“May the dragon of life only roast your hot-dogs and never burn your buns!”
Have you ever had one of those impulsive moments where you do something rash to the sadist in your life, all in good fun mind, but hours later when you’ve taken the time to contemplate the various ways he can extract his revenge and there isn’t jack-shit-all you can do about it, you begin to feel the first nigglings of “what the fuck was I THINKING?”
You done that?
I done that.
Hee. While I giggled my ass off about it last night, today I’m looking for hiding places.
So here’s what happened. We’d just gotten into bed, right? Well, HE was in bed and I was still trying to herd the cats out of the bedroom. So before I get to the bed, he flops over onto my side, on his stomach and just lays there.
I did NOT stand there like a retarded deer caught in headlights (ha!) (Funny fetlife thread), though I probably otherwise would have because I like to play the word game sometimes, you know? I like to stand there when he’s clearly expecting something and go “What? What do you want? I can’t read your mind you know! Use your words, people!”- just cuz it frustrates him a little and I am a bitch like that.
However! I didn’t do that this time! Fetlife thread fresh in my mind and all, I thought about it, immediately rejected it, told myself “You aren’t stupid. You know what he wants, so STFU and do it!” and promptly hopped into action. I snatched up the special muscle rub lotion, squirted some on his bare back and he says “Uh. I only wanted you to do my feet, cunt.” and waved his big old clod-hopping feet in my face.
For real! What the fuck, Chuck.
Now you SEE why I do the word game?? I really CANNOT read his mind and when I try, I fail. Can’t win for losing, honest to God.
I scooped all the lotion off of his back and he shakes his head. “Nuh-uh, bitch. You screwed yourself now. I’ll take a back rub, too.”
“Oh yeah?” thought I. And before rational thought could intercede, I snatched up the waistband of his underoos and sticking my handful of lotion in there, I made a quick swipe inbetween his buttcheeks. “Who’s screwed now?” I quipped back at him.
There was nothing at first.
It’s rather slow-acting lotion.
I finished the back rub. I finished the foot rub.
There was time enough for me to think Whew! It didn’t work. Thank God. Wtf were you thinking anyway!
We laid down and picked up our books (we’d fucked earlier. And it were good).
It got quiet.
Then-
He gave a little squirm.
I held my breath.
Scrunching his butt into the mattress, he looked at me, all confused like and says, “Damn. My ass is burning.”
I cracked. the. fuck. UP.
Seriously. I lost it. I pointed. I laughed. I hooted. I hollered “I got you!”
He’s like “What the-? What in the-? Oh fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. You fucking cunt! You wiped that lotion in my ASS??”
That menthol-wintergreen muscle relief burning massage lotion.
*snicker*
I couldn’t even talk. I had tears rolling down my face. I had a serious case of the giggles watching him scrunch his ass around on the bed. But, oh my GOD, the expression on his face.
Fucking priceless, man. I think he wanted to be pissed but he was too damn impressed to get there.
But okay. So finally, I settle down. He keeps throwing me looks that I’m doing my damndest to pretend I can’t see, but I’m calm. He’s calm. We pick up our books.
He’s still scrunching. I’m still having giggle leftovers. Then all of a sudden he whips the blankets off, jumps out of bed and hightails it for the bathroom with his ass all tucked in, mumbling “I gotta wash this shit off, fucking shit burns. My ASS is on FIRE.”
And I lose it all over again. I laughed so hard I started snorting. THAT’S when he got all “Oh you’ll pay. You laugh now, but you’ll pay, cunt.”
He was still laughing, standing there naked with a cold washrag stuffed in his butt crack – which was just fucking hilarious- so how could I take that seriously!?
A naked mad with a washcloth in his ass trying to threaten me?
Bwahahahahaha! *snort* Bwahahahaha!
He gets into bed and he’s all mumbling about “Icy hot” and “clothespins” and “smartass fucking cunt” and looking at me going “har-de-har-har!” all sarcastic-like while I’m wiping the tears that are still streaming down my face.
And all I can do is shake my head and giggle out “So worth it. Totally fucking worth it.” while I try and breathe.
So. Yeah.
That was last night. Last night it was worth it.
Today? I’m not so sure. Today, I’m a little nervous.
Still giggling! Just… nervous giggles.
Paybacks are a bitch. He really likes that phrase.
I am so screwed.
*snicker*
Still fucking funny though.
~cunt
PS. The kids are having a snow day today. It was 70F last Friday, and yesterday morning it was snowing.
It’s still snowing. All the green is white again.
I hate white.
*thumbs my nose at mother nature* Fucking whore.
LikeTags: humor
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Tuesday April 21st, 2009 6:30am
That is SO awesome! Im LOL’ing just reading it! Definitely sounds like it was worth it. Hopefully you’ll still think so after paybacks are to be had.
On a side note, I agree about Mother Nature. We had high 60s Fri and even really nice weather Sat. Yesterday and today… not so much.
From all of us who would like to but are too chicken (smart)…thanks for the belly laugh. LOL.
Hopefully the results will be on your clips4sale site! ;)
Mother Nature is definitely being a cranky bitch lately. It sucks.But omg that was too freakin’ funny. I can just picture how uncomfortable that had to be and the associated squirming. Too bad we’ll never see a clip of that one, but the payback should be interesting…
pixie
kaya, you are soooooo fucking screwed!!!!!! But I agree, sooo worth it!!!! Would have loved to seen a cam of it. As to mother nature, you have your snow, us-uns down here on the Gulf Coast has our rains. We got 6 inches of it Saturday, in little over 8 hours…floods everywhere for a bit. And after Ike, I am soooo burned out on rain and floods! Have fun, and hope the payback is fun…
I’s got nothing to say, but boy was that funny, I have tears in my eyes!
do your sides hurt from laughing so hard? I bet he squeezes his butt cheeks from now on and bans the stuff you used from being in the house – right after he uses it on your pink parts
you know.. its REALLY difficult to eat a melted cheese sandwich while reading this blog and giggling at the same time…..
about the only other thing to say is this. is. so. you.
http://ihasahotdog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/cute-puppy-pictures-do-that.jpg
xx
oh and Master says: “In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus. Sancti. Amen….” and he’s firmly pushing his mug of tea AWAY from the keyboard and monitor.. and he’s only half way through it.. *giggles*
:D SOOOO funny. I’m still giggling. Just be careful today. If you hear him coming, run. :P
That’s f’ing hilarious. I’m not sure have balls that big. Can I borrow yours?
It’s raining here. But I’ll take that over snow any day!
I’d comment but I’m dead of laughter.
You KNOW he got that from Taylor on Fetlife.
Which supports my theory that FETLIFE IS BAD!
IT’S EVIL, I TELLS YA! ;P
And oh yeah, you got him good. But, girl…
Was that very wise?
Hmmm… *winks*
On the other hand, it doesn’t really matter, right? They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do, so go ahead and slather that Dom-ass up with burning goo! What the hell! heheheh
Kaya, dear Kaya… That was outstanding. Thank you thank you for that laugh, I so needed it.
(And this reminds me of the urges I sometimes have to see the sort of damage Lip Venom would do on various parts of the male body… HRM… You’re gonna get me into trouble, young lady.)
~Chloe
-gigglesnrk- I so would have done it too! Besides, what’s worse than the stuff he’s already made you do? Like when YOU had to smear a HUGE glob of icyhot all over your cunt!
Master says:
“Don’t bother with Icy Hot. Get her back(side) with capsaicin.”
-tavi (innocent of helpfulness)
omg too fucking funny! Too bad you didnt get pictures of him with the wash cloth stuck in his ass! LOLOLOL It would of been worth it to me too!
holy crap, you haz SNOW??? We just have wind, cold, and it’s raining –sideways.
You are brave. *hands you a cookie* Save that. Maybe you can console yourself with it when he has you tied nekkid upside-down and is whipping your entire body from here into next week with ginger root up your ass.
Don’t forget the pictures.
*smiles cheerfully*
OMG I just had to call up my Master and say “guess what Kaya did TODAY?” because it was just that funny.
He cant wait to hear what kind of paybacks you get!
oh, and my advice to you….make something REALLY good for supper and kiss ass for awhile, that might make things better…that is…unless you are hoping for paybacks too lol.
Thank God it’s snowing – you are so going to need that snow to sit in! SO funny!
snorting. srsly. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA
oh my god kaya.. i am sitting here mopping up the tears of laughter..
you did an amazing job describing last night.. yes you did !! i felt like i was a fly on the wall watching.. oh my god i am still laughing..
sorta/kinda reminds me of the time Sir had me on my belly on the bed .. (He’s standing beside the bed ) beating my bare ass with the crop .. and ya know .. i look up .. and all i see are balls.. hanging just there.. right there !! so i reach up .. grab ‘em and say all sweet like “now we won’t hurt one another will we??”
the look on His face was worth the beating i got..
anyway.. i think i will send Sir over here to read this post … (nodding all serious like) yup i think He needs to read this… make Him worry a little.. LOL
loved it kaya.. totally loved it !!
morningstar (owned by Warren)
Giggles – can’t wait to read part 2 of this story. :D
Wow that’s cute and funny. But it seems like you will be paying for it in spades. Still a picture of that wash cloth would be great for some personal scrapbook. It seems like the kind of image you will keep for the rest of your life hahahaha.
I hear cinnamon oil is worse than icy hot *whisper*…..
Or peppermint. Clove is even better. -grin-
Gods, woman, I needed the laugh! Thanks! LOL Can’t wait to see how he gets ya back. -snicker-
Kaya,
Two words. “Cheyanne pepper.”
Dave
Don’t even joke about it. >.<
OMG (giggles) OMG omg
lolz
you.are.so.screwed
OMG, I was laughing so hard when I was reading this to Master. He was giving me the stink eye though as I was laughing. lol
all day I am craving hot dogs…
OMG that is hysterical! I’m afraid I might have woken my kids up with guffaws. lol Besides didn’t I read somewhere that all good Doms should test out techniques on themselves first? And I’m sure you’ve already experienced something exactly or close to it already, which means he’s just fulfilling his obligation, right? I’d run with that argument…. or maybe just run, in the other direct, really fast. ;)
Hugs, Elle
oh oh oh – my stomach hurts!!!
That is so funny!!!
Sometimes the payback is worth it for the laugh!!!
Keep the images in your head – it might help!!!
Thanks for the giggle – i needed it!
xx
Haw! I laughed so bloody loud I snorted coffee up my nose and I think I just woke the household up but iz all good. Man I am in awe girl! (waits for the ebil onslaught of Mista Icybutt’s revenge) *snikker* x
I wanna be just like Kaya when I grow up.
You’ve got me snorting too, what a great story.
ROTFLMAO…nice :)
I especially liked your comment that mother nature is a whore.
wanted to share…. received this note today…
“i think ( and you can tell your friend kaya this) that a pre emptive harsh beating is in order. i really don’t want my slave putting ben gay on my asshole”
you got them runnin scared…lol
Whatever punishment he feels he owes you I should take for the tears of laughter streaming down my cheeks…
alan
lmao…you are fucking hilarious, i know that is for all those times you thought, “hmmm, should i…it would be so funny if i did” and then chickened out.
and yes snow…we had hail here monday night, so much of it that it piled up on the roads and there were accidents up the ass. so i feel ya girl.
Hilarious! thanks for sharing, I just had the best laugh.
This reminds me of this song I used to listen to when I was a rebellious teenager. It was by Mr. Bungle and it was called “My Ass Is On Fire”… you should try to give it a listen. :)
omg!! I love it. what I want to know is how did he not know? I mean really now, hadn’t he just told you that he wanted his back done after you’d taken it off his back? did he just think you were feeling up his ass? lol was just wondering about that. ;) either way I am sooo laughing my butt off. can’t wait to hear what he’s got in store for you! lots of love, Star
That’s the downside of that implicit trust a Dom has in their slave and you used it in such a funny way. And you gloat about it on here too… :)
You are IN TROUBLE!!!
kaya that was well worth the laugh thankyou.
Reminds me of the time I used the Icyhot on my girls pussy and just kept rubbing it in and adding more and having the time of my life …. She tried every trick in the book when I’d finished to get me to fuck her but no way my boys were getting anywhere near her …. no way!