Submission For Dummies.
Recently, Kitten in Chains wrote a spectacular piece about pleasing your dominant.
(Note: I’m chopping her post up to hell and back but I urge you all to go read it in its entirety. Trust me. Go. Read. Tell her of her insane awesome-ness. kthnxbi.)
How to please your Man (or Lady) in Three Easy Steps! And I quote:
“Step One to pleasing your Master
SHUT UP.
Yes. Stop talking. Hush your mouth. Stop speaking. That is the very first step in pleasing your Master.
Step Two.
LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAYS.
Listening is different from hearing. Listen to what he says. Get in there. Hear the words and retain them. Really listen. And if you want to say something while he’s talking? Refer back to STEP ONE.
Step Three
The Last and I think most important step in pleasing your Master is this simple phrase. This action should come directly after LISTENING.
DO WHAT HE SAID.
That’s it. Shut up. Listen. Do what he says.”
Simple, eh? Kinda makes one who has struggled with this feel a bit like a twit when you realize just how simple it really is. Shut up, listen, do it. Easy-peazy.
Kitten goes on to simplify it even further by telling you what NOT to do:
“Confucius say read 10 self help books, then work on self, then become one with self, then journal about it, then watch three very very special episodes of Oprah, then read 99 articles written by 99 different slaves with dynamics TOTALLY different than yours. Finally go to 7 Cons, attend four workshops on self talk, self esteem, and other things that begin with “self”. THEN you will be ready to please your owner.”
WHAT?? It’s not that deep ya’ll. And if you took that path and it worked for you, more power to you. I was on that path until Master knocked me off of it by asking me where HE fit into my grand plan to please him.
Don’t debate it. Don’t think about it. For Fucks Sake, don’t blog about it. Don’t ask the girls on the internet chat channel and forum what you should be feeling about what he told you to do. Don’t post it on a FetLife group. Don’t consult your horoscope, his horoscope, or the tarot. Just DO what HE says you should Do. Preferably, you should try to do what he says when he says you should do it.”
I don’t know if the rest of you found her post to be as hilarious as I did, but no matter how many times I read it, and I’ve read it several times, I am still giggling by the end. And applauding. Clap-n-giggle. It’s a new craze.
I think what gets me about her words is how I see myself in them not-so-long-ago. Or, more accurately, how I see myself *still* in her words. The bit about For Fucks Sake, don’t blog about it.? Cracks me UP.
Because just how much time do we waste trying to find that deeper meaning? Or trying to stumble upon the hidden secret of submission? Driving ourselves *crazy* trying to “get it” when all it takes to “get it” is to shut up, listen and do what He says. There is no secret, no deeper meaning, nothing to “get”.
Which is maybe a bit of a letdown, but a funny one so that’s okay.
There was a recent thread on Fetlife called “Too Perfect?” that ties neatly (I think anyway) into Kitten’s theory of 3 steps to success. The question on the FL thread was, as you can probably figure out from the title, is there such a thing as being too perfect in submission, and if so, wouldn’t the dom get bored with your perfect-ness.
Most of the responders fell all over themselves assuring themselves that perfection is not possible, that they will never be perfect, it’s unattainable, blah blah blah. Or, yanno, something along those lines. I, however, because it seems I’m always the voice of contention around there, said that perfection (perfect submission) within your relationship most certainly IS possible. Not only is it possible, if it ain’t happening, it’s because you choose not to be perfect for Him. Or Her.
Once you’ve become aware of what the expectations are, once you’re past the meet ‘n greet stage and are firmly embedded in an M/s relationship, perfection is easily within your reach. And you can have it too! By following Kitten’s 3 Steps to Pleasing.
I’m not saying I’m a perfect person because God knows I am as flawed as they come. But I’m not trying to be perfect for everyone. That *would* be impossible. I am trying to be perfect for one single person and that is NOT impossible. And any time, every single time, that He is not pleased and I have not been “perfect”, it’s because I CHOSE not to be. I chose whatever action or inaction it took to make Him displeased, to be less than perfect for Him.
I could say that perfection is impossible, but that would a self-deluding lie. It would be an excuse to absolve myself of responsibility. It would be a handy, and widely accepted, scapegoat. “I can’t please Him ALL THE TIME! Nobody is perfect, ffs!”
Bullshit. Pleasing Him, even perfectly pleasing Him, ain’t all that difficult. Shut up. Listen. Do what He says.
Piece of cake. ;-)
~cunt
Tags: M/s rambles
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Wednesday October 22nd, 2008 8:36am
*shuts up, listens and does what SHE said that Kitten said that they both agree to*
/adoration
Hmmmm….
See, I’m thinking all it takes to DO it is shut up, listen, do what he says.
Sometimes you still don’t get it and I kind of like driving myself crazy trying to get it, trying to analyze it all.
After I”ve done it, of course. :)
Yes, dear god, I read that and I laughed.
I was going to blog about that entry, myself (actually, I’ll put up the stuff I wrote about it, it’s here somewhere). Check my blog tomorrow, it should be there.
‘cuz it’s what I do, when we’re working really well. I call it SLD, the SLave Decrees or Shut up, Listen, Do.
All though, Master was fast to point out: “Yes, but you have to ask yourself why you’re feeling anything but anticipation, happiness and joy at being told what to do, being controlled, getting to serve… just ask yourself – why am I feeling this? – not to answer the question… but to ask it… Why are you wasting energy feeling anything less than what I want you to feel?”
So… I guess SLD isn’t the end of it. Murf.
I don’t see how being perfect is all that hard. When S was my dom, I did exactly what he told me when.
I guess it’s only hard if you’re enjoying the punishment too much.
This is gonna make for great dinner conversation tonight.
junebug to Sir: I was reading Kaya’s blog today
Sir: Yes?
junebug: she said that she was reading Kitten In Chains blog and
Sir: Yes
junebug: well kitten says that to be a perfect slave
Sir: ~interupts~ I’ve already told you what I want, you know what to do.
junebug: I know, but Kaya was reading on kittens journal and she said…
Thanks Kaya, I’m gonna have lots of fun with this one tonight.
junebug
well, it does sound simple enough; but I struggle, at times, with a step or two that she talks about. Okay, sometimes it’s hard to just get past step 1! There are times my mouth starts to run even when my brain is telling it to STFU! Anyone else have that issue?
Constantly! D: And my various sensitive bits do not liek slappings.
i have the issue with keeping quiet when its in my best interest to do so. Mistress loves that i am fiesty-i just tend to get into a mood and go overboard with it. i do listen and do what i am told-i just need to keep my mouth shut with the attitude.
i love this post- and it is soooooooooooooooo true… i just went through this with Master…in the past i have sat here, hoping for the day when Master would really, truly care for me and love me… i finally got it not long ago- He already does really care for me and love me- i already am special to Him… He shows me in soo many ways- He constantly tells me with His words… i finally LISTENED to Him.. the day that i finally got it, Master said He was very happy that i did.
so yeah, excellent post girly- girl!
hugs,
Hisflower
yanno, I bought “The Surrendered Wife”. I read like …not much. I saw something about pretending to put tape over your mouth when you want to mouth off, and I tried it. Only my mouth ripped off the imaginary tape and kept on talking. So I tried rope. Chewed right through it. I put up brick and mortar. I huffed and I puffed and I blew it in. The best thing I could think of was imagining my goldamned tongue nailed to the roof of my mouth.
There may only be those three things we have to do, but they can be ridiculously difficult to do at times. Still, narrowing it down makes it much easier to attain that level of perfection in our own relationship.
At this point, I’m just grateful that Master doesn’t mind having a smartass for a slave, cuz there hasn’t been a time yet that He’s given me that steamy look and warned, “I’m going to hurt you, girl” that I didn’t respond with a sweet smile, “Yeah but will I like it?”
I tagged you for a meme, hopefully you don’t find them annoying. http://www.kinkylibrarian.net/index.php/2008/10/22/tag-im-it/
I’ve tagged you for a meme.
Kaya, (or Master Coyote or Nadia of anyone else)
What is a meme? I’ve seen the term before and it’s buggingn the hell out of me.
As for the post, gee, those rules sound good for more than just slaves, especially the first two. Imagine if the whole world would shut up and listen? I also know about how hard it is. It’s the hardest thking I do as a teacher, to ask a question and then just shut up and listen to the answers of the students (or the silence as they think).
Dave
amen dave! i am also a teacher and i agree that is a very hard thing to do. and yes what a great world it would be if people would just listen…they jump in with what they are thinking and if they would just be quiet, a lot of times there would be less confusion. hmmmm, actually i should probably take my own advice and do just that…LISTEN, lol.
dweaver999 A meme is one of those online question and answer things. Someone tags you and you do the Q/A and then go tag someone else to do it. they come in all kinds of formats from quick little 7 question deals to big ol 100 and some question ones. It’s just a game of tag around the web with questions tossed in.
Master Coyote,
Thanks for the info. I’ve seen the question lists before, but never realized that they were a tagging thing.
Dave
I taggeded you for a meme thing .. if Master will LET you do it!!! or just tack it on to the end of a post that you’re already doing.. OR just answer it in my comments.. SEEEEEEEE Im leaving OPTIONS!!!!!
[...] readers, and an enjoyable discussion has ensued: some thoughts on “A Man With a Maid” Darling kaya brought this excellent blog post, by a really wonderful blogger whom I can’t believe I [...]
Thank you for the reminder. I have been a brat lately, and the title, “Submission for Dummies” made it click, that I need to stop being a dummy.
This is the first time I have seen your blog, and I may have to read more now. :)
Again, thank you.
~Jasmina.