Q&A-2
If you had to quantify it, what percentage of your original wants, needs, personality, instinct, self remains now that you have been remade by your owner? If you had to look back 5 years, how are you different? How are you different just from a year ago? What have you done that you thought you’d never do? Not just sexually, but what have you done that without M. would have been impossible?
Original Wants: 50%
Original Needs: 75%
Original personality: 25%
Original instinct: 25%
Original self: 10%
5 years ago, I was learning to align my wants and needs with his. I was struggling to accept that this relationship was going to be done the way he wanted it done, even if I did think I knew a better path. Having to accept that it wasn’t going to be everything I’d fantasized about, and that he wasn’t doing it the way the interwebz said he should was a hard pill to swallow. Truly.
1 year ago, M and I were in the midst of a(nother) relationship upheaval, and I really feel like I’ve made significant progress there. That might tie in with the 5-year question, actually, in that its taken that long for me to see/believe/trust in his leadership.
What I have done that, without M I thought was impossible? I made myself vulnerable. Sometimes I think, at 41, I’m only just becoming comfortable with who I am, what I am, and giving him all of me. You always think you’ve opened and given and trusted with all of you until you discover a deeper pocket, something buried under layers, and you’ve gotta open it up all over again. He gives me the safety to do that, without fear.
In a lighter vein, I thought it was impossible to have a nail driven through your flesh and live to tell the tale. Srsly!
If you could give one thing in the world to Babygirl and new baby, what would it be and why?
Stability. Because I know they probably aren’t going to have it.
Gimmee the deets on your cats, please! :D “BITCHES LOVE CATS!”
Well, one of them ran away last fall. Annie (pee-cat), the little tortie (who peed in my purse once) and who was M’s favorite and who had decided he was her human, and draped herself all over him when he was home like a little slut. It’s very sad and we miss her a lot. :-(
So we just have the four left, and while we love them too, they just don’t have the personality that Annie did. Wilford and Grandpa are the two old timers that M adopted from the shelter for me for my birthday last year. They are in the 12 to 13 year old range, and Grandpa (he looks like a grumpy old man) is FIV+, but his health is maintaining. Wilford (named after Wilford Brimley cuz they look alike) has got to be the laziest cat in the history of sloth-hood. He’s also hugely overweight and I’m supposed to be putting him on a diet but I seriously don’t think I overfeed them and I don’t quite know how else to cut down on their food!
Then there are Lover and Dracula. Also from the shelter where we got them as kittens, they are 4 year old litter-brothers. Lover is big, orange lovebug, who mostly wants to love you with his teeth, but he IS loving you, for realz (and who doesn’t like a love bite, anyway, huh?).
Dracula got his name because he never seems to close his mouth all the way so his fangs are always showing. Plus he’s all black so the name fit perfectly. Unfortunately, his nickname, which also fits perfectly, is Derp. If he doesn’t have his fangs out, then he has his tongue sticking out, with the blankest expression on his stupid cat face.
Herpa Derp!
Remember, March is Blogger’s Q&A month. Leave a question in the comments, anonymous or not, or by email (kaya at underhishand dot com). My brain is yours to pick!
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Monday March 5th, 2012 6:23am
Ok, so here’s my question.
I can understand masochism, being a slave and all that. What I don’t get is giving up yourself so much that you’re isolated up to the point that without him, you’ve got nothing. I like being kinky and slave-ish and caring for my man. But I would never ever let someone take away my ability to care for myself if I have to (i.e. my job/education). Is this something that you get a kink out of or is it something you accept because M wants it? Can you maybe explain?
Are you still required to wear your nJoy 24/7? If not then why not?
Early on there were times where you were chained in a closet and later in a special “cell” under the stairs. Do you have something similar in the new(er) house? If so how often are you in there? Again, if not why not?
haha, Dracula def has the “herpy-derp” look, ahaha!
So sad on little Annie; we still miss our little guy that we lost last year too. :( It’s the downside of having pets, for sure.
It really is. The not-knowing gets to me. Is she dead? How did she die? Did she lie, stuck somewhere, calling for us until she starved? Ugh. I prefer to think she wandered into some nice, cat-loving people’s lives and is living the high life. -nods-
Thank you for answering my last question! :) Can I have one more?
Do you ever have moments when you feel unowned? Or feel like you’re more dominant than your Master? How do you deal with these sorts of power struggles? (How does your Master deal with them?)
First let me say, I love your blog and have been reading you daily for quite some time. Now, my questions:
I’ve been in an M/s relationship for several years now and over the years the amount or type of control He exercises over has changed periodically. Sometimes He gives me more freedom, sometimes less. I have found that I seem to function better under tighter control, and once I kind of settle into it and get used to it, I really like it. During the time that He’s making changes and getting stricter, though, it scares me and I resist. Do you have that problem, or have you in the past? How do you deal with it?
Also, how do you deal with it when you want more dominance from your master and he’s not doing it the way you want him to?
Delurking to offer completely unsolicited cat-feeding advice; Do you leave dry food down 24/7? If so, there’s no way Wilford will ever lose weight. Rule of thumb is leave whatever food you’re feeding them down for 30 minutes, twice a day. They can eat as much as they want in those 30 minutes but then pick up whatever isn’t eaten and dump it back in the bag and put it away. Impossible to have fat cats under that regiment.
P.S. I do love your blog, so much. I just am too weirdly shy to discuss the M/s stuff. :)
I do leave dry food down all the time. Just 30 mins, eh? It’s worth a try (he’s really so fat, it’s embarrassing.) Bad cat mommy, right here, yo. :/
I’ll just have to watch Grandpa closer then, because I have to push food and nutrition into him.
Yeah, it’s harder when you have cats with competing nutritional needs, but if you can manage it it’s worth a try. It’ll take a couple of months for the weight to come off, so don’t lose patience. Good luck :)
What advice would you give to a couple just starting a M/s relationship?
Do you sleep chained at night?
Do you still forget the little things…like the water on his nightstand at night? Or is everything pretty much like second nature now?
Are your older children aware of the lifestyle? Why or why not.
no question, just laughter – *ONLY* you, kaya, could refer to having had a nail hammered through your flesh as “on the lighter side”…. enjoying reading though – keep it up!
lulz! I didn’t even think of it like that!