Sex is always the answer, it’s never a question.
Yesterday I met up with a couple of other small s-type girls for lunch. It’s really a lot of fun and I relate to this group of women so well that, literally, hours and hours pass before I know it and then I’m scrambling to get home. I didn’t get home yesterday until almost 4:30 in the afternoon! Yikes. Good thing I did chores in the morning and had dinner in the crock pot.
(Pat myself on the back for good planning. Good job, kaya! :D )
Anyway, one of the conversation questions was “What would you like to have happened in your life within the next year?” and my answer was that I would like to have the protocols and BDSM stuff become a higher priority than what they have been lately. I said that the line between being a normal vanilla wife and being a slave gets awful blurry awfully quickly.
It’s just all too easy to become complacent within our M/s relationship when we focus more on trying to avoid some of the curveballs life throws at us. Maintaining M/s to the level that we both prefer it takes work. Real work. Maintaining normalcy doesn’t. Or doesn’t seem to when compared to the other, I guess.
(And of course, even as I sit here talking about feeling like a vanilla wife, I can’t help but think of just how much of my day to day life would feel incredibly non-vanilla to a vanilla. But that’s not my topic today.)
As I was saying, I had said that I would like to have bdsm practices become more commonplace. I had also mentioned that in thinking that, I had to acknowledge that I could be more proactive myself. That I tend to fall back on thinking that, oh, he’s the leader and I’m the follower so I should just sit and gather dust while I wait for him to lead- when the truth is I should not be absolved of the work portion of keeping things high on the priority list. That I can’t fault him for not doing it if I’m not doing it either.
I don’t mean to make it sound like we’re wallowing in vanilla territory because it’s not that either. There are a myriad of things that happen throughout the day, and he does pay attention to things, and it’s not all bleak and dreary at ALL. But there are definitely areas that could use improvement and I was acknowledging that, in some cases, that improvement could start with ME, within myself, my attitude and my approach rather than taking the lazy way out and excusing myself because HE didn’t do this or say that or whatever.
Make sense?
No? lol. Too bad.
So yesterday evening, shortly after Master came home from work (which was shortly after *I* got home!), he started making sexual advances at me. And this is one area that we both know needs improvement. Sex.
Not the sex itself. He’s phenomenal in the sack and dammit, I am one lucky whore in that respect. What’s been off lately is the timing. Somehow, our timing together got totally screwed. Not only that, but the fact that his advances are coming at what I consider a “bad time” for me even factors in is totally whacked.
Part of it certainly is my continued lack of libido, which I am fairly convinced now is directly related to our lack of play. Because the fact is, when we do play, I get hornier than a two-peckered billy goat so I know it’s *there*, it’s just not getting “fed” as it used to. I don’t really worry about anymore because knowing it’s there and just a little starved right now is a pretty big comfort. I am not becoming non-sexual, I’m just hungry. Good enough.
So, having a lower desire means that when he wants to “do it” at odd times of the day, I’m more prone to try and weasel out of it. If I know it’s going to be just a wham-bam, or under the desk (I’m seriously hating that right now. Like, you don’t even know.) AND I have no desire for it? I’m just all… blah… and “do I hafta??” which, as you can imagine, isn’t conducive to creating happy-horny feelings for him.
Now, if we’re getting into bed and it’s going to be a good fuck with no pressing concerns like kids asking for homework help or dinner burning on the stove or whatever, then even though I still have a low desire, I’m less likely to try and excuse my way out of it.
Unfortunately, Master tends to be sleepy-tired by the time we get to bed and HE doesn’t want to do it then. He wants to fuck when he’s horny and has the energy. Like, when he gets home from work.
So, needless to say, it’s been kind of a hit and miss, with some mutual but understood frustration on both of our parts.
My frustration has been blanketed with some hella heavy guilt, too, though. I’m supposed to be the sex slave here, yanno? Oy.
Anyway, so after the conversation at lunch, and then he comes home and starts smooching on me and eyeing the bedroom, and then he asks me what I’m doing and says let’s go fuck.
Seriously, and this is so fucking sad- I gave him a rueful smile and pointed to the kitchen. “I can’t. I’m cooking.” which I was honestly doing, and to back up my words, right as I said that, the oven timer dinged. As I walked away, I jokingly quipped over my shoulder “Excuse me while I go tend to the real master of the house- the stove.”
He didn’t say anything. I mean, this is the norm around here lately. Unless I’m really NOT doing anything, somehow his needs have fallen to the bottom of the priority list. I just can’t fathom how cooking or homework or *whatever* started trumping his dick.
So I go into the kitchen and check on the biscuits. They aren’t quite done yet so I reset the timer for another 2 minutes and I’m standing there thinking. The conversation at lunch is echoing in my head, along with his quiet acceptance of me having walked away and it’s bothering me. Like, bothering me a LOT. And I just keep thinking, be proactive, cunt. THIS is not proactive. THIS is lazy. This is shameful. This is NOT slavery or bdsm. This is what you say you don’t want, yet this is what you DO?? Get with the program, woman!
I kind of look around the house a bit. B-man is in his room playing video games and probably won’t come out until I drag him out. Am had fallen asleep on the couch and probably wouldn’t wake up until I poked her. Jes is gone still. So what uber-important thing am I doing here? What is the worst that will happen? We’ll have cold biscuits for dinner. That’s what is keeping me from going and servicing my Master’s cock?? Srsly, cunt?
Let’s see. If I were him and my cock was twitching and I had a supposed sex slave who, ideally, is to service that cock whenever it twitches and instead she’s decided that watching biscuits brown is more important?? Uh… mayhaps there needs to be a lesson given about priorities. Or.. maybe that lesson should already be known and the next lesson is giving up.
Sad thoughts, yeah? Sobering thoughts.
But this is how we grow, right? I mean, I like to think that being brutally honest with myself about my failures means something.
I guess the real test is what I ultimately end up doing with these realizations. Not just for one day, but every day.
Well, I’m happy to report that we had cold biscuits for dinner. Onward and upward, Christian soldier!
~cunt
Tags: general, M/s rambles, reflection
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Friday March 27th, 2009 7:58am
I think we all have been there or can routinely go there. The trick is not to get stuck in the rut. The atmosphere of the M/s part is not being kept up for various reasons so how we feel and act towards things gets affected. As you wonderfully wrote this stuff takes work and conscious effort to maintain and while it can feed on itself in a good way it still takes the effort to stoke the fires. Protocols are a wonderful way to maintain a healthy atmosphere.
I wish you well and in reaching your future goal.
Lin
Thanks Lin. I guess as long as we acknowledge it and keep striving to fix it, we’re keeping our head in the game, right?
timing can fuck it up and I’ve learned that I’m a nighttime person and he is a morning person. So I plan according to his needs.
I get what I need when he wants / needs – works for us.
Yep. That’s what I need to work on.
Wait, where’s the part about teh amazing sex you had in all the detail? I want DETAILS!
So glad the biscuits are cold. I’m convinced it’s something to do with cooking. You get so focused on it not tasting like doggie-do that it’s hard to remember that a meal, like a beating, rarely has permanent effects.
lol @ the details. Lets see– there was some breathplay, which led me to some scared whimpering and a tear or two, there was some genital contact and a vibrator and lots-o-juices from orgasms.
There. Details. :P
Kaya, this just rang so true for me. I’ve done the same thing, said “no”, albeit for valid reasons and felt the same way afterwards (like shit) and…yeah.
I think personally this is the hardest part about being an s-type (*eg*) person, really.
Being consistently submissive and obedient at all times. Whether they notice or not, or whether it’s boring or inconvenient. “Yes dear” at all times. I asked Dan a long time ago if he got a kick out of me resisting him (outside of sex play), if he really enjoyed the act of “correcting” me. And he surprised me when he said, “no”. He really does want my obedience, at all times and instantly.
When I vowed to obey him, I didn’t say, “But only on my terms” I just vowed to obey, period.
But it’s *hard* and I’m not perfect at it and sometimes my ego gets in the way because I’m human. Sorry to babble, struck a chord.
Glad you guys connected. :)
“I asked Dan a long time ago if he got a kick out of me resisting him (outside of sex play), if he really enjoyed the act of “correcting” me. And he surprised me when he said, “no”.”
Yeah. I asked that too. Completely not the answer I wanted..lol. It was a real eye opener, though. I guess I didn’t really know it wasn’t always cute to resist, that he didn’t always want the challenge and that easy submission is HIS want.
Who knew??
Now if we can just figure out how to do it like that all the time. Boo.
I babbled more, and eventually realized I had so much to say that I wrote it on my own blog. But I think my Master is the same, wants my submission easy.
Plain and simple from one of these strange Dominant guys who prefers to not have to always be correcting you…
…IT IS A LOT OF WORK!
Yes BDSM as a whole tends to be a fair bit of work but adding in the need to constantly be on about every little thing just compounds it all. If you also factor in work and other day to day stresses, I, and several others I would wager, would rather be able to just know our s-types will be there obeying most of the time.
Not to say we don’t also like occasional cheekiness and bratty bits in there….just not all the time ;)
I mean, I like to think that being brutally honest with myself about my failures means something.
I base my life on this. I couldn’t deal with all my fails if I didn’t think that being able to see them clearly and do my best not to repeat them didn’t in some way make up for them!!!
Exactly. Hard as it can be to have to look at them in all their naked glory, I’d rather do this than pretend I’m perfect when I am so incredibly far from that!
Anyone volunteer to be my proof-reader? I just fixed about a bazillion typos and I’m sure there’s more. I hate that. It’s so embarrassing! If you see them on any post, not just this one, point them out please!
I’ll let ya know if I see any but I’ve noticed disturbing lapses in my own writing lately that makes me think “Alzheimers”, like, entire words left out, “for” and “the”, etc., and I’ve even confused “there” and “their” which I NEVER thought I would, so…I’ll let you know if I happen across any on your blog but you have to do the same for me, k? :)
I’m glad your biscuits turned out to be cold, hun
*squishes*
cold biscuits…warm…well…you can fill in the blank! lol
I think it needs to be said the appropriate response goes along the lines that you may warm your biscuits, but he needs to warm your buns
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