Comments on: To Punish or Not To Punish. That is the Question.

By: Sera

Sera — Tue, 20 May 2008 15:01:24 +0000

This was really helpful to read–your answers and luna’s too. I don’t “get” the punishment thing for myself–it never really computed for reasons I’m not sure I can explain. Maybe because the feeling of guilt and agony from doing something “wrong” or “bad” does not mix well with sex (or relationship) for me–I don’t want shame and negativity invading an area where I’m trying to open up to losing inhibitions and experiencing new things and emotions, including things my Master wants me to experience.

Of course, I’m in a little bit of a bind because an experience my Master wants is punishments. He mostly wants the play punishments, I think both as a pretext for inflicting pain and for the psychological kick they give him. (In other words, it turns him on to think of punishing.) But he’s also comfortable inflicting pain for no reason. So . . .

I definitely think that if you are really seeking to mold behavior through physical means, the right word is “discipline”, just because that encompasses all the things Masters do to shape their subs behavior–positive feedback, negative feedback, and structured routines.

Basically, whenever I read your stuff I’m back again to the idea that if the kinks work for the people involved, and they are happy and predominantly healthy, that’s fine and then they’re doing stuff right. Everyone else should just go stuff it.

By: rose

rose — Mon, 19 May 2008 21:53:13 +0000

Punishments… They give a different light when examined from the “Other Side”. How does it feel for a Master to punish, is it hard ? Cutting communication off when being appart is certainly a harsh one but it also affects the Master – it has happened to me and i sure have learned from my errors. When it comes to corporal punisment i tend to believe Master likes to inflict it. And, it is very reassuring to know He enjoys Himself even when i don’t. In this way i can relate to you kaya, these things we hate to feel being done to us are thrilling memories and dreams for the future, they can make me smile because Master likes to do them and decides for them : it doesn’t feel the same to beg for a spanking and be the initiator. Trying to manipulate Master by breaking rules to get it is more vicious héhé because He can enjoy punishing exactly the same as long as He is not aware – but we don’t want to go there do we ? Could it ever be as fulfilling… This is not the way i function, but when examining some of the faux pas -as yall say in english- that i have “thoughtlessly” made i believe i have this somewhere deep in me too. A silent cry for even more attention maybe ?
As for my side, i know i need punishments. i love that i am going to learn, and i love that the case will be closed after and no grudges held : this is what i say to myself as i expect the announced punishment – not sure that it would have succeeded to keep me from going insane after a time of anticipation as long as the one you just shared with us kaya, i think this is when i finally got hooked on your blog (Envision me checking in day after day and blinking lol)
Thank you for everything you share in this journal, your Master is sure treating us by making you do it !

By: humble doll

humble doll — Mon, 19 May 2008 11:47:03 +0000

From the beginning of our relationship there have been consequences when I didn’t do things according to my owner’s wishes. Back then, I wasn’t online yet and I never thought about bdsm so I didn’t call it punishment. In fact, I didn’t call it anything; it was just there, you know?

I’m not sure how I would react if that aspect of our relationship would suddenly disappear. I think I would probably feel that he doesn’t love me anymore or that he doesn’t find me worth the effort anymore.

I see a huge difference in the pain that he gives me “just because he (or I) wants to” and those painful and terrible consequences that only happen when I have messed up. It should therefore definitely not have the same name in my opinion.

I also see a difference between those two and disciplinary actions. These are meant (in our relationship) to educate me, to point me into a certain direction, to refresh my memory or to make something VERY clear to me. They’re not always fun but they’re not as horrible as a punishment and I never feel them as such.

I’m going to try to not feel those things anymore.

I wish there was a “I don’t give a damn” button in my head that I could push sometimes and then all the asshats and their remarks would just go poof.

By: Brooke

Brooke — Mon, 19 May 2008 08:11:18 +0000

But I’m so tired of being ashamed of it, you know? Weary of feeling less-than, and being told that it’s wrong, fed up with thinking there is something wrong with me, or that I just don’t get it.

So I’m going to try to not feel those things anymore.

Good for you, babe. I couldn’t agree more, couldn’t have said it any better myself. Good on’ya.

By: luna

luna — Sun, 18 May 2008 18:19:38 +0000

Holy smokes this is a lot to process in one post. My Master isn’t the punishing type. It’s taken 3 years to get him to the point that he realizes that I need punishment for things in order to atone for them. He’s much more a positive reinforcement type of guy and I like that, but for some of my stubborn ways the only way I’m obeying is if there is punishment if I don’t.

A lot of people I’ve read and at the local munch have 2 definitions of punishment. One with a capital P and one with a lower case one. The capital P people believe that Punishment is the atonement for transgressions and helps correct behavior. Users of the lower case punishment consider it a play scene where punishment is of the ‘naughty girl’ routine that you describe in your posts.

I personally don’t subscribe to either. Playtime is about play, never punishment and being disciplined is meant to be as non-erotic as possible (being a masochist this is hard, but Master loves corner time and I HATE it).

Separating play from punishment for us has been restricting one implement that is used for punishment only. Because it never comes out in play there is a mental switch and an implied realization that the following is not for pleasure. For us this is the cane. I’ve never been erotically attracted to canes so when this comes out I know I’m in for an unpleasant time.