Master and I talked a little bit yesterday about my frustrations with the testing and pushing bullshit. We are both afraid of the same thing really. If I stop challenging, will boredom set in? I don’t like having to be “bad” to make sure that we are both still interested in D/s. It seems we need other ways to keep it challenging. So, the quest is on. And we will prevail. I know we will.
I also expressed to Him how I felt I had to push Him into punishment, or make Him angry enough at me, to get a “scene” to go as far as I like it. I mean, we play and we have scenes that aren’t punishment, but the edge isn’t there. The callousness, the emotional and mental coldness isn’t there. It’s fun and it’s lighthearted. And I DO like that on occasion, of course, I just prefer the deeper mental pushes that come when He is being ‘mean’. It’s not the pain either. The fun and easy scenes are generally pushing my pain limits. Master always pushes my pain limits no matter *what* we are doing. But when He gets that edge… wow… it’s intense. Emotionally, physically, mentally. I can really let go. But, I am not alone in this relationship. I have to keep reminding myself that as much as I long for something, He probably also longs for something exactly the opposite. He just never tells me..lol. So maybe He likes things as is? Master? Care to comment?
And of course we acknowledged that jobs and kids, stress and everyday bullshit interfere with any scene time at all. Just keep plugging away and steal every moment we can, right Sir?
I commented once that Master was “wishy-washy” with rules and commands. He’d say it, and not really mean it, and I knew I could usually wiggle my way around or out of something. However. That was then and this is now. Obviously time will tell, Master, if You have the determination and energy to follow through with what You say. And just think before You speak because as soon as You let me slide, I will be OFF like a rocket! Wooohoo…!! Kidding.. honestly, I’m kidding. *fingers crossed* But seriously, He has been very very VERY strict, and not letting me so much as fart crooked lately. And i have to say, that although it’ll take some adjusting.. some getting used to it…I love it. I am so much more secure in what I do and knowing exactly the consequences. Consistency is my friend.
Thats all for now.. more tomorrow. If I’m not too hungover cuz I am drinking tonight! Yeehaww!