Pinky swear.

On my grave.

Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.

And this just because I think it’s gorgeous.

I’m going to go make some underwear out of duct tape to keep my insides INSIDE.

Personally, I don’t see whats so insulting about it…lol. If anything, it shows that I’ve reached a plateau and I’m ready for the next level right? He keeps telling me that I can’t handle it, won’t be able to deal with the next level. Someone suggested that maybe He knows more than I do and that maybe I really can’t handle anymore, mentally, right now. I agree that I’ve got to keep my sanity for a little while yet but I’m still not completely convinced of anything except that I am always left wanting more. And quite honestly, that sucks.

However, I’m simmering myself down. I’m going to operate under the assumption that Master knows what He is doing (don’t laugh, this didn’t JUST occur to me) and when I am ready, or when He feels that I am ready, He’ll push me a little harder. That can happen any time now, pleaseandthankYou.

I figure I can simmer for… until He comes home next time and then I’ll be nipping at His heels because dammit, I have no self-control! Bah!

Anyway, He called me this morning with my task for the day. Immediately I was concerned. He said candle. The new candle. The HUGE ASS MOTHERFUCKING PILLAR candle and my pussy slapped shut, locked the gate and said Nope. No way,no how.

Imagine giving birth.. and then pushing it back IN.

The mousetraps I pretty much shrugged off. I mean, they really don’t hurt. What they do do, is annoy. And irritate. And as time passes, start to pinch and bother the hell out of you. They’re big and in the way every time you move. Which leads me to one conclusion. Master knows they don’t hurt really, but He also knew getting that HUGE ASS MOTHERFUCKING PILLAR candle in my cunt would take a lot of time and a lot of movement. The mousetraps make perfect sense now don’t they? Evil man.

I spent over an hour trying to get that candle in. It’s HUGE. And every time I considered giving up, I reminded myself that I am the one chomping at the bit to delve deeper into this… so I cannot be defeated by a HUGE ASS MOTHERFUCKING PILLAR candle.

It hurt. It hurt BAD. This is the closest I’ve come to making myself cry from pain from a task. But I did it. I got it in.. I fucked myself with it. I even orgasmed…:) That hurt too.. omg!

And He tells me tomorrow.. I’ll do it again. And light it.

But… He’s vanilla, right?

~blink~

kaya