Under His Hand

The journal of a slave

Relieved Disappointment

Last night, just before going to sleep, Master said he was going to put my head in the toilet and piss in my mouth first thing this morning. Piss play is something that I waver on. Sometimes it’s a huge turn on, other times it makes me get all ewww-y and icky. It’s best when I don’t know it’s coming and he just does it. Being warned hours beforehand, made for hours of wavering and talking myself into not wanting it. It was the first thing on my mind when I woke up, and I was dreading it. I had already started to feel nauseated. And then, when he got up and went straight to the bathroom without me, there was this huge wave of disappointment. Weird.

We’re checking into meeting with a local group here. There is a munch next weekend and if work and kids don’t interfere, I think we will go. Branching into the public with bdsm is something new for both of us. My worry is that the group will be nothing more than people looking for other people to screw (though I can’t say why I think that) and that’s not what we are looking for. I’m really excited about having some other real person to talk about bdsm things with. Message boards are good, but it’s hard sometimes to get your point across through type.

Oh. Heavy bondage again last night. I only woke up once when a chain link somehow grabbed a chunk of my arm and pinched the hell out of it. As hard as it is normally for me to get comfortable enough to sleep, it’s just amazing how a bedful of chains and cuffs and padlocks sends me off to dream-land. Can’t wait for that first time when I wake up and have to PeeRightNowPlease! and there is the hurried half-awake fumble in the dark for the right keys to the right locks and the would-you-please-turn-your-leg-that-way-slut and move-your-hair-dammit. Should be fun… :)
kaya

Hello World!

Today, I start a new journal. Again. I’ve started and stopped several over the last few months. Some were lost due to comp issues, some I deleted because I’m temperamental like that. But today… it’s a new beginning with a new journal (my first ever “public” journal) and I vow to write in it three times a week, as Master requested. I vow to try anyway.

Last night, I slept in bondage. For quite some time now I’ve slept with a collar locked to a chain locked to the headboard. The length of the chain has varied, from enough length to walk around the room to so short that I can’t sit up. I actually prefer it on the shorter side (hint hint Master) because the weight of the chain tends to pull on the collar. It was surprisingly easy to become comfortable sleeping with the collar and chain, so much so that I can’t get comfy without it now. It’s a reassuring weight, to me, in the middle of the night. And a bit of a mindfuck to have to beg to be unlocked for a midnight potty break. But anyway, back to the point.

Last night, I slept in bondage. Master chained my ankles to the footboard with the leather ankle cuffs, my hands were chained together with the leather wrist cuffs, attached to the headboard, along with the collar also chained to the headboard. Once the chains all warmed up, besides being noisy, it was really a very restful night. I’m not sure if I slept so well because I was exhausted, or because the chains were *that* comfortable. I guess we will find out next time. I do know that all day, remembering the clink of the chains, the brief flash of cold when I would roll on one, the few times I woke just enough to remember that “no, I can’t roll that way” or “no, I can’t bend my knees that high” was enough to keep me squirming and juicy. I’d like to experiment more with other types of sleeping bondage please Sir… :)
kaya