Q&A-#?

You said about things/facts/evidence the kids know or not, but i just wonder how do you title each other in their presence? Are there some times when D/s utterance slip out, just unconsciously…
[...] Or you are just so skilled in the switching of the two speech parterns that it means no problem for you in whatever moment?

It is not that I am skilled. (Skilz. I has none.) It’s that I am not in the habit of using those honorifics. It’s just the opposite in fact. When it should be appropriate for me to refer to him as Master or Sir, I’ll “slip” and call him Babe..lol.

That is probably not his most shining moment at a public bdsm function.

Do you think it will be hard to go from being vanilla-ish to cunt-in-a-cage? would it have been easier to go from degrading masochistic to cunt-in-a-cage?

Yes and yes. A person gets used to a certain lifestyle, a certain manner of treatment- and comes to expect it. At one time I was very much comfortable with being degraded and humiliated, but now, when it seems to come out of the blue, I get my little feelings hurt (and do the whole pouty lower lip and everything). It will be that he’s almost going to have to start the process over and ease me back into it.

But we knew that. Part of the reason why he lightened up in the first place was because I wasn’t functioning well enough with the vanilla things that I still have to do. So he’s aware of the headspace and the need to create, or destroy, the environment that fosters said headspace.

~~*~~

I am done with questions. Thank you for playing along.

More Q&A

you had mentioned that you had once had your nipples pierced i think…when and why did you change your mind and take them out?

I had them pierced probably 6 years ago. I had them just about 6 months I guess. I took them out because I like nipple play too much and they were fucking it all up. They were too sensitive after the piercings – and it took close to a year *after* taking out the rings for that sensitivity to go away and for me to be able to handle clamps and pinching again.

How much do the kids know of your and your Masters activities?

Kids are a popular topic when it comes to M/s. My goodness.

They know I generally defer to his decisions. They know I wait on him hand and foot. They know he’s bossy and demanding and that I’m happy to do it. They know that I have and use sex toys and they know that we’re “kinky”. They do not see, hear (much), or know any specific details about that kink. They do not know that it’s a formal Master/slave thing.

If they don’t know, how do you hide the obvious results?

Any marks I get are in places that clothing easily covers. The occasion “oops” mark can be easily dismissed because I really am a klutz.

If they do know are they ever involved?

Um. No. A big fat N-O no. No no no no no.

I have a question: where is Magdala? She used to comment often, and I think she is a great friend of yours, right? I am usually a little annoyed by the number of comments of the kind: “my master does the same!” or “you must live in my house!” I really mean no offense, it’s just that they sound natural when girls are talking, but in writing it’s just repetitive and makes it hard to sort through the comments to find the ones that are really offering some thought material. Magdala often commented something different from that.

That’s a good question! I think she might come around here sometimes; at least, I heard from her a few months ago. I guess, you know, people grow apart or move on and she’s busy doing her thing.

I miss her, too. She always did offer another perspective.

I have another question: Do you think that at least part of your attraction to degradation and forced sex may be related to you not thinking that you deserve pleasure, or don’t deserve that someone pleasure you for your own sake? I think that your recent vanilla-ish lifestyle, in which you are surprisingly satisfied could have to do with you accepting a little more that you deserve some things for yourself.

Meh. I don’t think so because I DO think I deserve pleasure. It just so happens that I find a lot of pleasure in being degraded.

As for also finding pleasure in our more recent vanilla-ish lifestyle, it could be what you said, or it could be that I’m just better at adjusting to what he’s giving me and in finding my own happiness in it, whether it’s kink or not.

What are your plans after all your children have moved out? Is the “cunt in the cage”-plan still your future goal, or has it changed in some way?

I think it has probably changed some, but the basics of it are still the same. Um.. speaking soley out of what I think I know and understanding that Master could come along and contradict everything I’m saying here… I think we will probably have a pretty good mix of cunt in a cage and housewife-gardener-chicken farmer slave. He definitely is still looking forward to and planning on some serious isolation/caging/thorough head-messing fun, but when he doesn’t want that and he wants me to function as his workmate and wife, I’ll be expected to pull myself up by my bootstraps and work it out.

Or.. not. As we keep growing and evolving, who the hell KNOWS what might happen.

If you were to author a book about your life, what would it be entitled?

Tess’s Tale – Relearning Life Master’s Way. A consensual bdsm slave’s true story.

How Tess Got Her Groove On

Tess: Destroying Feminism One Spanking At A Time

“Yer doing it wrong!” – How NOT To Do BDSM (according to the interwebz.)

Kinky Kooking with Kaya or Kinky Krafting with Kaya

Kaya in Wonderland: Finding Pleasure in Pain.

Great Expectations: Learning to Let Go of Them

Sense and Sensibility- in Slavery

The Secret Garden: Gardening Naked- and how best to avoid mosquito bites on your most private bits.

Would you buy it?

What is the most severe injury you have ever experienced during a session/scene moment with Sir?

I almost passed out once, purely from the pain. I was strung up by my wrists and he was doing his thing – and it was just too much. I got cold and sweaty and clammy, I started dry-heaving, I lost all muscle control and couldn’t stand up and things we getting very dark and very fuzzy- I was fainting. He got me down and sat with me with my head between my knees and then put me to bed.

I had a hematoma on my breast from a particularly wicked breast beating session. There’s been the occasional strained muscle or numb, tingly appendage for a few days – but no really serious injuries.

What is the most severe injury you’ve done to yourself by accident? (lol- my answer would creep the hell out of everyone who reads it…)

Tease. What is yours?!

I don’t think I have any. I’m fairly gentle with myself..lol

And why aren’t our Owner’s talking?

(about sharing, right? seems like I lost half of your question.)

Master has never shared me sexually with another man. He would with a woman without batting an eye, but another man is whole different ballgame.

He does let other men play with/hurt me though.

He’s protective, which I really appreciate, because the second another man’s hands are on me, I lose my words.

I am quite positive that he would LOVE to talk to your Owner – and I sincerely think you need to plan a trip here ASAP. Your Owner scares the fucking shit out of me, but I would love to give your deeply masochistic ass to my Owner. And, I’d like to watch you get fucked in the ass. *nods*

What are 3 things that turn you on that are humliating to admit?

Being used as a toilet. I hate it and it turns me right the fuck on.

Icky-yucky tasting/licking of dirty things. Makes me vomit, but turns me right the fuck on.

And- some of his future plans which, unfortunately, I am not allowed to divulge here. I’m horrified, yet, you guessed it, turned right the fuck on.

What was the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do and what lessons did you learn from it?

Sitting down in front of that board when he held a hammer and nails in his hands.

I was anticipating that the pain would be enormous. I fully expected it to be way more than I could handle. Other than attaching my hands behind my back, there was no other bondage, no securing me in place. He told me to sit and put my tits up on the board and to be still.

I’d never been that scared before and I haven’t been that scared since.

Lesson learned: He knows what I can take more than I do. I would easily let fear be my master– He masters my fears.

Q&A-Number Idontknow

What’s YOUR thoughts about becoming a grandma? Is that what you will be called, or do you have another pet-name in mind? How many weeks is she?

My thoughts are a mixed bag of positive and negative.

On the negative: Of course I wish she wasn’t doing this NOW. I’m worried about her, her future, her baby’s future. I’m not sure what kind of mother she will be because she is so incredibly immature. She also has other problems unrelated to immaturity that haven’t been addressed yet and I worry a great deal that that’s going to affect her child if she doesn’t address them.

I’m concerned about finances. Right now, we’re footing the bill for her prenatal care, we’ll have to pay for her hospital birthing bill, and we’ll be footing the bill for everything the baby needs – for who knows how long. The baby’s daddy is as worthless (so far) as my ex is. I see history repeating itself and it makes me feel like a big. fat. parenting. failure.

The money leads to resentment. To be fair, Master, who is the only source of income for the entire house, is being extremely generous concerning this whole ordeal. However, he’s feeling the strain. Of course we’re worried about the economy. I don’t think anyone should be too comfortable in thinking their employment is completely safe, you know?

In the privacy of our own room, away from little ears, he expresses to me some amount of resentment, and he’s perfectly justified in feeling that. He’s not only not Jes’s father, he’s not her baby’s father, either. It’s not fair to him– but he loves me, he loves her, too. And he’s stepping up, again, where other men won’t.

I’ve asked more than once about going back to work myself and he keeps telling me no. That’s not to say it won’t become a necessity at some point, but for now, it only seems to make him upset. He says that it’s not right that I should go back to work, that we should have to interrupt or change our life, when she’s the one who got herself knocked up. He says we’ll tough it out as long as we can and that she’ll be getting a job as soon as she is able to.

But, knowing that he’s under that kind of strain does create a little bit of resentment from me toward her. Especially because she doesn’t act appreciative *enough* of the sacrifices he’s making. I don’t know exactly what I expect her to do or say, nor am I expecting groveling or anything like that – but Jes possesses an irrational “entitlement” syndrome.

I’m also very fearful for my heart. I’m afraid to get attached to that baby because there isn’t a single piece of me that thinks Jes will stay here for any longer than she has to. And it’s going to rip me to shreds when she goes.

Because, try as I might to not do this – I am already hopelessly, head over heels in love with that baby bump. Enough so that I’m sitting here in tears as I type, just thinking about holding it, rocking it, watching its little rosebud mouth, touching its downy little head, stroking its smooth flawless baby skin. Tiny fingers, tiny toes, tiny smiles.

What’s not to love??

But loving it and then losing it? God. Pain. And not the good kind.

Covering all of that negative stuff, though? Drowning it all out (for me anyway, probably not so much for Master) is excitement. Joy. Impatience. Happiness.

I’m going to be a grandma! There’s going to be a baby – a tiny extension of my own baby. I never knew emotions like this existed and she hasn’t even had the baby yet! I am already so sucked in, so smitten with what is coming that I have to keep reminding myself to be calm. I’m already giving myself pep talks on how NOT to be a grandma.

I’m shopping for it, of course. She doesn’t know the sex yet, but she’s already got a whole pile of unisex sleepers and blankets and onesies and socks. Come summer time when rummage sales start? I’m going to be a baby shopping FOOL.

I can’t wait to see what kind of grandpa Master will be. Personally, I think he’s going to fall just as much in love as I am as soon as he sees it. Right now, he’s very much removed from the process. But that first toothless slobbery smile aimed at him? Yeah, it’ll be game over.

She is 24 and a half weeks along and I am perfectly fine with being called Grandma. The kids are already calling me that.

Everything will work out because it has to. Because I said so. Because there is no other option.

Baby’s coming whether we’re ready or not.

I think it’s a girl, btw.

Q&A – LaLa Land

can you tell me how you get to lala land while in pain..I try and I try..just cant seem to get there.

I wish I could tell you, I wish (for my own sake, too!) that there was a step by step process that worked for everybody, all the time. Wouldn’t that be sweet?

But there isn’t..lol. What works for me, doesn’t work for another. What they are doing over there? Wouldn’t work for me. What worked for me yesterday will not work for me tomorrow, but might work again next week – if I’m lucky.

It is *such* an individualized process. And it depends on so. many. things. I’ll tell you how it works for me, because maybe there are some commonalities between us that can help you find your way.

First and foremost, it depends on the level and type of energy that’s flowing between him and I. That part really has to be perfect. If there’s anything that’s off, forget it. And the smallest things can throw it off – stress, emotions, moods, feeling rushed, pms, if he’s breathing wrong…

What? I told you it had to perfect and perfect includes perfect breathing!

I think that’s why I prefer having music playing at a rather loud volume. It helps to drown out some of that interference.

Unless he catches me singing along, that is. For some reason that seems to interfere with his mojo. I guess I can see that. I mean, here he is trying to find his rhythm and I’m headbanging and screeching this:

“I am the Astro-Creep
A demolition style
Hell american freak!
Yeeeah!”

Anyway. Yeah. Music can help.

The next thing that is necessary is time. It just isn’t going to happen for me in one of those “wham bam, than you ma’am” 20 minute type playtimes. I need a good hour (at least) of consistent, uninterrupted attention. It takes time for my brain to start releasing those chemicals and for me to get on for the ride.

Which brings me to being *allowed* to get on for the ride. Something that he, more often than not, prefers me not to do. The easiest way to keep me from boarding the train to Never Never Land, is to change up the rhythm too fast, too often and too hard.

Sooo… the way to get me there is to keep it steady and slow, with a *gradual* incease in pain. (Unfortunately, Master and gradual work together like fire and water – meaning, as soon as I’m starting to smolder? He tosses cold water on me. He’s a fucker like that.)

The last thing that will help me get there is to stop. asking. me. questions.

Seriously. Just STFU with the Spanish Inquisition stuff. Don’t ask me how the weather is, don’t ask me what I want to do on Saturday night, don’t ask me what’s for dinner, don’t ask me how my hands are or if I’m having fun or what I want next. Don’t ask me *anything*.

By all means, grab my hair and hiss into my ear what a filthy disgusting pigwhore I am. Grab my face and scream, letting spittle spray over my lips and cheeks while you tell me how badly you’re going to fuck me up. Do ALL of that.

Just don’t expect me to answer. Cuz the very second I have to engage my brain to send a message to my mouth to formulate a response beyond primitive, gutteral moans and grunts? The train is gone, I’ve missed the ride, too bad, so sad.

So there’s my path to LaLa Land: Energy. Shutting off. Time. Consistency. Shutting up.

*reads over the process*

Huh.

No wonder he doesn’t let me go there very often, right? I make it sound all complicated and shit. “The moon has to align with Planet Zircon and the earth has to be tilted toward the sun and the grass has to be exactly one and three-quarter inches long on a Tuesday afternoon.”

It is complicated, though. It’s a lot of work and when he wants to play, usually he just wants to play. He doesn’t want to *work*.

So, we play how he wants to play and lala land tends to remain elusive. I’m not going to say that I don’t like getting to go bye-bye because of course I do enjoy that. But, there is another, very satisfactory emotion that follows knowing that HE is pleased and that I took it/did it exactly his way.

Subspace, or lala land, is nice, but it’s done for me, not for him. Given the choice, I’d choose doing it for him any day.

I don’t say that to try and make myself sound like the uber-altruistic-slave because it’s not like that at all.

There is a greater sense of satisfaction and purpose that comes after his kind of scene, something that just does not occur after my kind of scene. So if you look at it that way, it’s a completely selfish preference. I am not altruistic. No how no way. I get stuff out of it, it just sometimes comes in a roundabout, backwards way.

~cunt

ps. Further evidence of my uber slaveyness–

Last night. We’re in bed, right? I’m tired. I’m literally starting to doze. I’m naked. It’s fucking cold outside of the blankets.

THREE times he pokes me and sends me off on an errand. THREE times, he waited until I was back in bed, snuggled in and warm and right close to drifting off again.

(Okay. So. Maybe three doesn’t seem like a huge number of times now that I’m writing this today. But it FELT like a bunch last night.)

Anywho, I was getting pissed.

And then. THEN! The last time, that third time, after I’d opened my almost-asleep eyes and kind of glared at him a little bit, you know what he said? You know what he had the NERVE to say??

“Doesn’t it suck to be the slave?” and he smiled.

No. I take that back. He didn’t smile. That makes it sound way too pleasant.

He smirked, he grinned, an ear-to-ear, shit-eating grin and gave a lazy, contented sigh and snuggled down in the blankets and flapped his hand at me. Like, “shoo, you lowly-fetchmeshit-slave. You’re dismissed. La-de-da”.

I tell ya, I was boiling. Srsly, he has no idea the self-restraint I have. He sees the glaring and the way I snap the blanket off and stalk out of the room and he’s probably thinking “oh that uppity bitch! why I oughta!” but if he KNEW, if he had ANY IDEA how much I want to, like, kick him and bite the end of his nose and I DON’T? He’d be impressed with my self-control.

Right?

Well. He should be. That’s all I got to say about that!

So anyway, I fetch the shit and I deliver it, and I didn’t even spit in it or anything, and I’m climbing back in bed and I say “I’m not getting up again.”

He’s reading his book and I see him roll his eyes and he mumbles by rote, “Don’t tell me what you’re going to do.” clearly not very interested.

“I mean it!” I say, angrily punch-fluffing my pillow. “If you ask me to get up one more time, I’m taking off my collar and I’m gonna quit being your slave for the night, and we’ll just have to start over in the morning!”

He chortled and peered at me over the top of his book. “You’re gonna quit just for the night, huh?”

I nodded. “Yup.”

He snorted and went back to reading. “Go to sleep, you goofy shit.”

Dismissed again, just like that. Just as ignored as you please.

So. Lily Lloyd? That just goes to show you that sass only gets me sent to bed! Hmmph!

If sass worked to get me beat, it’d be non-stop action round here.

Q&A-5

do you ever have sadistic fantasies?

Yes and no. I fantasize about really elaborate sadistic scenarios, but I imagine myself on the receiving end. Most of them are impossible scenarios though. They defy the laws of physics and human ability.

I especially fantasize about CBT – which, wtf right? I don’t have a cock or balls to torture! Minor details, man, minor details. That’s one of my favorite masturbation fantasies, though. I *love* watching CBT porn and it’s just about the only porn I will watch.

I do not have any desires or fantasies to actually hurt another person. When I first discovered kink I had a relationship with a switch and did a bit of topping, but it just isn’t my thing. That experience is probably why I don’t have those fantasies. I’ve already tried it and didn’t care for it.

I was wondering when and where did you meet your Master?

I always have to carefully think about what year it was that we met because it feels like I’ve known him forever. Let’s see – this year will be our 3rd wedding anniversary and we were together for… shoot.. 3 years(?maybe 2) before we got married. And then we sort of “knew” each other for about 2 years before that.

We first became aware of each other’s presence in a bdsm-themed chat room. But we only chatted there as chat buds because we were both in other relationships at the time. (It’s weird to think back to that time from where we are now. There was no question that we were drawn to each other, but we never once were inappropriate. He was just so much fun to chat with and we bantered back and forth all the time.) Then we fell out of touch with each other because we both took a break from chatting for a while.

In the meantime, those relationships we’d been in had ended though we didn’t know that about the other. I had started chatting again after a few months but he never came back to chat and really, I’d forgotten about him. But he was still in touch with a girl who I chatted with, a girl who was his previous online sub actually, and she decided that we needed to meet. (waves to rinna)

She decided this based mostly on the fact that he and I had the same favorite ice cream…lol. That just cracks me up these days.

Anywho, she pretty much arranged the meeting. It wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a booty call. We were both still stinging from our fairly recent break-ups but he was passing through my area on his travels so we figured why the fuck not? A little pain, a lot of sex, do us both some good, right?

He was supposed to stay one night and he ended up staying the whole weekend before he HAD to leave. When I talked to rinna after he left I was already telling her that I could easily fall in love with that man, and she was all, No! No you don’t! Slow down!

I didn’t listen to her. Two months later we were living together and the rest is in the archives.

When did you have your first (consensual–I don’t want to assume anything) kiss? How did it happen?

I’m assuming you mean between Master and I and not my first kiss ever, right?

Um, that first day that we met, as I said it was meant to be a booty call. So I already knew we were gonna fuck on the first date. I was plenty nervous though, and very insecure, and I’d never even laid eyes on him before, nor he on me, so I was very much worried that we’d not even find each other attractive in the least.

We kind of came up with a “code” for the day we met to indicate to the other after laying eyes on the other, everything was still a go. I mean, it’s not like i was gonna say “Oh hey, yer ugly. See ya later, bye!” right? (Though he’s not ugly. He’s very attractive!)

Because it was all supposed to be dom-sub, he wanted me naked-ish. What we decided to do was this: I’d be naked under a flimsy little robe. (He came to my house, btw. I wasn’t slutting it in public) If he found me attractive, he’d say “So are you going to open that robe for me?” Or something like that, i can’t remember the exact wording. That was my cue that he was still on board with the plan. And if I let the robe fall open to reveal my naked self, that was my cue that I was still on board with the plan.

I know it all sounds so silly now, but we were young then! Young and clueless. Cut us some slack!

So he asked, I let it fall, and he swooped me up into a heart-stopping kiss. Which was the end of the romantic, awww!, stuff for a while. Cuz, then he hurt me and we had raunchy, rotten, nasty sex with lots of slapping and ouchy and degradation.

I was in lurve. *sappy sigh*

What has been the most difficult thing about the change in your relationship from M/s to more ‘nilla-y

I don’t know if this is going to make sense but the hardest thing about it is that it was so easy.

I mean, it’s almost frightening how easily it slipped into what it is. How easily we’ve accepted it, how comfortable it feels, how well we interact – the whole thing. It seems like there should have been a crash and a bang and a fight. But there wasn’t.

What I struggle with the most outside of him and I, is not feeling like I particularly fit in with the bdsm crowd anymore. I think my identity, especially in the online forum, was so wrapped up in posting pictures and recounting scenes and stuff that I almost feel like I’m out of my element these days.

It’s not that anyone has ever made me feel that way, it’s all me and I know that. I guess I don’t feel interesting? And I’m just waiting for someone to say it.

Stupid insecurities. Do we *ever* leave high school??

How many loads do you swallow a week? Of those what is the breakdown: bjs? sex finishes? other? What do you prefer?

I’m going to answer this from a typical time frame and not the present time frame of Master working himself to death. Because for right now and until he gets a day off, any kind of sex is sporatic at best.

Typically, Master orgasms at least once a day, sometimes two, occasionally more than two. But it’s safe to say once or twice per day, so per week anywhere from seven to fourteen times.

I swallow all of them, usually. He rarely doesn’t finish in my mouth. The only time he doesn’t end in my mouth is during period sex or messy anal sex. Otherwise, I think what *makes* him come is the sight of my open mouth waiting for it. (He really likes that. That just tickles me.)

I’d estimate it’s an even mix of blow jobs and sex finishes. Probably slightly leaning toward blow jobs.

I prefer the sex finishes, of course! At least I also get to come then. I don’t do a whole lot of orgasming during a blow job and it IS all about me, you know.

Im curious of when or how you made the transition from just “thinking” like Master’s slave to actually and honestly “feeling” like His slave?

Not without a lot of angst and tears and thinking we’d never get it right, that’s for sure.

I want to say that it started to happen when I stopped trying to turn him into my dream dom and instead, started working to become his dream slave.

Which is way easier than it sounds. I just think that we submissive type come into these relationships with so many preconceived ideas, things we read on this blog or in that forum or this yahoo group. All the ways it should be and how it shouldn’t be, what we should feel, what they should be doing, how it’s done right or wrong -

Just so. much. stuff. So much that isn’t based on reality, or that completely misses the point of who should be in charge. Its not like I think anyone should not have *any* needs or wants because obviously we all come into these relationship because we have needs and wants and we want them filled, right?

The question then, for me, was Can he fill those needs? I was sure he could. Then it was, But will he? And I was sure he would. Then it became Is he going to fill them his way and in his time or am I pushing for it to be done my way and on my time? That was a trickier question to answer, and a rather unflattering answer when I had to admit that I wasn’t letting go and I was still trying to force him to do it my way.

As for how I let go and how I ultimately found peace with it? An every day conscious choice to shut up, listen, do what I’m told, and please him. (That recipe for success courtesy of Kitten)

Do that long enough and it becomes your normal way of being. And it’s SO peaceful.

None of that says I don’t have bad days or moments when I lose it. I certainly do. I had one last night in fact, over a ridiculously silly stupid thing that I insisted I was right about and I just would not let it go.

The work never ends, it just can be easier. There is something profound that happens internally when you start finding pleasure in denying yourself what you think you *need* to have, only to find out that what you really needed was exactly what he gave you – even if that something is sometimes nothing.

~cunt

Q&A-4

Lights on or off when your making love? No kink.

At night they are off more than on, but that’s not a conscious choice to turn them off, we’re just usually in bed and they’re already off. Master is more randy in the morning/early afternoon anyway so it’s generally still light outside.

1: If you could slap one and only one person (not a relative) upside the head and change them, who would it be?

Does my ex count as a relative? I’d like to do more than slap him though.

Oh! Speaking of him – listen to this shit.

So he calls Jes up and has the nerve- THE NERVE- to say to her “That boy who knocked you up better take care of his responsibility with you or I’m gonna kick his ass.”

All I could do was sputter. Srsly. I’m still sputtering. How does someone like him even SAY something like that and NOT have a fucking clue?? Just.. wow. Sputter.

But if the ex still counts as a relative, then I think I’d smack Michael Jackson upside the head. For real. Wtf is he *doing*??

2: If you could be any one person from fiction, who would it be?

Beauty? lol

3: Would you like to be branded? If so, how–red hot poker type or red hot stylus type?

I would not LIKE to be, I just hear that I’m going to be.

I don’t know which I’d prefer. The poker would be faster but hurt more probably. The stylus would be slower but hurt less.

It’s a no-win situation either way. Boo.

4: What’s your favorite non-erotic game (board, computer, xbox, whatever)?

Board games- I love to play Pictionary but no one will ever play with me. I kick ASS at Tribond. We used to play MadGab a lot but we haven’t played it in a while.

I never play video games. Though if I ever come across a super nintendo and the Tetris game we had when the kids were little, I’m buying it.

Computer – I play Freecell and Minesweeper.

5: Why didn’t you ever have children with (by?) Scott?

I had my tubes tied the day I gave birth to Brandon. 3 kids in less than 4 years and I think the doctor was happy to do it. He was tired of seeing me.

A few years ago Master and I kicked around the idea of trying to reverse the tubal. We checked into the cost of the procedure and the chances of it working, but the more he thought about it, the less he wanted to do it.

If it were up to me, I’d have about 5 mini-masters running around already. But his final decision was that there was a reason why he hadn’t had kids before me- He’s just not interested in the whole baby process.

Sometimes I wish he’d have decided differently, but wish in one hand and shit in the other, yanno?

6: How do you keep up with everything on fetlife? I belong to just three groups and am already falling behind/lost track of threads.

Well. I don’t, really. I use that handy “groups following” option to keep track of what I commented on. Here lately I’ve had a lot of extra time to waste over there. With Master gone all day and the kids in school and the weather being shit, there isn’t a whole lot else to do.

But I don’t usually read the new threads unless someone I’m following comments there and their comment sounds interesting. Otherwise, they’re mostly repeated questions anyway.

7: At the end of “The Time Machine” it was noted that the hero took just three books with him back to the future. What three bookis do you think they were or should have been? If you haven’t read it, instead tell us what three books you’d take back to the dawn of civilzation.

I have not read it, so… um.. fuck, Dave! LOL. This is a hard question.

I don’t know. Honestly. All I can think of is taking back the whole Stephanie Plum series and ruining humanity before it even started..lol

8: Do you watch Heroes? if so, what do you think of the current story line?

I do not watch that. What is the current story line? Should I watch it?

9: Of all the sex acts you’ve never done, what one do you most wish you would be able to do?

Anal fisting. I think if I could manage that, then anal sex would be a breeze instead of the pain-filled angsty process it can be now.

(Oh. Hehe! After an anal fisting, I probably would only be “breezing” down there. *snicker*)

10: What was the thing your kids could do (when they were little ones) that would guarentee them getting out of trouble?

Look remorseful. God, I couldn’t stand to be mad at them if they gave me the puppy-dog eyes or acted sorry.

Not that I was a great disciplinarian anyway, but it sure was a lot easier to be strict when they were being butts. Give me a little chin tremble and I was all “awwww! Poor baby. Mommy’s sorry.”

Pfft. They had me so wrapped. They still do.

11: Have you or Scott ever read any of my stories in literotica? If so, what did you think (honest opinions please–as if you could give any others)?

I have. I don’t know if Master has (I dont think so). They were good as far as literotica goes. You know I’m not an uber-fan of literotica so I’m a harsh critic. But I seem to remember that it flowed well and it sounded believable (which is what I hate most about literotica), so yeah, good job.

12: What’s the longest you’ve gone without sex of any kind?

Including masturbation? Gosh.. a week? Maybe.

13: After chocolate, what’s your favorite food?

Chicken fetuccini alfredo with broccoli and tomatoes. MMmmmmMMMMmmmm!

Are you embarrassed by anything that turns you on?

Yes I am.

if so, what?

Well I can’t tell you! Its embarrassing!

But I did promise to answer anything…

I am (still) embarrassed by being turned on from being humiliated and degraded. And to be honest, the longer Master and I are together and the more we connect on a vanilla level and work together as parents and partners – the more embarrassed I get.

It can take me days to work back up to being able to look him in the eye and talk to him about every day things. I very much wish to hide.

Do you actually use the laundry soap that you had in a previous post?

Yes! The only time that I have bought store laundry soap since last summer was the week we moved here. I was out of my homemade stuff and hadn’t unpacked the supplies to make new.

I can’t even figure out how much I’ve saved. I’m still on that first box of Borax and I just used the last of that first box of washing powder – and that’s ALL I have spent on laundry soap for what? 9 months or so? Less than $10 in 9 months and I have 3 teenagers. That’s HUGE!

So, my problem right now is finding that washing powder up here. It’s not in any of the stores I’ve been in so far. But if I have to, I’ll order it off the internet. No way am I going back to buying laundry detergent!

(Anyone have recipes for dishwasher soap? )

Can we ask another question if we think of it later?

Why yes you can! Email (kaya at underhishand.com) or ask in the comments.

Q&A-3 and then some.

(I’m super creative with the titles, huh? )

What are your favorite types of books to read? I know your selection is slightly limited, but not so much that there isn’t variety (I’m assuming).

Definitely horror fiction. Stephen King, Dean Koontz. I like John Grisham, too, but sometimes the law detail gets tedious. Almost anything long that will take me more than a day to finish, but I cannot get into things like Little Women or anything set back in that time period or very flowery-ish. I also won’t waste my time trying to plow through the supposed literary greats, like The Odyssey or Shakespeare.

Have I explained the “Rule of Ages and Pages”? No? Well come on then!

When you’re starting a new book and you’re having trouble getting into it, you read the number of pages that equals one hundred minus your age before you decide it’s too boring to finish. So I have to read 62 pages (100-38=62) before I can give up on a book.

An elderly lady I used to care for who loved to read explained this rule to me. She had to read something like 10 pages..lol. She said the older you get, the less time you have to waste on trying to muddle through a boring read. She was a darling.

Any Stephen King you haven’t read? Which is your favorite? (He’s my favorite author, too).

I have not read that tower series (whatever it’s called). I’ve tried to, on a couple of different occasions, but it seems to be much closer to science fiction than I like (I hate science fiction. Master loves it. My biggest fear is that he’s going to start making me read his books. Blugh.).

I haven’t read the non-fiction books he published either. And I thought this last book of short stories he put out was crap.

My favorite by him is The Stand, for sure. The Talisman, It, The Shining – I hate his movies though. HATE them.

I’m turning the kids into little Stephen King groupies, too. Jes read The Stand a few weeks ago. B-man is reading Night Shift right now and Am just finished it. She didn’t like Salem’s Lot though, which surprised me because she’s all into vampire books. But Salem’s Lot is a far cry different than Twilight..lol

Any parenting regrets? Things that, if you could turn back time, you’d do differently?

Only about a million. Some big, some little.

On good days I can tell myself that everything that has happened has shaped who they are today and I love who they are today.

On bad days I tell myself that everything that has happened has shaped who they are today and it’s all my fault they are who they are.

Mommy-guilt is a constant presence in my life. I love my kids but I’ve made lots of mistakes. Lots.

What’s your favorite thing to grow in a garden?

Cucumbers and squash and tomotoes and green beans top the list. Probably because they are hardy and easy to grow and you get a lot of return for your effort.

Carrots and onions are in the middle. Carrots are difficult. I never thin them out enough because it seems like I’m picking all of the seedlings out and then I get impatient and pull them up too soon because I can’t see what they’re doing under there! Same with onions really, though last year I got a lot of onions and they stored really well and we used them for a long time.

Lettuce is at the bottom. I haven’t yet found a seed for lettuce that I really like, it grows like *crazy*, and a lot of it goes to waste because I don’t want to eat lettuce 200 times a day. My kids like salads but only iceberg lettuce and this stuff we grow is leafy lettuce – which gets bitter if you don’t pick it at the right time and eat it right away and blah blah blah.

I want to add broccoli and cauliflower this year. I’d like to try potatoes but I hear so many conflicting opinions on whether or not it’s worth the time and garden space for what little you get. And I really wanna do corn but I’m not sure the growing season is long enough up here.

Thanks!

~~*~~

Well, Master is working this weekend again. This is like, day 14 in a row of 12 to 14 hour days. I hate that he’s working so hard. Poor guy is exhausted.

Today, I have to go into town. Am has some birthday money and she wants to get her tongue pierced. I had mine done and – it hurt. But I’m not having any luck discouraging her from doing it. She said it can’t hurt any worse than getting her industrial done and I’ve never had one of those so I don’t know. She’s a nut.

Jes wants to get a haircut. Oh man – Jes was away for about two weeks, she came home last night and she went from having a cute little tummy bump to looking like an unmistakenly pregnant girl. I’m suspicious of her due date now. (One of the questions was for a new picture so I’ll try and get one today)

Mostly I’m going in to go to the grocery store. Master’s bringing his crew back here for dinner after work tonight and I don’t have nearly enough food for them. He had them over one night last week, too.

The good news is they won’t stay late. They are all burned out on working so much so they’ll eat, sit at the table and drink a couple of beers, fart, and head back to their hotels. (Good times. Srsly. Men, beer and farting while I wash dishes. Slave much?)

Cooking for 7 or 8 oversized, hungry, hard working men-folk makes me hella nervous. I’m already jittering. He invites them over because they are all here doing what he used to do: traveling. They’ve been in Michigan for a couple of weeks now and it’s hotel rooms and eating fast food for 3 meals a day. He hated it when he had to do it so he seems to think they appreciate a home-cooked meal and a chance to sit and yak outside of working.

Personally, I’d rather eat out than eat my cooking, but what do I know?

Anyway, when they were here last week, I had mentioned to one of the guys that I found a new recipe for chicken enchiladas but that it was way more complicated than the enchilada dish I usually hauled into the shop for them. So of course that’s what he wants to have.

Oy vey. I better get busy. Ain’t accomplishing shit sitting on my ass right here!

Recipe behind the cut if anyone is interested. Any suggestions for what to serve with it??

Read more »

Q&A

Well, not surprisingly the most popular question from you weirdos is about pubic hair.

I knew I loved you all for a reason.

(Chloe – I think of you in the shower, too. *waggles eyebrows*)

Alright, the “status of Sascrotch” isssss –

——-

*pause for dramatic effect*

——–

*cue suspenseful-type music*

——-

Sascrotch is sascrotch-y.

He’s still not letting me shave “down there” (*blush*. I am such a prude these days). You know it’s been since last JULY??? That’s (quick finger count) coming up on 9 months! I could have grown an entire human being in that time – instead I’ve grown an entire bush!

I’m not sure he ever will let me shave at this point. I’m also not sure that he’s still planning on any evil hair removal methods either. It seems to me that having it to pull amuses him far too much.

And can I just say that pubic hair pulling is NOT my idea of erotic pain? I just want to get that out there. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

What I don’t hate? Not having to shave. Gawd. I seriously do not miss the hassle of shaving *at all*. No razor burn, no icky red bumps, no itching. It’s shower with no muss-no fuss. I’m quite used to the hair so I don’t even think about it anymore. No more “oh-em-gee! I’m so hairy and grrrrossss! wah!” Nope. None of that.

Now if I could just figure out a way to keep his fist out of it, I’d be all good. (out of the hair, not out of *there* completely. I rather like his fist in some parts. )

And as for the armpits and legs, he let me shave those ages ago. It was nasty, that first shave? Looked like Furby exploded in the shower stall. I kid you not. But it was glorious when I was finished and had lotioned up. I felt all smooooove and sexeh.

What I got out of the whole no-shaving experience was a complete and utter end to my body hair obsession. I used to shave almost every day; legs, pits, pubes, every day, unless there were extenuating circumstances that prevented me from it. And on those days that I couldn’t, I’d stress over it. I’d be all “ew! don’t touch me, I’m yucky-prickles!” I’d be self-conscious about having sex and try to beg out of it, I’d not want to get undressed in front of him, I’d keep my distance like I’d just stepped out of a sewer tank or something.

But I found out that he is still attracted to me, even when I look like Chewbacca’s sister. He still wanted to touch me and rub on me and fuck me. The world of sex did not crash because I have body hair. Who’da thunk it?

Of course now I’m all, meh, maybe I’ll shave, maybe I won’t, 2 or 3 days go by… I am teh lazy shaving bitch. No doubt there are some days when he wants to rub all up in my business and his skin is abraded by my prickles. *beams*

This concludes our public service announcement about kaya’s pubes.

~~*~~

Why for you haven’t come to see me yet?

Because Master is selfish and won’t share me with you.

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

Give free blow jobs. Srsly. Chocolate and ice cream?? Together? Yeah, no question. Blow job. *nods*

Why the name Kaya?

That came from my personal bible, the book “The Girl in the Box”. It’s a true crime book with all kinds of deviance and s&m and stuff, and in the book, the perpetrator calls his victim by a single letter (an idea he stole from The Story of O, btw). Her letter was “K”.

I wanted to use “K” as my chat name one day in this bdsm chatroom but it wouldn’t accept a single letter as a nick. I tried “kay” but that nick was already taken, so on a whim (and cuz I wanted to freakin’ chat, dammit) I slappedn an “a” on the end of “kay”, it took the nick and I got to chat. So I kept it.

I’d never heard the word kaya before, didn’t know it *was* a word until people started making references to me about pot and being a stoner. I was all like, wtf? Do I *talk* like I’m baked? Whaddup with that?

Well, apparently, this is whaddup. Hee.

Oh well. Now I hear the name quite a bit. I guess it’s like when you buy a car and suddenly everyone has the same car? Yeah. Like that.

~~*~~

Why do none of the picture links work on your old entries?

I assume you mean on the way way old entries? Because I think they all are working from a certain date forward (unless I’m wrong and I need to go back and see what’s what).

When I very first started journaling, I had a tiny little website on some seriously worthless hosting site and was uploading pictures there and hotlinking them to my livejournal account.

It seems like livejournal was either not hosting pictures then, or I didnt know they were or something. There was some reason why I had things split like that but I don’t remember what it was.

Anyway, that website was nothing but problems so we gave up on it and shortly after that, I started loading pictures on livejournal but I never went back and fixed all of the older entries. I think I started to once, but it was too hard to remember what picture I had been talking about as nothing was labelled. It was just a lot of hassle and time spent online that Master didn’t think was necessary (he was way stricter with my computer time then than he is lately), so he basically told me to leave it alone.

Now, even if I wanted to go back and plug the pictures in, I couldn’t. Those old pictures were several computer crashes ago and we really suck at backing up our files. I might have a cd of that old stuff somewhere, but I’d not have a clue what picture was supposed to be with what entry.

And in that same vein:

Why the numbers as titles for your posts? I guess i saw this mostly in the 2005-2006 archive. Is it just a weird format change when you switched platforms, or is it some sort of code?

Those numbered posts are all of the posts I’d made on livejournal that I didn’t title. When I moved from livejournal to wordpress and imported all the entries, it assigned the untitled posts these weird random numbers.

I *sucked* at titling and tagging my entries (I still suck at tagging them). I am the unorganized blogger.

~~*~~

If a fat girl falls in the forest and there is no one there to see it, do the trees laugh??

Yes. *nods*. It is always funny when the fat person falls down. Years of successful sitcoms can’t be wrong!

~~*~~

I know I’m answering out of order. I jump around. Sorry! I’ll do more tomorrow, I have a lunch date with a friend today! I has a friend. She’s a pervert, too. It’s gonna be fun.

(ask your March questions here)

Crying over you

I wanted to make a poll – but it involved wordpress plugins and widgets and shit like that, which really really baffle me, and I feel guilty bugging other people to do these things for me when they’ve tried to tell me how to do it myself a hundred times or more and I still don’t get it. (run on sentence anyone?)

So, forget the nifty little poll with the cute little buttons to click (*pout*). I’ll just ask a question.

Does crying signify the end of a scene, or is it just the beginning?

Mr. CrankyPants

Master is some kind of cranky today, and, for a change, it’s not ME he’s cranky with.

It’s nobody that I can figure. Male version of pms, I think. (and isn’t it the strangest coincidence that man-pms comes directly after girl-pms has finished?? Weird, idn’t it? )

So anyway, I’m trying to just stay outta the way and keep my head down (dk will get that one).

It’s hard though because I feed off of his moods and it’s difficult to remain my usual happy-go-lucky self (shut up! I am too happy! GRRR!) and not become just as cranky as he is.

How do you all handle cranky-ass dominants? I mean, the vanilla wifey part of me is sitting here thinking “what the FUCK is your problem?? Jeeeeezus, man.” Were I on an equal level I might advise him to go take a nappy-poo.

(by the time he reads this he won’t be cranky anymore and he will just laugh and laugh and laugh at ‘nappy-poo’. I hope. Are you laughing Master? Hahaha?

I love you. *sweet smile*)

This would be a good day to have a job to go to.