Seriously?

Okay. Y’all are kinda freakin’ me out with the whole woman-president thing.

PMS is a funny thing for women, don’tcha think? It’s okay, cool even in some female circles, to use it as a license to be a raving bitch once a month, up until someone points out that pms is the cause of being a bitch, at which point the voices rise up and get all defensive about NOT having pms.

Whatever. I realize not ALL women have pms. But pms affects *enough* women that it’s commonly known around the globe to be a very real syndrome with very real consequences to women’s lives.

Do I really think pms is the sole reason not to have a female president? No. Not entirely. Being a pms sufferer I *do* give it a more than a passing thought, but being that I’m not entirely ignorant, I accept that it’s not a valid reason on it’s own.

I also give thought to the fact that women, in some cultures, are not seen as equals. I do give thought to some cultures not recognizing a female president of the US as having power, I can imagine that woman not being taken seriously or given the respect that a president would need when dealing with foreign countries. But again, I also know that other countries have had female leaders and it’s been fine.

So those are two things that give me reason to hesitate with a resounding woman’s lib cry of YES! GIRL POWER!

But my main reason for not wanting a woman president is pretty simple, and entirely personal and completely based upon my own opinion, how I see the world, and more importantly, my ingrained belief in male superiority.

I’m not one of those submissive females who is subservient and also a feminist. At least, not a hardcore feminist. Nor am I submissive because I think all women should be submissive, or because the bible said so, or because I think women are weak and/or stupid.

But I DO see men as powerful. I am subservient to men in general because they represent - *to me* – superiority. Strength. Control. Power.

I do NOT see women in that light. I never have. I’m a firm believer in the old-fashioned way of doing things, of having the man be the head of the household and the little wifey quietly behind him. It’s my opinion that men are leaders and women, largely, are not.

Which is not to say that women *can’t* be. But you asked my opinion on something, and I’m giving it. In MY mind, in my world, women are not dominant, men are. Women are not powerful, men are. Women are not authority figures, men are. So would *I* want a woman as the president?

No. I would not.

Make up your own title. I’m too lazy.

I can’t top last year’s Valentine’s Day post and since I still feel the same way, I’ll just be lazy and link to it.

I’ve been thinking on the comments that are still coming in on the last post. MJ’s slave said that I have the best discussions, but the truth is, without all of you taking the time to comment and participate, I’d just be talking to the wall. So thank you for speaking up.

It can be hard for me to reply to the comments all the time. I don’t think I need to explain all about time and chores and other responsibilities and such. We all understand that life isn’t lived here at the monitor (cuz if I did, my ass would be blistered. Which, really, is awfully tempting considering the current dry spell. Oh resist the temptation, self. Master is not appreciative of that sort of manipulation!)

Anyway, so one of the things that I really love about all of you is that you don’t wait for me to carry on the discussion. You respond to other comments and you seem to be wonderfully polite in disagreeing when you need to. Most of you don’t seem to mind that you’re using “my place” to talk without me. I love that. Sometimes, especially on LJ, I’d get a comment apologizing for monopolizing “my place” to carry on a comment-discussion, but I never cared about it. I always read, and even if I can’t participate, I still feel involved just by reading.

So! Since I can’t give each comment it’s proper reply, I’m going to pull some stuff out here that I think bears further thought. It all deserves more attention but take that up with the Boss Man. Y’all are far enough away that you can do that in relative safety.

Admittedly without all of the background information on a couple, it’s impossible to make a determined judgment on the questions I asked. I agree that for some, it is simply going to be a matter of time and experience, and that in the initial stages of just getting your feet wet with the whole D/s dynamic, mistakes will pile upon mistakes. I think those of us who make it out on the other side expect those mistakes to happen and don’t see a mistake as the closing chapter. When it merely becomes another learning opportunity, your chances for success rise exponentially.

Maybe it just comes with age or wisdom, the realization that nothing in life is easy, and if you want something bad enough, you fight for it. I do think that Doms and subs alike step into this relationship with stars in their eyes, and visions of floggers and blow jobs dancing in their heads, find out that it rarely works that way, or if it does it’s accompanied by many periods of crap, give up and move on to the next “my O/one” who sounds so perfect on MSN, only to find the exact same problems following them from relationship to relationship.

The grass may always look greener on the other side, but those of us who fell for that generally found out that it’s only greener because it has shit smeared in it.

Though that in itself can be a tight line to walk too. At exactly what point DO you give up on a relationship that is not meeting your needs?

Some days, I am so incredibly grateful to have Master.

I’m getting sidetracked.

One comment contained a quote from luna_lux that made me think. She said: “i read something a while ago about the difference between “agreement” and “submission”. if i agree that everything that’s done to me is erotic and comfortable and makes me happy, then i am not submitting, i am *agreeing* to obey. i submit when i comply and obey and am forced to do things that i am not in agreement with. ”

That’s probably why there is a trend among submissives to begin to feel un-owned. To think that the leash has been let go when in truth nothing has changed. When the rules become commonplace and the service is routine and the play is repetitive… what was once edgy becomes standard.

ADL’s. Activities of Daily Living: The things we normally do in daily living including any daily activity we perform for self-care (such as feeding ourselves, bathing, dressing, grooming), work, homemaking, and leisure. The ability or inability to perform ADLs can be used as a very practical measure of ability/disability in many disorders. (from MedTerms.com)

ADS’s. Activities of Daily Submission: The things we normally do in daily living, including any daily activity we perform in service or worship (such as sexual favors, s&m participation, maid duties, serving) for our Owners. The ability or inability to perform ADS’s can be used as a practical measure of contentment/happiness in many submissives. (from me)

How often, and how quickly, do those ADS’s become that “agreeable, erotic, comfortable and make me happy” routine that fails to stimulate the submissive’s nature. The need and hunger and ache that attracted a submissive to submission in the first place? And how hard do they then start begging, asking and pushing for more? Desperate to feel this: “i submit when i comply and obey and am forced to do things that i am not in agreement with.”

Desperate to feel submission, and not simple agreement.

And how hard will a Dom fight that? Fighting the ever-popular ‘topping from the bottom’, resistant to giving a submissive what feeds her. Determined not to be manipulated or led or coerced into changing the rules he likes, unwilling to up the ante purely for the submissive’s sake.

Or maybe he is willing to placate her desires and lays down things he cares nothing about. A quick fix for a big problem, a rule list that not even SuperDom could police. The submissive becomes another full time job that he can’t keep up with, and worse, his disinterest creates doubt and fear in her, making the “reward” that he should get a non-existent prize.

What a negative and vicious cycle that is. And neither of them with any ill-intent at all, I’d bet. I can confidently say that because I’ve been in it. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

What’s the answer? Fuck if I know. Maybe there isn’t one. Maybe it is always this ever-changing cycle that sometimes feeds itself and sometimes feeds on you and sometimes starves away to nothingness. Maybe it is a forever quest for answers that don’t exist.

I know that I am currently in a period of “everything that’s done to me is erotic and comfortable and makes me happy”. I know that it’s wearing thin. I know that Master, currently, is pretty happy with this easy sort of submission and quiet service. I know that he does not expect, nor will he tolerate, any antics on my part to raise the bar. I know that I’m beginning to feel… empty and colorless.

I guess in some sick and twisted way, this comfortable and happy submission will turn hateful and black and difficult, which should then fit the bill of “submission” based on the definition of it being “forced to do things that i am not in agreement with”.

Except, no matter how much one tries, it never seems to work that way, does it?

*sigh*

This was so NOT what I set out to post. I had every intention of highlighting pieces of the previous comments that I wanted to discuss more, and instead I went off on a tangent. Now time is running out and I can’t even finish one thought at all.

Bah.

Well, maybe tomorrow.

~cunt

Opinions?

So… I have a question.

Let’s say you have a Dom and a sub. (not us, and not anyone I read regularly. this is just a process of thought after reading a message board posting a few days ago.)

The Dom is a “waffler”. Waffler is my term for someone who, well, who ‘waffles’; on rules, tasks, chores.. whatever. They’re easily talked out of a punishment or cave in to the sub’s arguments. You know what I mean, right?

Good.

Actually I’m going to turn this into two questions.

The first question is this: Which of the two has the burden of responsibility to fix that? Does the Dom need to “step up” and behave like a dominant or is the sub in the wrong for trying to negotiate/weasel in the first place?

Logically, it’s both, right? Both people need to step into their “roles”. But, gosh, I’m always one to look to the Dom for fixing the wrongs in a D/s relationship. Of course the sub can, and should, actually BE submissive, but if the Dom consistently waffles, is the sub fighting a losing battle anyway?

Which brings up the next question.

If a Dom *does* consistently waffle, or is just lazy about the act of dominance, if it’s easier to give in than to stand strong, or whatever… do you think the Dom is hiding, or in denial about, a submissive nature?

A submissive in Dom’s clothing.

That kinda makes sense to me, when this sort of interaction is more the norm in a relationship than not. That the two in question need to switch roles. It’s almost as if they’re denying their true inclinations, because, doesn’t it seem like submissive behavior if the Dom constantly caves in to the submissive’s prettied-up demands?

Or, maybe it’s just become habit, or tiresome, for the Dom to always have to fight to get that submission. I can see that too. But that defeatist attitude isn’t very domly-like either. That’s submitting to your submissive.

Hm.

Whatcha think?

Recommended Reading

I’m doing some Amazon shopping today. I’m asking for suggestions on BDSM themed reading.

Anything from how-to’s on s&m practices and bondage to erotic stories to domestic discipline to Dominant or slave manuals to Surrendered Wife stuff. What have you read, what do you recommend, what do you suggest NOT to buy?

~cunt

ps. Why is the second book of the Marketplace series selling for $70.00 when the rest of the series is about $6.00? Is it THAT good of a book??

Question for the farmers.

I’m extremely attracted to the idea of having my breasts hooked up to a milking machine.

Not a breast pump, nothing designed for humans.

It’s not even about the breast milk as neither Master nor myself want the milk for any reason. It’s more about forcing my body to do something. Forced lactation, yes, but not in any sensuous, erotic way. I want to be tied down, hooked up, and drained.

The problem is we are not farmers. I’ve never so much as laid eyes on a cow milking machine. I don’t even know if the suction of a standard milking machine is sufficient enough to cause pain or discomfort, or if it’s no stronger than your typical breast pump.

So that’s my question for the dairy farmers. What is the reality of hooking my breast up to a cow milking machine? And.. does anyone have any videos of it? I found the picture above, which is weird with the four breasts.. but still makes me twitch.

And then there is this:

From a gallery at Device Bondage. (In fact, if you follow that link and watch the free trailer, there is one quick scene where it looks like she’s being shocked with something.)

Everytime Master and I walk through the local farm supply shop (which is an excellent source of pervy toys, btw), I have to drag him away from the cattle prod section. He wants one. BAD. I do not want one, just as badly.

Of course it scares me. I just don’t have anything in my past s&m experience to compare it to. I know that the prods are used on people, and apparently safely used as the videos I’ve watched haven’t been snuff films. But… still.. the thought of it makes my stomach flop inside out and I think I might pee my panties.

Which is precisely why, when I’m deep in one of those dark fantasies with my hands stuffed down my britches, it’s this cattle prod that’s lurking on the edges.

I know he’ll get it. Someday. I know he’ll use it on me. Someday. What I *don’t* know is when. Tomorrow? Next month? Next year? They’re affordable too, which lessens my chances of avoiding it forever. They’re about $20-$50.

So, anyone have that experience? Someone? Please?

And last, here’s a free video for you. Not of me! From Wasteland.com. It’s not all that “extreme” as far as my tastes in bdsm porn go, but something about the man’s locked on neck chain while he dominates the girl perturbs me.

I’m well informed of switches and such, but.. I don’t know. I don’t think I could submit, even for one scene, to a man wearing such a visible symbol of submission to someone else. It would completely fuck with my perception. And I’m not saying he is a slave or whatever, he may just find the chain to be really neat-o fetish wear. But for me, in my world, having that chain padlocked around MY neck is pretty symbolic.

Weird.

~cunt

What say you?

“slaves cannot meaningfully consent since they have no veto.”

(yanked from a TSR thread, in a comment by Tanos.)

That line keeps rolling around in my head, like there is something of great importance attached to it.

If one doesn’t have the power to refuse, then they also never had the power to accept.

This seems to blow the whole concept of “consent” right out of the water.

My brain has siezed. Any thoughts?

Annoying the world, one offense at a time.

So I think we’ve all read this by now “Pet” girl kicked off bus for wearing leash. I’m seeing it linked just about everywhere.

It was an amusing little story, and my sympathies initially went with the couple in question. Certainly they weren’t breaking any laws or doing anything that called for that sort of reaction from the bus driver.

I think the driver had a big ol’ bowl of bitchflakes for breakfast that morning.

The girl, the pet of the couple, is quoted in the story as saying “”I am a pet [...] It might seem strange but it makes us both happy. It’s my culture and my choice. It isn’t hurting anyone.”

So it’s not hurting anyone. And it is their choice. I would be completely outraged had someone walked into their home and said the things that the bus driver said. But, they brought it public. They took it outside their home. Do the same rules of tolerance apply?

I’m strongly opposed to PDK’s (public displays of kink). I think kink belongs in your home, not in Wal-mart or the Chinese buffet line. When I go out in public, I expect a modicum of appropriate behavior, from myself and everyone else.

I don’t necessarily think that this couple stepped over that line, at least not in any blatantly disrespectful way. Especially in this day and age where “goth wear” typically includes spiked collars and chains dangling from various places. I’m so accustomed to seeing goth styles that I don’t even suspect a person is into kink if I see a collar or a leash. I actually tend to look for more subtle clues these days. That flaunting style, in my opinion, rules out a serious interest in kink. (which is my opinion only. I think people who flaunt are making up for some other insecurity perhaps. But thats another entry.)

That’s why there are events and get-togethers, you know? There are appropriate places to let it all hang out and show off your interest in bdsm.

This couple wants to play Owner and pet. That’s wonderful. Who doesn’t? Yet, they clearly suspend the “play” when they have to. The “pet” was walking on two feet, wearing clothes, and was quoted with an articulate response in the newspaper. She wasn’t listed as saying “Arf! Arf!” (or whatever animal she’s playing) so why can’t they also suspend the roleplaying and leave the leash off when they get on the bus? People do outrageous things precisely to get that sort of shocked reaction and then whine when they get it.

But culture and choice is her defense. Fine. There are cultures where nudity is the choice but they wouldn’t be allowed on the bus either. What if the next person chooses to wear his adult Huggies, his baby bonnet, and suck on his “mommy’s” breast?

Where do you draw the line for public exposure? When did the public consent to being pulled into *your* kink?

la-di-da

Some think that what I do here is distasteful. That it shows lack of dignity.

Some think that I should treasure these intimate details like a rare jewel, tucked securely in a cushion of velvet.

Some think they are better, fancy themselves more refined than I, merely because they aren’t tasked with sharing these private moments.

So I ask them, if your Master did order it, could you? Could you swallow your pride, tamp down that huge, over-inflated ego of yours, and bare yourself?

These moments, these “gems”, are not mine to hoard. I don’t own them. The one who does own them sees no use of them being stuffed away in a pretty jewelry box on a dusty shelf. The approval that I seek I see in his eyes when he views how I’ve put my own modesty aside and done what is asked. A not-so-easy task, and if you doubt that, let’s see you do it. You take far too much pride in the easy things you do. I find *that* way more shameful than my acquiescence.

 Perhaps I’m the one who has it backward, but it seems to me that when it comes to admirable qualities in submission, obedience ranks far above priggishness. As a reflection of your owner, you should be ashamed of *yourself*.

 As for vulgar? Honey, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

“The courage to wonder about other life-perspectives than presently held, unprovoked by people and circumstances, especially when they may contradict lifelong convictions, takes not only a spiritual giant with a child’s curiosity, but a blazing desire for more of everything life has to offer.”

~The Universe

Babbles part 2.

(This is further thought on the possibility of M/s with children and careers that I talked about in the last half of this post.)

I’ve been trying to come up with another, better, way to explain what I meant in that other post. Because it seemed like people were thinking I meant that M/s isn’t possible *at all*, or that there is some book of guidelines somewhere. Which is silly, of course, because there are no guidelines except your own. The intimate details of what you and your partner define your relationship by are your own.

But I tend to separate the descriptive terms of ‘Master and slave’ from the process of internalizing enslavement. And that’s where I think the confusion is.

I wholeheartedly agree that being someone’s slave is accomplished merely by being, and doing, whatever it is that your Master wishes. I am not a slave fit for anyone other than my own Master, just as none of you would fit with him. He’s made me be what HE wants, and by the very basic definition of ownership, we’re Master and slave. In someone else’s opinion, I’m not a slave at all. I may not even fit their expectation of a submissive, let alone a slave. But none of that matters a whit to us because we fit each other.

I don’t think it’s defined by how much pain you can take, or by whether or not you’re online or living together, sharing a marriage bed or kept in a kennel, or any of the other fine, minute details of how you do it.

I also think that any of us who truly are dedicated to pleasing our Masters, and who have Masters dedicated to owning us, take what we do very seriously, give it our all (mostly) every day, take pride in our roles and find extreme joy and pleasure (usually) in it.

But I don’t think *any* of that is the same thing as internalizing slavery. I think that internalizing things is not easy, it is a long process and certain things can not only hamper that process but make it entirely impossible, no matter how strong your dedication is.

About the only analogy that I can compare it to is the institutionalization that occurs to prisoners. A lot of people want to deny the existence and validity of the internalization of slavery, but it’s pretty hard to deny the validity of institutionalization, I’d think.

So let’s operate under the assumption that institutionalization is real, it is a long-term psychological “trauma”. Prisoners come to a place, mentally, where they are unable to function in society (or believe they cannot). They’ve internalized the values and modes of prison life and behavior as “normal”. What lies outside this new “norm” is fearful, terrifying, unwanted. So much so that they go to lengths to not have to leave. Committing new crimes to get back to what is their comfort zone, among other things (we’ve all seen The Shawshank Redemption? Remember Brooks?)

So if we can agree that institutionalization is a real affliction, we should also be able to agree that there are certain instances where institutionalization probably *could not* happen.

It probably is not going to happen if you are doing a 30-day stint in the county jail for unpaid parking tickets.

It probably is not going to happen if you are under house-arrest.

It probably is not going to happen if you are doing 1-3 for tax evasion.

It’s also unlikely to happen if, while in prison, even long-term, the prisoner is allowed access to things and activities that combat the psychological break-down that creates institutionalization. Getting an education, working, contact with family and friends, interactions, conversations that stimulate the mind, being prepared for civilian life. If you never completely remove the intricacies of civilian life, I’m not sure how one could completely lose touch with it.

We agree? Yay! I knew you would.

I don’t think that M/s is on par with being in prison. But I do think the internalization process is similar. I think that internalizing a new norm, new behaviors, new concepts, all of those things are more *difficult*, if not impossible, to do when one is constantly and consistently still exposed to the “old” norms of society. And if you are working and raising kids, you can’t pull yourself out of society completely. You still have to maintain a level of society-defined normalcy.

And maybe some of you don’t. Maybe you don’t maintain that normalcy for the sake of your kids or to appease your boss. There are always going to be exceptions.

So every little thing that plucks away the hand of control limits the process of internalization. A job, a child, school, friends.. whatever. If your Master is not also your employer, then he is deferring control of you to your boss. When playtime is curtailed because Baby Jane puked in her crib, he’s deferred power to your child. You have to be untied because class starts in an hour? Loss of control.

None of that is a *bad* thing, or a negative judgment, or anything like that. They are merely things that combat the process of internal enslavement. If you view internal enslavement as brainwashing, you should be able to understand how difficult it would be to brainwash someone if you are, on a daily basis, sending them off somewhere where all of your hard work is systematically being erased.

But what if Master has ordered you to work? Or ordered you to go to school or ordered you to bear his child? I think that’s a slippery slope. Because no matter what the reason for doing it is, they are still things that limit control and power. And the more limitations you have, the more impossible it becomes.

Do I think it can happen *anyway*, with, as Sinn said, a really diligent Master and slave? Maybe. Maybe if all of the pieces fell perfectly in place… but I think what is more likely to happen is that the pair of them will think they are doing it, up until a time comes when each of those interferences start to disappear and they get the perspective of comparison and realize they weren’t.

Just look at the differences that occur when the kids go to grandma’s for the weekend. I know for us it’s a profound difference, not only in our playtime and sessions but merely in our mannerisms and behavior. So of course I expect there to be a world of difference when the kids actually move out. Once I have that other perspective, I betcha a dime to a dollar that I’m discussing how much we *didn’t* have it before. We just thought we did.

I already have the perspective on the differences between working and not working and how working creates another huge limitation on things, no matter that it is HIS decision and his order that I go back to work. That doesn’t change the interference of it any just because he’s making me do it.

I also know how incredibly different it was when he was traveling and gone all week and when he’s home every day. It’s monumentally HUGE the difference that makes. Yet, back when he was gone all the time I would have *sworn* we had it then, too.

I think you just don’t know until you actually experience the difference.

Besides, there is no Eden, there is no castle to hole up in and do what it is that we do to the extent that we want to do it. We’re not independently wealthy or living in some lawless country where we can do whatever we want. We’re all already limited in many ways merely by society itself. And every limitation you add to that makes it that much harder.

So when is it so limited as to be non-existent? Ever? Never? Does nobody recognize the limits simply because they *feel* dedicated to it?

Fact is, I’m an opinionated bitch really. Which has served me well today. I haven’t thought about the tack bra for an hour!

~cunt

Babbles

I haven’t babbled in ages and ages. Seems like it’s time.

I have some stuff to give away to anyone wanting to pay the shipping costs. While cleaning out the closet yesterday I came across some things we don’t need/use/like anymore.

1. The 2nd and 3rd books from the Beauty series. I bought them years ago before I realized that bdsm fiction does nothing for me. I don’t know why I never bought the 1st one, and I don’t think I made it all the way through the 3rd. But if anyone wants them, they’re yours.

2. A short book on play piercing. It’s decent enough for basic information so if you’re new to needle play it would be a good source of info for you.

3. This set of clamps for pierced nipple rings. They *can* be used as regular nipple clamps, but they don’t fit on my ginormous nipplers anyway and I don’t have pierced nipples anymore.

4. This set of nipple clamps. You can read the review I did on them here.  They didn’t work for me, but they might work for you!

5. One snapping collar that says “slut” on it. Master didn’t buy it for me so I never wear it. You know how that is with stuff the dreaded ex bought.

6. One really cheap but really functional black-n-white zebra-striped blindfold. I have no idea where it came from but we have two other blindfolds and I can only wear one at a time!

7. And last, a set of leather(?) wrist restraints with a broken hook on one of them. I almost threw them away, but geesh, I hate to toss ‘em when someone could probably replace the hook. With the price of wrist cuffs, I thought maybe someone would want them, fix them, and viola! We have too many other sets to even worry about trying to fix it for ourselves.

I promise nothing has been spooged on or anything. It’s all clean stuff! If you want any of it, email me (kaya (at) underhishand dot com), first come, first serve.

I was more than willing to keep going with the toy giveaway right on into the paddles and stuff but Master cut me off there. Spoilsport. Srsly, just how many crops and paddles does one man need anyway??

 ~~*~~

While cleaning things out yesterday I was reminded of a chat room I used to frequent years and years ago. I was so new to bdsm and was totally and completely sucked up into all of the chat room b.s.

There was a lot of talk about toys in that room. It was something of a litmus test; your knowledge of leather care. Because clearly if you didn’t know how to properly care for your Lord’s $800.00 leather flogger, you weren’t a “true” bdsm’er.

 I didn’t know jackshit about leather care and I just remember being terrified that someone would ask me a direct question and I’d be outed as a fake, a liar, a poser! Oh noes!

And the talk about prices and types and.. jebus. I cannot tell you the difference between a deer skin flogger or a moose skin flogger. Or a cow skin flogger or a freakin’ pleather flogger. For all I care you can make it out of shoestrings and duct tape. What matters, in my opinion, is if it hurts (and shoestrings hurt, btw) so who gives a rat’s ass what animal donated it’s skin to beat you with?

 I’m just not a leather snob I guess. I couldn’t tell you now what the things in our closet are made from. It might be leather, or pleather, or black rubber for all I know. Nor do I care if I’m properly caring for it. Nothing is falling apart so I must be doing *something* right.

Besides, most of what resides in that hateful closet is metal or wood anyway. Master’s preferences are not in soft and supple leathery materials. He likes the cold, hard clink of chain and the flat crack of wooden paddles and the whistling smack of rattan canes. We have three or four floggers, they hurt if he whips me hard enough, but otherwise they aren’t *that* bad. I kinda like them as a break from the usual excruciating pain. I could probably make them really, really ouchy if I was dumb brave enough to tie knots in the end or add metal tips (who does that?? srsly?!). But I have been flogged with the more “high end” floggers at play parties and such and I can’t tell the difference between those and what we have! None whatsoever. It hurts the same if the swing is right and if it hits the right (or wrong) spot.

Master has a leather bullwhip that he frequently uses on me. I like it actually. A bunch. So I bought him a nylon singletail at a *fraction* of the cost of a leather one and that nylon whip is FAR more painful than the leather bullwhip.

Bah on leather snobbery.

Same thing goes for wasting money on clamps and other toys. Make one trip through your local hardware store and save yourself a couple hundred bucks. Those vise grips that Master has? Fuck me! Those things can tighten down to skin-popping strength if you want them to. Just seems silly (or unimaginative) to limit yourself to what’s sold in the sex shops. Unless of course all you are after is the look of it. Then by all means stay out of Home Depot.

Speaking of which, we have a wooden pony (12 bucks, Menards) that hasn’t been used yet. Consider this my official request, Master. *beams*

~~*~~

I’ve been thinking about fetishes and fantasies. Age play mostly, but it includes s&m, rape fantasies, kidnap fantasies, etc. It seems there’s a common misconception, especially on age play, that those who engage in it are closet pedophiles simply building up the courage to act on their desires.

I don’t even engage in age play and I can see how wrong that is. The same applies to those who act out fantasies of rape or kidnap. Here are some opinions I’ve previously expressed on age play, and on fantasies in general.

I don’t agree with the opinion that age play leads to pedophilia any more than puppy or pony play leads to bestiality. It is the only safe, moral and ethical way to express those types of fantasies. Two adults consensually engaging in an activity that harms nobody.

Most (if not all) people who engage in age play do not desire sex with a child. They desire sex with an adult in a role-playing situation. A pedophile is not going to be attracted to an adult, not even an adult dressed in Dr. Dentons. Pedophiles desire children. Period. They go to great and dangerous lengths to find and exploit children. If it could be that easily substituted by tossing the old lady into some pigtails and fluffy bunny slippers, not a one of those pedophiles would risk what they do to get an actual child. The two do not interchange.

Age play is about emotion and safety and feeling loved and safe and innocent. It’s a chance to nurture and coddle and spoil and revert to more innocent times. The reason that it will sometimes lead to sex is because it IS adults pretending, and *because* they are still adults, and still show love and affection and tenderness with their partner in an adult manner, they have sex.

No doubt there are a few who are indeed pedophiles trying to disguise it with age play. Just as there are priests and little league coaches and boy scout leaders who are predators in disguise. Are all priests? All coaches? Of course not. Neither are all “Daddies”.

I’d bet there are many MANY more abusers who jump into bdsm and use s&m or D/s as a disguise to abuse women (or men). That is much more prevalent than a pedophile, I’d lay money on it. How many crime stories start out with BDSM or bondage as the “sick and twisted” beginning of a serial killing spree? LOTS. So is anyone who is into bdsm a practicing serial killer/rapist? The evidence and history is far stronger stacked on that side than on the age play/pedophile side.

Sadly some people do think that though. Any of us who enjoy s&m are essentially enrolled in Serial Killing 101. And those of you just enjoying a little bedroom spanking and not even dabbling in the more “extreme” s&m activities? Just wait. You’re on a slippery slope, too. We’ll all probably meet up in a dark alley, prowling for victims, if you’re to believe the predictions.

I don’t even know what to say on the side of bestiality. Pony play, and puppy play, has *exploded* here lately (or at least my exposure to it has). Does that mean that animal shelters need to be on guard before adopting out pets now?

I don’t always understand a person’s fetish, but more than that, I don’t always understand a person’s frightened reaction to a fetish. It smacks of ignorance more so than intolerance. Ignorance and fear?

~~*~~

Let’s see. What else.

There’s a fascinating thread going on over at TSR on the possibilities, or lack thereof, of enslavement while also being a mother and/or an employee. Some people are of the opinion that having a child makes enslavement impossible merely because motherhood necessarily puts limits on slavery. Same thing with a job, a job outside the home limits slavery.

I think that people get offended, highly so, when they are told that they cannot be enslaved because of reason a, b, or c. So much so that they no longer hear the reasons listed.

I know that my initial reaction was to become defensive, to spout off with how deeply I can too be enslaved in spite of having children in the house. But really, if you take a step back and think about it, it’s absolutely correct, in my opinion.

The process of becoming enslaved cannot succeed when that process is limited, either by children or a job or any other outside influence. That’s not to say that one can’t succeed as much as possible within the confines of those limitations, but it’s not going to be the same as it would be without those limitations.

I think that’s a large part of why I’ve been in this funk of mine for so long. I am going back to work. Trying to make M/s work around the kids was hard enough, and limited enough, without my job’s interference. The reason that Master pulled me out of the work force in the first place was precisely because working interfered with the level of control that he desired. And he was absolutely correct. Once I’d quit work, things deepened exponentially around here, though, still frustratingly limited by HIS career and the kids.

It’s been coming to terms with the fact that we aren’t going to progress any farther in the enslavement process as long as the kids are living with us and as long as he needs to work the hours he does with the travel he does to make ends meet that has unsettled me so. We’d reached The End, or hit the top, or whatever analogy you want to use. So do we keep banging our heads into the ceiling or do we accept the facts and work with it from there?

I’m all for accepting the facts. Banging my head was giving my a killer headache, and had the added effect of undoing what success we did have out of pure frustration. What are the options here? Give the kids away? Both of us quit our jobs and live on the streets, all in the name of achieving the elusive goal of proper enslavement? Continue in this stagnating pool of *almost but not quite* enslaved?

I mourned, I think, the realization that we were going to have to take a step back in order to someday move forward. I’m accepting the loss of my fantasies for now. For a while I felt like I’d failed, that WE had failed. I wanted to reject the whole thing on the basis that if I can’t have it all I don’t want ANY of it. Very childish, no?

I don’t feel that way anymore. It’s not the end of anything and it IS doing something that will help to ensure the success of it later. Enslavement isn’t something you get just because you want it, or just because you say you can do it. The limitations are there, and they are huge, and wishing won’t make them go away. But that doesn’t equal failure, or impossible, or anything like that. It simply means you work out what needs to be worked out and you do what you can while you can… and you wait. But waiting doesn’t have to be a waste of time either. A whole lot can be accomplished and learned in the interim, IF you aren’t a stubborn, resentful cunt like I was.

So, okay then. I think I’m done babbling for now. I do have a task to do today and he will be expecting those pictures up before he comes home so I’ll be back this way soon!

~cunt