Under His Hand

The journal of a slave

On display

When Master and I first moved here we decided (*He* decided but I sure like to pretend I had some say in it…;) that we were ready to branch out into the bdsm community. It’s really a scary venture, at least for me. I’m socially inept, an introvert. And the sexual nature of play parties, etc. just scared me silly. But it also intrigued me and I wanted to see how things worked. I also thought that interacting with like-minded people would have to be beneficial. And I was oh so correct!

Anyway, it took three months to coordinate Master’s schedule with the first munch which had to be the first step in getting involved. The munch was great, everyone was friendly and polite. I was really looking forward to going to more things. That was back in the first part of November. Since then though, with Master’s travel schedule and the holidays, we hadn’t had the opportunity to attend anything else. Until last night..:)

Our second meeting with the group and only a few faces I recognized from the munch. Being the shy wench that I am I spent the first hour or so, clinging to Master’s knee. The very first humiliation of the night was that I had to sit at His feet, right next to an empty chair, in a circle of people where *nobody* else was on the floor. I don’t find sitting at His feet to be humiliating normally but when it’s so obvious, oh i can’t explain it… there was just no hiding it, you know? But nobody raised an eyebrow at it. The host even graciously offered me a chair and I had to actually voice a “no thank You, I’m fine here.”

The people were amazing though. Relaxed and easy-going. The meeting was an educational fireplay demonstration, which was awesome to watch. Master kept looking at me and doing that wiggly-eyebrow thing, indicating that I would be the next victim and I kept shaking my head real tiny like. The thing is I really don’t like heat. (Even my showers are what most people would consider cold. When Master and I shower together, I feel like I’m being cooked alive until He gets out and I’m allowed to crank up the cold water.) Wax play is hot enough for me, thank you. Plus, I had just met these people! I didn’t wanna wimp out in front of strangers. I can see it now… my tits are flaming and I run screaming through the dungeon… good impression eh? So, thankfully, He let that go. It was great to watch it and to learn how should we ever want to do it.

The host had a beautifully set up dungeon with lots of cages and benches and an exam table and deviant toys everywhere… the first time I’ve seen a display like that… it was gorgeous. We have to keep all of our stuff locked up in a box and we don’t have any big furniture type things and man oh man.. I want THAT room someday.

I was pretty quiet through the majority of the show, with little ooh’s and aah’s now and then. I was still mostly hiding behind Master’s shoulder and He’d already embarrassed me talking openly about suction cups on my clit, which made me blush beet red and of course everyone giggled and ‘oh she’s so *cute*’ and THAT only made me blush more. (Does that give you any indication of how hard it is to post those pictures on the website?? I am painfully shy. Neurotically shy. This is public humiliation.) So the show is winding down and the conversation had moved on to marking or tattoos or something, can’t remember, when all of a sudden Master tells me to stand up, drop my pants and bend over! In front of everyone!

Now.. at this point, two girls had removed their tops for the fireplay demo but everyone else was fully dressed, sitting in a circle with all eyes on ME! And Master had that look… that don’t test me now look.. that shut up and do it look.. that your ass will be hamburger if you so much as argue look… you know that look?? I almost vomited and peed my panties right there.

And of course I did stand up and drop em and grab the ankles and prayed the floor would open up and swallow me while they admired the “cunt” on my big unattractive butt. The tits followed, naturally, but it wasn’t until Master had me show off the bruise..THE bruise.. on my tit (which is still quite purply-black and shocking) that I got kind of proud. Master said I smiled and puffed out my chest a lil.

So after that display there seemed little point in hiding behind Master anymore and I participated in the conversation. I thought I had passed the test at that point. Oh how wrong I was.

We’d been “warned” to bring our toys as the dungeon would open up for play after the demonstration. I wasn’t feeling quite up to being on display for pain-play because.. sheesh.. the pressure to not wimp out you know? There was a girl there, beautiful beautiful woman, who was trying out Master’s spatula on a male-sub’s booty. He was really taking a paddling, I was ouching for him in my corner. She worked him over pretty good with various paddles and the rattan cane that we had. Master was trying to show her how to swing it and how to stand but He wasn’t about to swing full force on the man’s butt and I KNEW.. I just KNEW I was going to be up on that bench, being the guinea pig.

And I was. And He didn’t go lightly on me either. There really was alot of pressure (though only from myself) to “take it like a man”. Master asked me several times if I was ok, did I want more, etc… and it was hurting and I knew if we’d been at home I would have been hopping all over the place but.. I was ok. It felt good. Then He handed the implements over to the Beautiful Girl. I hadn’t ever thought that Master would allow anyone else to touch me, let alone do it so easily. She was good though and she wasn’t stroking near as hard as Master had been so it was nice break..lol. He let another man take a few swings at me too and that was the only time I experienced any sort of uneasiness. I couldn’t see Master and I couldn’t hear Him and I didn’t know what I should do if things got too heavy. It was only a few strokes though and Master later told me that He’d been right behind me so He could see where the strokes were landing and how hard. I asked if next time, (next time!!!??) He’d at least hold my hand so I could signal to Him somehow that things were out of my comfort zone.

It was all very surreal. On that bench on display… hearing people make comments here and there, like “oh she felt that one”…. but, I’m telling you right now, I can easily see myself becoming a display slut cuz I LIKED it. Oh my god.. it was a rush. Let’s do it again and soon!

I’m deliciously tender with bruises beginning to darken up on my cheeks today, a rarity in itself. Last night Master kept saying I was unmarkable, today He has to eat those words…:)

We’re both played out today though so even though the kids are gone, He’s napping before His long drive back to work and I’m fiddling around.

But just for morningstar and her Sir, we attempted the toothpicks. And Holy Mary Mother of GOD who knew toothpicks were so fucking sharp! I felt like my ass cheeks were being skewered, it just plain hurt! 103? Not a chance!


Relieved Disappointment

Last night, just before going to sleep, Master said he was going to put my head in the toilet and piss in my mouth first thing this morning. Piss play is something that I waver on. Sometimes it’s a huge turn on, other times it makes me get all ewww-y and icky. It’s best when I don’t know it’s coming and he just does it. Being warned hours beforehand, made for hours of wavering and talking myself into not wanting it. It was the first thing on my mind when I woke up, and I was dreading it. I had already started to feel nauseated. And then, when he got up and went straight to the bathroom without me, there was this huge wave of disappointment. Weird.

We’re checking into meeting with a local group here. There is a munch next weekend and if work and kids don’t interfere, I think we will go. Branching into the public with bdsm is something new for both of us. My worry is that the group will be nothing more than people looking for other people to screw (though I can’t say why I think that) and that’s not what we are looking for. I’m really excited about having some other real person to talk about bdsm things with. Message boards are good, but it’s hard sometimes to get your point across through type.

Oh. Heavy bondage again last night. I only woke up once when a chain link somehow grabbed a chunk of my arm and pinched the hell out of it. As hard as it is normally for me to get comfortable enough to sleep, it’s just amazing how a bedful of chains and cuffs and padlocks sends me off to dream-land. Can’t wait for that first time when I wake up and have to PeeRightNowPlease! and there is the hurried half-awake fumble in the dark for the right keys to the right locks and the would-you-please-turn-your-leg-that-way-slut and move-your-hair-dammit. Should be fun… :)