Playing by the Rules
I remember back before I had any real-life bdsm experiences, when I had just discovered it on the internet, before I even knew that people actually lived it – when I was a wee grasshopper – I was filled with the “shoulds” of it all.
What a Master *should* do and what a Master *should* say and how a Master *should* act. The things that a naive clueless submissive dreams of I suppose.
I wrote a contract once. Silly thing it was. Full of detailed responses that a Master *should* have in response to very detailed trangressions that a submissive would probably make. I remember showing it to someone once, and they laughed at it.
It hurt my feelers. It didn’t even occur to me that by detailing what the Master should do, I wasn’t letting Him be in charge. I was writing a script, mine and his, without realizing it. I was merely detailing my fantasies. Oh I suppose in a fictional Beauty-series moment, the contract was great. It certainly provided me with hours of masturbation material anyway.
I don’t have that contract anymore; it was written several years (and several computer hard drives) ago. If tasked with re-producing it today, I probably could not recapture the gullibility and innocence I had then. I think I would feel so incredibly stupid, now that I know reality from fantasy, that I could not do it with any amount of sincerity. And that shows through in writing, don’t you think?
Even after I had been well-educated on how Master was going to do things His way regardless of my silly preconceived notions, it took even longer to stop feeling a little bit embarrassed when I’d get bogged down in comparing Him to other Doms who were doing those things that I had once thought to be required. And even longer than that to stop feeling ashamed when another submissive would ask, shocked and disapproving, “He lets you do that?!?”
Shame and embarrassment morphed into a subdued sort of longing for awhile. At some point, the longing turned into reluctant acceptance and from there, a healthy respect began to grow. It’s rather awe-inspiring to think back on what I was when I came into this relatonship compared to what I am now, and how He got me here. How He’s trained me and changed me and re-created me. We both came into this with a very clear idea of what we wanted from the other, what behaviors and actions would fit our desires, and without any help from me, in fact, in the face of sometimes very active resistance from me, He was still able to “win”. I did not change Him a fraction, yet He’s totally re-wired me. When one talks of evidence of dominance, I’d say it lies, not in the welts on one’s backside, but inside of the one being dominated. I am the evidence, not the marks I carry.
I suppose you’d not believe me if I told you I started this entry with the intention of talking about shaving, huh? I was going to discuss how far off His rules and whims are from what I thought they “should be” when I first became His. That, and the recent comment discussion around the “He lets you talk like that??” had me thinking about the shoulds of it all.
He hasn’t let me shave in about 2 months. It’s getting pretty gnarly, starting to grow down my thighs. I joked that at this rate by the time the snow flies I won’t have to wear pants. I don’t know if He’ll let me shave again ever, nor do I care really. I’m no longer disgusted over pubic hair, it doesn’t make me feel dirty or gross. He’s mentioned a time or two that He’ll make me post pictures and I just shrug. If He does or doesn’t, I don’t mind either way. You’ve all seen my cootch in all manners of hairy stages, from bald to furry, so it’s no biggie.
I DID think though, that someone would comment that He should make me shave.
Well anyway, this entry kinda went nowhere fast so I’m abandoning it.
~cunt
Tags: hair, M/s rambles
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Sunday September 21st, 2008 2:40pm
As someone who has to shave under her arms every day, I think you just stumbled upon my own worst fear. I can handle my pubic hair from being grippable to trimmed to waxxed bare, but my legs and underarms….. Not shaving strikes terror in my heart.
I wasn’t sure if you thought I couldn’t shave anything or if you were merely commenting on the possibility of not being able to shave (I guess I wasn’t very clear in the post anyway). Just to clarify though, I’m only not allowed to shave my pussy, I’m still shaving the rest of me!
But you did make me think about how it would be to not shave anything at all. Like you, I’m a compulsive armpit shaver – every day no matter what – and I think if He denied me that, I’d probably go through massive amounts of feeling squicky, just as I used to do with the pussy shaving. But I also think that, just as I got over feeling gross about pubic hair and have come to that place of “If He didn’t like it, He’d not make me do it” acceptance, I’d probably get there with armpit hair too.
Maybe. But I think that would take longer and be harder than the pubic hair.
Your post made me think, seriously think.
Don’t we all have ideas of what we want out of our partner and then choose the one to be with based on if they will meet those needs? I don’t think it is much different than the “He should”.
I do agree that what I thought I wanted when I first became aware of BDSM and what I have gotten are two different ends of the spectrum. Thank God my Master had much more experience and seem to see more in me than I did. Where I am today is ten times better than what I imagined BDSM to be. Ofcourse, it is not whips, chains, and cages 24/7 like I fantasized about. I would not trade the reality for the fantasy for any amount of money.
I had more thoughts, but like you, my response is going nowhere fast.
Yeah, I do think we choose our partners on some, perhaps unconscious, level of knowing they match our “shoulds”. But I also think that a lot of people (myself included) are also thinking about what parts they’re going to change. Maybe a bit of “well, it’s okay for right now that you leave the seat up, but I’ll train that out of you soon enough” (maybe not something quite that petty, but you know what I mean?)
I DID think though, that someone would comment that He should make me shave
Sorry dah-ling, not a he should shave you comment.
S should pluck them out one by one :)
If this happens, I’m totally holding you responsible. :P
I think he’d get bored and order you to finish tweezing them out. ;)
I think he should make you grow them all out, braid them and put beads on the ends of the braids!! A macrame hootch. You do like crafts after all. :)
Paying more attention to what we have, instead of what I think we should have or I thought we should have, has helped my attitude, and my happiness, about 10000%. Keep preaching the gospel! ;)
As for shaving, nah, no shame-on-you comments here. I have had to grown everything out and shave some of it off. He’s told me he’s going to try it every which way and I believe him.
Do you have a preference for how your pubes are? I know it doesn’t matter, but I’m just curious. :-)
I second Fyre’s idea! Pluckings, please!
Wait! Even better, I think he should wax them when he feels like it!
ix-nay on the lucking-pay!
Then what about the waxing? :3
I think the idea of waxing is better than shaving.
Granted, I went to have my eyebrows waxed and realized that I liked it…in the man, this makes me horny sort of way.
Strangely, I find the pain of eyebrow waxing to be incredibly NOT hot..lol
Nice post. (as usual)
Why thank ya. I thought it was dumb though..LOL
No it went to a perfect place.
Kinda like the rest of our lives, eh?
Yeah. *beams*
i just finished reading your post, and since i was multi-tasking at the time, i stumbled upon something WAY off topic but hilarious that i thought you’d get a kick out of!
http://www.explosm.net/comics/1207/
lol, sorry bout that, we now return to our regular programing…
LOL
ok, two things
1. i made a contract for my slave. the wording was all done as if she was the one writing it. it was to be her new train of thought.
2. i have a request, can you post two pics. one pic of the clean shaves snooch and the other of your bearded clam? a little bit of contrast and compare.
It’s interesting to me that you worded it that way, but it’s also great that YOU wrote it. As it should be, yes? (any chance of sharing the contract? I’m interested!)
I’ll pass on your requests. I make no promises. ;-)
(by ‘pass on’ I mean pass it to the Boss, not “I’ll pass”)
Posts are what happen when you’re busy making other plans? -snicker- Me personally, I think it went somewhere – just not the somewhere you intended.
I got logged out. What’d you do?? :P
logged outta what? I didn’t do nothing!
I think this is the 2nd time he’s done that in the last year that i can count anyway. Does he prefer it either way? bush/shaved? or is it a control thing vs preference?
either way I’d look at it as “he likes it this way so I will too” kind of thing.
thats why it is so easy to say “hum…whatever” when you are reminded of the fur down the thighs.
just watch out for when yoru wearing a dress or shorts – your kids see that and they will be totally grossed out beyond repair LOL
Well I kinda can’t figure that out myself. I don’t know if it’s preference or control. I’m leaning toward control because any porn pictures He looks at and saves are of bald pussies. Which kinda fucks with my head a bit.
Okay, a lot.
Probably control. I think.
I don’t *like* it so much as I’m accepting that there isn’t anything I can do about it. I don’t know if HE likes it either – I just know He’s not letting me shave and every now and then He grabs at it and remarks how long(bushy) it’s getting. There’s a weird look in His eye when He does that, too. It’s not a look of “ooh that’s hawt”, but more of a strange fascination?
I dunno. I speculate and often I’m a mile off..lol
strange fascination – yup thats it – his mind is a little warped like my M – maybe yours will get bored with it and have you shave it into some strange design.
or maybe he plans on hanging you by the hair once it is long enough to braid.
You too, huh?
It’s been the strangest week of reflection for me. Yesterday my Owner sat me down and explained about umpteen ways I’m not the way I was a few months ago. I began looking back, thinking about the things I’ve been thinking and feeling lately…. and who I used to be.
And… I’m so different today. I page through my blog and I think of old diary entries and poems I’ve written. I listen to my old hurt-myself-music and I watch documentaries about topics that used to trigger me.
Know what? Of all the things, that music is pretty good and I’ll smile and sing along, those poems are pretty freaking good, the person in the diary is really miserable, and the only thing those documentaries do is make me want to hug the frail, broken girls in them.
I’m not perfect yet, but the arguments and hurt and rows have stopped. The shouting matches have become “Yes, Master” and “How would you like me to do it?”
I’m at peace.
I remember when you were not-quite-peaceful. I also remember when you started to get peaceful. It was a beautiful transition to watch.
And I remember thinking, as I watched you, that I could never be as strong as you are, that I could never be as selfless as you are, that I could never abandon my wants as you did.
You were (are) an inspiration. Thank you. :-)
I’m glad someone reads my blatherings. ;) I really haven’t been aware of the things happening, nor how I’ve been changing… and now I look back and I wonder what people thought, but never said.
It really means a lot to me. Thank you.
And hey, I’m not Internet-banned anymore, so I’ll be back posting again. :)
I just wanted to say HI and Im back from outerspace, I posted a few new entries and would love you to read them if you get a chance. Ive missed hearing from you but things were so awful in my neck of the woods (the seprartion, the hospital blah blah blah) I couldnt even bring myself to write about it.
Im writing again. Im not changing my journal (im reiterating what I said in my post) because my past is part of the puzzle of me and I think its important. So I just wanted to wave at you from my corner of the world.
Btw.. the mask is um NOW being used. I didnt get it till LOL right after our separation and baby I couldnt even look at it at that point because i was curled up in a ball like a hedgehog.
Jen is havin some fun now. She’s a happy lil toy. OH YEAH.. i’ve lost 125 lbs WOOT. Do you have a myspace as well? I’ll send you a link to mine if you respond in my LJ as it’s private and I dont feel like havin a bunch of loons freind me – also I’ll send you my new email via LJ as well.. i don’t wanna post it here. I no longer use the LadyAbasyyx one cause I am no longer that asshole’s lady.
Anyway. Love you.
Jen
Hiiiiiii! Welcome back!
I do not have a myspace so I’ll get with ya on LJ. Gosh, I’m so glad to hear from you! I read up and you sound really happy and peaceful (well except for the “helpful” nosy helpers, that is).
125lbs? Damn. You go girl! I can’t lose 20…lol. I bet you’re looking teh sexay, too.
Yay! Wonderful to see you again!
Jen, i remember your journal – I’d love to read your new life.
sunni_lady@yahoo.com is my email and i have a LJ just rarely log in anymore.
I often think in response to some of the things you tell us you say to him “Oh Emm Gee… He lets you say that to him???” (and I think I’ve actually asked too) but it’s usually with admiration, not disapproval. I think it’s awesome that he’s so secure in your roles that the joking (and sometimes not) sarcasm doesn’t make him feel like less of an owner. Master’s like that, too.
Yep that about sums up my first BDSM relationship! Ahh but learning the hard way is half the fun for me! Here’s to hopes that my niavity is on it’s way out the door!
Shaving or the lack there of… Were you clean shaven before? Did it itch coming in? I’ve been bare so long I’m curious!
~viemoira
I “played around” online with BDSM for about 2 years before I told my wife. We launched into a journey of deviance and I figured out pretty damn quick what things were great in online fantasy and what did not exactly translate to the “meat world”.
I would not even think of telling you that you should shave! (unless He decides you should) Then I say go with the tweezer plan. I love tweezers. They can do the pretties things.
Hm. I was asked my preference in that as a mistress, and I said that it really depends. On a woman, I would probably almost unhesitatingly order her to shave; that way I can see what I’m doing. (grin) On a man, well, it depends. I’ve had partners where the pubic hair was very fine and sparse and not a problem, and one particular sub who I would never have told to shave because the man is incredibly hairy and where do you stop? (laugh)
Me, I shave part and leave part, for its ability to deal with the friction from jeans right there, and if I had a slave right now part of hir job would be to shave me.
“And even longer than that to stop feeling ashamed when another submissive would ask, shocked and disapproving, “He lets you do that?!?””
This is still a really hard thing for me. I was at the goth club a few weeks ago, and I had a dominant question me about what he perceived to be lax leash training by M, because I was sitting by myself at the table without my leash attached to anything.
I let him get to me, and I got sort of defensive and uncomfortable.
After I’d had time to sit and think about it (and after I’d talked to M about it), I realized that if M cared whether or not my leash was attached to anything, he would have told me to attach it to something. He said that all he really wanted was for me to get him a beer–since I had done that, he didn’t give a fuck where my leash was or what it was attached to.
So I’m hoping eventually I will not feel bad when people question what M is having me do, but it’s hard, because my initial response is still to feel ashamed.
‘scuse me, but… lax LEASH training? For real? *eyes bugging* Sheesh. I didn’t even know there was leash training.
Ehum. People get trained in the oddest of things, with the oddest of details. Eyecontact, no eyecontact, kneeling, not kneeling, leashed, no leashes…
It’s just easier to say “each to his own” and “my Owner doesn’t require me to do X”… or perhaps “Hmm.. i’ve never thought about that, I’ll ask how he’d like me to do it, thanks.” Ought to move the conversation out of the One True Wayism.
If you see where I’m going?
I’m a new sub and for the longest time I also lived in the world of researched ideas…so I obviosuly had all these preconceptions and notions of what a Master should do. I still hold true to some of them…and surprisingly enough, Master fills them…without my even having to voice them. But you are right…it’s jarring he does something I nver thought a Master to do…but it’s good, it makes me feel like I’m really under his control.
Just wanted to say Im not in a BDSM relationship but a DD marriage for 17 years(do I get booted out of here for that?) I just had to comment on what you said about your notions of what he should be doing as opposed to what was actually happening. I read all the blogs about HOH’s and DD relationships and sometimes, even after all these years I question him and his judgement. After some time though, it always seems that he was right on target with what I or our relationship needed, even or especially if I dont like it. I guess its no accident that as submissive women we (most times) wind up with men that know us better than we know ourselves. and btw…he makes me keep my pussy trimmed, no exceptions no excuses. I think thats definitely a control thing.
Suzanne
ok am I clueless or what but what is DD?
Dominant/Dominant with you Suzanne being submissive? thats how I read that – please explain, I’m curious / would like to learn something or hear something i haven’t before.
Domestic Discipline. :)
I’m not sure how Taken in Hand/DD/HoH and D/s relationships differ from eachother… but there’s always confusion about the terms.
nevermind…gotta love google
Head of household and Domestic Discipline – interesting concept
I must read more on that ….
Hi SunniLady,
yeah, I agree that you gotta love google. I guess you found out what domestic discipline is. Just wanted to say I wish they had google when I was first married. My husband was/is naturally dominant but when he started the punishment stuff when I would mouth off to him or whatever I thought I was the only women in the world who was dealing with it. I had friends who were into BDSM so I understood that even though it was never my thing. This was different, not entirely sexual although that certainly played a part in it. I was an educated career woman who actually LIKED when my husband took control of things but unlike BDSM (which people I knew admitted to) this was like a dirty little secret that I couldnt admitt to anyone lest they think I was nuts. I wish there were all the websites that they have now. People can find comraderie in whatever/however they live without worrying about being judged. Even after all this time when I think I should know it all and have it down pat its so nice to be able to log on and find other like minded people.
Suzanne
I’m a maschocist – not a submissive not a slave and we aren’t a BDSM couple PERIOD. I like rough sex and being abused – it is purely sexual for me and if I don’t get it I crave it like you wouldn’t believe.
I love reading about BDSM lifestyles for the power exchange but don’t want that in my life.
I don’t think I would like the HOH/DD lifestyle since it isn’t sexually driven.
I know that if the opportunity presented itself I would/could be a switch. I have that penis envy and would love to play with a submissive male. My partner laughs and says you would huh? then gets this evil nasty eyebrow thing going on and keeps doing to me what I crave.
I’m so thankful that people like myself no longer have to hide what they think or feel like it is “wrong” – there are too many of us to feel alone in whatever lifestyle we enjoy as long as we aren’t hurting ourselves with our choices and desires.