Honestly I don’t regret it, but I don’t believe that I will ever do it again, because it was that ugly for me. I don’t think many people, if any, do choose to do an intense power exchange relationship again to the same level of depth(because honestly, I’ve never read, never known any account of an intense BDSM M/s, tpe, 24/7 whatever you wanna call it, actually lasting if it was the submissives second intense relationship like that. The only ones that seem to work out, just from what I’ve seen, are the ones where it’s the submissive’s first mentally intense kinky relationship- I know there are probably exceptions out there, but it seems insanely rare).

I will never give up my life, my thought processes, again. I don’t want to, if only because I’ve found out that there are a lot of things to love about my independence. Six months ago, I think I thought that I could go back to the slavery mindset, but I can’t. I can’t trust that someone else can take care of me at the same level that I can take care of myself in certain ways, even if I believed that it was possible before.

Now, the issue is trying to find out if I can still be in a relationship (and not a fuck-and-run deal) without giving too much of myself to someone, if I can submit without sacrificing everything that I have.

Also, I think it’s clear, but there’s a big difference between fiscal responsibility and emotional. I think everyone should have life insurance and health insurance and “stuff” insurance. If they don’t, that’s their own stupidity – and I’m sure it adds to the horror of a relationship ending but that would be, and could be bad with just about any relationship. The way that D/s weaves into your mindset is what kills you when the relationship ends – although not perfectly controlled, I always described it as knowing that there was this huge robot control panel on my back, and that he ran it. He rewired it, changed all of the buttons to suit his needs, and when he left, I had no instruction manual on how to run myself. You eventually relearn, but it’s an ugly process.

And yes, I was being catty – at that particular moment I was really fed up with journal/live journal bullshit, and that comment just pushed all my bad buttons.

But that doesn’t change the fact people are pretty damn certain the journal was a fake – as sure as can be without an actually confession.

To what degree of fake, who knows. Maybe some of it was truth, or truth based … but the information I read (from a locked post, so forgive me for not citing my reference) was that Annissa herself admitted to someone that what she was posting was mostly fiction.

I do apologize – not so much for being catty, but doing it here, rather than in my own litter box.

It always appeared to me that D/s relationships are definitely more intense than others. I had one and while it wasn’t the longest, it sure was the more intense. I guess what I’m trying to say if that I can relate to the feeling of lost one might experience in that case, when it’s over.

There are days for me where its still hard…and it still hurts…and i still get into screaming matches with the powers that be.

Then i made things worse by making lots of stupid decisions…which made me angry at Him for affecting my ability to make thoose decsions…you dont hand over decion making to someone else and then be suddenly able to make them for yourself agian…

Its a nightmare…and a scarey possiblity that all slaves have to live with…and im not sure there is anything that can make it less scarey…there is no one to even talk to…i mean you can talk but they wont understand…they cant unless they are feelow lifestlye people who have gone through it…and even then its only a general understanding. i wish this woman the best…i hope her post has some kind of impact.

And yes, I do have a bank account in my name. It’s the inheritance my father left me. Master wouldn’t touch it if I gave it to him. We don’t think of it as starting over money. Life is unpredictable and dependent women are vulnerable. No matter how he comes to leave, I can’t think that a man who loves a woman or loved her at any time wants her to come to a bad end.

I just don’t agree that preparing for something makes it more likely to happen. There are plenty of people who have no fire insurance who’s houses still burn down. The wiring in their house would have been just as faulty even if they’d had fire insurance. The difference I guess is that they wouldn’t be in a homeless shelter or living out of their car.

Kitten

It happens, break ups like the one your friend Sharon went through. And they suck. Alost 2 years ago now my Master and I broke up and it’s been a struggle for me since, but I don’t regret a single moment of it. I have 3 beautiful children from our relationship and I have found that I am stronger than I ever thought I would be since we split. I moved on and am getting my life in a good place again. While I can’t say I will ever trust someone again to the level I did him, I still don’t regret a single moment. I learned a lot about myself and who my friends are.

:) keep on keepin on sweets, your blog inspires many and that is a good thing!

*hugs*