I know that pain, all too well! When I first started getting my period (about age 12) I basically was in bed for five days every month, moaning and wanting to die.

Then I finally got put on the pill at 16 (not a moment too soon, not least of which because I’m sure I’d have gotten preggers without it!) and my periods became the sorts of things I hear most other women talk about: bloating, headaches, “cramps”.

Every once in a while, the ol’ mittelschmerz comes back for a “Didja miss me” visit. No, I hadn’t! And I’m so lucky birth control (mostly) works for containing it!

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Ah, but pain during sex … how I need it, how I love it. I may be miserable in the moment, but I masturbate about it the rest of the time!

Actually, nowadays, I have learned enough about myself that even during the worst of the pain, some part of me still cherishes the pain, and tries to memorize it to play back when I masturbate next time….

And I know just what you mean about needing to be used, or a part of the slave-you withers and dies….

As always, a wonderful post — bonus points for writing it even while you suffer through menstrual pains!

*** but then… i get to feel normal … happy and content ..in a very weird violent tender kind of way…***

you said – …and then the pretty comes.

that’s it! …and then the pretty comes.

and yeah – I can’t watch others either… I hide my eyes.

You described exactly what I felt the first time I rad your blog over a year ago (God, has it been that long). I wanted to fire off a comment imploring you to stop letting Him do that to you (I have no idea which post it was, but it was one of the merciless pain inflicting ones). I didn’t though. To this day, I can only way that soemthing in what you wrote warned me off (it wasn’t an explicit one). Instead, I went back and read every last post you had in your archives, trying to understand you. I htink I managed to get it.

I know there are going to be sports people who pale at what I’m about to say, but I liken your hate/love relationship with pain to training for intense sports. I went out for football once, in Jr. High and never did it again. Training sucks and is painful. To be any good, you have to be willing to suffer soem in the training. I wasn’t. But, I did see othe rkids who would go through the same training and, instead of moaning and groaning in the locker room afterwards, they’d be laughing about how good the day had been; the same day that they’d been complaining about 30 minutes earlier!

So, yeah, I get it. Now, after that weekend with my friend in Anahiem, I get it even more. I actually dished out soem pain to her that weekend (about an eyedropper full compared to what He gives you) and she definately didn’t like it when it was happening. While she’s not a masochist and didn’t get that rush you get from it, she did enjoy that I was able and willing to force her to take it. And, before anyone asks, yes I enjoyed doing it, though I’m certainly not a sadist. My enjoyment came from knowing I was being allowed to.

Anyway…(bunny trail!) I get it and I’m glad you get what you need so badly. Unlike some, I think I couod watch and anjoy watching, provided I KNEW that the submissive really wanted/needed it. Have some more fun, it’s only a little pain…

Dave

Within about 12 hours before I start bleeding, I’ll start feeling the pain. As soon as it hits, I pop four Motrin. They work wonders. If you’re good about timing the ‘when’ of it all, you can take the Motrin before and it won’t be an issue. And those four usually do the trick. I don’t think I’ve had to take another four but twice, usually when I’m doing a serious amount of moving (shopping, cleaning, etc) throughout the day.

Course your milage/situation might vary so yanno…

That sucks on the hormone thing. I guess I lucked out there. Has he suggested ways to fix that?

lol – I have the same thing. Sometimes I read something and I think “wait, that can’t be fun anymore!” even though I know my friend is exactly where she needs to be. :)

And hating something while it’s happening but enjoying it after it already happened sounds so familiar to me! Perhaps I’m fucked up as well but at least I’m in excellent company. :)

And I hate getting it at the time but you know exactly how that comes out later on.

We are seriously fucked up. You know that?

Oh! And as far as the ‘all good’ part – the energy you radiate between you shows up here. It’s beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Blush