Comments on: “The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” http://underhishand.com/the-doors-we-open-and-close-each-day-decide-the-lives-we-live The trials and tribulations of my life as a slave. Wed, 08 Sep 2010 10:05:24 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Zille Defeu http://underhishand.com/the-doors-we-open-and-close-each-day-decide-the-lives-we-live#comment-13129 Zille Defeu Mon, 04 May 2009 14:15:04 +0000 http://underhishand.com/?p=2788#comment-13129 I'm the same way about the naked-thing when I'm angry. And I deeply consider all sorts of disobedience. I think one reason for me, why I'm contemplating fucking up, is because I want the proof that he loves me and that this relationship isn't going to fall apart because we are angry. If I fuck up, he will either let it go (in which case I will be terribly disappointed and decide the relationship is failing) or he'll punish me, and I'll know for sure that he loves me and that I'm tucked safe and sound in the security of his discipline. It's stupid, I know. But when you're angry you do stupid things, so it's best to have at least figured out why, so you can trying to catch yourself before you fuck up too bad. Or at least so you can later explain to your partner what the hell was going on in your head! I hope this post helped Master S. to understand you on this issue, so you can work on it together! I’m the same way about the naked-thing when I’m angry. And I deeply consider all sorts of disobedience.

I think one reason for me, why I’m contemplating fucking up, is because I want the proof that he loves me and that this relationship isn’t going to fall apart because we are angry. If I fuck up, he will either let it go (in which case I will be terribly disappointed and decide the relationship is failing) or he’ll punish me, and I’ll know for sure that he loves me and that I’m tucked safe and sound in the security of his discipline.

It’s stupid, I know. But when you’re angry you do stupid things, so it’s best to have at least figured out why, so you can trying to catch yourself before you fuck up too bad. Or at least so you can later explain to your partner what the hell was going on in your head!

I hope this post helped Master S. to understand you on this issue, so you can work on it together!

]]> By: selkie http://underhishand.com/the-doors-we-open-and-close-each-day-decide-the-lives-we-live#comment-13045 selkie Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:10:42 +0000 http://underhishand.com/?p=2788#comment-13045 this almost hurt me to read it.... although never in an M/s dynamic (D/s) there are of course many parallels. ONe of the MOST painful, vulnerable moments I can remember is being naked in the bath and D. coming in, fully clothed, standing there, chastising me for something I had (knowingly) done. I will NEVER forget it- even know and it was several years ago, I cringe. it was brutal. I remember getting up, water and bubbles streaming off me and he, calmly, holding my wrists when I tried to open the door behind him. Talking to me rationally, firmly -oh lord it was hard. I think your insight if RIGHT on. Hang in there. this almost hurt me to read it…. although never in an M/s dynamic (D/s) there are of course many parallels. ONe of the MOST painful, vulnerable moments I can remember is being naked in the bath and D. coming in, fully clothed, standing there, chastising me for something I had (knowingly) done. I will NEVER forget it- even know and it was several years ago, I cringe. it was brutal. I remember getting up, water and bubbles streaming off me and he, calmly, holding my wrists when I tried to open the door behind him. Talking to me rationally, firmly -oh lord it was hard.

I think your insight if RIGHT on. Hang in there.

]]> By: Anonymous http://underhishand.com/the-doors-we-open-and-close-each-day-decide-the-lives-we-live#comment-13042 Anonymous Wed, 29 Apr 2009 04:58:32 +0000 http://underhishand.com/?p=2788#comment-13042 Wow. You are one intelligent chick! Wow. You are one intelligent chick!

]]> By: subtle http://underhishand.com/the-doors-we-open-and-close-each-day-decide-the-lives-we-live#comment-13034 subtle Mon, 27 Apr 2009 08:14:25 +0000 http://underhishand.com/?p=2788#comment-13034 I do stuff like this too - like purposely not putting my chain on in bed or silly things like that. I also don't flaunt my disobedience in his face. Instead, I just like to repeat my 'victory' over and over in my head while I say all the snarky little comments I'd like to say to his face, but can only repeat in my head. I do stuff like this too – like purposely not putting my chain on in bed or silly things like that. I also don’t flaunt my disobedience in his face. Instead, I just like to repeat my ‘victory’ over and over in my head while I say all the snarky little comments I’d like to say to his face, but can only repeat in my head.

]]> By: ~niya http://underhishand.com/the-doors-we-open-and-close-each-day-decide-the-lives-we-live#comment-13028 ~niya Sun, 26 Apr 2009 00:01:27 +0000 http://underhishand.com/?p=2788#comment-13028 He is waiting until you least expect it; it's forgotten, right? It's more fun that way; or so i'm told. When i get angry, even for a minute, i feel the need to go and punish myself (especially if i'm angry at Him). i do it without even thinking about it. Then, it starts this whole cirlce of Him thinking that i'm still angry and i need my space, which makes me feel bad and therefor i must punish myself even further. This repeats until finally i work up the nerve to go and talk to Him about it. And why is it, that it always seems to bother me much MUCH more than it bothers Him? lol Wow...now THAT was a run on sentence. He is waiting until you least expect it; it’s forgotten, right? It’s more fun that way; or so i’m told.

When i get angry, even for a minute, i feel the need to go and punish myself (especially if i’m angry at Him). i do it without even thinking about it. Then, it starts this whole cirlce of Him thinking that i’m still angry and i need my space, which makes me feel bad and therefor i must punish myself even further. This repeats until finally i work up the nerve to go and talk to Him about it.

And why is it, that it always seems to bother me much MUCH more than it bothers Him? lol

Wow…now THAT was a run on sentence.

]]> By: kitts http://underhishand.com/the-doors-we-open-and-close-each-day-decide-the-lives-we-live#comment-13027 kitts Sat, 25 Apr 2009 19:45:47 +0000 http://underhishand.com/?p=2788#comment-13027 I do this exact same thing. Not the same action but the whole "I'm hurt. I'm gonna crawl into my shell for a while." He's fixing my arguing pattern. When I know I've crossed the line into disrespect he'll call me on it and I get all huffy and silent with a "don't wanna talk no more" attitude. Then I want to leave the room. He doesn't let me, the sod. I've found I always find easier to do what he says when I'm happy. It's when I'm pissy that it gets harder. If I've had a bad day at work or I'm just 'in a mood'. When I'm pissed *at him*... Treble it. Probably for the same reason as you but I've never sat and examined it. Now I have something to do at work! :D I do this exact same thing. Not the same action but the whole “I’m hurt. I’m gonna crawl into my shell for a while.”

He’s fixing my arguing pattern. When I know I’ve crossed the line into disrespect he’ll call me on it and I get all huffy and silent with a “don’t wanna talk no more” attitude. Then I want to leave the room. He doesn’t let me, the sod.

I’ve found I always find easier to do what he says when I’m happy. It’s when I’m pissy that it gets harder. If I’ve had a bad day at work or I’m just ‘in a mood’. When I’m pissed *at him*… Treble it.

Probably for the same reason as you but I’ve never sat and examined it. Now I have something to do at work! :D

]]> By: Lynn http://underhishand.com/the-doors-we-open-and-close-each-day-decide-the-lives-we-live#comment-13026 Lynn Sat, 25 Apr 2009 18:12:41 +0000 http://underhishand.com/?p=2788#comment-13026 Oh, okay...I had thought that the bathroom was one of your refugee places to go to whenever you were upset. Sorry if I misunderstood :( Oh, okay…I had thought that the bathroom was one of your refugee places to go to whenever you were upset. Sorry if I misunderstood :(

]]> By: Kate m. http://underhishand.com/the-doors-we-open-and-close-each-day-decide-the-lives-we-live#comment-13025 Kate m. Sat, 25 Apr 2009 15:49:11 +0000 http://underhishand.com/?p=2788#comment-13025 For the longest time I couldn't say "I love you" when angry with G. And I think it was for the same reason. It's been a really long journey (not yet completed) for us to learn how to argue well too and a large part of that journey is learning how to express ourselves, feel our anger, and still remain open to one another. It's a hellish combination when our immediate reactions are to be defensive. Live and learn I suppose. For the longest time I couldn’t say “I love you” when angry with G. And I think it was for the same reason. It’s been a really long journey (not yet completed) for us to learn how to argue well too and a large part of that journey is learning how to express ourselves, feel our anger, and still remain open to one another. It’s a hellish combination when our immediate reactions are to be defensive. Live and learn I suppose.

]]> By: TakenbyLovely http://underhishand.com/the-doors-we-open-and-close-each-day-decide-the-lives-we-live#comment-13024 TakenbyLovely Sat, 25 Apr 2009 14:53:15 +0000 http://underhishand.com/?p=2788#comment-13024 I have to ask permission to take a bath. On your typical day, I shower. I 'sneak' into the bathroom to bathe when we're fighting. I think, though, that mine is *mostly* an act of defiance (because, really, I rarely take baths, and don't have much interest) and also because the bathroom's always been my place to escape and cry. I've realized, too, that it's my way of going, "Okay, I'm done fighting." I need closure to arguments, and my deep-down hope is that he'll come in and feel the slightest bit of sympathy and comfort me and accept my apology and we can be done fighting. In a way it's the exact opposite of you...there's hope that he'll realize that I am not this big strong woman but am really a little girl and I need him to realize that I AM vulnerable and stop being angry at me. Of course, I haven't gotten the part of my brain that stupidly thinks that to comprehend that <i>disobeying is not the way to obtain that</i>. Thankfully, I've gotten very good at 'as you wishing' when an argument might arise so it doesn't happen often now. I have to ask permission to take a bath. On your typical day, I shower. I ‘sneak’ into the bathroom to bathe when we’re fighting. I think, though, that mine is *mostly* an act of defiance (because, really, I rarely take baths, and don’t have much interest) and also because the bathroom’s always been my place to escape and cry.

I’ve realized, too, that it’s my way of going, “Okay, I’m done fighting.” I need closure to arguments, and my deep-down hope is that he’ll come in and feel the slightest bit of sympathy and comfort me and accept my apology and we can be done fighting. In a way it’s the exact opposite of you…there’s hope that he’ll realize that I am not this big strong woman but am really a little girl and I need him to realize that I AM vulnerable and stop being angry at me.

Of course, I haven’t gotten the part of my brain that stupidly thinks that to comprehend that disobeying is not the way to obtain that. Thankfully, I’ve gotten very good at ‘as you wishing’ when an argument might arise so it doesn’t happen often now.

]]> By: kethry http://underhishand.com/the-doors-we-open-and-close-each-day-decide-the-lives-we-live#comment-13023 kethry Sat, 25 Apr 2009 01:44:44 +0000 http://underhishand.com/?p=2788#comment-13023 this post struck home on many levels. in fact, so many levels i want to think about it overnight. I'd never considered about how anger protects me, shields me from vulnerability. thankyou. xx this post struck home on many levels. in fact, so many levels i want to think about it overnight. I’d never considered about how anger protects me, shields me from vulnerability. thankyou.

xx

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