I was training my slave to approach submission in a similar fashion. Unfortunately, my living arrangement with my wife did not allow enough hands-on time to fully indoctrinate the slave to choose to stay with me. I did punish her for no reason. I used pain as a learning tool. I used her without any thought of her discomfort or pleasure. I trained her to accept my use of her body as my right; to prove to her that she was my property and that I wanted her as my property. She loved being put to the test; she loved me. I loved her in a more paternal manner than she preferred. She wanted a more romantic version but I needed to reserve that for my wife. I promised that I would accept her permenently, collared and pierced with my rings. I offered her the position as family slave, but she left. I sometimes feel that I pushed too hard and too quickly over the year that we were together.

PS. Hope my last comment didn’t weird you out, if I did please forgive me? I was totally zoned and zonked from Mardi Gras, I should know better than to try to make complete sentences when I’m half gone. I admire you and your Master so much, I think you are both brave and bold and beautiful and I’m on your side. The only X’s I’ll be clicking for you are kisses and hugs:

XOXOXOXOXO ;-)

I loved the end of this post – sorry pretty much skipped through the essay bit – been reading official soundign stuff all day and this sounded a bit too like that for me to handle right now – but the end bit? Loved it!!

Now I’m pissed off at missing the sarky comment though. Serves me right. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – working gets in the way of so much internet time, its just not funny!

Glad you got that determination back in focus. My HR dept keep telling me its good to have a goal. (If they say it, it must be true, right?)

cuddlybum

Hello Kaya, my name is chance and i have been reading your blog with great interest the last month or so. You are a very nice writer. i don’t usually converse with people on the net too much but felt compelled to write. i keep my own blog but am still new to this world. An earlier post you made encouraged people to say hi, so i am. i was upset by your post the other day about your ‘disconnection’ with your Master. i can relate and i know a little of what you speak. Its a solid bond people like us seek, and it can be extremely fragile as well. Like the article on torture says, it has to involve both parties, interacting constantly to acheive an escalation of the Master and slave, or in my case the Mistress and slave relationship. i too seek what is portrayed in the excerpts from the torture article. i too have had that to a certain degree and know what sleep deprivation, brain washing through ritual, and constant torture can make me feel like. Sometimes i beleive i will never be that free again. i remember crying many times, not from the torture but from the idea in my head i was letting my Mistress down because i couldn’t take what was being given. i remember bawling about this after a particularlly grueling session, i told my Mistress i was sorry and she told me not to worry, that i did good, and that i lasted much longer than i thought i had. i remember instantly how good i felt, all i cared about was whether she was pleased and proud of me. She made me an unthinking, eager and compliant recipient of any torture, degradation, or mind control she could think of. i think here is the M’s job, to constantly reinforce, to take the thinking away, to take the individual away.
Anyway i just wanted to say hi and to say that in the strange way of modern times, i’m with you. For all the emails you probably get on the negative side i just wanted to be one that said, i understand, i want it to, i have had it and i will get it again because i am a determined little bitch.
chance
http://destinyandherpetchance.blogspot.com/

Personally – it makes me drip and drool as much as you. I tend to prefer mental and emotional torture over physical … but it’s not like I’ll get to choose. I’ll just get to … experience. Feel. Wallow.

Damn, and I missed snarky comment? Bet I can guess what it said – those assholes have no imagination …

I loved the ending of your post… enough is enough uh?