Because I refuse to be like Jason Roder and Gina Von Poppel, who “won’t stop droning on about spanking, caning, ball gags, erotic photography, fetish parties, leather, rubber, PVC, latex, whips, floggers, and countless other S&M-related objects and activities”, I’m refusing to talk about BDSM for the day. ;-)
I know that since this is a sex/bdsm/vulgar-picture blog that I’m expected to “drone” on about kink, but sometimes even I get bored with myself and that Onion article tickled me pink. So for today I’ve decided I’m going to talk about other people and share some links that I’ve been wanting to share.
I very often stumble across something brilliant or thought-provoking, or something that I wish I wrote but didn’t, but I never seem to manage to work it into a post. A whole post dedicated to links solves that problem.
In no particular order:
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Some time ago, Steff, of Smut & Steff wrote a great little piece on The Secretary movie, s&m, and the general public’s reaction to it. She’s admittedly not into bdsm, which is, I think, probably why her article spoke to me as strongly as it did. In the so-called “bdsm community” it seems we cannot reach any measure of tolerance in spite of how loud it’s preached, so when it comes so easily to someone who isn’t even in it, I’m impressed. And slightly ashamed of how hard it is for the rest of us.
There were a few things I want to quote from her post. One was the acknowledgment that most vanilla folk think we bdsm’ers use pain as an unhealthy coping mechanism. She then asks if it would be better if we chose a more “socially accepted” mechanism. “Alcohol to cure ills? Cocaine’s making a comeback, you know. Perhaps cardio-holism is more your thing. Sweat, then, baby. How about a double-banana split? A bag of Doritos? How about shoplifting a new shade of red lipstick? Say, I hear they have a double-bill at church this weekend. The point is, we all confront our demons in ways particular to us.”
“The thing is, do you understand why you like to have pain inflicted on you? Are you aware of what it does for you? By that same token, are you aware of why you want sex and romance to be all feathers and soft kisses? It’s all about self-knowledge, this life thing. The more you know about what motivates you to do what you do, the greater your grasp on things will be. If you’re oblivious, then you’re in trouble. Simple.”
I may very well be one of those “right-fucked sadomasochists” that she mentions, but even so, I’m pretty damn comfortable with being that. I’m pretty confident that I’ve examined (and re-examined and dissected and prattled on about) my reasons, my motivations, the why’s and what for’s of this particular choice in lifestyle. Some people don’t care about why, some people dismiss it as “nothing to fret over”. I disagree with that, but so what? I only have to worry about me.
Another thing she said was this: “Society doesn’t understand BDSM, and they’re not going to anytime soon, either. Acceptance is increasing, but as long as it’s all the hardcore folk riding front and centre and playing the roles of spokespeople, there will always be a negative perception about the lifestyle.”
Now this post I’m quoting from is a year and a half old and I’m thinking that even in that small amount of time, society has become even more accepting. I go back and forth on whether or not I agree with her about the hardcore folk fostering a negative perception. I understand her point, obviously. But at the same time, it is exactly those hardcore folk who have the balls to confront society. I think we *need* them. And there is some merit to presenting the most shocking first and then following that up with the more pallatable stuff, don’t you think? It reminds of the Dear Dad joke about the report card.
At any rate Smut & Steff is a pretty great place. Check out some of her stuff on body image and sex advice. Good writing.
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I am often, often, often asked how I shave my pussy. Though not so much now that I’ve been put on an indefinite shaving ban (grump). I’ve written about it before, but now that I’ve come across this next post, I’m simply going to send any more inquiries that way.
Kitten in Chains wrote a terrifically informative piece titled How To Shave Your Pussy Like a Porn Star. With special considerations for women of color and women with thicker, course pubes for whom shaving is particularly difficult. There is simply too much information to share without quoting the entire post so I urge any of you who are having trouble with shaving (and who are too chicken-shit like me to get waxed) to read it. Read it all. Even I’ve picked up some tips (if I’m ever allowed to shave again!).
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Artful Surrender apparel. I don’t know much that’s sexier than a cute girl in a cute babydoll tee with a cute bdsm quote on the front of it. It’s hard to pick a favorite, but if I *had* to I’d probably choose the one that says “it’s just a little ropeburn”. Mostly because Master likes to say exactly that when I’m hissing and cussing as he slides the ropes off. A little rope burn my ass. I have scars! ;-)
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A newly discovered site, Blabber Mash, is one I’ve been visiting recently. It’s an interactive video advice site, but it’s also a place where you can rant or babble, or give feedback to some serious, and some silly, questions.
One clip in particular that struck my funny bone was this one here, called “Ever talked dirty in bed and had to repeat yourself?”, because this happens to me ALL THE TIME. Except I’m not the one doing the talking, Master is! I’ve learned the hard way that pretending to hear and nodding while moaning in the midst of passion is a very bad idea around here. I’ll end up unknowingly agreeing to some seriously fucked up suggestion simply because I didn’t want to interrupt the flow of things by saying “huh? what did you say?” Or he’ll have told me to do something, move a certain way or whatever and I’ll just be lying there nodding like a damn fool. So yeah, I say “huh?” nowadays when I don’t hear what he says in the midst of sex. It’s much safer for me that way.
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One of the other (many) comments I’ve been given over time is the fact that what I do, what I write about here, is really not very different than what you might find on any other wife’s blog. Other than the photos or s&m details of course. But a whole lot of what I do, as a slave, mirrors what any other wife does for her husband. It’s been with disdain and dismissal that I’ve gotten those sorts of comments, as if I have no “right” to think I’m doing anything out of the ordinary in my wifely duties.
And really, it’s incredibly difficult to explain the difference between a marriage and a Master/slave relationship of the sort that we have. I do, in fact, spend the vast majority of my time behaving exactly as a typical housewife and mother, though perhaps one from the pre-women’s lib era. So what IS the difference then?
Well, check out swan’s eloquent reply to that exact query from one of her readers. She says, “it is descriptive of what cannot be seen. The parts of my life that seem mundane are deceptive. Like the still, quiet surface of very, very deep waters, there is much that is not evident in the day to day routines, and seeming ordinariness that is apparent to the casual observer.”
I agree with her 100%. I don’t think that it’s the episodes of s&m that set me apart as a slave. Nor do I think it’s the housecleaning that is exclusively my task, or that I cook all the meals or hang his clothes. It’s much more than what we DO, so much more of who we ARE, how we feel toward each other, how we behave in each other’s presence. Our mannerisms, intuitive responses, it’s just something in the air that surrounds the two of us that defines us every day. I think swan’s reply was “most excellent”.
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One of my most favorite blogs is Alebeard, of the delectable Paintoy site (see the ad, top right hand column). He posts some of the best twat-twitching little teaser video clips in some of his blog posts that his place is pretty much a daily stop for me, hoping for a quick glimpse into the incredible world of extreme bdsm. Not to mention the fact that he’s just plain a funny guy. Love, love, love his blog.
But the post that really had me giggling was his post on Goreans. Leaving aside what I personally think of people who practice Gor, I can’t help but admire Alebeard’s no-holds-barred approach to delivering his opinion. I mean, seriously, tell us what you really think, Ale!
And in all honesty, my personal opinion of Gorean is not too far from his, though I would be much nicer in my approach. However, having seen Alebeard-in-action (on video) “nice” isn’t really his approach to anything. Most especially one of those girls he keeps tied up in the basement. ;-)
(But honestly folks, if you want to see some serious s&m action, check out Paintoy. It is WELL worth it. They have excellent videos, gorgeous girls, honest screams. *shiver* They make me goo my panties on a regular basis. :D )
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Bacchus, of ErosBlog, recently did a great post on blogging without comments. Because of my past dealings with negative comments, I found this to be of particular interest to me.
It appears that Mistress Matisse has shut off her comment section. I perfectly understand her reasons why. But I also understand Bacchus’s listed reasons to keep them.
I’ve been on the fence myself *numerous* times. Shut off the comments, keep the comments, monitor the comments, ignore the comments… and on and on. Whatever the reason that I got more than my fair share of insults and trolls in comments, they are very taxing, very tiresome and very discouraging. Trying to decide what is the appropriate way to deal with them is simply another straw on the comment-camel’s back.
I’ve often wondered if I wouldn’t be better off without the comments at all, but deep down I *know* that while that would certainly take care of subjecting myself to negativity, it would also severely lessen the pleasure I get out of blogging. Even though I rarely have the time at this particular moment in life to interact in the comments like I used to, I really enjoy doing that. I miss doing that. I want to do that again someday. It’s a whole lot like sitting down for tea time with an old group of friends. Lately, it’s been a lot like looking in the window while y’all sit down for tea, but at least I get to hear what you’re all talking about. I’ll take that if that’s all I can have. What I don’t want is to have neither tea time or to be able to eavesdrop on tea time.
As Bacchus said, shutting off the comments may make writing better, but it would make *blogging* a lot less fun. I’m not writing a novel in my living room. I’m blogging and comments are a part of that. I think anyway.
Probably the best decision made for me and my blog was to moderate the comments. It hasn’t been very long since I took a stand against the snarky comments, but in that short amount of time, negative comments slowed to a trickle, and then, lately, have completely stopped. If another few come in, so what? I’ll delete them with a big ol smile on my face. It’s my blog, I pay for it, mind your manners or go elsewhere, you know?
I don’t think that Matisse shut off her comments necessarily because of negativity though. It sounded more, to me, like she’d become weary of the expectation even from her more positive supporters. That’s something I understand, too. There is some pressure to post certain material and in a certain way. Readers do come to expect, or feel entitled to, what it is they want to read. There are times when I don’t feel the freedom to post what I want to post because it’s too far out of the genre of my usual posting material, more so since I’ve moved sites than before. But I’m not yet “blaming” that on the comments at all. I think that has more to do with my own self-censoring than anything hinted at in the comments. But I do understand it. Her blog is much more high profile and high traffic than mine, plus she’s advertising herself on there so the pressure is of a much different sort than anything I have ever experienced, I’m sure.
So that’s that about comments. I have to wonder though, if I never got any comments and never got any traffic, would I still blog? Would any of you?
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Last but not least, and completely off any topic of sex or blogging or anything is this little story I want to plug. It’s a tad hard to read due to the large blocks of text, but well worth reading anyway. Everybody needs to read a little tear-jerker now and then. Guess where I’m sticking my change next time I go? ;-)
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Uncategorized | kaya | 
Thursday January 17th, 2008 9:10am | 
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