Smut Schmut
So I’m about 10 pages into that smut book that I bought the other day and I’m already rolling my eyes and irritated with it.
I simply do not like to read about sex. Weird, considering I write about it myself but *shrug* there it is. I find the descriptions to be cheesy. Things like “dying a thousand tiny little deaths” and “calling out to the heavens”… Pfft. Honey, you got laid. No need to pretty it up beyond that. Sheesh.
What’s irritating me even more with this book is the vocabulary. Now, I don’t mind reading a book that teaches me new words and challenges me to look up something so I can follow along. Most of the time I enjoy it.
However.
A smut book that I bought for half price at B. Dalton? I’d really like to leave my copy of Webster’s on the shelf, tyvm.
If, in the first ten pages I’ve had to look up four words, I’m likely to find easier smut to read.
“His lingam did not fit my yoni…”
Srsly? Seriously? You couldn’t just say “he had a big cock” or something? How many words for genitalia does one need to know anyway??
I’m going to stick with the Age Per Page Rule* on this book. Though I anticipate the next 51 pages to be painful to get through.
In other news:
I’m having a difficult time finding Fetlife interesting these days. I’m sure the interest will return, but every now and then talking about it is irritating. I just wanna do it and live it, and not feel the need to defend it, explain it, criticize it, judge it, etc., etc. And that’s really what Fet is about- at least in most of the groups I’m a member of. And the groups where we all pretty much agree with each other tend to get boring simply because sitting there nodding at each other doesn’t have nearly enough drama to hold my attention for very long. ;)
So boo on Fet, for awhile anyway.
Although… the other day I was watching a video on Fet and I almost lost my lunch. It was one of those where the jaded little voice in the back of my head was trying to warn me, saying “tess, you know what’s going to happen next” and the voice with unwavering faith in humanity was replying, saying, “no way. Nobody REALLY eats chunks of shit off of-OH MY FUCKING GO-*gag* *puke* *gag*-
So yeah. Now I’m even leery of the videos.
Of course Master finds that to be hella amusing and likes to bring it up just to watch me do that involuntary heave. And then he’ll go on to say how he could see himself doing that to me and how much he would enjoy watching me gag and struggle through it and-
*involuntary heave*
Nevermind. Let’s move on, shall we?
Disclaimer: It’s not that I think badly of people who engage in scat. More power to ya, if that’s your thing. I don’t think you’re any more sick or disgusting that I am.
It’s just not my thing. I’m sure some people have gagged over some of the shit (pun optional) that we do.
What else….
We haven’t yet started on the remodeling I want to do downstairs. Party because, as I’ve said before, we are expert procrastinators. Partly because the weather really hasn’t been conducive to hauling bare woods or drywall in the back of a pickup truck. Party because I’ve got to find somewhere to put all of the stuff that’s going to be in the way and I’m reluctant to do that when I don’t know when or if he’s ever going to start on it because it’ll get on my nerves to have shit where it isn’t supposed to be for an extended period of time. (Holy run-on sentence, Batman.)
And also partly (mostly) because Master really despises having to work on his time off of work. And I really despise asking him to. So I’m warring with myself over asking for it (and not crossing the line into nagging for it) or just trashing the whole idea. Except I know it’ll really improve the looks of things and be way more convenient and organized so there’s another part of me thinking… dare I say it… oh I do. I dare. I’m thinking ‘suck it up, buttercup’.
Yep. That’s the message I’m going to give him.
And then, I shall move in with one of y’all. ;)
And THAT thought has sparked another thought that has a post percolating. I’m off to let it percolate while I do laundry. BBL!
~cunt
*The ‘Age per Page Rule’ was taught to me by a 90-something year old woman who loved to read and, at her age, was reading by magnifying glass. She said that one was to read the number of pages that equals your age subtracted from a hundred and if you still weren’t “into” the book, then scrap it. (I’m 39 and 39 from 100 is 61. I’ve read 10 pages, I have 51 miserable more pages to go)
Life- and your eyesight- was too short, she said, to be wasted on crap writing.
I couldn’t agree more.
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Uncategorized | kaya | 
Thursday January 7th, 2010 7:09am
I think I’m going to have to start employing the Age Per Page Rule myself. I’ve already wasted too much of my life to books that I was promised were good, but were really shit (The Celestine Prophesy, I’m looking at you).
Fet’s been boring the crap out of me lately, too. Of course, that could be because all the people I love stalking best haven’t been active… *innocent whistle*
[rq=1768886,0,blog][/rq]It’s An Early January Miracle!
That is a brilliant method. I know I struggled way too hard through ‘Explorers of Gor’ because I felt I wasn’t doing my part if I didn’t read it.
Then the book snapped in half (with age! It’s so damn old!) and I was physically unable to read it. Ha!
i can understand how hard it would be to remodel when there has already been one inch of freezing rain in the past 24 hours.
Gotta love winter *grumbles*
[rq=1770315,0,blog][/rq]Knives
Kaya,
The better books are e-books, cheaper & always available. Let me know if you want the websites…
Oh my, “Holy run-on sentence Batman!” made me laugh through my tears. Just got done writing a poor-me post, still with my little pile of wet kleenexes.
Thanks for the much-needed laugh Tess!
[rq=1771204,0,blog][/rq]I haz a sad :(
i don’t care if you read or don’t read……….all i want to say is……….if you have to move in with someone. IT IS GOING TO BE ME!!! i got first dibbs, LOL
sable
I’ve had the same internal fight with fetlife also. I go on i snoop around. Get bored, and then i come over to blogger to see what everyone is talking about.
And i completely agree with you, I’m and official group lurking because really do hate arguing with true doms and true submissive who think that their way is the right way, all the time?! Ugh!
[rq=1772247,0,blog][/rq]Fat people aren’t beautiful
“His lingam did not fit my yoni…” Perhaps give the book one more chance… These terms come directly from the first English translation of the Kama Sutra ever published (about 150 years ago). They are Anglicized versions of the words used in the original. As such they kind of have something over the other six thousand euphemisms used to avoid the overly repetitive use of “cock” and “pussy” in such scholarly works as you are reading. I do hope it does gets better as you go… but I wouldn’t bet my lingam on it.
Age per page rule …. Easy for her to say she only had to read ten pages!!! You’ve got 61 …
Whenever I accidentally stumble across scat porn, I tell myself that they’re probably using fake poo for the cameras. Ignorance is bliss.
I’ve already talked to S about you moving in here, you can turn my creepy basement into a dungeon as long as you don’t make me go down there, and it’s quiet and there are no kids and you may even get to play outside, and…and…and…get down here already!
I almost had to employ the age rule in my most recent read. I’ll probably catch a ton of flack for this but, The Story of O sucked. It wasn’t descriptive enough about the right things- I still can’t bring myself to care what colour her dress was- and O herself was insecure and totally one dimensional. I’d heard great things about the book all over the place. I read it and bitched about being bored to M, he laughed at me. Final thoughts- “meh”. I finished it but I’ll never read it again and I’ll certainly never recommend it to anyone I like.
Happy Birthday T!!!!!