Pictures

Pictures speak a thousand words right? So I don’t need to explain anything then.

Good.. cuz I’m a freakin’ basket case..lol

Okay, I’m not.. but I was earlier. I’m getting better.

Master hasn’t had the camera out much since He’s been home, which is fine by me really. He’s still home but sick so while it’s been wonderful having Him here for this long of a stretch, it’s in a diminished capacity as He really isn’t very spunky when He’s ill. (Who is right?)

That’s been particularly hard for me to deal with. Though I know He’s not up to par, I’m chomping at the bit to playplayplay… it’s rare that we have this amount of time. The kids are in school and He’s here and I’m here sooooooo…

What ends up happening is me moving into that place where insecurities start boiling over, those “He doesn’t want this, why doesn’t He want me, etc etc” and pretty soon I’m the baddest little slave girl ever, stomping around slamming doors and making faces behind His back. He finally ordered me over to Him and pointed to the floor at His feet.

“Present yourself.”

I flopped down on my butt, facing *AWAY* from Him. (I told you I was bad!) After a quick and angry order to turn around and DO IT RIGHT… I did, sort of. On my knees at least and facing Him. With my arms crossed and my lips pursed.

He slapped my hands down to my thighs. (Even as I’m ashamed of being so petulant, I just keep going! And I know, man oh man, do I know how bad I’m making it for myself.)

“Is this how you were taught to present yourself?”

“I was never taught nothing!” I snapped. (yeah, grammar goes right out the window along with training when I’m pissy.)

He asked where I learned how to kneel at all then and I said the internet.. which pretty well sealed my fate I think.

So, being tied down to the coffee table and whipped was bad. Being told not to talk, scream, wiggle or close my legs while He whipped my pussy was bad (and fuck if I don’t hate pussy whipping. hate hate HATE it), having Him squat over my face and piss in my mouth was bad BAD bad (what can I do with it but swallow?), flogged, cropped, whipped.. untied and face fucked.. bent over the couch and cropped and whipped again.. and then sat in the closet because I needed alone time to think about why I was so mad was bad. Bad I say.

It was all bad because I was bad. Because I’m spoiled rotten. Because I.. me… myself.. CRAVE being beaten and used and I want it right NOW pleaseandthankyou… because I forget that it’s not about me and what I want.. that I don’t set the schedule.

He’ll get me when He wants me. Trying to force His hand never ever turns out well for me! Why in all that is Holy is this so hard for me to learn!!? I’m telling you, my ass will be ground meat before I figure this lesson out.

Play time can be bad.. and it was.. I didn’t cum! Not once. He beat me, He orgasmed and enjoyed it, then He put me away. And it all could have been just the opposite.. if I wasn’t such a spoiled little whore. (Don’t get me started on who’s fault it is that I’m spoiled… just don’t… it will NOT help me here!) AND (don’t ask me what I think about ungrateful Masters who have horny lil sluts at their feet begging to be beaten.. that also will NOT help me today).

Now that was just a joke… put the whip DOWN.

It seriously is becoming somewhat hard for me to sort this. I tell myself that I should be asking, or begging, or something to show my enthusiasm for this. But if I’m getting sort-of punished for it… of course I’m going to stop… though I agree it’s all supposed to be done at His discretion… but wouldn’t it become an issue if I *never* initiated play? Or never acted like I wanted it?

Not that I think I can ever get to that point anyway.. I mean I seriously have like detox symptoms if I’m not getting enough pain. When He’s home and the kids aren’t.. it’s the equivalent of walking into a rehab center waving a crack pipe… I completely lose my mind.

Where the hell did that BDSM 101 manual go?

It’s all just a big ol’ circle of HELL if you ask me.

After the closet, He tucked me into bed with Him, still not about to give me an orgasm the stingy Man, but I didn’t want one then. Contrite and apologetic (the closet works, blast it all to hell, not much else to do BUT think in there) though I was still a little stand off-ish, which I often am when I feel punished and ashamed and want to crawl into my hole and lay low.. but He was having none of that, wouldn’t even let me go pee alone cuz He knows, evil genius that He is, that being alone when I’m “there” makes me go deeper, so He holds me and makes me touch Him and reconnect.. and damn if I don’t eventually come back, all in one piece.

At any rate.. I have the most gorgeous bruises on my tits and some on my thighs.. I give up on my ass, it’s never going to bruise again, I’ve used up all my allotted ass-bruises for this lifetime. 2,006 swats and while it’s retained that mottled red look and has a really rough scabby feel to it, nothing pretty. Nothing impressive. Stupid ass.

Anyway.. here they are. Long overdue.

Pics

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