Tengo Hambre.
So Friday was M’s birthday party… Saturday we went to another play party and that was lots of fun.
I was really ready for some pain, longing for it. For the push and the struggle.
He strung me up:
There was some pain. He worked out his new misery stick and, you know, it hurt and all.
But it didn’t even come close to pushing.
It’s difficult when other people are around. That’s not to say it isn’t enjoyable, or that we don’t like having people around. That’s not it.
It’s just different.
He’s holding back. Hell, I’m holding back. But mostly he is.
There’s a reluctance to let go. I don’t know if he’s just not able to do that in the presence of others or if he maybe has some worries of being judged as too harsh…. or what the reason is.
The last time that we really played the way we used to play… was longer ago than I can really remember.
Before we moved here.
We completely eliminated the opportunity to indulge in that when we moved here. It’s temporary- if you can consider a few years to be temporary.
Someday, the kids will move on and move out. Until then though? We do this. This.. half-assed play that barely scratches the surface of what we need.
Well, what I need anyway. I don’t know if he aches for it like I have been. I’m inclined to think he does because there seems to be an itch within him that needs scratching.
Kids are fucking exhausting. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Doesn’t matter how old they are, unless they are old enough to be on their own.
Bah. I hadn’t meant to turn this into a rant about kids.
I was more lamenting my hunger. Hunger that the weekends two opportunities for play only teased into a higher need. It was a morsel, and I’m starving over here.
There is no blame to assign. It is what it is.
In so many ways our lives have improved tenfold with this move. In one way, one big way, we went backwards.
Because it’s not just not having the pain or not having the privacy and opportunity to indulge in kink.
It’s who we are and the places we go when we have that as a regular part of us.
That’s what I miss.
That place.
Meh. I should go pop a Prozac and stfu.
~cunt
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Wednesday February 10th, 2010 10:46am
You have my sympathy on your situation . . . meh indeed.
But mostly my reaction is that you look GORGEOUS in that picture. Sorry to be off topic!
[rq=2109004,0,blog][/rq]Thanksgiving + Valentine’s Day = ?
We don’t actually play anymore at all since I needed to move back to my family home to take care of it and my mother. I mean occasionally, we do, but not like we used to.
We missed it for a while, then we stopped missing it and I don’t know what that means.
[rq=2109106,0,blog][/rq]Hour Follows Hour
Kids do make life and play difficult. So with you on that one! Try getting your itch scratched when you are 8 months preggy!!! lol Can you guys farm them out to school friends or ANYWHERE for a night? Then have the ultimate session with no-one watching, cept for the cameras so we can later! :P
as you said it is what it is…here’s something to mull, i wonder if after that wonderful birthday party, where i think you both felt such an intense bonding, he was touched, you were touched that he was touched it might have re-ignited a spark, and that ain’t such a bad thing! Moves are big deals full of stress in general, kids, and a kid having a kid and all the living that has gone on in your home over the past year is ALOT any way you slice it. The good news on all of this is, you fell in love all over again on his birthday, not that you were ever out of love..but you know what i mean. In a worse case scenario…if you can’t farm those kids out for a night or two..break into the piggy bank, go to the no tell motel and just DO IT! I know that is not a practical every other night solution, but it may be an ok stop-gap measure…just the two of you, nobody watching (ok i echo foxyminx come on put on the cameras for us!!!) but if you choose no cameras you know what that is perfectly ok! Keep that connection going that started at the birthday, ride that wave!
Regarding happy pills and feeling blah..next time you are at the dr. ask him to check your thyroid…it is an often overlooked issue, remember from biology class it is the gatekeeper..hormones etc…
and yes you looked HOT in that pic and yes i am freakin’ jealous!
Here’s a little Buddism humor:
The other side
One day a young Buddhist on his journey home, came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him , he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a wide barrier. Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river. The young Buddhist yells over to the teacher “Oh wise one , can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river”?
The teacher ponders for a moment looks up and down the river and yells back “My son, you are on the other side” .
I usually don’t write, but you look beautiful in that pic, ecstatic
U look soooo fucking hawt in the PIC!!!
Like many others, I must say, you are lovely in that pic. And it is often difficult indeed to be able to play HARD when there are extenuating circumstances….kids, family, lack of time or space or whatever. Hopefully the kids will grow up and leave home and you will both be able to do more as you want. But I know that is still a while for you guys. I love our kids, but the expression…”grown and gone”…is one of my all time favs and I was thrilled when the last one moved out.
[rq=2114152,0,blog][/rq]Are You Watching Me? (part one)
The same happened to me… @kaya, @kitten . I’m not sure if that’s good or bad or neutral! But BOY I miss it!
[rq=2114243,0,blog][/rq]… yes, why.
[comment deleted by website owner]
Dear bill,
If you want to bash me, go right ahead. It doesn’t bother me. However, do it on your own dime. Get your own website and have a ball. As long as this one is being paid for by me (Master), I’m going to delete your comments.
Have a lovely day,
kaya
Save up some money and rent a secluded cabin for a weekend? That way you could be beat to your heart’s content without attracting suspicions from motel room neighbors.
We commiserate fully as we are very much in the same place right now. Oscar Wilde’s famous quote has become very pertinent to me as my soul has become sick with the longing for the life we chose but have been denied by our circumstances. At least that is how it has felt for a while now.
[rq=2120519,0,blog][/rq]Video: slave and Sadist out of sync…
I love the picture, Kaya! Your hair has just looked wonderful since the cut.
I merely breathed sympathetically about the kids. Yours are ALMOST ready to fly on their own…mine are 3 and 6 months. I totally understand the frustration of playtime. It doesn’t even have to be kink…it’s hard to watch a movie or eat dinner without interruptions! But…life would be so empty without them…
*smiles* yeah…I hear ya!
Message to Bill: total win.
Also, picture on cross, total win! But hey, did I miss the part where we are told exactly what was served to the men for dinner? Like, the food. Not the other parts. :D
Gorgeous girl :D … meh kids ARE fucking exhausting but we loves them anyways lol. x
Just had to tell you again how pretty your new hairstyle is!