The Learning Curve
(Another Fetlife rant brought to you by the letters U, R, and D-U-M-B)
I maintain that the only (and best) teacher for me when it comes to matters of slavery and service is Master.
Everyone else is great for sharing and comparing, for conversation, forging friendships (or enemies, as the case may be).
When it comes to knowing what he wants and how he wants it done, who *else* could teach me that??
So, I mentioned that I get irritated by people, especially slaves who are less than 3 weeks into their M/s relationship, who want to *teach* me stuff about *their* slavery.
Not tell me about it. Not share stories. But *teach* And some little snot-nosed brat replies that that’s “sad that I think one person knows everything and that no one can teach me anything”.
I am not their slave so pleasing them isn’t at the top of my list. Knowing how to please their Master is not even ON my list. So where do they figure they can *teach* me anything?
I may or may not be interesed in what they do, but as a learning tool? I don’t fucking think so.
Now if Master had said to me “cunt, you need to learn how she does that.” – that’s a whole different ballgame! I’d be begging her to teach me, whether she’d been doing it for 5 minutes or 20 years.
I can’t imagine the ego behind “I have things to teach you” type statements. Just blows me away.
I could spend all day learning what someone else has to teach, but if it’s not something that Master has an interest in, *how* have I served him that day?
This should not irritate me as much as it does. Gah. I’m such a bitch.
~cunt
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Monday March 23rd, 2009 8:47am
Fetlife is a devious scheme to make every pervert so angry that we all develop high blood pressure and die. I am sure the sexually repressed are funding it.
I can’t imagine someone saying this to you. Don’t they know who you ARE? If anyone has something to teach, it’s you. And the good thing is you don’t act that way, so that helps.
“Fetlife is a devious scheme to make every pervert so angry that we all develop high blood pressure and die. I am sure the sexually repressed are funding it.”
I seriously laughed so hard I snorted. The cats were amused. :D
Your fetlife rants make me not want to join fetlife ever. =)
Wha..? And miss all this fun? ;-)
In related news, I have something to teach you.
If, when you have the hiccups, you tell yourself “I am not a fish” then guess what? Your hiccups will totally go away!
I’m so not kidding about that.
It’s your amphibian brain being a moron, thinking you are a fish, and trying to gulp air through your gills. It’s also why preemie babies spend an abnormal amount of time hiccuping – their underdeveloped lungs are trying to suck in air through their gills. Which, yanno, humans don’t have.
So next time you get the hiccups, remind yourself that you are not a fish, and therefore cannot breathe through gills, and then the hiccups will go away! And you can run around and tell everyone The Big News, and then your Master can call you ‘fish-girl’ every time you hiccup to try to negate the effect of you muttering “I am not a fish” under your breath because he’s mean like that.
Or, wait… Maybe that’s just what happens to me…. Hrm.
(I had a related question about this post, and it’s now escaped me. I think my human brain is now pretending IT is fish-like. Lame.)
~Chloe
Oh, ffs, I’m not anonymous. My reformat made me lose everything. Little saved names and URLs and my feed reader is refusing to work… *sulk*
So, the next time I have the hiccups, when Master goes to slam his dick down my throat (his preferred method of hiccup curing), I’m going to wave him off with a “I’m not a fish, Master.”
I am SO GOING TO SAY THAT! Bwahahahaha! I am.
Now, how does one force the hiccups to come??
According to wikipedia (and we all know wikipedia is never wrong), you can get the hiccups from, among other things:
* Talking too much
* Bloating
* Tumors
* Surgery
* Laughing vigorously
* Heroin
* Standing up too fast
* Overstretching of the neck
* Irritation of the eardrum
So you should go out for Indian food while PMS-y and bloated and have a lengthy conversation while laughing manically, shooting up some heroin, performing self-surgery to remove a tumor, standing up and sitting down quickly, craning your neck at horrified onlookers, and ramming a Q-tip in your ear. Presto, hiccups! I mean, probably also sudden death. But, really, it’s clearly worth the risk.
*beams*
~Chloe
“…* Irritation of the eardrum”
For some reason that said to me, “Irritation of the rectum” and I’m going, “Now how does irritation of the rectum cause hiccups?”
I suppose that says something about me.
I don’t know what.
“I suppose that says something about me.”
Yes. Yes it does.
“I don’t know what.”
I *cough*analwhore*cough* do.
LMFAO! Ah-ha, now we have a new moniker for you dk :D
LMAO! Oh poor doubleknot! *laughs and grins*
LMAO, I admit to NOTHING!
Bwhahaha too late missy iz seen it too *chuckles*
I am ashamed to say that I got the hiccups this morning and decided to tell myself “I am not a fish” (thanks a lot kaya and chloe) and it WORKED! Then I cracked up laughing at how crazy it is that it actually worked!!!
Well, you might be a bitch, but its part of your charm.
I always thought the idea of training was ridiculous. My Dom will train me any way he wants me. And then if he changes his mind, he’ll untrain me any way he wants me. All the training in the world by someone who isn’t him, isn’t much good, is it?
Hopefully your fetlife twit does please her Master of three weeks. If so, peachy. I wonder if she would please yours or if you would please hers? Doesn’t really matter, does it?
I do concede that some of the training/experience of being someone’s sub or slave probably transfers to the next Master; not the Gor positions or the honourifics, but the shifting of expectations and learning to suck it up.
Fun post. I haven’t been to fetlife, and feel no compulsion to go. But I like the kaya condensed version.
thanks,
sin
Heh. I have bitch charm. My sneaky method of eroticizing teh bitch is working. Muwahahaha!
;-)
It is unfortunate that so many people seek self esteem boosts by thinking there is a right way (their way) and anything else and along with that there is some competition in these types of relationships. The human behavior is there fro some whether three weeks of experience or thirty years.
I only know of one way, what works best for the people involved and anything else from other people is just for information purposes only.
“I only know of one way, what works best for the people involved and anything else from other people is just for information purposes only”
Exactly! But to try and convey that message is offensive, I guess. People don’t like to be told that you don’t want to learn from them. *shrug*
Kaya,
I think I’ve figured out why I’m missing all these “fun” threads on fetlife. I have this built in sensor that detects and warns me away from stupid stuff. So I would see a post titled, “I have something to teach you,” and the alarm would go off and I’d go on by without reading it.
In an entirely unrelated issue, I came across a post with the title, “What is slashy speak?” and, being curious, peeked in. It took 11, I think, comments before someone actually answered the question. I guess I just don’t get the intensity of hatred people can have for a writing style. I mean, I use it myself on occasion (using s/he as a singular personal pronoun for someone of unknown gender). But, like it or not, doesn’t common courtesy require that you actually answer the question that was asked?
Dave
DAVE, I SAW DAT THREAD AN AKSHULLY WAN REASON Y I DOAN LIEK USIN CUTE SPEEK LANGUANGE OTHR THAN AS AN OCCASHUNAL JOKE IZS HARD 2 READ AN CAN GIT RLY ANNOYIN RLY FAST LIEK TYPIN IN ALL CAPS OR USIN LOLCAT-SPEEK
Heh. *grins* :)
Oh god. I just like had a mini stroke reading this. i’m such a grammar geek!
ROTFLMAO!
That’s horrible! Do people actually talk like that? No wonder the education system is failing…
DL’s Toy, well, CATS supposedly talk like that, ahahah! I typed what I wanted to say into the LOLCat Speak engine and it spit that out for me.
I thought maybe pig-latin would get the point across, or text-speak:
“y r u l8t? wat 4? wil u b hr sn?” (head-bash) but then I though, nah, LOLCat in all caps, that’s a winner right there! :D
What is CAT speak? Is it like computer automated transcription? Like Case Catalyst?
Seriously though, and i’m not old in the least (in my 20s still), but that drives me nuts! how can anyone really type like that and expect to be taken seriously?
Anyway, my apologies on reacting to that. toy = geek sometimes. A nice one though :-)
Haha!!
You know, I refuse to believe that our cats actually speak like that. They’re just way too smart!
I’m with you Dave. Anything over the top dramatic blah-blah-blah goes right over my head. And although she says she’s bitchy, she’s just voicing what most of us are quietly thinking: “I mentioned that I get irritated by people, especially slaves who are less than 3 weeks into their M/s relationship, who want to *teach* me stuff about *their* slavery.”
Is there even a *right* way or a *wrong* way of D/s?
Well, to those who will inevitably argue their way is the right way, to each their own. i like being in unchartered, unknown, unsettled territory. That’s what keeps the D/s spark (in my opinion- no one go slamming me for my beliefs- lol)
There is no “box” labeled slavery that anyone fits into. Doesn’t it sort of depend on the Master? i know of at least one (ahem) Dominant who would be offended to be labeled (and make that at least one slave too *so there*)
Anyway, i digress….
Kaya rocks!
“Is there even a *right* way or a *wrong* way of D/s?”
Are you kidding me?!?! You can get a new right way, and a new wrong way, every damn day on Fetlife! That’s what makes it so much fun! Hell, I was arguing two separate One-True-Way threads today alone.
You’re missing out on the lol’s, man.
“Is there even a “right” or a *wrong* way of D/s?” Kaya’s right, you’re missing on many LOL’s.
*ahem*
The “right” way is the way of the poster. The “wrong” way is anyone who doesn’t do it the way the poster does.
Rinse
Repeat
Rinse
Repeat
Now lather.
The slashy speak and the third person speak, along with shaving and collars, have to be the most popular posts on Fet. I don’t even click those anymore.
But, is there an answer for the slashy speak? I mean, like, a real answer? I never knew.
Kaya,
The original poster really didn’t know what slashy speak was (or at least claimed not to know), so, for her, there was an answer–just say what it was. But all the first bunch of posters did was go ballistic about how horrible it was, without ever mentioning what it was.
I know there’s also an attitude floating around fetlife that some questions have been answered enough, that newbies should just find the old posts and read them (I’ve read the occational rant on this as well). Maybe it’s the teacher in me, but everyone asking a question on a forum/site that proports to be a place where questions can be answered (as fetlife does) should have their question answered. As for searching previous posts, have any of those people tried? Fetlife sorts posts within a forum dynamically (i.e. all the time) in order of most recently posted on! To my knowledge, there’s no way to change this, so all a newbie can do is go through the 200+ pages on comfy chair, for example, and hope that a post was given a topic name that accurately describes the contents of the original post, and then hope that the bloody thing stayed on topic long enough to have information that’s desired by the searcher. You know, this would make a good fetlife rant. maybe I should do that.
Dave
Dave, you’re right, several people grabbed onto that thread as a chance to express their irritation with something most readers find annoying and the original poster was not answered for several posts.
But she/he didn’t seem to mind; as I remember, they laughed when someone finally answered and that was that. I don’t think there was a pressing need or anything.
Does FetLife have a FAQ with a list of frequently used terms and phrases? They should and then people could point to the FAQ for answers. I mean, I didn’t know what O/p was for a while, I figured it out, but it took me a few. (Owner/property)
The Stupid Is Strong at Fetlife. I’m pretty cynical but I’m still shocked at how many people on Fetlife who have either been with their partner for only a very short time, or, worse, they have never been with their partner in person, OR, worst of all, they have never had a D/s partner yet at all; not by long distance or in person. Never anyone.
Yet so many feel compelled to give out detailed advice on exactly why they are right and anyone who disagrees with them based on, yanno…actual experience is just wrong. Not only that, but they are *smug* about it, too.
(Oh btw, my blog is hidden for the moment; I’m sure I’ll be able to put it back up again, I just made a stupid mistake this morning on a family member’s blog. I think I deleted my Amber comment in time but I’m still watching my stats, just fyi.)
You never did tell me your name on Fet. How can I properly stalk you if I don’t know who you are? Yer a sneaky snake, Amber. I’ll find you!
lol…. you commented on a family blog with the Amber link?!!? BWAHAHAHA!
Okay. That’s not funny.
It’s hilarious!
I have a stupid name I keep thinking I’ll delete it, leave and sign back in as an Amber-y name (because god knows there are probably a million Ambers; little did I know that naming myself after my first cat was going to be such a popular girl’s name, sheesh)
When I first joined Fetlife, I dunno…a year ago now? Anyway, I was jaded and pissed off at the time, kinda sneering to myself “Oh how sweet Fetlife, ducky, it’s probably STUPID” (again, I was in a pissy mood back then) and I picked something…silly. Now I hate the name so…
:(
Boo on my Fetlife name. When I get a new one, I’ll tell you, I promise because I haven’t even friended anyone yet because of the same reason; stupid name. :(
And yes, I commented on my DIL’s blog as Amber! I deleted it within 2 seconds but she gets emails and we were CHATTING so I knew she was sign on, too, and so I frantically had to shut down my profile (because blogger so helpfully sends the blog owner a link to your profile if you comment on blogger), then I shut down my blog.
I know their IP and I cautiously put my blog up again and she hasn’t been there but I know she got the email because she asked me if I was “Amber”.
DOH!
DOH!
Yeah. “Are you Amber?” SHIT!
I said, yes, that’s the name I use for my internet groups on marriage, hahah, you know I don’t use my real name, Cory, security and all, my my, isn’t that funny how I did that, I’ll delete it and put my regular name up.
O_o
You’re talking anal? Wanna know what mine did? ;P
OH MY GOD!!!
BWAAHHHAAHHHAAA indeed! This is AWFUL! I am SO SORRY FOR YOU AMBER! LOLOLOLOL!! But truly I am!!
It’s funny, as in, you know how sometimes you see someone slip on the ice and they crash down in a real bad way, only it’s FUNNY!! but it’s not, because, well, their head coulda falled off?
It’s THAT kinda funny.
I’m just sayin’
Goes off to ponder her own supposed anal fetish giggling at another’s misfortune…
Unfortunately, this “My way is the right way and I won’t even consider any other possibilities because I know I’m right” can be found on even the most vanilla sites on the internet. It’s the reason why I stopped reading a lot of forums and blogs–it’s pointless and needlessly frustrating to have a discussion (“internet e-peen waving contest” is a more accurate description) when nobody is willing to listen to each other or allow their opinion to be changed.
This is so true.
The “My way is the only way” attitude can be found everywhere – from gaming sites to parenting sites. Just try stopping by a parenting forum and suggesting that bottle-feeding is better than breastfeeding because that is what you did and your kids turned out OK… then sit back and watch the fur fly!
There will always be people who think they are better, are more “Uber”, are slavier or more domly than others. I think they need to bolster their confidence and make them feel better about how sad they really are.
I tend to ignore the “I am so much more of a slave than you” and the “My way is the only way” type posts on fet life. THe only response they get from me is that my eyes roll so far back in my head I can sometimes see my brains.
lol. Are your brains purdy?
Here, too?
No, you’re one of the more humble, honest bloggers I know and that’s why I keep reading. You don’t pretend to know everything there is to know about d/s, you don’t preach that what works for you and your Master would/should work for everyone else, and you’re willing to admit your mistakes. Definitely not the same mentality as some of those internet trolls who go onto a forum completely unwilling to learn or see things from another perspective.
I love you muchly.
*nods*
I do.
I especially loved that you went and told those fruitcakes to bugger off cuz I couldn’t do it.
*beams*
Now stop your bitching and go out and buy the book they’re going to write that, by the time it’s published, they’ll have been broken up for two years.
Heh.
I am going to buy it and I’m going to post it here under the heading “everything you shouldn’t do or say”.
That should cover it from front to back. *nods*
Well its nice that your husband can teach you everything that you need in your life- but there are ppl out there that like to
learn from others -especially when they don’t have a partner-
guess your beyond that!! it was not directed soley at you Kaya! so why be offended? lol-the ppl who want and need it will use it-doesn’t make you any better than
others……..
As a matter of fact, that comment was directed solely at me since she and I were having the conversation when it was said. And it is offensive. Why does she care where or how I learn anything? What business is it of hers? Why don’t you go snark on her and leave me alone for awhile, huh? I did stop feeding you didn’t I? ;-)
I am better than everyone Sharon. I am. Really. Honest. Me and my life are perfect. Indeed. PERFECT I SAID.
Thank you for playing.
DL’s toy is snickering.
BTW, that was my facebook style of posting. You’re a riot and i love your can’t-stop-checking posts.
xoxx
oh but its fun playing with somebody who digs showing
gross pics of themselves-besides your cutsey writing added on! It is fun-i have to admit and, so who feeds you? -your husband who evidently likes you fat? or yourself? who needs to fill up
on whatever resons are really there? =ok fine if you want to feed me throw me a few steaks and Godiva chocolate.
cause I’m not fat- but i wouldn’t worry about it-don’t you have more “important” reasons and maybe thats where your eating habits are really coming from- i mean you have a daughter who left and doesn’t like you – the last thing I would be thinking about is how to please a sadist.
hmm…seems that in order to think the pics were gross one would have had to have a good ol’ look right? I joined Fetlife out of curiosity, but if this is the calibre of the people there, i don’t think i’ll waste my time.
~delight xo
WE CAN’T FIT IF WE’RE FAT AND THATS ALL
OPPS!
oh but it is a bit fun! you show pictures of yourself on the net- and lets face it you are fat and so it does look pretty gross (well to a few of us here it does) I have to admit- you can’t be too bright if you think otherwise, lets face it.
umm maybe its your husband who enjoys your look? Is he playing macho man? on this here internet? or well some men are attraced to fat women and there are women who use food to fill themselves up also. Feeding me? sure but not the same food youre eating! Course you could throw me a few steaks and Godiva choolate! I’m not fat-so maybe you could limit the amount – I wouldn’t like myself if I were fat and sure wouldn’t want to show by body on top of that on the internet! but thats meeeeeeeeeeee-to each his own.
Awwww, fat jokes. the last refuge of the intellectually challenged. How cute. Way to prove kaya’s point that you all are a bunch of cretins with the maturity of 6th graders.
*rolls eyes*
I mean, really? No one’s making you look.
Aw, heck- you must have a “sensitivity” thing to the word “fat’ if you read correctly I wasn’t makeing fat jokes! being heavy is nothing to joke about! Maturity-nope -but then i wold think if you enjoy having a daddy type of husband that you need telling you what to do how mature is that?
WE CAN’T FIT IF WE’RE FAT AND THATS ALL
Not today, Sharon. Okay? For real. Just leave it alone. Please.
I don’t know who you are but I do know this; the way you write and the things you say makes it seem as if you are mentally challenged in some way or on some kind of psych meds for your mental issues or NOT on meds for your issues and you should be. I’m not kidding or trying to put you down; you may think in your mind that you are being very clever but you should know that people who read you, whether they like Kaya or not, is reading you and the things you say and we all immediately see someone who is mentally in some kind of trouble.
Honestly, you do need to know that. No one is reading you and laughing and thinking you are clever except *you* and that’s…really something you need to understand that and maybe get some help for it.
*head-bash*
Apologies for the apparent sucky grammar errors; cooking and running back and forth to the kitchen computer keyboard, which sucks. Mea culpa.
Where’s the Jesus-nutty lady that comes on here ranting in your comments sometimes? She’s a riot; I thought I could grab a sig from her next time or something. :D
Hey! I read your blog all the time, I am just de-lurking. You are a wonderful writer. You present your points exceptionally well, you’re insanely funny, just… wonderful. I don’t always agree with the things you say, but I’m always very very willing to hear your opinion.
Oh, and I am a HUGE Am fan! Write more about Am!
Uh, sorry. Bye!
Ha! I got a laugh out of your Fetlife rant. Nice!
I would ask, however, that you cut the newbie a little slack. Consider her enthusiasm and that she is a newbie with little experience. Her Master has taught her something that she believes is fantastic. She feels compelled to share it with you.
The poor baby is not only ignorant (that’s not necessarily bad) but she doesn’t know what she doesn’t know. So, to her, any new learning is an epiphany. She feels compelled to share it.
So what, she wants to “teach” you something. She just learned it yesterday. You must not have heard of it yet! She really wants to share her new discovery.
Oh the enthusiasm! The bright eyed wonder of discovery and enlightenment! She really means well. To that end, cut her some slack. Enjoy her naivette. Get a giggle out of it.
JMHO
Cutting a newbie some slack – sure. But this one claims to *not* be a newbie, just new to that perfect relationship.
In other words, it’s not a case of a new person wanting to show the world what she learned. It’s a case of a person new to a single relationship telling others that their way is the only way.
And Kaya – I’m still going to change my name. ;)
Ditto, she’s not a newbie, she’s 40 and supposedly ‘well-versed’ in all things BDSM. But three weeks into a relationship and knows *everything* right now.
Omg I swear Fetlife will make me implode. Some roleplaying duminant has been trying to “teach” me and now I am am not a tw00 submittive *gazes innocently* I wonders why? *snikker*
My muzzle was put on this week, I was told off for feeding the trolls … I haz a sad