“One should never underestimate the profound resiliency of the human spirit, nor how swiftly things can change for the better – often overnight.”

Spring is in the air.

Not necessarily Mother Nature’s spring (though it is warming up considerably) but spring is in the air in our relationship. In Master’s eyes, his step, his attitude. There’s been a rejuvenation of his spirit- and by extension, my spirit as well.

All it took to create this magical miracle of high-flying wonder? One solid spanking and some hella good sex.

So simple. So fucking easy. It’s like we’ve been swimming in mud without realizing it until we slid into clear sparkling water. Suddenly, we’re light and airy- and sore, at least I am- but light and airy nonetheless.

Not even Jes’s foul mood yesterday is going to spoil this high. It’s been too long in coming and I’m going to enjoy it, dammit.

We were little social butterflies this weekend, going out to meet people all three nights. Not just any people, D/s people. People who light a spark merely by their open acceptance.

Friday night we met a couple for dinner whom we’d been emailing with for a few months or so, and we had a great time. There was nothing overtly kinky going on, we were all dressed and sitting in public like “normal” folks- well, nothing overt unless you count his hand under the table, giving my leg a painful squeeze and his stern order to “Stop wiggling. It’s irritating.” A sneaky snatch ‘n’ tug of my ear when he caught wind of us girls, giggling over hiding toys. Or the non-assuming way he handed me his mug, a mug full of that dark, deeply bitter beer that he loves so much and that I find to be disgusting, quietly telling me to take a nice, big taste just because he knows how much I hate it.

Nothing overt, though probably a waiter passing too close may have been taken aback at the conversation subjects.

Saturday we went to the munch and that is beginning to feel very comfortable as we become more familiar with the faces and names. I’ve seen quite a few of them naked now, and they’ve seen me, so, really, what’s left to be shy about?? We talk and laugh and surreptitiously grope each other when the wait staff leaves the room.

We’d had tentative plans to play after the munch but we talked too long and it got late and everyone was tired so it was decided we’d play the next night.

So! Sunday night we went over to another couple’s house and they had cooked us dinner and let us use a room for some spanking. I was afraid it would be awkward, you know, like, hi, how are ya, mind if we come over so’s I can beat my woman? But it wasn’t, not at all. They are just the coolest, down to earth bdsm couple and it was really neat to hear them playing, too, as we were.

I got a good spanking. It wasn’t a terribly hard scene, no blood ‘n’ guts, no tears (though I came close) – just lots of focused attention to my butt and then we got really super horny and we fucked right then and there. At their house. While they fucked in the next room. For a little while, I think she and I were having simultaneous ‘gasms, judging from the corresponding moans.

I have to say that we don’t typically feel comfortable enough to ask to borrow a bed, nor are we horny enough that we can’t wait to get home. Like a couple of horny teenagers we were!

Honestly, having like-minded folk around to spark these thoughts and feelings has been priceless. We needed this so. bad.

And again, it happened that I had very little desire for it (the pain and spanking, etc.) right up until it started. Once the blows started coming, my desire started coming. So maybe it isn’t that I’m losing my masochism, but that I really am getting a handle on harnessing it, controlling it. Could it be? Dare I hope?

Yesterday, Master made the comment that he feels it coming back- feels the energy, the exchange, the juju and the mojo.

So if it is true that spanking is destroying feminism? All y’all ladies are screwed, cuz, Imma get me some more ASAP. Sorry y’all.

I dunno what this toy is called but it sucks ASS.

You just can’t go wrong with a flogger. Except for when it wraps cuz that really sucks, don’t it?

“Just checkin’.”

His hands just might be my favorite “toy” of all.

He didn’t want any part of me to feel left out, considerate man that he is!

So, there you have it. Spanking as a cure-all. Seems like we’ve only had to learn this lesson about 50 times.

There’s a clip up at the clip store.

~cunt

Brand Spanking New!

I would like a spanking.

Yes, that’s right. A spanking. An old-fashioned, corporal punishment type spanking.

No fucking. No whips or chains or clamps or degrading words.

Just.. a spanking.

One of those that starts out kinda slow and builds up to a hard, heavy whalloping that leaves your butt all burny-itchy and mottled.

Maybe even one that leaves your eyelashes a little damp and your chin a little quivery.

The kind that makes you wanna curl around his legs when it’s over while he pets your hair and you can just…. be.

Hmm.

My butt hasn’t been this twitchy in a long time.

Yeah. I want a spanking.

What else did I get?

I got shaved!!! w00t!

Master shaved me himself, which is an exercise in trust, don’t you think? Having incredibly sharp objects slipping and sliding around your clit while you passively lie there with your legs spread? Mega-trust.

I guess he saw the V shape somewhere and decided he liked it. I think it makes my pussy look like it’s scowling at him. He said it’s a V for victim.  Well, if that’s the case I must be the most willing, happy-go-lucky “victim” in history!

It could stand for vagina. Or vulgar. Vixen. Vulva. Velvet. Very-smoooooth.

 It certainly does NOT stand for virgin. *snicker*

 Whatever he wants it to mean, all I know is that for the first time in over two months I am  slick and sleek and silky smooth and it feels niiiiiiiice.

So. I was all sorts of happy and horny when, directly after the shave he rolled me over for that birthday spanking.

That happy, horny mood lasted all of about three strokes.

I am woefully out of practice.

When was the last time I was spanked with any sort of intended ouchies?? Shit… early November at least! My ass was SOOO not ready for that hairbrush. 8 strokes in I collapsed out of position and he started the count over!!

Now, someone please tell me HOW it makes any damn sense, when someone is struggling with pain, to start it over?! Hmm? Makes zero-zip-zilch sense to me! “Oh, that hurts and you can’t stand it? I know! Let’s start over and make it last longer and hurt more! That will help, right?!” Um, NOT. So yeah, I got one to grow on all right. I got *eight* to grow on. Hmmph.

That’s why I titled that post “wimpy, wimpy, wimpy” cuz that’s what was going through my mind during the spanking. When I could breathe that is.

Plus he was hitting the same freaking spot with every.single.stroke. On purpose! So what if it was a simple little hairbrush. They sting and I’m a big baby.

The clip is up at the store, which is really embarrassing because I’m such a pussy and you can just hear the amusement in Master’s voice while he struggles not to laugh at me.

I don’t care what anyone says. If you can take 45 strokes from him with that brush and NOT squirm out of position, I’ll buy you dinner (well, he will since I don’t have any money). That’s a genuine offer! Come on over.

Now I have to go clean out the toy closet cuz when he opened it up things tumbled off the top shelf onto his head. *snicker* I mean.. whoops.

~cunt

Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy!

Happy 37 to me!

 Thanks for all the well-wishes.

~cunt

On display

When Master and I first moved here we decided (*He* decided but I sure like to pretend I had some say in it…;) that we were ready to branch out into the bdsm community. It’s really a scary venture, at least for me. I’m socially inept, an introvert. And the sexual nature of play parties, etc. just scared me silly. But it also intrigued me and I wanted to see how things worked. I also thought that interacting with like-minded people would have to be beneficial. And I was oh so correct!

Anyway, it took three months to coordinate Master’s schedule with the first munch which had to be the first step in getting involved. The munch was great, everyone was friendly and polite. I was really looking forward to going to more things. That was back in the first part of November. Since then though, with Master’s travel schedule and the holidays, we hadn’t had the opportunity to attend anything else. Until last night..:)

Our second meeting with the group and only a few faces I recognized from the munch. Being the shy wench that I am I spent the first hour or so, clinging to Master’s knee. The very first humiliation of the night was that I had to sit at His feet, right next to an empty chair, in a circle of people where *nobody* else was on the floor. I don’t find sitting at His feet to be humiliating normally but when it’s so obvious, oh i can’t explain it… there was just no hiding it, you know? But nobody raised an eyebrow at it. The host even graciously offered me a chair and I had to actually voice a “no thank You, I’m fine here.”

The people were amazing though. Relaxed and easy-going. The meeting was an educational fireplay demonstration, which was awesome to watch. Master kept looking at me and doing that wiggly-eyebrow thing, indicating that I would be the next victim and I kept shaking my head real tiny like. The thing is I really don’t like heat. (Even my showers are what most people would consider cold. When Master and I shower together, I feel like I’m being cooked alive until He gets out and I’m allowed to crank up the cold water.) Wax play is hot enough for me, thank you. Plus, I had just met these people! I didn’t wanna wimp out in front of strangers. I can see it now… my tits are flaming and I run screaming through the dungeon… good impression eh? So, thankfully, He let that go. It was great to watch it and to learn how should we ever want to do it.

The host had a beautifully set up dungeon with lots of cages and benches and an exam table and deviant toys everywhere… the first time I’ve seen a display like that… it was gorgeous. We have to keep all of our stuff locked up in a box and we don’t have any big furniture type things and man oh man.. I want THAT room someday.

I was pretty quiet through the majority of the show, with little ooh’s and aah’s now and then. I was still mostly hiding behind Master’s shoulder and He’d already embarrassed me talking openly about suction cups on my clit, which made me blush beet red and of course everyone giggled and ‘oh she’s so *cute*’ and THAT only made me blush more. (Does that give you any indication of how hard it is to post those pictures on the website?? I am painfully shy. Neurotically shy. This is public humiliation.) So the show is winding down and the conversation had moved on to marking or tattoos or something, can’t remember, when all of a sudden Master tells me to stand up, drop my pants and bend over! In front of everyone!

Now.. at this point, two girls had removed their tops for the fireplay demo but everyone else was fully dressed, sitting in a circle with all eyes on ME! And Master had that look… that don’t test me now look.. that shut up and do it look.. that your ass will be hamburger if you so much as argue look… you know that look?? I almost vomited and peed my panties right there.

And of course I did stand up and drop em and grab the ankles and prayed the floor would open up and swallow me while they admired the “cunt” on my big unattractive butt. The tits followed, naturally, but it wasn’t until Master had me show off the bruise..THE bruise.. on my tit (which is still quite purply-black and shocking) that I got kind of proud. Master said I smiled and puffed out my chest a lil.

So after that display there seemed little point in hiding behind Master anymore and I participated in the conversation. I thought I had passed the test at that point. Oh how wrong I was.

We’d been “warned” to bring our toys as the dungeon would open up for play after the demonstration. I wasn’t feeling quite up to being on display for pain-play because.. sheesh.. the pressure to not wimp out you know? There was a girl there, beautiful beautiful woman, who was trying out Master’s spatula on a male-sub’s booty. He was really taking a paddling, I was ouching for him in my corner. She worked him over pretty good with various paddles and the rattan cane that we had. Master was trying to show her how to swing it and how to stand but He wasn’t about to swing full force on the man’s butt and I KNEW.. I just KNEW I was going to be up on that bench, being the guinea pig.

And I was. And He didn’t go lightly on me either. There really was alot of pressure (though only from myself) to “take it like a man”. Master asked me several times if I was ok, did I want more, etc… and it was hurting and I knew if we’d been at home I would have been hopping all over the place but.. I was ok. It felt good. Then He handed the implements over to the Beautiful Girl. I hadn’t ever thought that Master would allow anyone else to touch me, let alone do it so easily. She was good though and she wasn’t stroking near as hard as Master had been so it was nice break..lol. He let another man take a few swings at me too and that was the only time I experienced any sort of uneasiness. I couldn’t see Master and I couldn’t hear Him and I didn’t know what I should do if things got too heavy. It was only a few strokes though and Master later told me that He’d been right behind me so He could see where the strokes were landing and how hard. I asked if next time, (next time!!!??) He’d at least hold my hand so I could signal to Him somehow that things were out of my comfort zone.

It was all very surreal. On that bench on display… hearing people make comments here and there, like “oh she felt that one”…. but, I’m telling you right now, I can easily see myself becoming a display slut cuz I LIKED it. Oh my god.. it was a rush. Let’s do it again and soon!

I’m deliciously tender with bruises beginning to darken up on my cheeks today, a rarity in itself. Last night Master kept saying I was unmarkable, today He has to eat those words…:)

We’re both played out today though so even though the kids are gone, He’s napping before His long drive back to work and I’m fiddling around.

But just for morningstar and her Sir, we attempted the toothpicks. And Holy Mary Mother of GOD who knew toothpicks were so fucking sharp! I felt like my ass cheeks were being skewered, it just plain hurt! 103? Not a chance!

Pictures

Last night, after we got home from dropping the kids off, Master stuck me under the desk. That’s really becoming the bane of my existence. I’m starting to make evil plans for dismantling the desk when He’s gone. Sometimes, He’ll let me grab my pocket rocket before I get under there, which at least gives me something to do.. rocketing my way to several orgasms….but wouldn’t you know, all three of my rockets are broken (don’t know WHAT happened, honest..;) He let me get the magic wand this time but the angle was off or something.. and the thing just hurt. (Is it just me, or do any of you other magic wand users get that quick pinch feeling, like an epilady would feel? It’s bad sometimes, I end up bleeding actually. The wand will be smeared with blood though it’s only on my clit and there is no evidence of an open, bloody spot. Weird.) Anyway, He had fucked my brains out the night before, so I was already a bit tender and He was going for all He was worth again. I ended up just shutting off the wand, couldn’t handle that pain on top of everything else. He did finally cum but jesus h. christ, it HURT.

After that, He put in some star wars movie.. something.. I wasn’t really watching it because I was across His lap receiving 2,006 spankings. That should be a typo. 2,006. It’s not. In increments of 50 or 100, with 3 or 4 minute breathers in between sets. He used His hand, a crop, His belt, the paddle, something else I think but I can’t think of it now. At somewhere around 700 I complained that He wasn’t hitting hard enough. Yes.. I really AM that stupid.

I stopped being capable of counting after the 1,000 mark. I cried sometimes. My ass bled a few times. I remember at 1,350 getting this overwhelming sense of despair at the number remaining.. and putting my head down and crying. Several times I asked to stop (it seems to me if it’s something that was MY idea, I should get the option of quitting, right?) but what I figured out, quickly, was that asking to stop only pushed Him into the next set with no real break… so I stopped asking and just enjoyed the 3 or 4 minutes then. The last six were the hardest six strokes of the belt EVER.

My ass has retained that beet red, mottled, striped look that it has after a fresh spanking for 24 hours now. It’s swollen I think. And sore as all fucking hell. Master always aims just a tad bit higher than the sit-spot so I’m sitting ok… but don’t fucking lean back. Christ.

I was a basket case by the 2,006 stroke.. (oh, I almost forgot, Master dumped a load of hot wax on my ass somewhere between 1,000 and 2,000.. just to keep the heat going you know… and it seriously was the worst pain ever. I’d rather give birth. I thought I was dying.) and right after that He wanted to cover my front in wax. Maybe I was just at the end of myself, or the candles were boiling, but either way, I broke down and sobbed. And while He still dumped a damn good amount of wax on my front, He did back off of that. Thank You for that, Master.

But back under the desk I went, sobbing and sore didn’t matter. It just plain hurt. Sometimes your crotch is just plumb wore out and mine is. And He’s big, yanno? And He’s aiming for it come out my throat I swear…. and again, I just cried. That’s something I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to.. not only that He can still fuck me while I cry.. but that I’ll still cum while I’m crying.

From under the desk to into the closet. I was never so glad to be locked up somewhere as I was then. I had a few brief moments of panic when my mind strayed to the closet scenes from The Grudge movie. It’s absolutely pitch black in this closet.. and that damn woman’s face kept leering up.. plus Master had put on The House of Wax and it was all creepy music and screams… but the terror inside the closet was less frightening to me then what was outside it at that time. How twisted is that? At some point I fell asleep, curled into a tight little ball on the floor. I know Master opened the door when that movie was over, I don’t know if He talked to me or what, I was pretty fried. Some time later though I woke up, freezing cold and cramped and just scared to death.. I opened the door myself and remember just saying “out”. He let me, held me close to Him in bed until I got warm again.

This morning… It stared out bad, He sent me off to do coffee and told me I could mess around online if I wanted… and damn if that didn’t hit me the wrong way. I mean.. I mess around online the whole damn time He’s gone.. why the hell would I want to do it when He’s home?? I was immediately pissy and pouty. He ignored me for a little while… then He snatched me up and tethered me to the corner with my nipples in the clovers. He did something funky with my arms and the spreader bar, put some clamps on my pussy and then tied my legs together. He went after my ass with the dragon’s tongue thing, my ass was still on fire, I couldn’t move and He was just being mean. When He yanked the clovers off I lost it again.. and stood there crying while He used the flogger on my tits and pussy. I just felt like I was being punished for feeling ignored…. when it seems to me that I *should* be wanting His attention, even if pouting maybe isn’t the best way to get it. But He’s only home once every two weeks, and the kids were gone… and it seemed to me the whole day was being wasted… so yes, I freaked.

What’s the alternative though? That I don’t care? That I don’t WANT to be beaten. Isn’t it a sadists wet dream to have a little pain toy lying around? I used to think so.

Anyway, after the flogging I was put back in the closet. And it wasn’t sitting well with me AT ALL. I was complaining, loudly. So He stuck a bunch of clothespins on my tongue. Which worked for a little while..lol. I remember that He got me out once to go make Him something to eat and then right back in I went. I know I asked for, and was allowed out to use the bathroom once and then right back in. He got me out again to make Him another something to eat and yep, right back in. At one point, I was again, loudly demanding to “get out!” and He pulled me out and caned me until I begged to go back in. Sure seems like I was taken out and smacked or beat on more than that though…lol

This was the first extensive use of the closet. It wasn’t really the boredom that got to me like I thought it would, it was just being ignored. I felt like He had put me in there so that I wouldn’t “bother” Him… so that He wouldn’t feel guilty about not playing with me… I didn’t make the connection of being in the closet as part of playtime. It felt like pure punishment. Once again, punished for being a needy masochist. And who made me this needy masochist? Right.

I dozed off several times while I was in there… and that was exactly the mindfuck I knew it would be. I woke up with no idea of how much time had passed, no idea of how much longer I would be there… I might have slept for 30 seconds or 30 minutes.. I cried.. and begged.. and promised to be good, promised to leave Him alone… and got no response. Was He ignoring me or couldn’t He hear me? I didn’t know! I can’t even describe exactly how it felt…. despair and defeat. And I think it would be somewhat different if the whole thing hadn’t of had the anger and punishment *feel* to it.

I had finally curled back up on the floor.. literally feeling like I was going to start drooling and babbling at any minute, was beginning to zone out.. and He pulled me out again. He wanted a blow job and I was in no mind to be giving a damn blow job. All I kept thinking as I was half-heartedly sucking was that I was putting out as much effort as I felt I was getting. He didn’t stop what He was doing.. not once.. all damn day long.. I am not as far along in being objectified as He might like me to be. Or else I lost a whole damn lot of it since He’s been gone because I was simply irritated and pissed off.. and I didn’t care WHAT He did or said.. I wasn’t going to cooperate. At most, I submitted but enthusiasm? Nope. Not from me.

Naturally He wasn’t pleased with the blow job effort so He put me back under the desk. Again. And again.. fucked me while I cried. Since then.. I’ve pretty well been dismissed. He seems content to let me do whatever as long as I leave Him alone. Part of me thinks about it all and feels like we DID play and wtf am I complaining about and isn’t it His choice to play or read or sleep or play games or do whatever He wants? But than a bigger part of me feels that He’ll be leaving in the morning, the kids are still gone, I won’t see Him for another two weeks and games and TV and computer can all be done at any time during the next two weeks.

I’m just going back and forth on “whatever” and “leave it alone, ya stupid cunt”……. and since He apparently isn’t interested in telling me what to think… I’ll just keep see-sawing.