The one where I gloat about how much better my relationship is than yours.

I just had to poke my head in and say that I think my in-person relationship is way better than your online relationship. That’s right. Better.

And I’m tired of tippytoeing around people’s widdle fewings. There is no such fucking thing as ‘fully submitting’ through the internet, no matter how slutty your SL avatar is.

I think people who claim online relationships are just as good, if not better than ‘real time’ (because oh how they suffer all alone) are delusional.

I read a page some time ago about cyber and in-person relationships. The specific mechanisms for relating, or how people connect to one another on the most fundamental level, is via the five senses:

*hearing the other

*seeing the other

*touching the other

*smelling the other

*tasting the other

Hearing. Voice tone. Inflection. Emotion. Meaning. All that is absent in a text-based conversation. There is little spontaneity. You can reply to your cyber-love at whatever pace suits you. You have time to think about what you want to say, to perfectly compose your response. That comes in pretty handy for those awkward or emotional situations in a relationship, no? Not even the speed of IM can replace the forced intimacy that occurs in a face-to-face conversation.

There is so much I can pick up on just by hearing Master say one word. Any word at all. And vice versa. Anger, happiness, weariness, angst, irritation, joy, arousal, skepticism, surprise, pleasure. So dependent have we become on the interpersonal exchange of sound that on the occasion that we’re reduced to communication by text, it is not uncommon for one of us to misunderstand the other’s words, based solely on not having an accompanying tone to put it in context.

Seeing. Facial expressions, body language, all the visual cues are missing in cyber-only relationships. The lack of visual cues coupled with being unable to hear voice tones leaves a cyber relationship ambiguous and depleted. It’s a guessing game ripe with misunderstandings and transference. Just look how easily and quickly a person’s post on here is taken as a slam, a flame, or an insult purely because one cannot interject tone or facial expression into the written word.

Just as hearing Master’s tone of voice communicates as much, if not more, than the words themselves, so too does seeing his body language. The way he’s sitting or standing, the way he’s looking at me, the expression on his face, the arch of his eyebrow, the tilt of his lips. We can have a whole “conversation” without uttering a word. I know if I’ve been pleasing, or not, simply by looking at him.

Touching. I could quote a myriad of medical and psychological sources that discuss the importance of physical touch. It should be common sense though, so I’m not going to. Google is your friend if there is any disagreement on the importance of touch.

It almost seems silly that I would have to make a case for physical touch, or have to describe the value of it. It’s inconceivable that anyone would disagree. Cyber sex over being fucked? Cyber spankings full of words like ~whack~ and ~thwap~ vs. being pulled over his knee and paddled? A {{hug}} compared to the warmth and tightness and security found in his arms? A dark monitor that leads to a cold empty bed or curling up next to him, my head on his shoulder, his fingers tracing the curve of my breast?

Smell and Taste. These two senses stir up powerful emotional reactions. It’s been said that smell and taste are “primitive” sensations, but the two form the foundation for deep intimacy – maybe because they ARE so primitive and fundamental.

When Master has to travel I curl up with his pillow when I go to bed. His scent, so powerfully HIS and so comfortingly familiar. I sniff at his cologne bottles, hug his jackets and unwashed shirts. I miss his scent when he’s gone and I search for it until he comes home.

And taste? I hunger for his taste. His lips, his tongue. His chest, even his feet, his groin, his semen. Do I think having that taste lingering on my tongue and dwelling deep within my throat is better than reading “I just came. Mmmm.” in my msn window? You bet I do. Far, far better.

Hearing, seeing, touching, smelling, tasting. They’re the sensations of lovers. Rarely does a person connect in person by one sensation alone. Rarely does a relationship grow to it’s full potential by one, or even two, sensations. In cyber relationships these sensations are separated, dissociated. Or neglected completely. That leaves things flat, stale. It’s when the sensations mingle and play off each other that we can extract meaning from them.

So do I believe that my relationship is better than your cyber one? Indeed I do. Do I get that you don’t want to hear that? Ayep. I get that it brings to light everything you are missing. I get that you don’t want to have that pointed out to you. I get that it makes you angry. I get that you spend a lot of time justifying how you’ve settled and I get that you try real hard to convince yourself that you aren’t missing everything that you know you are.

I also don’t care. You’re a big girl and I ain’t your momma. But I’m also not going to downplay the very real and very difficult sacrifices I made and chances that I took to make this relationship real and special and in-the-flesh just to save your feelings. I’m not going to equate your internet-based submission with mine. I’m not going to validate your role-playing or feed your delusions. I may be a smug little bitch but I’ve fucking earned it.

What you are doing is NOT the same. Not even close.

Reality is better.

~cunt

(I might even post more yet. I’m so sick of boxes I can’t stand it.)

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