I realize that there are two sides to every story, and that probably the book leaves a lot of the truth out. I once had some information about this story sent to me but my computer crashed before I could read it and I haven’t bothered trying to get it again. Because, in all honesty, it doesn’t change my basic attraction to the book. Not really.

It doesn’t matter if it was consensual or not, at least not to me. I’m sure it mattered a great deal to the man on trial! But however it actually happened between the parties, none of it changes the methods and details. And that’s where my interest lies.

One part of the book lists the steps, or techniques most often used to “break” or coerce a person into a desired behavior pattern and giving up any overt resistance. I have an extreme interest in this sort of brainwashing. Consensual slavery, or willfully giving up resistance, is NOT the same thing, in my opinion.

Within the dynamics of choosing not to resist, choosing to obey, choosing to submit, we have what I’ll call “slavery-lite”. When you delve into the process of coersion, or brainwashing, the choice to submit is erased. There is no choice because there is no other conceivable alternative but to submit.

In certain circles it’s referred to as Internal Enslavement. Which is possibly a nicer way of saying brainwashed.

Brainwashed is defined as “Intensive, forcible indoctrination, [...] aimed at destroying a person’s basic convictions and attitudes and replacing them with an alternative set of fixed beliefs.” So it’s not, to me, a matter of choice. It’s not that I would choose to obey because I’m a consensual slave, but that I would choose to obey because it would cease occuring to me not to. Whether born out of fear, which seems to be one of the most oft-used methods of brainwashing and coersion, the outcome is pretty intense.

The techniques, or steps, to brainwashing are listed as follows, defined by the expert psychologist hired for the case:

1. Sudden, unexpected abduction, followed by isolation. Refuse to answer questions, place them in a cell-like environment, remove their clothes and begin the process of humiliation and degradation.

2. Physically and sexually abuse the person to expose the level of their vulnerability.

3. Remove normal daylight patterns. Keep them in an all-dark or all-light environment. Removing that normal sequence is very disorienting.

4. Destroy the person’s sense of privacy. Be present during urination, defecation, menstruation. Control the when and how.

5. Control and reduce food and water. Foster extreme dependence. Enforce a sense of gratitude from the person for the food and water by random bouts of extreme denial (let them believe they would die without your mercy).

6. Punish with no apparent rhyme or reason.

7. Require that the person ask for permission for anything or any behavior.

8. Establish a pattern of sexual and physical abuse. This cements to the person that this is they way things will be from now on.

9. Continued and extreme isolation. Reduce the person’s world to one source of any information. You become their only point of contact.

10. Present a model or goal of future behavior of how to please you.

11. Threaten the person’s loved ones with a similar fate should the person fail to comply.

12. Threaten to sell the person to someone even worse than yourself.

13. Continue to beat and torture at irregular intervals.

14. Irrelevent leniancy. Allow small privileges for no reason, creating confusion and making the person plaint.

15. Get it in writing. Create contracts and confessions that the person must sign.

16. Make yourself seem omnipresent. Incorportate new behavior goals with tiny steps of freedom, but appear “out of nowhere” to eliminate any lingering sense of not being watched, or of ever being alone. Make the person believe you are everywhere and nowhere and that no place is safe from you.

And that’s it in a nutshell. 16 easy steps to ownership. ;-)

Obviously, if attempting to apply those to myself, several of them are impossible. Along with wanting to experience the levels of internal enslavement, also comes a desire not to be in jail on Master’s part. So there will be no abductions, there will be no threats made to my loved ones. And until the kids are firmly established as independent adults, a lot of that list is impossible anyway. But having the basic steps allows for modification. And my extreme interest and cooperaton will, I think, make it even easier, rendering a lot of those steps as unnecessary anyway.

More and more often I come to the conclusion that I am not a submissive. I have never wanted to submit.

I am a masochist. I want to be conquered. As I find myself unable to relate to submissives in many ways, and unable to understand the submissive desires, I’m beginning to accept that I’m a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. I don’t know that I have a submissive bone in my body. I don’t “get” the spiritual posts that I read from other submissives. They baffle me, to be honest. Well, they bore me actually. Mean as that may sound, it’s the truth.

I’m not about spiritual submission I guess. I’m about being beaten. Mentally and physically.

Masochism: The condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation.
Gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one’s own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.

I’m not seeing any spirituality in that definition. Nor can I combine methods of pain used to reach spiritual pinnacles with that definition.

I dunno. I’m way, way out of time anyway and I’m not sure where I’m headed with the rest of this. Maybe I can pick it back up later.

~cunt