Rambling Man, er.. Girl. Slave. Cunt!
I have nothing in particular to talk about (though I feel a rant coming on!) but I have lots of little things to yak endlessly about.
First, I want to thank all of you so much for the comments on the diet entry. All that information is awesome. And most all of you supported what the others said so I don’t even have much conflicting information to confuse myself with. I’m readjusting my workout schedule, dropping body pump down to 3 times a week, pilates 2 times and adding in a 3 time a week cardio/aerobics class. Then I’m cutting way back on the treadmill junk. I feel a lot less overworked already.
The food/nutrition stuff is a tad daunting for someone who has never really paid any attention to food labels. As soon as I find something that is low cal/low fat/low sugar, the sodium is astronomical. And if the sodium is low, the sugars are high or something. It’s no wonder people pay the money for something like Jenny Craig, and no wonder they gain it all back when they stop that delivery. I know I’ll get it all down eventually but in the meantime I only feel safe eating a celery stick!
What’s the nutritional verdict on Special K’s Protein Plus cereal? Cuz I really like it.
Frustrated as I am with it, I’m not giving up. :)
~~*~~
So I haven’t talked about Babygirl in awhile. She’s 8 1/2 months old already. Can you believe it? It seems like I was still talking about Jes’s pregnany belly just last month! Babygirl is doing great. She’s crawling like a pro, and is pulling herself up to stand and walking around furniture. She’s into everything. I had the cat dishes blocked off with a chair that I laid down, but she’s figure out how to go around or climb through the legs so I need to figure out something else. I need to put childlocks on the cupboards that I don’t want her in because that’s just hella fun, yanking everything out of there.
Her favorite thing to do is to take this cat toy that we have and wave it around for the cats to play with. She just thinks it’s HILARIOUS to watch them try and get it while she yanks it away. It keeps them all busy so win-win for grandma! The cats are pretty gentle with her. She’s gotten a couple of scratches, but she crawls all over them and they don’t even care. Dracula really seems taken with her and stays somewhat close to her most of the time. The other two only come around when she’s waving that toy.
She does a lot of babbling and screeching, clapping her hands and hollering to make sure she stays the center of attention at all times. She really dislikes being ignored and between her and the gym and the rest of my chores, internet time can be pretty scarce.
Most days I wouldn’t change it for the world. Other days, she exhausts me beyond all reason. She is never still. Ever.
You’d think, seeings as how she’s not my baby, I wouldn’t be so tired, right? Sadly, not so much. Jes is… she’s struggling. A lot. The reality of it hit her pretty hard and she crumbled. I kinda figured it was coming, she’s very much got her head in the clouds (or stuck in the sand, whatever) and doesn’t like to think about the hard stuff. Unfortunately, Babygirl is nothing but hard stuff really and she’s flaking out on us.
It’s difficult because I don’t really know how best to handle the situation. She at least had the balls to come to me and say, look, I can’t handle this and I don’t want to take it out on her, so what should I do? Other people who can’t admit that end up with hurt babies.
It hurts me a lot to see her fail in this. I’m hopeful it’s a temporary stall. So I am stepping in and taking on a lot of Babygirl’s care to relieve some of the pressure so she has a minute to get herself together. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do, but it’s the only thing I know to do. I’m not taking any moves toward guardianship as of yet, though talk did turn that way. I don’t want it to get that drastic, neither does Master- though we’d do it in a heartbeat. Even though the parenting finish line is a short 3 years away, we’d sign on for 18 more if we had to. There is not a chance that either he or I would let Babygirl go to foster care, if it came to that. He’s as in love with her as I am.
But that’s worst case scenario anyway. I’m not losing faith in Jes, I know she has it in her to do this and do it right. She just needs a boost right now. Anyway, I’ve given her a month as a time limit to lessen the worry of the baby and to get her education/employment straightened out and if there isn’t a significant step in the right direction, we’ll see where her thoughts are about custody, etc.
So I’m definitely more in role of mom than grandma and it’s a very confusing and stressful place to be.
It all trickles down to everything else, too. It’s certainly affecting the time and energy I have for service. The housework isn’t really up to par and I’m only getting done what is important to him. Master’s understanding though, he’s seen this child in action.
Anyway, she’s been clawing at the laptop keyboard and I’m backspacing more than I’m typing so even though I wasn’t finished here, I’m finished here..lol. Y’all have a good one. :)
ps. I have another 2 or 3 March questions and that’s all of them, unless I missed one somewhere!
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Uncategorized | kaya | 
Monday March 22nd, 2010 10:36am
Kaya
My heart goes out to you and your Master.
I too have a daughter who has a baby and who is young(19).So far she is doing ok even with going through a divorce and the dad not wanting to be a part of the babies life for the most part.Me and butterfly have one more at home full time(one more year of high school) and one that comes and goes(one that just got out of high school). But neither of us could imagine having to start all over in the Mom and Dad role. I wish you all the best and hope that all works it’s self out.
Master JB
I don’t know how I missed that you have a cat named Dracula, but that is hilarious and awesome.
[rq=2464029,0,blog][/rq]Review: Crash Pad Vol. 5
He got his name because when he’s lying around he almost always has his mouth hanging open with his fangs on display- that he is pure black only made it that much better. ;)
[rq=2465666,0,blog][/rq]Rambling Man, er.. Girl. Slave. Cunt!
Kaya,
That food label thing is what really frustrates me too. If it’s low carb and low fat, it has tons of sodium. If it’s low sodium, then it has tons of fat or carbs. I have found some blessed exceptions, though. Sour cream, in moderation, isn’t too bad per serving; you just have to pay attention to the servings. When cooking from scratch, I swear by Mrs. Dash, who not only makes seasonings, but marinades as well. Pepper and Mustard are reletively harmless for me as well, as well as a couple of brands of Italian dressing (salad rocks, diet wise).
While I’m sorry to hear that Jes had, effectively, a parenting meltdown, I’m thrilled she saw the writing on the wall and had the courage and wizdom to get the relief baby-girl needed. With any luck, some time off was all that will be needed.
Bonding with the kitties is great. Her being able to view pets as friends and playmates so early will stand her in good stead for the rest of her life. A new mom I know out here panicked at her cat crawling into the bassinet to snuggle with her baby and gave up her cat the next day. Too bad, really.
Oh, I have a guest blog at Rayne’s place (http://www.insatiabledesire.com/). Cool, huh?
Dave
Thank God she had the balls to come to you and say help me, wiser than she will ever realize, I often wonder if there is a finishing line for parents? I tend to think not…but you know I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, that little soul is in your living room driving you crazy and re-arranging your life and priorities for a reason, you don’t need to know the reason…just accept, when the time is right everybody will figure it out…
ps
glad to hear you are sticking with the diet and modifying the work out!
Here’s a recipe for soup, fairly easy, good for you too! and it freezes like a dream, I find soup fills me up and keeps the hunger pangs away..ok here we go and none of these measurements are exact, so you are going to have to wing it, but it is impossible to screw up :)
You need:
dried yellow lentils – let’s say two cups?
Rough chop:
Big onion
couple of carrots
a few cloves of my favorite – garlic
2 tablespoons or to taste of tomato paste
salt to taste
beef bullion cubes 2 or 3
dried corriander
cumin
saute the onions/garlic/carrots/corriander/cumin for a few minutes in olive oil…
add lentils which have been rinsed and bullion cubes.
cover with water and let cook for about 30 to 40 minutes, add more water as you see fit, but don’t worry about the consistency just yet…just don’t let it burn.
When it is cooled and it looks terrible at this point put it in the food processor and puree to death or use one of those nifty hand held blender gizmos…put it all back in the pot, add a few tablespoons of tomato paste to add some color, taste to re season..add water to get the consistency you want and viola it is done and very good for you…low fat, low sodium, remember the salt is in your hands..bon apetite!
pss
you can also add green chili if you like to add some spice and about a million other things, it is a very forgiving recipe
The Special K protien cereal is good for you, i eat it all the time, its part of my diet. Get Jes into some parenting classes, it will help her alot, and help her handle the hard stuff.
I don’t have grandkids yet, but Warren and I started over (accidentally :-)) when I was 41 and he was 45. My sons are 26, 23, and 8. It’s tiring, and exhilarating, and it will keep you both young, but it’s not easy. If you need a shoulder, or anything else, you have my e-mail.
have you considered that Am might have post-partum depression? i know she had a really terrible birth experience, and with all the pressures on her, and her young age… she’s just at such high risk.
kudos to you for picking up and taking care of the baby :)
Don’t worry about the nutritional stuff – keep plugging along and it will all click. I’m still exploring my own options, but I’ve learned a lot – so if you have a question, let me know. =)
[rq=2466029,0,blog][/rq]-24
kaya,
Wow…i have been there, seen that, done that. i can remember calling my mother when my oldest was a baby and begging her to please come get her because i was afraid of how i was going to react to one more scream, one more bit of food thrown across the room, one more anything. It is wonderful that you and your Man have been able and willing to step up and take all this on. There is something less then guardianship that you could consider if you decide you need to. Look into a temporary power of attorney. It would allow you to get medical care, make education arrangements, and so forth for Babygirl if need be. Also, i found that joining a play group where other young mothers and children were involved helped me to feel not so alone. It provided me with friends who were in similar life situations and allowed me to see that i wasn’t the only one who was struggling. Good luck to all of you.
So – try and focus your nutrition information in certain key areas. When I started ‘counting’ everything, focusing on just calories, I wasn’t dropping any weight whatsoever. I talked to my trainer at work, and she looked at my diet adn told me I was eating way too many carbs (empty cals), and not getting nearly enough protein and fat as I needed. For my body type adn goals, I’m now trying to limit cals to about 1500 per day (don’t go below 1200, you’ll put your body into starvation mode). I try and limit carbs to about 150 per day, fat to 50 grams per day, and protein to around 110 per day. Getting my protein and fat in is HARD. You have to pick good meats and oils – fish, chicken, almonds, olive oil, and I definitely have to supplement with protein shakes. I tend to go for the low-carb deals, as they’re typically very high in protein, low in carbs, and decent on fat counts (just watch Saturated Fats…too many of those aren’t good).
If you’re struggling – try focusing on ONE thing first. I.E., cut down on carbs. If you start cutting down on carbs, you’re going to naturally increase your intake of other stuff that you want – like fats and proteins. Learn to love veggies, they’ll be your friend! :)
On the baby thing – I wish you luck. My little sis (16) had a baby in January, and I’m really hoping she is able to figure things out and keep it together enough to handle him…but I have a feeling she’s going to hit the same point Jess has. She definitely has not gotten out of the “playing house” mode yet with baby boy.
The nutrition books you got will be great for you, I’m sure, and congrats on your five additional pounds. You’re an inspiration to a fatty like me, I promise you. As far as actual food goes, you DO know to stay the hell away from prepackaged stuff, right? It’s far better to cook things from scratch.
Not that my opinion matters much, but it makes me very sad that you’ve taken over for Jes. I don’t believe that most parents who aren’t prepared (which is what, most of us, if not all?) end up with hurt babies. It’s hard, it sucks, and you have to be a huge fan of delayed gratification to hope that “in the long run” it’ll be worth it. But most of us don’t have the option to say, “I can’t handle this!” and detach.
But it worries me that she’s bailing now, when the baby is easy. I don’t care how difficult it is to run on lack of sleep or to feed a kid all the time or change diapers – she’s not even walking, let alone talking, smart mouthing, struggling in school, having fights with boys (or ohgod, having sex with boys)…Babygirl is still EASY. If she’s flaking now how will she handle the hard stuff? And is the motivation to handle any of it there if she KNOWS that you and S will step in and take over for her?
Maybe I’m too cruel, not being in the situation myself. It’s not like I can say that I understand, because I am NOT and cannot be in your position. But I know I was a very young mom (19) and I’ve managed. Granted, I was on my own at 15, I had a job, and I do have a great support system in my Master and my parents (who babysat while I worked). Ultimately though, I am still Mom, and I am still doing the dirty work, not shoving it off on someone else. I also struggled a LOT with PTSD after he was born and fucked up a lot of my life, lost friends and relationships and pets and my apartment…but through it all, I’ve done my absolute best with my kid. Not to say THE best, just MY best. Best of luck to all of you in what has to be one of the most difficult situations ever.
[rq=2471950,0,blog][/rq]Public Post
I, too, would suggest parenting/child development classes for Jes. What about counseling? Teen parent support group in the area?
The diet thing can be tricky, but as someone else said, stay away from processed stuff. If you make it yourself, you know what is in it. Eat slowly, and pay attention to your body telling you when you’re full.
Have you heard of the program “Parent’s as Teachers”? I would definitely look into it if it’s in your area. They do home visits and give parents support and ideas on how to help their child learn and develop. It’s not just for young or single or low-income (or whatever) parents – it’s for everyone. I refer *all* of my preschool families to it and in some states every parent is given information about the program when each of their children are born.
You’re a good mom, dumplin.
[rq=2473927,0,blog][/rq]Pleasurists #70
hey Kaya,
One of the things they say makes the most difference in dieting is writing everything down. What you eat and portion size. If you were to do that for a while, maybe write it here, people would help you with it. They also suggest you plan what you will eat, before you eat it. You could write that down, ask for feedback about whether its good or bad dietwise.
Also, somebody suggested Weight Watchers, which is a really good way to get an idea of how much you should be eating and how to get the right number of calories, they take some of the guesswork out of it and tell you how to cope.
Also, who cares about sodium? If it’s not a specific problem for you, don’t try to change everything overnight. Just look at fat and calories for a while.
And good for you for grandparenting your grandaughter and parenting your daughter.
[rq=2476271,0,blog][/rq]Swallowing
You definitely have your hands full hon, but you are a strong determined woman. Sending good thoughts to you, Babygirl and Jes…and as many virtual hugs as you can handle.
[rq=2477119,0,blog][/rq]Letting Go
My brother in law is raising his two grandchildren. I saw what caused it and why and it is the right choice. IT is hard to raise a kid today by yourself. I can understand that Jes is tired but the break you are giving her is great. I would suggest not saying one month and you are done but say after a month you can take the baby three days a week to give her a bit of a break till the baby gets a bit older. IT is not for ever but only a few more years and then you will be talking school and where did the time fly.
You and your Master are awesome, just awesome. You let Jes go about this her own way and that gave her the faith in you to say “help me”. My dau (newly 3) is a gigantic handful. I’m 51 and she wears me the hell out. Wife comes home from work and says “why are you so tired?” Well, duyh. Gebezzuz. she was an early walker (9 months) and that was the prelude to the days ahead. Getsinto, grabbing, clambering up on things…you name it, we’re going through it. And the mouth? Dear Goddess she is hyper verbal….and fucking loud. Way louder than all 3 boys. Combined.
I get the tired stuff. I really, really, really do.
Hang in there and know you have a hella cheering squad here!
nilla
worst day ever? when lil girl stopped naps.
[rq=2485647,0,blog][/rq]The Farm (pt 3, fini?)
Glancing through the other comments…counseling/parenting classes might be a great idea. Also, maybe looking for any PPD groups…not that Jes is necessarily having PPD issues, but the comraderie and knowing you aren’t the only mom struggling helps sooooo much!
Boy is a whirlwind three-year old and Girl is just 8 months, so I can appreciate how the chores are suffering. It’s taking me all week to get through the normal list, and a lot of my “extra” effort is going into the garden right now (instead of the house). So, yeah…I’m grateful Beloved is understanding and he does help quite a bit. I just wish I could get the nagging voice in my HEAD to shut up…!
[rq=2494152,0,blog][/rq]hiatus?
As far as weigh tloss and fitness, I highly suggest you pick up a copy of Oxygen Magazine and learn more about “clean eating” and weight lifting as a catalyst for sustained weight loss. This magazine changed my life and I think it might help you. Don’t let the cover and models inside get to you – this magazine is full of great food ideas and helpful info. Incorporating more weight training into your exercise will make your workouts much quicker and you will start to see the results soon. Don’t worry about “bulking up” – it is virtually impossible for a normal woman to gain any substantial muscle mass. You will just get lean and have the metabolism of a teenager again. And a few quick suggestions if you do start to lift weights as part of your weight loss plan – do a quick cardio warm up (no more than 15 min.) then lift and then do your cardio after and don’t over do the cardio (big beginners mistake) and really learn about weight training (bodybuilding.com is a great site with great success stories). Good luck! Feel free to contact me if you want more info from someone who might understand about your weight loss struggles – at my heaviest I was about 200#s at 5’4”.
Keep your chin up about Jes and Babygirl! And try to get Jes to see a counselor.
-danni
This is awesome! One of your lurkers suggest that your eat as little food as possible from a package- mostly fruits, veggies and lean meats. Check out the “paleo diet” which may be a little extreme for you (it is for me), but can give you some great ideas. And the best thing you can do is do some sort of weight lifting. Most cannot bulk up unless they are on steroids. Instead, you will melt fat, be stronger, and improve your bone health. Collage Video is a great source for mail order stuff. Good luck, and please show us when you get to buy something pretty- new lingerie or a slinky dress or somethin’ like that!
I used sideways coffee tables to keep the kids out of the cat bowls when they were that age..High enough to keep the kid out, strong enough to support the kid pulling up on, but low enough the cats could jump over or go through the back legs. I pushed it at a angle against it worked all the way past 2 and almost into 3 with both kids.