Mousetraps and candles
A few days ago I accused Master of being vanilla. Okay, I actually say that ALOT. It’s just this cycle I go through I guess… where I get used to what we have, perception is skewed, everything seems routine and normal and mundane… I have to step outside the box (or closet..~grin~) to *see* what it is that we do.
Personally, I don’t see whats so insulting about it…lol. If anything, it shows that I’ve reached a plateau and I’m ready for the next level right? He keeps telling me that I can’t handle it, won’t be able to deal with the next level. Someone suggested that maybe He knows more than I do and that maybe I really can’t handle anymore, mentally, right now. I agree that I’ve got to keep my sanity for a little while yet but I’m still not completely convinced of anything except that I am always left wanting more. And quite honestly, that sucks.
However, I’m simmering myself down. I’m going to operate under the assumption that Master knows what He is doing (don’t laugh, this didn’t JUST occur to me) and when I am ready, or when He feels that I am ready, He’ll push me a little harder. That can happen any time now, pleaseandthankYou.
I figure I can simmer for… until He comes home next time and then I’ll be nipping at His heels because dammit, I have no self-control! Bah!
Anyway, He called me this morning with my task for the day. Immediately I was concerned. He said candle. The new candle. The HUGE ASS MOTHERFUCKING PILLAR candle and my pussy slapped shut, locked the gate and said Nope. No way,no how.
Imagine giving birth.. and then pushing it back IN.
The mousetraps I pretty much shrugged off. I mean, they really don’t hurt. What they do do, is annoy. And irritate. And as time passes, start to pinch and bother the hell out of you. They’re big and in the way every time you move. Which leads me to one conclusion. Master knows they don’t hurt really, but He also knew getting that HUGE ASS MOTHERFUCKING PILLAR candle in my cunt would take a lot of time and a lot of movement. The mousetraps make perfect sense now don’t they? Evil man.
I spent over an hour trying to get that candle in. It’s HUGE. And every time I considered giving up, I reminded myself that I am the one chomping at the bit to delve deeper into this… so I cannot be defeated by a HUGE ASS MOTHERFUCKING PILLAR candle.
It hurt. It hurt BAD. This is the closest I’ve come to making myself cry from pain from a task. But I did it. I got it in.. I fucked myself with it. I even orgasmed…:) That hurt too.. omg!
And He tells me tomorrow.. I’ll do it again. And light it.
But… He’s vanilla, right?
~blink~
kaya
LikeTags: candle
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Monday January 9th, 2006 3:32pm
Why is it every time I come here, at least part of my time is spent muttering “Ow, ow, oh ow ow!” under my breath and part of me is twistedly wondering… hmmm, could I do that? and working out the mechanics of it mentally *laugh*
-Taylor (http://twiceasbright.blogspot.com)
Sure you can do it. And you should.. *grins*.. and you should let me see the pics.
Kaya, darling, speaking as your friend I just gotta say, honeygirl, SHUT YO MOUTH, BABY! ;-) You get yourself in so much trouble, and yeah, I know, getting in trouble is half the fun, me too, but good grief, girl! I know that candle is not much worse than getting fisted, but when I get fisted all I have to do is open up (and open and open and open) and think beautiful thoughts, *he* does all the hard labor, while here you’re having to do all the pushing and pulling and huffing and puffing, as well as the blissing out. No fair! (BTW, babe, those are really hot photos with the candle, I can’t wait to see the light. And the pics of you in the closet are so adorable, I just want to hug you like a warm puppy…)
Seriously, darling, I know you’ve been having a real rollercoaster ride. I wanted to reply to your last post or two, but I was having a rollercoaster ride of my own. It seems to me, from my little perch way across the planet, that your master seems to know you can handle what he’s doing to you. He can tell you’ve got reserves of submission and dedication and perseverance that you may not see–but we can see it in you. (Sorry, inadvertent joke. Yes, we can see it in you, there it is, right *in* you, and fuck it’s BIG.)
Come on, girls, am I right? Doesn’t she take whatever he throws at her, and she just eats it up and bounces back wanting more? Is that a great slave or what, no matter what she thinks about how she should have taken a *pinch* more or bounced back a *nanosecond* faster? You’re doing great, girl. And he’s got the close-up view, too, so he sees how you find a way to deal with whatever he demands of you, even when what he demands of you is to cope with *not* having any demands on you and then suddenly having HUGE demands on you. Gives a girl whiplash, huh, and not the good kind, but look at you hanging in there, you’re really getting there.
One of my hardest lessons from my master, and I have to start over and relearn this at least a little almost every day, is to stop judging myself. That’s up to him. All I have to do is submit, obey, give it 100%, make myself completely transparent to him, and the rest is up to him. If I obey imperfectly, give it 99%, try to hide some part of me, then I get punished or retrained until he’s satisfied. But the judgment of whether I’m good enough or how short I’ve fallen or how to fix me isn’t for me to make, it’s for him to make. Because I don’t own me. He owns me. It’s a hard lesson, especially when you have other parts of your life where he’s delegated all sorts of independence and decision-making to you. I have to keep relearning it. I don’t have any shortcuts, I just wanna tell you I think you’re doing pretty fucking great. (And I’m glad it was you who had to fuck that candle and not me… *kisses* ;-)
ravenna
I know I know.. I’m shutting. I’ve always believed gags to be my friends.
And thank you. You are too sweet…:)
holy mary mother of god – that is one huge fucking candle.
I have a whole new respect for you!
erica
lol.. If Master keeps this up, I’ll be whistling when I walk.
Thanks to a remake of an old commercial that’s been playing lately, I can’t get this damn line out of my head…
“I can’t believe she fucked the whole thing!”
I told you I was a dork! :P
sk
LOL… you aren’t a dork, you are hilarious.
ooohhhh myyyy goooodddd!!!!! O_____o
goog good job, kaya!!! i’m proud of you :)
schiava – http://schiava.blogspot.com
*bows*.. thank you thank you!
Has to wonder…
This girl has read your journal for a few months. she has watched you stomp your feet and throw temper tantrums to get what you want and has come to the conclusion your Masters needs are not what is first in your life but instead when your next beating will be. you should be ashamed of yourself and be glad you dont serve a Master that cuts you off of all pain and sex till you decide to quit making a mockery of slavery. This girl has choosen, as others she knows, to not return to read about just ANOTHER one that claims to be a slave and not have a clue what that means.
Re: Has to wonder…
ok i’m gonna reply to this, because its pretty obvious that you don’t get it. You don’t get what kaya’s life and blog and journey is all about. its all about a JOURNEY.. her learning to be a perfect slave as defined by the only person who has the right to make that determination: her Master. He and him alone can tell if kaya is serving him the way *he* wants her to do.
Who do you think you are, a “slave”, saying that another person doesn’t “have a clue what slavery means”? (to paraphrase). not very slavelike, is it? at least kaya has the guts to post her efforts, her journey, her lessons, incredibly hard lessons some of them, her life, her soul – to bare her soul – here, and to do so with a name and a face, and not anonymously.
Re: Has to wonder…
Thanks kethry..:)
Re: Has to wonder…
I’m really just going to refer you to the Jan. 3rd post so I don’t end up repeating myself.
I don’t write for you, ok? I write for Master and I write for me. Please, invite yourself to leave if you aren’t 100% thrilled with what I have to say. I promise to not lose a wink of sleep over it.
Re: Has to wonder…From the Master of kaya
FOR the record and to whom it may concern. I laugh in your face to this response. My lil cunt, my slave always and FOREMOST has my desires and needs taken care of FIRST. If you truly have read all the posts…of me JUST using her….and not giving her anything in return..OF ME taking what I want..giving her what I want..etc. It’s her fustrations in writing….that she admits and stamps her feet…she expresses herself stating that she wants to attempt to force me..but KNOWS better…that I will do what i want when I want with her. Again she states her fustrations of wanting to be beat, of her needs and all…it’s a JOURNAL of her feelings…..desires, wants etc. A way to express herself while I am away and all.
In Addition, I strongly feel that you as a “girl” should be ashamed of yourself to even judge another’s lifestyle. Apparently, you weren’t trained properly as well….with regards to “this girl’s” opinion..did your Master allow you to have one??? Did your Master know you were gonna post to another’s blog and then Slam both the slave and the slave’s Master. No respect shown for another’s property OR even the other’s Master. Hmmmmm…if you are a slave and especially in Gorean style, you should be stuffed into a Tarn’s dung bag for a night and then have the rest of the stable beat you properly with tarn goads.
and I am glad that YOU and your other croonies made the choice of NOT coming back. Who needs ya….typical follow the leader and NOT lead your OWN lives.
and again I ponder if you are truly a slave like you said and you state…THIS girl has choosen..>Hmmm didn’t know slaves have an option to make choices…..so….you are the OTHER or ANOTHER wannabe. we live our lifestyle the way we so desire. She is my slave, the way I have trained her and am continuing to train her.
If I insulted anyone, I apologize now.
Be well, Be safe,
CW
Re: Has to wonder…From the Master of kaya
*swoon*
*twitch*
Thank You, Master..:)
Re: Has to wonder…From the Master of kaya
Oh … He is such a keeper :-)
I really want to slam the little dumbass up there … but it’s a case of where to even start?? Maybe this will be sufficient … (and I can only pray my close association with you will keep her and her asshole friends away from my journal as well)
It’s pretty sad, when an anti-social, arrogant newbie like me has better manners than a ‘trained’ slave.
(Omg, and now I’ll be rude, just thought of a play on my favorite joke … what do that bitch and huge ass motherfucking pillar candles have in common?? They are both stuck up cunts :-)
Re: Has to wonder…From the Master of kaya
AMEN!!
I don’t think there is a better way of saying it. And I wouldn’t worry to much about people being offended either.
Good style
If we ever meet in this lifetime, beers are on me ;)
Take care and be well
ke`charas Master
Re: Has to wonder…From the Master of kaya
WELL IF I am meeting you..sure beers on you..but if y’all are meeting Us..then beers on us.
Ty for the comments..and I agree..we dont’ worry about it much but just wanted to set the record straight
ya know.. i sit here in a state of admiration.. that you managed to get that thing in. S’not many women that can handle that. Well actually, every woman has the potential to handle it, the vagina is just a load of muscle and is made to stretch, after all, but not many women actually *can* take it. its something of a thing of mine, taking big objects in (told you we had lots in common, didn’t i?), so i’m very aware of just how hard it is, stretching and moving to take that – and i gotta say, them mousetraps.. evil.. evil.. evil!!! Well done, for taking that monster in!!
oh and kaya’s Master? Traffic cone next? *ducks before kaya can throw a pillow at her*
keth
xxxxxxxxx
you just laugh, my ke`chara …
you will soon, suffer enough yourself. I remember those two baseball bats *grins*
oh GOODIE!!!!
*bounces happily up and down on her chair*
Traffic cones she said Sir. Traffic cones!!
She so needs spanked.
she needs that and a lot more lol!
then again, every nice suggestion she offers .. could also be used on her
*Grins*
And after kaya’s hot date with the traffic cone, kethry, she can be the angel atop her Master’s Christmas tree! (Hope it’s a Scotch pine, they’re *prickly*.) Just wait till we plug in the lights and her nipples blink on and off while she sings “O Cum All Ye Faithful”! …Oh pooh, too late? The tree is down already? Sigh. Well, maybe next year… *hugs and kisses*, kaya!
you know.. i like this idea. a lot. *grins at kaya*.. and since Master has said that whatever i suggest can be used on me.. how’s about it, kaya? i’m game next christmas if you are? *grins*
keth
xxxxxx
so brave, aren’t we my ke`chara… so sorry…. you will be …
I have already been working on an idea .. and it involves your big black buttplug *G*
*eyes get big and round and very very afraid*
triple uuuuuuuuuuuuulp….
Pillar and fist fucking…
I’m addicted to huge insertion…. and Inever have enough… He can fuck me with his fist for hours…. I still want more… but sadly, the two aren’t going in… the closest was all fingers, thumbs out… pfff… and I still want more… Lucky you… ;-) s you see, we have all our preference… ;-)
First of all, kaya….i love ya.
Second, i love your master as well.
Be proud of who you are because he sure is.
Our Master’s approval is all the approval we need.