Authoritay - Word use to show authority but in a bigger more dictatorial way, used by people who have more power over others or people that think they have more power than others. ~ Urban Dictionary
Awhile ago I was going to do an entry about the tv show “Wife Swap” but trashed it. A recent testy discussion over at Fetlife has resurrected my wife swap thoughts.
Wife Swap, if you’ve never watched it, is where they take one family and then find another family that is the exact opposite of everything held near and dear to them and then – duh- swap wives for two weeks.
During the first week, the wife has to live by the rules of the family. In the second week, she changes up all the rules and tries to enforce her way of life on them.
It’s all very dramatic and soap opera-ish, and of course, during the 5 minute follow-up flair, they’ve always learned valuable lessons about themselves and changed for the better – blah, blah, blah.
Many, many, *many* episodes feature a submissive wife (and they even use the word “submissive”) who has to swap with some corporate-climbing, fiercely independent, career woman who would rather eat dog shit than wait on some man.
My daughters, while watching the submissive wife episodes and seeing the dramatic conclusion where the dominant husband “sees the light” and stops expecting his woman to file his toenails, will hassle me about going on the show.
They joke about Master having to get his own drinks or fix his own plate. Even though we’ve (the kids and I) talked many times about it being my choice to serve him that way, etc. etc., it’s become a topic they like to razz me about.
They accept, with some amount of.. distaste, I suppose… that the lifestyle of a submissive woman, this old-fashioned arrangement, is what makes me happy. They also say that it is NOT the path for them.
And it doesn’t have to be. Master and I are not training them for it, nor do we push it on them as a “preferred” or “superior” way of being. It is *for us*, and we live it without shame, but it is not, obviously, for them.
God bless women’s lib. God bless the power of choice.
That is why Wife Swap would fail to make Master “see the light”. In that show, those dominant men and submissive women don’t see it as a choice. In many episodes, they are training their children to emulate their lifestyle. Whether due to religious or moral beliefs, they feel their chosen way of living is the superior one and they *want* their children to copy it. They deny them even the exposure to other options.
Those men believe they are, or should be, dominant over ALL women. Those women believe they should be submissive to ALL men. That that is the Natural Order and anything else is undesirable.
Master and I don’t believe that. We don’t preach that, we don’t think that, we don’t even come *close* to raising our kids with that philosophy.
We believe that it works for us. Specifically for us. He is dominant over me – not over women in general. I am submissive to him – not to men in general.
I will, mostly, respect the dominant position that a male, or a female, has chosen. I will respect it based soley on some imagined (to me) hierarchy in my world. Not to mention that Master himself expects that I respect another’s dominant position, male or female. (But that respect is within reason, which will be further illustrated in this post.)
Master treats dominant women, submissive women (except for me), dominant men and submissive men as his equals. He affords the most gentlemanly courtesy to everyone. He does not think himself “better than” any one of those groups of people.
Master doesn’t resent women in positions of power. He doesn’t have issues working along side, or even under, a female. He doesn’t trash-talk women, he doesn’t disrespect women, he doesn’t find them useless or worthless. (He does think women are lousy drivers, though. Man, that just burns my ass! But that’s another topic for another day.) He doesn’t think they can only function in the kitchen.
Neither do I. I do not think that woman’s lib is to blame for the breakdown of society. I don’t believe that only men can successfully navigate the corporate world. I don’t think my daughters are foolish to dream of better things than housewife drudgery.
Gone are the days when a woman needed a man to survive. Long, long, long gone. That caveman-esque way of life is no longer needed in today’s world. A woman’s only path to fulfillment is not to serve a man. If it ever was!
Probably some of this may sound at odds with other things I’ve said in the past. My views on a female president, for instance, certainly could have been misconstrued as mysoginistic or in support of male power. But as I tried so hard to express in that post, my views and where my comfort level lies are specific to me, and me only. I don’t, because I’m a smart cookie, include anyone else in those views. I don’t even expect anyone to agree with me. I don’t try and convince anyone else that I am right and they are wrong.
And I don’t raise my girls, or my son, to accept my word as gospel. Or to accept my choice as their only option.
We are very different, my girls and I. While my comfort lies in being dominated, in living my life according to the supposed “Natural Order”, while my path to happiness is heavily laden with servitute and submission, I do not think that any other chosen path is “unnatural” or a mistake.
My two girls’ path could be *anything*. My son’s path could be anything. What I make sure they get are options.
Take chores, for instance. In the households on that stupid tv show, the chores are divided up according to girl-chores and boy-chores. They are training their kids to follow that path. The Natural Order path, the path where boys do boy things and girls stay in the house and cook.
I don’t do that here with my kids. There is no differing between boy/girl work. B-man does laundry and dishes, the same as the girls’ do. And the girls can take out the trash and mow the lawn just like a boy.
There is no difference between my expectations from them either – at least not based on gender. I tailor my expectations, and how I relate to them, based on their individual personalities, needs, and wants.
If my son even so much as hints that he “deserves” to be waited on because he’s a boy, I’ll smack him down quicker than shit. Nobody “deserves” anything based solely on the genitalia swinging between your legs.
My girls don’t deserve to be servants merely because of their gender and my son doesn’t deserve to be dominant because of his.
Neither will my son have “squandered away” his supposed birthright to dominance should he choose to be an equal to his mate. There is no birthright to dominance and submission.
There is choice. There is personality. There is personal happiness.
What makes someone dominant? I have no idea. I don’t think it’s a penis and ball sack, but beyond that I really have no opinion. I spent enough time trying to figure out why I was a submissive that I no longer waste the time trying to figure out why anyone else is what they are.
The question that sparked the heated debate over on FL was essentially – “Since the primary role and path to fulfillment for a female is to serve a man”, [...] is it a waste of time (to educate) girls as they are raised?
The question itself, I thought, was ignorant. Quite frankly, it pissed me off. I abhor the very idea of “grooming” children toward a certain path. Denying them exposure and opportunity is, imo, appalling. Absolutely should not be tolerated or condoned or even entertained as semi-acceptable.
(At that point right there, and then further evidenced by subsequent posts from the same OP, that respect that I mentioned earlier that I’m supposed to show another dominant? Gone. No longer required. I have my own (and Master’s) pre-set, pre-defined acceptable standards of dominance, and that just violated all of them. Not only is that dominant no longer my superior, he’s beneath me – in character, in integrity, in values, and frankly, in brains. I will not speak to him like he’s entitled to my submission, I will not offer him niceties or curb my tongue based on his imagined position. I’ll speak to him like the ignorant ass that he is showing himself to be.)
If indeed, one believes in the natural order of things, that men are naturally dominant and women are naturally submissive, if that’s how things naturally occur, then there would be no reason not to educate your children and expose them to other ways of life. Because wouldn’t they “naturally” fall in line with the “natural order”?
I mean, let’s be serious here. I long to have lived in the Victorian era, when women were property, and options were limited and rights didn’t exist. I’d give my left tit to have a society in the present day where one could live outwardly with those principals. But I would never, ever wish that for my child. What makes it so alluring to me now is knowing what else is out there. It’s having been exposed, having *lived* as an independent woman. Why on earth would I want to take that away from someone? Why would anyone even consider narrowing another’s options?
I’m submissive because I choose to be. If I were submissive because I *had* to be, would I find it nearly as fulfilling? I don’t think so.
God. That topic just gets my goat.
….
….
I was asked “What gives a man the entitlement to require submission from a woman, if it is not his gender?”
My answer – Nothing. Absolutely nothing entitles a man to require, expect or deserve submission from a woman. Entitlement and birthright have no place in my world. I think it’s a ridiculous notion.
Master is dominant for reasons known only to him. In order for me to believe that dominance is a birthright entitled to him by his gender, I’d also have to believe that my own son is entitled to my submission (by birthright -ain’t gonna happen), that my doctor is entitled to my submission, that my brother is entitled to my submission, that my neighbor is –
Or worse, I’d have to believe that any male who isn’t an egotistical dominant ass is flawed in some way. Any male who didn’t want my submission was “unnatural”.
And I don’t believe that. I believe in personal choice, by both parties. I believe in mitigating circumstances that lead some people to D/s. I believe in pairing up with the person whose personality fits yours.
Why is he dominant? Because I submit to him. Without the other, we would be “nothing more than an egotistical arrogant self important bastard taking advantage of someone else who to stupid know better.”
Or worse, he’d be an egotistical ass thinking he deserves something that he doesn’t.
Personally, I think all doms are egotistical asses. I think it comes with the territory – a requirement, almost. I think the “flawed” part comes in when they con’t control it and begin thinking they can dominate outside of their little circle.
So I was admonished in the group for being disrespectful and rude (who? me? mouthy and opinionated? *le gasp!*), which wasn’t surprising because my hot-headed reply for that kind of dom to kiss my ass didn’t fall in with the “natural order” of female submissive-ness.
See where that sense of entitlement bites ya? I rather felt I was entitled to speak my mind since I’m not one of them “natural” submissive who falls to my knees at the sight of the big burly caveman and he felt he was entitled to lady-like, submissively-worded, gentle objections.
I guess we were both let down based on our misplaced sense of entitlement.
At which point I left the group. Not necessarily in an “I’m taking my ball and going home” huff, more of an “I don’t think I fit in here” kind of way.
Honestly, I really really do like and admire the moderators of that group. (Just not that particular OP) I have the utmost respect for them, as a couple.
I think she is just about the hottest thing on two legs.
I don’t have to agree with their views any more than they have to agree with mine. I have no interest in surrounding myself only with those who agree with me. I sincerely DO hope there hasn’t been damage done to what is, to me, an invaluable friendship.
But I really only bite my tongue for one person. I accept that my unwillingess to play by other’s rules may be costly. I accept that how we do this, the allowances he gives me, aren’t acceptable for others.
I guess I don’t know what else to say about it.
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Wednesday April 29th, 2009 7:40am | 
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