Stupid Is As Stupid Does.
Yesterday, I went to the store and I got to buy this silly little rubbermaid bowl and lid storage thing that goes in your cabinet. It cost all of $10.
I was excited. Like, hand-clapping giggles kind of excited.
Master laughed at(with?) me, remarking on how giddy I was over it.
But, for real, this is how simple my pleasures are these days. I become giddy over a ten dollar rubbermaid storage container.
There are some days when things like that bother me. It’s not just that I have simple pleasures or that my life is simple, but that I’m starting to FEEL simple. I think simple, I live simple. I brain simple.
I tell myself that I can’t be bothered with trying to participate in the more intelligent, theoretic discussions that occur here and there on the net, even those that revolve around bdsm. Truth is, I probably couldn’t participate, even if I tried.
My simpleness isn’t evidenced only by my non-participation of in-depth conversations, it’s highly evidenced in my day to day activities. For instance, I am currently reading my way through the Harry Potter books (for the first time), reading one book and then watching the movie. And enjoying it. Lots.
At the store yesterday Master also bought me a child’s suncatcher kit. You know, the clear plastic ones that come with the row of miniature paints? And I picked it out. Butterflies and Flowers.
Look what I made last week, also from a child’s kit:
(Am said my fence posts looked like penises (penii?). I think she’s right.)
Anyway, as I said, some days it really bothers me. I often don’t feel “good enough” for other people and am only comfortable with him. (The point, perhaps?)
Other days, I have to wonder what good it would do to be a brainiac, what use Master would have for that when my main purpose is dick sucking and come swallowing (of which, I am a distinguished road scholar!). He wants me to know gardening and how to run a house as cheaply as possible. He wants me to raise egg-laying hens.
I guess when he wants intellectually stimulating conversation, he goes elsewhere. When he wants an ass to fuck, he comes to me.
I’ve stumbled over this before. I had an inkling some years ago that he was “dumbing me down”. And I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t value intellect or that he has a particular problem with intelligent, self-confident women. In fact, I know he doesn’t. He’s just not that way.
He just doesn’t want that from me. He never tells me I’m stupid, ever. He always tells me I’m smart– but I sense that he’s directing the area of my “smarts”, de-valuing (perhaps) the areas that are of no benefit to him.
I do have a very specific purpose to him. He’s making those purposes be my only priority. More brainwashing?
The things you didn’t know you were signing up for, you know?
I’ll sit down and paint my suncatches and enjoy the fuck out of it. Then, sometime today, I’ll give him a blow job or cock my ass in the air and he’ll enjoy the fuck out of that.
I dunno. It all sounds like it should be very very fucked up.
Probably it is– and I’m too stupid to care.
~cunt
Tags: M/s rambles, realization
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Friday April 3rd, 2009 9:12am
Kaya,
I spend precious little time on the internets these days. There are a few blogs that I read, not because of the sex…but because I really enjoy the writing of the bloggers. Because they’re interesting…and by interesting I mean…well, you can tell that there’s some kind of intelligence there. It takes intelligence to write the way that you do, even when you’re writing about nothing at all. I read your blog every day.
I think you’re right though about S choosing the areas in which he wants you to become smarter in. Let me tell you, it takes some fucking skill and intelligence to run a household and take care of three (sometimes 4) other individuals. I still haven’t even reached baby martha stuart status yet.
And, well…I think it’s kind of interesting…the idea that a Master would kind of direct his slave in terms of what she applies her intellect towards. Master doesn’t have much use for me to know more about music, he’s got others to talk to about that. He teaches me about cars though, and politics…which is more important to him. The house stuff? Not as important to him right now as my education but if our future were more guaranteed, like he was making more money and had figured out what HE wanted to do for the rest of his life…I could easily see him deciding that I wouldn’t be in school…instead, I’d be enrolled in homemaking classes.
And the simple stuff? I have a bag of coloring books and crayons that sits next to the door for when we go out for coffee. He bought me a bubble kit at walmart a while back. The harry potter books are my FAVORITES, I’ll watch the movies any time they come on TV and I begged for him to take me to go see Wal-E.
I think that no matter how touch guy they are…they really like that little girl, vulnerable, wide eyed joy that we get out of these things. Believe me, before Master and I got together, when we were just friends, I was certain that he and I could never be together because…well, I doubted that he’d have the patience for my goofy little girl side. He’s always so Grown Up! Turns out…he likes it a lot!
er…*tough guy* not enough coffee yet…
I always thought that a large part of the point of submission was to be relieved of worldly responsibilities, and be responsible only for what your master wants you to attend to.
I cannot think that this is any great fault. It seems to me that the opposite viewpoint, the idea that you have to stretch out and do everything that can be done would force you out the door into the workplace to compete for money as though money were the measure of your value.
But if you tried that, you’d quickly find what you probably know already: that there isn’t enough time in the day — nor in a lifetime — nor is there enough energy in a body, to do ALL the things that even an average person is able to do.
And so you have to choose. Choose who to obey, who to follow, whose priorities to emphasize.
I suppose it’s good to be aware of the choice. But everybody makes the choice.
Sakes Kaya! I’m an ex-librarian from a huge city library, full of useless over-educated trivia and the hardest task I’ve ever tried to accomplish was aborted yesterday morning. No, not that! … a dozen duck eggs in an incubator.
Theoretically intellectual nonsense is … nonsense. Be someone who knows how to do useful things. I find that those things are by far the most gratifying. Domestic livestock, good breadmaking, a fine garden .. all this is way more pleasing than some foolish reading/writing/arithmetic business.
Cheers!
Alecto
(Here come my ducks, quacking up the driveway. I promise you that life cannot be finer!) (Or more full of duck poop, but that’s another post.)
i think about this a lot, but i’m not sure if my daddy realises it. i have two college degrees and have been working on a third, and it’s possible i won’t use any of them for anything but occasional conversation. it depends on where life takes us at this point, as we’re on the brink of change. but i’m daddy’s little one, and it’s possible that i may never use my college degrees ever again, but he seems okay with that.
of course, i love simple stuff like sun catchers (omg, what a great idea!), but that’s part of our relationship dynamic. i always figured it was an ageplay thing, but perhaps it’s a submissive thing in general. i’m not sure. i don’t suppose it matters.
it’s interesting i’m not the only one pondering the downsizing of my brain lately.
Oh, and btw, don’t knock Harry P. It’s brilliant!
Cheers!
Alecto
Though I don’t comment often I read you every day and the very last thing I think anyone could ever call you would be stupid. I find your posts hugely diverse….thought provoking, funny, clever, sometimes challenging, but never dull, never.
Since meeting Master, I’ve been able to arrange to work from home most of the time and I’ve found I absolutely love it. On quiet work days I ‘potter’ – spending time in the garden, cleaning, laundry, and its bliss to have the time for that….to not have to rush to fit it in around everything else. I think I’m the most contented now I’ve ever been….and I’ve gone past the point of caring whether anyone thinks I should fill my days with more ‘intelligent’ pursuits. My peacefullness makes Master happy, and gives me time to focus on what he wants for us.
Anyway sweety…..just wanted to say if you’re ‘stupid’ or ‘dull’ you are in excellent company!!!
love and hugs xxx
Chh…there isn’t much I get more enjoyment out of more than new colouring books, particularly if they are My Little Pony or Barbie (she has the best clothes!)!! And I’m 22, working on two degrees at the same time. I like my simple moments, I need the break!
Your writing is a far cry from ‘simple’
Ey, nothing wrong with Harry Potter! I’m 31 years old and I LOVE the books!
Master wants me to be ALL of it. He wants me to be the one he fucks, the one he talks to, the stimulating conversationalist, the gardener, the house keeper, the at home gourmet, his public face, the woman his friends envy him for having, and everything in between.
I think Master’s goal for me at first was to take me from driven, intelligent, self sufficient, independent female, to husband pleasing wife with no mind for anything except pleasing him. (That was probably because I was an uppity, entitled, and just all around mean girl styled bitch when he met me and he wanted to let me know that I was controlled and knock the wind out of my sails a bit.)
After a while though, I got over myself and started being a good wife and a good slave and he realized that he had made me terribly dull and not very fun for him so he started trying to balance me more toward the middle ground. He would rather have a polymathic woman who could exist comfortably in several peer groups. If I weren’t both an intellectual and a good homemaker, I would fall short of being what he desires.
I’m happy either way, but I am happier knowing that he values my brain and wants to cultivate my mind as much as he wants to use my body and home skills. I love that he recognizes when I’m overwhelmed and will pull me back into the home when I need it but I’m just as glad that he decides that he feels my intelligence is being wasted and assigns me tasks that cultivate that part of me.
Of course, he also brings me coloring books and art kits and all kinds of things and he took me out of school this time because A) my teacher is insane and B) I didn’t have time to devote to my art and jewelry and he thought I needed an artistic outlet. He also knew that I was suffering because I didn’t have time to make good meals and take care of him the way I want and the way that I feel he deserves.
So it’s never all one thing.
The first thing I was gonna say was “You are smart!” But you know that. The second thing I was gonna say was “He’s making you dumb on purpose!” But you know that too. So as usual, I have nothing intelligent to say, although I found your post enlightening.
It doesn’t sound to me like you are “dumbing down”; you’re just enjoying yourself.
You sound…(oh noes…) happy.
Intellectualizing…there is a time and place for that but dear god it can get tedious. Doesn’t mean you’re losing your IQ; just means you have different priorities right now.
Besides, as others have said, you can still whip it out when need be (no not THAT!). Heh.
You have heard the saying, “simple pleasures are best”, yes? It’s true.
Although most people have to get old enough to appreciate that wisdom, I think.
The next time you think you’re dumb.. or not intelligent.. try.. if you can.. to stop.. and step back.. and read your posts from the outside.. especially one that you’re angry about something.. your verbage.. your intellect.. your wit.. your reasoning.. even when it goes against everyone elses.. are astounding!! Just because you derive great pleasure from the simple things in life.. does not MAKE you simple.. it makes you a true treasure.. and He knows that.. *smiles*
You’re not stupid, Kaya. Honest.
And for the record? My favorite pastime is paint-by-number, thank you very much!
However… this is where I get to ask you questions! Did it just happen without you noticing? This redirecting of your brain cycles, I mean. Or did you know it was happening? And if you knew it was happening, how did you accept it?
Because something similar is happening here. And it’s frustrating me. And we’ve talked about it till we’re blue in the face. But I’m still frustrated. And I’m trying that “acceptance” word out on my tongue and it feels funny.
Halp! Confuzzed cat r confuzzed!
[...] Kaya wrote a post today that has me thinking. (She actually wrote a couple posts this week that have me thinking. Sitting down to write my thoughts just ain’t been happening – but the thoughts are there none-the-less.) She followed up on her blog post with a FetLife post, as well. [...]
Kaya, this entry made me so sad. You are NOT stupid and you are so much more interesting and honest than the pretentious idiots who start arguments on internet just to boost their egos and “impress” people.
This entry reminded me of a family anecdote. A relative of mine and his wife both have PhDs. They keep their car in their garage, and one day, the automatic garage door opener broke. They didn’t know how to get the car out of the garage, so one of them took a taxi to work (and was late) while the other took a day off to call a repairman to fix the garage. The repairman stopped by and had the car out of the garage 30 seconds after he started working on it. How did he fix it so fast? He opened the door manually. Between the thousands of books that they read and many years spent inside classrooms, it never occurred to either the relative or wife to just open the door themselves. They would probably be completely lost if they tried to take over the day-to-day routine of taking care of your family.
I have another relative with a Master’s degree who not only couldn’t figure out how to cook a bag of frozen corn at the last extended family gathering, but completely fucked up cooking it to the point where it was inedible. I don’t even know how you manage something like that. Why you wouldn’t read the directions on the package if you didn’t know what you were doing is beyond me.
My point here isn’t to rag on people with college degrees (I have one myself), but I learned a long time ago that being booksmart and otherwise considered “intellectual” doesn’t necessarily mean you are bright or have an ounce of common sense. This is why you should never, ever think you are stupider or somehow beneath these people. They might be more well-read and more experienced at debating, but that doesn’t mean that they are always smarter.
I once watched a friend’s husband, a geophysicist, clean a ceiling fan. He would clean one blade, step down off the stool, move the stool slightly, then clean the next one. Over and over. We waited until he was done to show him that he could have stayed in place and simply ROTATED the blades : )
Kaya,
Simple people like sinple things, but liking sinple things doesn’t make you a simple person. I only have to read several of your posts to know that. The people I’d be worried about are those who can’t seem to enjoy the simple things. I’m blessed with living in a home with a 4 and 5 year old, and sometimes you just have to let yourself play like a child. I’ve played pirates digging up buried treasure and bringing it back to our pirate ship (a tipped over play school plastic slide). I’ve played with the 4 year old boy and his plastic army men. Those things can relax me like nothing else.
I knew a guy who had a degree in english and he was incapable of enjoying a movie, because he couldn’t make himself sit down and just watch it; he had to be reviewing it and analysing it to the point where it was no longer something to enjoy, but a job to be done. He always seemed miserable; no wonder.
And for the record, managing a household is NOT simple. To this day, I still don’t understand how my mom got all that stuff done, and still had time to play with us kids. The skills you have will never lack for a place to be used. Think about how many people with advanced degrees are sayioing, Would you like fries with that?”
Dave
I soooo get what you are saying here. My boss asked me the names of the delegates participating in the G20 summit the other day and I’m like, “Ummm…Big Bird?” and then he asked me who was the Premier of our state and I’m like, “Ummm….Elmo?”
I used to know stuff like that and now I don’t have a care factor. It’s both sad and disturbing at the same time.
Oh, and I don’t mean to be picky or anything, but it’s a Rhodes Scholar
You are adorable!
I think you rock. I personally think that not everything in life has to be about being so incredibly smart. It can be about serving, giving and loving. You sound like you do these things incredibly well.
The Harry Potters are a great read. Have you read any of the Laurel K. Hamilton series? Hot, hot reads.
Take care,
April
Hi Kaya,
I have only commented here briefly in the past but this post and Carries have both caught my attention and I wanted to,,,,I don’t know – empty my brain? I apologize in advance for it being long. I have been discussing this topic with a gentleman friend and it could be my reality one day; soooo, here goes.
Gentleman friends of mine have mentioned their past relationships where the women were unhappy being home, felt undervalued, felt unfulfilled, looked down upon. Maybe I am missing something, but I see value in maintaining a peaceful welcoming home for you and yours. The fact that you can afford it is a gift from God.
I read Carrie and your blogs — not because of the harder BDSM stuff. (Honestly, sometimes I have to close my eyes and hit the forward key — I just blush) But I read your blogs because of your honesty on how you interact with your husband, and your kids, and the challenges you face in your world as a submissive woman loving a dominant man.
So many women, in any and all types of relationships lie about what it takes to have a successful relationship. They obscure the warts and all side of their relationships. You just put it out there. Love it or hate it — this is what mature women do to have successful relationships. You’ve decided how you will live, and you live it out, keeping your word. It has been painful, unhappy and at times scary. But you told the truth. This is how real-life happens, in all it’s honest glory.
You share hard-won wisdom about the realities of power-exchange relationships as compared to the fantasy-driven rantings of so many people on-line. Brutally honest sometimes (on-line relationships anyone?). You state plainly the pain and the pleasure of this type of relationship. With all due respect, your writings clearly display an intelligent, articulate witty woman who is by no means dumb, uninformed, unintelligent or a slowly regressing nincompoop.
You don’t think you can engage in the deeper more esoteric conversations on the web? Are you serious? Just this week you launched a conversation about emotional sadism. Brilliant. Did I agree? Heck No! It was scary stuff, but dog-gone it you made people think.
Hmmm, directing your smarts? The tasks you identified all require your smarts. You have noted repeatedly that he respects intelligence in women. Perhaps you do not see how your own descriptions shows he respects intelligence in you.
I could not do you. Anyone can perform a sex act. The rest of the stuff you do on a daily basis is beyond my abilities. I envy you. I’ve copied your recipes, lol, can’t make them, but I’ve copied them. Have you any idea what it takes to run a house? It seems so easy for you — it isn’t so easy for a lot of women. If it wasn’t for the kinky stuff you could give Heloise a run for her money. There are women who work too much to put out a nice garden — no time. Knowing you? Next thing we will see is LOL Chicks! He can call you and you can whip together dinner for a crew of folks at the drop of a hat. Everyone can’t do that! You are the go to girl. He has staff to discuss work issues with, what is the attraction of discussing that stuff with you? You are where his mind goes to find peace.
I ask you the same question I asked Carrie, Do you recognize the value of your role, of your submission in the greater scheme of things? You mentioned somewhere else that you get your husbands plate, get him a drinks when he needs it, put out a glass of water at night in case he wants a drink. I didn’t know those behaviors were submissive, I thought of them as loving. The idea that someone in this world looks at those actions and define them as subservient does not make it so, it is simply their perspective — their reality. It seems as if you are devaluing your activities because of some lingering, faint vision of simpleton behavior. Where is it written that serving your mate and perform courteous deeds to be considered nothing? A sign of a mindless drone?
If you were working outside of the home, would your house be as clean? I’ve hired housekeepers and I can still out-clean anyone who has ever worked for me. Would you eat as well? I wish I could spend a week with you before I get married again to get that whole cooking thing down, lol. Would you have the hobbies that you have? Could you grow a garden? Would you be as good a friend, a lover, a family member? When you work outside of the home — you make concessions, there are trade-offs.
You are reading Harry Potter. I am jealous, I can’t focus enough to get through those books. You have created a home for your husband, there is good food bubbling in a pot and whatever your interests, you excel at them. Your premise is you are happy so you are stupid. Girl, love your stuff and be happy.
Idk, I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately and now you girls brought it onto your blogs. I guess we don’t know till we know how a circumstance feels. But I don’t feel ’simple’, I don’t see you as ’simple’ so this leaves me perplexed.
Forgive me for being lazy, but I commented at Carries and use an edited version of this for her too. I want to understand, if you guys really feel this way or is this reflected back on you by others without an understanding or an appreciation of your contributions.
Sorry it is so long,
P
Perhaps I am missing something, but to my mind, simple does not equal stupid. And yup. I have a degree in education. And as far as this goes? “I probably couldn’t participate” in the “more intelligent, theoretic discussions”… It seems to me that you have done something far more than that: You have intitiated a significant number of them. The one about emotional vs. physical pain. This one. Check the numbers on your comment section. You make people think, react, examine their opinions, perhaps change them, or stand by them harder than ever. And simple pleasures? If the chives and dill I planted even germinate, my fat, 44 year old ass will do a cartwheel. And I read every Harry Potter starting in my 30′s and was heartbroken when I finished the last…Just sayin’
Rhodes Scholar, not road scholar, which Frank says was a funny punny name for a driving school.
After you finish all of Harry Potter, you’ll finally get all the names of my pigs. So far we have Albus Dumblerboar, Ginny, Minerva, Hermione, Wilhimina and Pomona. We sold Gellert, after he spent of summer of love with Albus.
Dumb? For someone who thinks she’s dumb, that was dammn well written. In case you’ve become so good that you’ve forgotten, let me remind you that writing (well) is *hard*.
I’m sorry I can’t reply to each of you individually right now. I want to because I have things I want to answer to, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. So the best I can do is a general reply.
I talked with Master about this a little bit last night. He said “I’m not dumbing you down, but I am focusing your attention and talents elsewhere.”
At the Other Place (fetlife) danae said: “being very isolated and him having such control over everything in my life – puts me in a bubble. I haven’t lost my smarts or knowledge I had before – there just is a different use of it.” I can identify with that.
I feel like I’m in a bubble. I have a hard time even faking an interest in things that aren’t in my bubble. When conversations turn to subjects that don’t directly affect my world, my eyes gloss over and I stare off into space and instead of being an active participant, I’m in my head thinking “Tra-la-la-la. Gardens and flowers and fresh bread! Tra-la-la-la!”
On the ocassion that something makes me stick my head out of my bubble and I realize just how focused I am, to the point of not letting the outside world in, I have a moment of… well, I don’t know what. I just have a moment.
Master said to me last night that he could just as easily send me to school for 8 hours a day but being that the service he wants is what he’s having me do right now, it would seem like a waste of valuable resources. Especially when the only purpose for doing so is some silly notion that his “job” is to make me the best I can be in all areas of my life when, according to him, his “job” is to make me be the best I can be in the ways that enhance HIS life. And that is where he puts his effort.
He assured me that at any time he wishes for a different type of service; a career, a titillating conversation partner, whatever, all it would take is for him to put the wheels in motion. He’s right, it would.
The Rhodes/Roads thing made me crack up. I was all “SEE! I R Stooopid! I has proooooof!” And I KNEW that, I swear I knew Rhodes vs. Roads. As soon as I saw it I was like D’oh! Hee. Too funny.
For rayne- I don’t notice it happening until something shocks me out of my stupor. The last time it happened, a few years ago, I had gotten lost in the city and I pulled over and just sat there, panicking, not knowing what to do. I remember thinking then that 5 years ago I wouldn’t have been so stumped, that I’d have handled it just fine. Then I took stock of my life and noticed all of the ways it was different, that I was different.
Then I slid back into my stupor I guess.
This time, what jolted me out of it was him laughing with/at me over that silly rubbermaid thing and my genuine delight over having it. Again, I poked my head up and really noticed the simplicity.
I’m pretty sure I’ll slide back into the bubble soon. Especially if our tentative plans for next week come about. Can we say “Bubbye children! Hello BDSM!”
Yes we can!
I don’t live in a D/s relationship. But from my own experience this “dumbing down” comes from something else. Although I am the primary bread winner in my family – I work from home – i go for days without leaving the house, hell – even putting shoes on. And when you are isolated like that, your thoughts become pretty focused. To where you are only thinking you-thoughts. Not that many people are around to offer their input or ideas, or to inspire new ideas that you would have never thought of.
Sometimes this frightens me. Sometimes I think that we all get into our ruts as we get older, and my situation isn’t *that* much different, as I scour the internet for all sorts of information every day. I dunno.
The Harry Potters are a great read. Have you read any of the Laurel K. Hamilton series? Hot, hot reads.
I wasn’t aware of some of the material that you mentioned so I want to just say thank you.