“No one gets their way. Until they whip it.”
I’ve put off doing this post for too many days. Ugh. I tried to beg out of it, but no dice.
I was gonna title it: “Look at the fat girl tied to the chair!” but Master hates it when I insult “his” property. Bah.
Okay, enough about that. I’m fat. Deal, right? Right!
So! On to the posting then.
I wish I would have posted while the experience was still fresh in my mind instead of being a “omgz! I can’t show my gut on teh intrawebs, Master!!” ninny. Now it’s lost a lot of the spark.
This was directly following the breath play so I was in some weird headspace. Pretty zoned but super disconnected from him. Which is what he tends to do when he’s about to get mean. He distances himself from my emotions.
(I have a post I wanted to do about that - about love and s&m and such. Maybe this will remind me to do so.)
I have a shameful confession to make.
I will do my damnedest to play on Master’s feelings. It’s true. I try and manipulate the situation (by situation I mean scene) by tugging on his heartstrings. Looking pathetic, imploring sympathy with puppy dog eyes and crocodile tears, pleading whimpers… you name it, I do it. I’m not acting or trying to be sneaky or anything. I mean it when I do it. I’m responding honestly to the pain by “asking without asking” for him to dial it down a notch.
If he ignores that -and he does, often- then I’ll just tell him (if I’m not gagged) he’s going too hard/fast/whatever. It’s a statement of fact, a warning really, that grace is about to take a flying leap out the window if he keeps it up at that pace.
Which is what I did less than 60 seconds into the whipping. I’d run quickly through the whole heartstrings attempt which he paid not one second of attention to, and damn it, he really WAS whipping fucking hard. No warm up (unless the breath play was the warm up), it was full speed ahead right out the gate with the whip. I told him. That’s too hard, man!
So he gagged me.
I have another shameful confession to make.
I’ll try and make too much noise so that he HAS to dial it down a notch. *blush*
Thing is though, I really, really don’t think I can stand one more second of the pain when I start hollering and crying. I’m not making it out to be worse than what I think it is, it seriously hurts bad. He’s not always out to help me find my happy place or to sink into subspace or to just make me horny. When he wants it to just hurt, it’s just going to hurt and I’m not pretending otherwise. It’s pain, real pain. My reactions are not stellar performances when that’s his intent.
But I do know that he’s bound in some manner to keeping things fairly quiet. Keeping it on the down-low. So when I’m sitting there thinking I’m dying, I’m gonna holler like I’m dying. It’s survival instinct! Sometimes it works enough that even if he doesn’t stop completely, he’ll switch toys or switch spots, which is sometimes all I need to get a grip on things.
I tried that. I was really trying to get some serious sound around the gag. All I wanted was for him to slow down. The repetitive strikes of the whip so fast together - there just isn’t time to breath, you know? The pain builds and builds.. and I was already all fuckled up from the breath play and face slapping - I was in bad shape. That’s all there was to it. So I hollered. Loud.
I thought it had worked too, as he lowered the whip and took a step away - only to reach the stereo where he cranked the volume up higher. I knew I was sunk then. Up a shit creek without a paddle.
After that I was a mess. I utterly and completely lost it. He felt so far away, I was all alone with the pain and my tears. I don’t know really how to describe that distance or how badly it fucks with my psyche. Once I enter that space, everything hurts more than it otherwise would. My nerves are all ramped up, on edge, jittering.
I was sobbing. Sobbing. Drooling around the gag, snot running down my face, can’t move, can’t breathe, can’t connect. And him? He was so turned on he could hardly stand it.
When he was done hurting me, he left me alone for a bit, putting my stinging body into bed, handing me the bullet vibe, and telling me to calm down and get ready. It took me a bit to find a happy place. For a while I was angry-vibing, hating every second of that vibrator pressed against my over-sensitive body, cursing him for “ruining my good scene time”. It took a little bit, but I got there. I found a good place.
I always do though. Those kind of scenes, heavy ones, I need those way more than the lighter fluff scenes. I just don’t always know that at the time. It’s hell to get there, but what lies over the horizon is fucking wonderful. For both of us.
I don’t know if he wanted these pictures behind a cut or not, but I’m doing it anyway. He didn’t tell me I couldn’t. 
Initially his plan was to whip the saran wrap off of me. But the position of my arms was so that every strike was snapping my arm first (and I have the bruises to prove it! Damn that hurt like a bitch). Unfortunately, the only way to get my arms out of the way was to take off the saran wrap, at which point he said fuck it. I felt bad for ruining his plan but arms full of bruises are hard to hide or explain. 
So, yeah. Look at the fat girl tied to the chair. 
Doesn’t he look evil?!?! He’s scary.
He hurted me.
Then he kissed me on top of the head. THAT fucks with my head, man. Do you hate me or love me? Gah!
By the time it was over -
So there. That’s done then. Whew.
The clip of this will be up on the Clips4sale site here in a bit. I can’t put up the breath play clip since they have some silly rule about not looking like you are smothering somebody (*snicker*), but if anyone wants to buy it on cd, email me.
/sales pitch
~cunt
Tags: clips, pictures, scene report, whip
Uncategorized, pictures | kaya | 
Wednesday March 12th, 2008 1:07pm
fat isn’t necessarily bad. i think you’re beautiful.
You are not fat! You are gorgeous.
The after pictures are really damn hot…
I like the little white shorts/panties you’re wearing. It makes you look all innocent and stuff.
What’s that on your necklace?
It’s a little silver bell. My slave bell. Master calls it my no-sneaking-up-on-him bell.
http://www.goldpendantswhite.com/xi/fl/fl0329.jpg
You don’t look fat….
You look like a normal person who is tied to a chair with rope
I second the panties comment, they really suit you
You look gorgeous and real. Even extra-skinny girls crease & roll a bit when sat and tied as you were! Some of us are larger than you, but simply have the luck of not having our pictures posted
Don’t waste time detracting from such an incredible episode—I find the breath play and these some of your sexiest photos.—Suze
Yes, it’s very true! Even size 4 girls crease and roll when seated like that. Esp. when they are being whipped and thusly can’t remember to suck in their tummies!
Also, it’s really all about lighting. That was not the most flattering lighting.
You two take my breath away. Quite literally, the passion that was shown in these pictures and the last set are awesome!
And some of us wish we could look like you, so pipe down on the “i’m fat” nonsense, k? Thanks.
D.
your not fat at all…i think you look lovely all tied up to that chair
BBW is what you are 
awww guys! I wasn’t trying to get the “you aren’t fat!” comments (not that my self-esteem isn’t loving hearing them, you understand. it really really is!) but, I dunno.. I just didn’t want to put these pics up without acknowledging the rolls. Or something. I don’t know! Seems like if I don’t say I’m fat first, someone else will be sure to tell me I am in the comments so I try and head that off.
But thank you! You all deserve a cookie.
MMmmm…cookies…
i knew you weren’t looking for the ‘You’re not fat!’ comments, but i just had to throw that out there– you look real, you look beautiful, and you look HOT all tied to that chair. some of the hotness is implied– the look on your face, the white panties, the rope and plastic wrap. it’s the big picture. and girls with curves are sexy as hell. i love it.
God, don’t take this wrong, but you just made me drool with envy.
i mean that in the best possible way.
(And yeah, I know you’re not looking for reassurance that you’re not fat, and I’m not reassuring you–I’m telling you you are beautiful. The picture right before he kisses your head? Gorgeous.
I’m impressed and a little jealous. *smiles* On one hand I want my Owner to read your blog and on the other hand I’m afraid! He might get some wicked ideas (ok that’s the point) and I don’t know if I can handle it - but I’m dying to try. Love your pictures and your body is beautiful…I’m glad you posted those pictures. I’m not a size 6 supermodel either and your pics gave me the strength or nerve to post some me that I find less than flattering, but that’s just reality. Thanks.
“Whip it good” — indeed!
panties? what panties? fat? what fat?
I was too busy looking at the hot tits and the marks drooling and panting {perk}
Love Sunni
You’re not fat, you’re a normal realistic looking woman and you’re absolutely hot there being tied to that chair.
Lovely post.
You’re a gorgeous woman, sweetie. I could care less about the fat rolls. *hugs*
Stupid computer. That was me, hun.
curvey..and beautiful…that’s what you are…and brave and wonderfully honest and amazingly giving…i don’t know if i could ever have pictures taken of me naked let alone share them the way you do…but i always say…after 2 kids i earned this ass…thank you very much…
fown
Kaya, I have to agree with the rest of the commenters here: you are beautiful. (of course, being tied up like that is just HOT) ^_^
I am afraid of saran wrap, I think I would freak out being that confined, but who knows, we have some, just never used it.
The marks you got are lovely. And you aren’t fat, you look lovely as well.
hey sweetie,
i have read this whole entry- i have read every comment left for you…. i know you were not fishing for compliments, and i know exactly where you were coming from.. but ya know what? as you can see (read) we all love you… you are a beautiful woman… and it shows in your Masters eyes how beautiful He thinks you are too.
lots of hugs,
Hisflower
You are not fat, you are hot!!
Thanks for sharing!
elana
“Fat girl on a chair”. I don’t care what you say, I think that you are gorgeous - and even more so when you’re teary, helpless and in white panties. The kiss on the head would confuse me too(I’d feel angry I’m afraid) but it makes such a beautiful picture, just like the other ones.
“So I hollered. Loud. I thought it had worked too, as he lowered the whip and took a step away - only to reach the stereo where he cranked the volume up higher. I knew I was sunk then.”
I’m sorry but I think this is terribly hot. Perhaps more afterwards than when you have to deal with the pain though
I love the third picture with both of you in it. Also, the look in his eyes is awesome.
How long does it take the marks to fade? Do they just feel like welts?
Those pictures are fabulous
i think this might be my favorite-ist post from you. ever. believe it or not.
As everyone has already said - Beautiful, fantastic, amazing. Thank you
x
Fucking yum.
Every inch of every picture…just YUM.
~a twitchy magpie
For the record? I’m a domme, I mostly dom guys, and the model ideal leaves me cold. Give me a girl with curves that wrap round the ropes like yours do, though, and I’m all over that. (grin)
You’re built just like me and I think we’re both cute as hell.
Absolutely beautiful! I’m much bigger than you and Mine loves the way my skin and fat puffs out over restraints and tape. We are meant to be the softness to their harshness.
The fourth pic - your eyes. I fondly (shuddering and hating) remember having eyes like that - hystertical, wondering why they hate you so much, and then they screw with your mind by holding you tenderly and the kissing on the head - WTF is up with that? Why do they do that? It’s horrible form of torture.
ahhh the memoreies. Lucky you.
you’re gorgeous. your welts become you.