtime, etc.

I love these sorts of posts that you do. They are so thoughtful and cover so many different variations of the subject. You rock!
[rq=1054748,0,blog][/rq]radha´s last blog ..Julia Gone Wild

By: Violet

Violet — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 04:03:29 +0000

Topping from the bottom is the story of my life. lol My “Master” (I call him my Keeper) and I don’t use safe words or anything, but we have this odd … 24/7 but not 24/7 dynamic going on.

I think he likes me topping from the bottom. His butt bottoms from the top. *dies*

By: nancy

nancy — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 14:33:20 +0000

WHY oh WHY is this so hard?
Guess it gets worked out in every relationship..eventually!
I am still loath to open my fool mouth.. well except in a few instances!~
i will learn to talk..promise!

By: tina

tina — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 13:51:25 +0000

Dear Kaya, your post made me laugh, because often, we have conversations like the ones you quote. However, with us, it is different, because while I am saying such submussive things on the one hand – on the other hand I do try to top all the time.
But whatever I try (and I`ve tried loads of things) – my husband won´t let me top in any way. My only successful topping from the bottom is, when I fall asleep and we, therefore, cannot play.
We are now talking about a serious safeword, though, because I have this really demanding job and sometimes need my sleep. But I think I couldn´t cope with having one. It would really be topping from the bottom. And I love my freedom to try and top and try and try and be absolutely safe that it will always always always be successless.
I always love your post, btw,
Tina

By: viemoira

viemoira — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 12:27:28 +0000

There’s a lot to be said for over-reading into things.

i am lucky to have had this stomped out by Sir early. He continuously encouraged me to share my thoughts and feelings because it is what *He* desires.

i can relate though- i oftentimes will get so concerned about letting Him down that i inadvertently overtake the mood with my worries and that’s no fun.

i think its simply, there are a million ways to define things such as topping from the bottom, discuss it with you Master or Mistress, or Dom, or Domme and abide by their definition. If questionable situations occur, ask for clarity.

Of course it’s easier said then done, i think we all can agree that there are times it may be hard to suck it up and ask.

By: diss

diss — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:06:10 +0000

i’m still very new to bdsm, but one thing i learned very early was that by trying to be a blank slate for Mistress to play on i was doing Her a disservice.

for one, if She knows i enjoy or dislike something that doesn’t mean She will do or not do that to me. but She needs to know what things have what effect on me if She’s to punish or reward me. trying to guess the “right” answer is also a counterproductive exercise.

the other, blindingly obvious (to me) aspect is that if my Mistress asks me a question it is my duty to answer. if She asks me if i like something, then i’d better answer right away.

By: thepinkpoppet

thepinkpoppet — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 02:10:25 +0000

I am so glad to see that I am not the only one that thinks she is sneaking into our brains at night when we sleep and sucking out our thoughts. Sure explains why I am so sleepy during the day and can’t think straight lately…got no thoughts left…shes got ‘em all. Hahaha. But that’s ok, we all still love the little cunt. (big hugs).
[rq=1044571,0,blog][/rq]thepinkpoppet´s last blog ..Older and Better than Ever.