Do you ever have/long for tenderness and “making love” or is your desire for sex to have it always be rough and combined with elements of pain?
My desire for sex *always* is to have it with elements of pain or domination. Sometimes it has to be nothing more complicated than an order to keep my hands above my head and not move them, or to keep my legs spread far enough that they don’t touch him. Sometimes it’s simple nipple twisting/tweaking. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate bondage/s&m mix (though that is my preference of course!). But it’s not always Master’s preference. Sometimes he just wants to fuck without having to make it good for me. But even that is “torture” in it’s own right. ;-)
Also, how do you and Master show your love/affection for one another when not in the bedroom?
Master is very affectionate in your typical vanilla fashion. He’s quite touchy-feely, is always hugging and kissing, we never walk or drive anywhere together without holding hands. He’s a cuddler, too. We lay in bed with his arm around me, or his legs over mine. That kind of affectionate attention took a while for me to get used to. It’s nothing I’ve ever had before in a relationship, nor did I think I wanted it. But I did and now I’m just as affectionate as he is.
If your Master was to decide he no longer wished to continue the S&M part of your relationship, would you want to seek out another Master or would you be able to be content with a “vanilla” relationship?
That’s a pretty common question and one that my answer changes to depending on my current mood. Or, depending on how deep the itch is.
I do not think I would be content with a vanilla relationship. Needing the sort of interactions that we have isn’t a hobby or a weekend interest of mine. It’s part of who I am, not just my sexuality. So to say that I could be happy, or satisfied, by not having it.. I just can’t imagine that.
What I CAN imagine is not having it because he no longer wants it or because he is no longer able to provide it, and putting my own wants and needs aside in order to further HIS happiness. If he were suddenly struck ill or injured and was *unable* to be the sadist and Master that he is now, I’d still be his wife and his slave, it just wouldn’t be expressed in the physical ways that it is currently. If he no longer wanted to do this.. nothing changes the fact that our roots are in the fact that we’re married, raising a family and *want* to be together regardless of our current activities.
Whether or not I’d find another who could fulfill those s&m needs would really depend on what Master wanted. I’d not leave him, even if he chose not to be my Master anymore. If he’d allow some playtime on the side, then maybe I’d go that route. I don’t see him being okay with that though. He’s a tad possessive!
1. Do you call your Master, Master in front of your kids?
No. I call him Baby..lol. Almost always, without fail, he’s my Baby. I *rarely* use his given name as that seems far too intimate or personal (weird that, isn’t it?). On the occasion that I would normally be required to use Master or Sir, I can either mouth it over the kid’s heads or I’ll substitute Dear (as in “Yes Dear” for “Yes Sir”) which is what he’s told me to say when they are listening. We both know what I mean so it works.
2. If you were offered 100,000. dollars to give up S/m, M/s lifestyle for a year and live a totally vanilla life, would you/could you do it?
For a year? For a hundred grand? Hell yes! I lived my first 30 years without it, I think I could go another year! I’d be a bear to live with though..lol
3. Have you been to any M/s gatherings where you were on display for a large group,…anything like that?
Yes, a couple in the last 6 months. Master’s not shy when it comes to stripping me down at all. I might be mortified(!) but he’s not.
5. Is your current Master the only Master you’ve had?
Yes.
6. Favorite Dessert?
Chocolate. Anything chocolate.
7. Favorite American Idol winner?
Mostly I think the world is way wrong when it comes to the winners. Even though I hate country music, Carrie is the only winner I actually liked.
8. Do you think a woman should be president?
No. PMS would start WWIII. I know this because I start it once a month in my own house, but luckily I dont have access to nuclear weapons.
9. Do you enjoy anal sex ( enjoy the act itself, not the “submission to it)
Nope. I *used* to but the man I was with then had a tiny penis which is, I’ve decided, the key to actually enjoying the act of anal sex. Master does not have a tiny penis so every single episode of anal sex is painful, all the time, the whole time, from start to finish, no matter what, the end. And I *can* enjoy the pain but only until I orgasm which always happens too soon (because it hurts and the pain and the sex combined makes me shoot off like a champagne cork), way sooner than he is ready to come and then it just hurts after that. So.. um.. no.
10. When asked what’s the most sexually humiliating thing your Master has ever had you do, what’s the first thing that comes to mind.
I *really* don’t like it when he spreads me open and examines me like a bug under a microscope. Or, when he makes my pussy lips or asshole “talk”. WTF is *that* all about? Is it a guy thing? It’s fucking embarrassing already.
I’ve seen you mention the name Tess twice recently. I’ve been reading your blog for about a year, and I’ve never seen any mention of your real name, only his. Why isn’t it a big secret anymore?
I don’t think it ever was a secret. Hell, my email address that I had posted for contact info has my name in it (up until I recently changed my email to here). I’m not sure why I’ve used my name in a post twice. *shrug* Maybe I’m distancing myself from “cunt”? Boy, Master won’t like to read that!
Were you in a Master/slave dynamic when your children were young? How did you manage to bring them up in a D/s household, yet still keep them far far away from it? i am a slave and have a 3 year old son. Although Master and i have decided not to move in with each other, (to “protect” my son from BDSM- neither of us believe that we should tell him who to be) i am rather curious as to how it can be done. How can you show your Master that you are His without bringing attention to it? How do you get away from the kids (when they are smaller)to do scenes and such? i suppose what i am really asking is how do you keep the dynamic strong while keeping it hidden?
I was not in an M/s relationship when my kids were young. Master and I have been together for just 4 years and my kids are 16, 15 and 13. So I can’t quite answer your question.
However, I will say this though. What I think is that what kids are raised with seems normal to them. For instance, to see you behave in a subordinate role with your Master would not seem odd or strange to a child who has seen it that way all his life. So I don’t see why there should be any worry. Unless you mean to be naked and in chains 24 hours a day, I can’t see that you’re going to psychologically scar your child. After all, in most M/s households, we interact in almost identical ways to an old-fashioned marriage where the man was the Head of the Household (think Leave it to Beaver) and I don’t think all of the kids of that era are messed up, are they?
Even having seen me change from an independent and in control single parent to a submissive wife, my kids are still psychologically sound. I don’t feel like I’m molding my children’s future or choices in life simply because I choose to be submissive in my marriage. They can still base their choices on their own desires. I’m not sure what it is that you have to “protect” your son from? Nor do I see how what you do would define who he is or will be.
It can be done because you simply use common sense and you separate your fantasy from reality. I have a very specific fantasy of how I’d like to be treated and how I’d prefer to behave as a slave for Master. But I can’t do 99% of it because reality dictates that I cannot do that in front of my children. I have to be dressed, but I do not have to wear underclothes. They have no idea if I’m wearing underwear or a bra or a bra full of tacks or a metal scrunchy stuffed into my pussy, or a rope wound tightly through my slit, abrading me with each step. How could they know? I don’t strip in front of them. We have code words that mean absolutely nothing to them, but mean worlds to us. And a whole lot of service can be disguised as simple favors for the one you love. You put locks on doors and you teach manners and privacy. What goes on behind my closed bedroom door is nobody’s business (well, except for all of YOU GUYS..lol)
How does a child know that you cannot sit on the furniture unless you specifically state it? If you just say that you want to sit on the floor or that you are more comfortable on the floor, it’s only you that knows the real reason and because of that you think everyone else will know too. But they don’t, nor do they even really care where you sit.
The everyday interactions are easy to do no matter who is watching. Slipping away to do a scene is more difficult, but it’s not the scenes that define M/s in my mind anyway. Do it after the kid goes to bed, do it when the kid is at Grandmas, get a babysitter and go rent a hotel for a few hours. It can be done, you just have to make it work. Maybe someone else who reads here with small children will step in and answer this, too. Good luck! :-)
What are your thoughts about abuse survivors and BDSM or D/s play? Maybe not a nice topic, but one I’ve been mulling in my head for a while now…
My thoughts are pretty straightforward these days, though they didn’t used to be. First, I don’t think there are more abuse survivors involved in bdsm, as some people do. I think there are a lot of abuse survivors period, in all walks of life. But I do think that we tend to talk about it more. I think we tend to talk about all manners of private and intimate subjects and since abuse and bdsm are closely related, past histories of abuse are mentioned more freely. So maybe that makes it seem like bdsm’ers are mostly comprised of abuse survivors. *shrug*
I’ve long since given up trying to figure out if I would have been drawn to bdsm regardless of my history. It’s something I’ll never know. It’s also something that just doesn’t matter.
I do think it’s important that everyone examine their “whys”. I think you should know yourself and your reasons, to the best that you can know anyway. I do think it is possible to further someone’s abuse if that person, or the person in charge, isn’t aware of what’s going on in their head. I do think some people may gravitate towards bdsm as a way of trying to “control” abuse. If their thinking is something along the lines of “well, it appears that in my life I’m going to be abused in some fashion but at least bdsm offers me a way to be abused in a semi-controlled setting” but that person has no actual interest in power exchange or s&m, then I’d wonder if this is the healthiest choice for them. But if that is their choice and their reason and it works for them? More power to ya!
Everyone (most everyone) has a chosen manner of dealing with the hand life dealt them. BDSM seems to be an easy target for people who don’t do it to point the finger at as the “sick and twisted” choice. Other people drink 6 glasses of wine at night, or max out a credit card while watching the Home Shopping Network. Maybe they dip into the weed or snort the powders. Skip to the doctor’s for a bottle of valium. Why do some people *need* dinner and wining and dining and need to hear “I love you” before sex? Why is that considered the norm, and how “normal” is it anyway?
I do not hear that someone in bdsm has a past history of abuse automatically think “uh-oh, now I have to question their motives”. I know more people who had an idyllic childhood who are into bdsm. I do not think an abuse survivor who is into bdsm is continuing to be abused. Actually being in a healthy bdsm relationship can be very healing for an abuse survivor because bdsm requires so much communication and trust and intimacy that could otherwise be ignored in a vanilla relationship. BDSM almost forces someone to deal with their demons, as opposed to sweeping them under the rug. It can be exactly the medicine one needs to move beyond an abusive past.
Which leads me right into the next question..lol
If it is not too much to ask, why do you have difficulty kissing your Master?
Specifically because of my abusive past. Which seems quite at odds with what I’ve just said, eh?
I think I’m about as healed as I’m going to be from my past. I’m leaps and bounds from where I started. But, nothing is a cure-all and nothing will heal everything. And for me, kissing is, so far, beyond fixing.
Of all the things that happened to me in my formative years, the forced kissing was the worst, by far. I don’t know why that was worse than anything else, why my mind hangs on to that in such fiercely negative ways. It clearly was not the most painful, nor the most violating, nor the scariest. Kissing hardly ever makes the list of “abusive” practices. Why not the punching, why not the painful penetrations or the gang-style sexual marathons. Why not the sharing, the teasing, the interrupted nights, the pinches, the blood, the shame and humiliation? Why was I able to extract the negativity surrounding those things to find the erotic, stimulating aspect that I so enjoy now and I *can’t* do that with being kissed?
I dunno. I simply do not know. What I DO know is that kissing will send me into panic attack, flashback territory. It’s gotten worse, and not better. It’s nothing that he does and has nothing to do with him. But because he loves me and is not interested in furthering the abuse, he’s worked with me on it and we’ve developed a way that works for the both of us. Which may be as good as it’s ever going to be.
~~*~~
Unless I missed one, I have no more questions. Now what will I post!?!??
Be the first to like.
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Wednesday February 18th, 2009 9:10am | 
Comments (100) 
