Lucy! I’m home!
Remember a couple weeks ago when we had that glorious child-free weekend and had the best. time. ever?
Well, that Friday night, the kids were already gone when he got home from work. So he walks in the door and I’m standing in the kitchen (which you can see from the front door), stirring something at the stove and he looks me up and down, kind of sneers a little, and says “Now why aren’t you naked and on your knees, cunt?”
And I stare back at him, all deer-in-the-headlights speechless because it didn’t even occur to me to do that, and then I toss down the spoon, stomp my foot and in my best Lucy Ricardo wail, say “Whaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! I forgot how to DO this!”
He laughs and flaps his hand at me, mumbles something about having to “retrain a bitch” and we got on with our fah-bulous weekend.
So! The other day when he called me and said he’d gotten off work early and was on his way home and I knew we had a whole stinking hour to ourselves before the kids got home from school?
Well.
I was NOT standing in the kitchen when he got home. Quick learner I am (says Yoda).
In fact, I was naked, spread eagle on the bed, with my vibrator buried deep in my cunt.
(do all the rest of you have that moment, like right when you hear his key in the lock, where you have to fight the urge to stuff the vibe under a pillow and whip on some clothes before he SEES you being a shameless hussy? And then right at the very second he turns the corner and lays eyes on you do you squeeze your eyes shut and wish to be swallowed up by the floor, half-expecting the finger-pointing laugh and exclamation of “Eww! wtf are you doing??” – and you don’t dare open your eyes until you hear that pleasantly surprised moan and mumbled “Oh yeah. That’s what I’m talking about right there.” Do y’all do that, too?)
Anyway, back to me being naked on the bed –
He got Insta-Boner and was still trying to kick his jeans off his feet while he tripped his way up over my head and slammed his cock down my throat.
After copious amounts of the gaggin’-n-chokin’ variety of throat plundering, we had hot monkey sex that left a puddle of goo the size of a dinner plate on our Very Expensive Comforter (damn it) and both of our throats sore and scratchy. His from growling and yelling at me to “come, you goddamn whore! Come right fucking NOW!” and me from having been throat-plundered but also from yelling back “I AM, goddammit Master! I am! Grrrr!”
Hee. Good times.
Then, after we fought over a glass of water (a fight where he won and I just got wet), we stood naked and sweaty in front of our wall o’ mirrors in the bedroom, pointing out various angry red scratch marks on ourselves. He’s all “Jesus Christ woman, you took the skin off my arms!” and I’m all “So! Look what you did to my titties, fucker!”
:D
So, while masochism may be on a long-ass vacation to Tahiti, I’m pleased to announce that hot monkey sex is still around.
~cunt
Ethel Mertz: What are you writing about?
Lucy Ricardo: I’m writing about things I know.
Ethel Mertz: That won’t be a novel that will be a short story.
Ricky Ricardo: Fred, I’ve got an awful problem on my hands.
Fred Mertz: You should have thought about that before you married her.
Ricky Ricardo: We’ve got to use our brains.
Lucy Ricardo: Well, let’s see…
Ricky Ricardo: You stay out of this.
Ricky Ricardo: This whole thing is my fault. Something I said that started this whole mess.
Lucy Ricardo: What’s that?
Ricky Ricardo: “I do.”
;-)
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Friday February 20th, 2009 8:11am
You are SO funny, and such a good writer….you should get paid for writing this stuff! You really made me laugh.
Just enjoy the hot monkey sex until Venus swings back into the House of Masochism! ;)
And, I probably won’t be the only one to point this out, but I wouldn’t particularly call that “vanilla” sex — I know you guys got so far out on the edge that it’s hard to see that, but, really, I don’t think that’s what “normal” nilla people do! So perhaps things ain’t so far gone as all that…!
[happy and fond grin to you]
Hee. I love sex like that.
(do all the rest of you have that moment, like right when you hear his key in the lock, where you have to fight the urge to stuff the vibe under a pillow and whip on some clothes before he SEES you being a shameless hussy? And then right at the very second he turns the corner and lays eyes on you do you squeeze your eyes shut and wish to be swallowed up by the floor, half-expecting the finger-pointing laugh and exclamation of “Eww! wtf are you doing??” – and you don’t dare open your eyes until you hear that pleasantly surprised moan and mumbled “Oh yeah. That’s what I’m talking about right there.” Do y’all do that, too?)
OMG how can I identify with that… cept I’m not as brave as you. Best I’ve ever done was just being naked… so I could just play it off as happenstance if he didn’t react well.
That post made me happy. Thank you.
excellent :)
Yay for being a shameless hussy!
I love it when I arrive there and your all sprawled out it that “fuck me DaddySin” kinda way!!
Kaya,
I’m jealous. But don’t you dare stop enjoying all that hot monkey sex!
Dave
Back in my switching days while laying kind of in the same position as you and waiting for my top guy to show up, my “Oh God!” moment was thinking more along the lines of, “Oh god! I hope that’s not my boyfriend (my sub) coming home early as a surprise.” Then I would squeeze my eyes shut and start saying a prayer to anyone who might listen.
cheers to hot monkey sex! As for this:
(do all the rest of you have that moment, like right when you hear his key in the lock, where you have to fight the urge to stuff the vibe under a pillow and whip on some clothes before he SEES you being a shameless hussy? And then right at the very second he turns the corner and lays eyes on you do you squeeze your eyes shut and wish to be swallowed up by the floor, half-expecting the finger-pointing laugh and exclamation of “Eww! wtf are you doing??” – and you don’t dare open your eyes until you hear that pleasantly surprised moan and mumbled “Oh yeah. That’s what I’m talking about right there.” Do y’all do that, too?)
No, I’m proud to be a shameless hussy…or as darling puts it, I am the shameless hussy :P