Under His Hand

The journal of a slave

Hopes

Master and I talked a little bit yesterday about my frustrations with the testing and pushing bullshit. We are both afraid of the same thing really. If I stop challenging, will boredom set in? I don’t like having to be “bad” to make sure that we are both still interested in D/s. It seems we need other ways to keep it challenging. So, the quest is on. And we will prevail. I know we will.

I also expressed to Him how I felt I had to push Him into punishment, or make Him angry enough at me, to get a “scene” to go as far as I like it. I mean, we play and we have scenes that aren’t punishment, but the edge isn’t there. The callousness, the emotional and mental coldness isn’t there. It’s fun and it’s lighthearted. And I DO like that on occasion, of course, I just prefer the deeper mental pushes that come when He is being ‘mean’. It’s not the pain either. The fun and easy scenes are generally pushing my pain limits. Master always pushes my pain limits no matter *what* we are doing. But when He gets that edge… wow… it’s intense. Emotionally, physically, mentally. I can really let go. But, I am not alone in this relationship. I have to keep reminding myself that as much as I long for something, He probably also longs for something exactly the opposite. He just never tells me..lol. So maybe He likes things as is? Master? Care to comment?

And of course we acknowledged that jobs and kids, stress and everyday bullshit interfere with any scene time at all. Just keep plugging away and steal every moment we can, right Sir?

I commented once that Master was “wishy-washy” with rules and commands. He’d say it, and not really mean it, and I knew I could usually wiggle my way around or out of something. However. That was then and this is now. Obviously time will tell, Master, if You have the determination and energy to follow through with what You say. And just think before You speak because as soon as You let me slide, I will be OFF like a rocket! Wooohoo…!! Kidding.. honestly, I’m kidding. *fingers crossed* But seriously, He has been very very VERY strict, and not letting me so much as fart crooked lately. And i have to say, that although it’ll take some adjusting.. some getting used to it…I love it. I am so much more secure in what I do and knowing exactly the consequences. Consistency is my friend.

Thats all for now.. more tomorrow. If I’m not too hungover cuz I am drinking tonight! Yeehaww!

kaya

Boobie Bondage

Monday night we were gloriously kid free. I love my kids (of course) but man-oh-man they sure can put a damper on playtime.

Monday night, I got some cage time. I adore cage time. I think, if I could ever be that slave of my fantasies, I’d live in a cage. I simply like how the world ceases to matter when I am in there. All the outside stresses tick away, one by one, as the minutes and/or hours pass. *wistful sighs*

We did some bondage, boobie bondage…:). I have fairly small boobs so thats not as easy as it sounds, but when it gets on there right, it’s almost a cathartic push towards woozy-place. I like the color they get, how cold they get, how hard they get, how tender they get, how easy to mark they are (cheating..hehe). I’d leave it on forever and ever if Master didn’t make me take it off. And I can stand for ages in front of the mirror afterwards.. admiring the rope marks, watching the color change from purple to pink, touching them as they warm… Yup. I do like boobie bondage.

It was a pretty small scene, I guess. We had big plans but the other stuff made us horny, then hungry and then we went shopping..lol. Still a very nice night over all.

And I wonder, is there ever an end to the uncertainty of it all? Does it ever just settle and be what it is going to be?

kaya

Weekend Recap

Wow. Rambling from me. What a surprise…;)

Master and I had a very nice weekend off together. Master has every weekend off, I work every other one. So I value those 4 days a month.

Friday night Master had me lay on the floor at the foot of the bed and He chained my wrists to my waist, and chained my feet up to the footboard. My tits were tied, though fairly loosely, but He put the clover clamps on. For some reason the clovers just plain hurt. And not in that hurts-so-good way either. They just are not my favorite clamps.

Lying there on the floor, with my legs up and my ass hanging out, you’d think you would get used to being seen in humiliating and degrading positions when you live with a sadist. Yet every time, it eats at you a little bit. I wonder if the day you stop blushing, or stop wiggling in embarrassment, is the day you stop liking it.

Master could see me from where He sat at the comp, doing His thing. After a time I requested to be blindfolded. It’s sort of a childish “if I can’t see You, You can’t see me” type of thing for me with the blindfold.

Occasionally He walked over to slap at me, tug on the clovers, to kneel over my head and have me suck Him. Twice He fucked me. The first time, He squirted all over my face and chest and it had to have been the longest cum in history. When He was done, I felt soaked in cum. It was dripping and running down my face and neck, down my sides, it tickled like all hell and I kept squirming, trying to wipe the drips up.
But when He pulled those clovers off. OhMyGod. That pain was bad enough but He then attacked my nipples with His teeth and tongue, sucking and biting. I just remember begging please stop Master that hurtssss. His response was something to the effect of liking the way my pussy clenched when He did that. I will begin pussy control exercises immediately to alleviate *that* little betrayal…lol.

I don’t really remember what went on the rest of the night. I think Master just put me to bed…:)

Saturday day we bummed around, driving to rummage sales and thrift stores. Master and I both love rummage sales, I think because we are both cheap..lol. Master didn’t really find anything but me and the kid got some good books. Anne Rice for her, Danielle Steele for me. My kid is fascinated with vampires, she’s only 12 and Anne Rice will be quite a challenge for her but she’s smart and I don’t doubt she’ll read it.

Saturday night I got in trouble. I can’t even remember the sequence of events now. I think I was just generally grumpy and not feeling at all slavely. At bedtime, I complained (bitched) about something or other and refused to lay where Master wanted me to and then complained that He was making me hot. Well. The floor, just for general information, is *not* hot, or comfortable and it’s kind of scary down there. He was nice enough to give me a pillow but no blanket. I kept waking Him up though (i am so afraid of the dark, baby-ish I know) so I think He let me back into bed just so He could sleep. I was down there long enough to know that I don’t want to be there again.

Sunday we didn’t do a damn thing and it felt great. I didn’t even have to do my chores. We had some leisurely sex, watched some scary-ish movie and I cooked up some burgers and fries. I even left the dishes for today. A slave could get mighty used to days like that!

On a side note, I’m irritated as hell with geocities. What’s the point in making a website if it’s down every time you go there? Does anyone know any other cheap-ish domains?

kaya