You can’t always get what you want….
So. No spanking. Yet anyway.
And don’t you know when it can happen, I won’t want it anymore.
Story of my life.
Can I just whine for a bit? (which would be different from any other day how, right?) (shut up, ya big meanie-head)
Master is working stupid insane hours right now. He’s up and gone by 6am and not getting home until 6pm (Or later. Saturday night, he came home, was home less than an hour and was called right back out. He got home at like 11pm). Yesterday, he was home for less than an hour and went to bed. No days off.
I told him I’m starting to feel like a widow. Boo-hoo.
I’m trying to remain pleasant and undemanding. I offer myself and my “services” (wink wink nudge nudge) but he’s just too tired. He’s work-eat-sleep, work-eat-sleep, etc. etc.
Though last night, he did wake up long enough to get a sweet little massage when I got in to bed (and two tylenol and then right back to sleep).
I know it’s temporary-ish. These hours aren’t permanent, but they sure suck donkey balls in the meantime.
I just feel so useless I guess. There is only so much house to clean, and even that loses it’s appeal when he’s not around to notice, or not notice for that matter. He’s eating without tasting; last night, not 2 hours after dinner, he asked me if he ate and what it was. He’s practically on autopilot.
It’s not that I require excess amounts of praise and attention, it’s more that I require *him* to function above autopilot myself.
I’m restless without actually wanting to do anything. The more I stay at home, the more I want to stay at home. Even going to the grocery store (which I desperately need to do) seems like a majorly complicated outing. I seriously get sweaty-nervous because I know I’ll have to go alone. Which is all kinds of pathetic, isn’t it?
Don’t answer that. I already know.
I adapt way too easily to being a hermit. Isolation soothes me. I’m anxious to get outside and work. We moved here fairly late in the outdoor weather season and were too busy with the house to worry about the yard, but there is a LOT of outside clean-up that needs to be done.
We’re going to have to bring in topsoil for a garden and frame it out and fence it in to keep animals out. I still have to research the growing season and what can grow up here. I have a feeling the season is going to be too short for a lot of what I wanted to plant.
We’re also gonna build a chicken coop and raise our own chickens. We’re kicking around the idea of selling eggs, but I don’t know. I’m afraid to get all the chickens, and thus have all the eggs, only to not have anyone who wants to buy them. We’re not exactly in a high traffic area or anything. So we’ll see. Plus, I’m still fretting over thinking that having a chicken coop will attract wild animals too close to the house. (From the DNR website: Approximately 15,000 – 19,000 black bears (including cubs) roam the hardwood and conifer forests of northern Michigan. About 90 percent of the bear live in the Upper Peninsula.) Encouraging, yeah?
I would like to get other animals but Master is a little leary of it. He’s not convinced that it’s cost effective to raise a pig or a cow for slaughter. By the time you factor in feed, building a shelter, slaughter house fees, etc., he thinks it’d be cheaper to just buy the meat. He’s probably right, I just wanna have the animals. Course then I’d fall in love with them and not be able to stomach the idea of slaughter anyway.
So, anywho, standing at the window watching the wind blow and the snow fly when I want to do all that other stuff is frustrating enough. To be alone all day with no interaction from my Man only makes it worse.
I just miss him, is all.
Well, now that I’ve sufficiently whined my way to tears, I’m gonna leave..lol I really really need to hit the grocery store or we aren’t gonna eat today. Or ever.
~cunt
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Monday March 2nd, 2009 7:43am | 
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