Long rant
I wanted to plug Searabbit because I think she made an excellent post. She copied a comment that I had received (along with many more) and it’s really a good read. Plus, I just enjoy her style..:)
The comment I got went like this:
“This girl has read your journal for a few months. she has watched you stomp your feet and throw temper tantrums to get what you want and has come to the conclusion your Masters needs are.. (the rest here..)
And Master’s response to that comment..
“FOR the record and to whom it may concern. I laugh in your face to this response. My lil cunt, my slave always and FOREMOST has my desires and needs taken care of FIRST. If you truly have read all the posts…of me JUST using her….and not giving her anything in return..OF ME…(the rest here..).
I had forgotten about that comment until I saw it on Searabbit’s post. I’m getting used to the naysayers, to the bitching and insults because we don’t do it their way. I’ve made post after post of how this is what we do, if you don’t like it, don’t read it.. blah blah blah… And once again, what exactly is the purpose of telling me you aren’t going to read it?? Do you realize that I probably had no idea you were reading it in the first place?? I mean honestly… do you think you are THAT important to me? I’m not running a business site here, I’m not looking for customers or money, I’m not looking for jack shit. I’m not out to please ANYONE except Master and He is pleased. Do you think that your rude little comment is going to show me the error of my ways? Honey, your rudely typed words ain’t shit against Master’s whip, you want to teach me something, you are going about it completely the wrong way. Okay.. ~deep breath~… this isn’t what I set out to do. You see how easily you get pulled into bullshit?
I wanted to talk a little bit about how we do what we do. Things coming across here are limited, in words and in meaning… the bane of the internet I guess. Very often I’m focused on one particular incident or feeling and things get left out. Important things. Things that lead to a comment like that from someone who has (no manners) formed an opinion based on a few measly paragraphs. (I just think that is so sad, I really do. What are people thinking?? Do they go to bed at night all smug and secure thinking they have the world all figured out? Is this how they are in the “real” world, walking around pointing fingers and judging people by their clothes or what car they drive or what book they read? Absolutely pathetic.) It’s impossible to transcribe *every single word* passed between us. Impossible to convey every single emotion, to accurately describe every single activity. I’d be writing a novel, a bad one, entitled Kaya’s Weekend in the Closet and How She Freaked Out if I tried. And since I can’t do that, I condense things.. ALOT. I snag on to the important things… the important thoughts.. and talk about them. And they aren’t always pretty or erotic or even coherent.. and they don’t HAVE to be. That’s what this journal is FOR. So I have a place where I can be….. less than perfect… a less than perfect slave, less than perfect mother, less than perfect human… and when I hit enter, and leave this here.. I LEAVE IT HERE. And I go back out “there” and put on my as-close-to-perfect-as-I-can-be face and carry on, just like everyone else in the world. This journal isn’t for me to spout adoring phrases about Master, I do that to His face. It’s not for me to give a simple scene report, I lived it. And it’s not for the purpose of impressing YOU on how well I adjust to slavery.
It’s a journal of MY feelings, my thoughts and desires, wants and needs. Just because I am a slave doesn’t mean I suddenly turned into a robot. That collar around my neck didn’t shut off my feelings. What we are doing, what He is doing to me is hard. And if I’m honest and expressive about how sometimes being the slave just plain sucks donkey dicks.. that in no way negates the fact that I am STILL His slave. I’m just as honest about how wonderfully exciting and fulfilling it is. And what makes that mean something is the fact that this journal isn’t filled with happy-Hallmark bullshit so when I say things are perfect and things are amazing, they ARE. And the bad times are right there to compare that to.
Above everything else, Master and I love each other. Good times, bad times, screaming cussing door slamming times, couch cuddling hugging lingering kisses times… and sitting at His feet times. The very core of “us” is love. It’s not M/s or D/s or any other bdsm acronym. Strip all of that away, and I will still love Him, He will still love me. And that love.. that soul-consuming love makes this particular life all that much harder.. for both of us. He’s dealing with issues on hurting, humiliating,shattering someone that He holds very dear to His heart.. and I’m struggling with accepting that He will do all those things and still love me. He will do them all BECAUSE He loves me. It’s a fine line between love and hate, or so they say, and it’s a struggle to figure out what side everyone is on sometimes.
Master and I were first and foremost attracted to each other because of humor. I’m a smart ass. He’s a smart ass. We can spend hours… days.. laughing. Belly cramping, tear flowing laughing. We do our damnedest to out-smart ass the other one. It’s done in scenes, it’s done in play, it’s done in punishment, training, discipline, sex… (laughing through an orgasm is just as much of a mind-bender as crying through one). It’s who and what we are… comedians in our own home.. with three aspiring smart-asses to help crack us up. He’s made me laugh so hard and so long that I’ve wet my pants.. which only made me laugh that much more. And the kids got a kick out of it too.
There is no possible way, and nor would we WANT to, eliminate that humor from the Master/slave life we lead. When it’s either cry or laugh, I’ll pick laughing every time. We’ve incorporated this smart-assed-approach to bdsm training quite simply because we can. It’s OUR life. You see? Ours. Not yours.
So when I scream out “stop it Motherfucker!” in the middle of a whipping session.. (and can you just HEAR the collective gasp from the ‘perfect slave’ section?), I’m guaranteed a giggle. I’m not guaranteed that He’ll stop. He won’t. He might even increase it and goad me with it.. “what did you call me?” type of stuff… to which I will reply “MASTER Motherfucker”… because god dammit.. thats funny when your ass is on fire.
When He tells me to do something and I start dawdling.. I start making comments.. I come at it from every single angle I can think of…and He shoots me down from every side… because He LIKES it. He likes that I challenge Him, He likes that I make Him think, He likes that I’m not rolling over and playing dead. I am reassured of exactly what He’s thinking and exactly what my role is *every time*.
And if He is not in the mood, and sometimes He isn’t, all it takes is that look.. a word.. and I drop it. I drop it and I obey *immediately*, wordlessly. I get a lot of pleasure out of doing it that way too, as does He… a no-nonsense, thoughtful, intensive pleasure. And both ways work for us.
We dance, Master and I. Not to music, not for a crowd, not with a disco ball.. but for us. He typed me this message tonight “it’s all good baby…you’re lucky I’m a kind (mean assed) lenient(strict fucker) loving(bastard) master(sadist) that loves you dearly (enjoying using and abusing you)”. He is all of those things. All at once and all separately.
He told me not to go out for my butt-plug-scrunchy walk because it was cold, windy and getting dark… but He’s sticking to this clothespins-Master training thing. He’s going to punish me for making a rather minor decision without asking but fully accepts reasonable explanations for those things (when I have them), He’s given me some pretty strict rules regarding how I spend my time on the computer and who with, but when it comes to posting here I’m free on time AND excused from the bitch bench. He loves me. And He’ll train me to be exactly what He wants me to be. Not what you want me to be.
I have to wonder, if your will was obliterated that easily, how much did you have in the first place? How utterly boring.
~cunt
Tags: insults
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Sunday January 15th, 2006 10:36pm
Well put! I’m just a college girl, leading a very vanilla life, who reads your blog every single day. I just wanted to say that, yes, I don’t live your lifestyle, but I find it exhilerating to think about. It’s not for me, but thank you so much for putting it out there. The more REAL kinds of lives that one knows about, the more one feels truly free just to be oneself. Screw anyone who judges you, YOU are a brave person for being honest about the life that you are PROUD to live, and you help me and everyone who reads your blog to be proud of our lives and the choices that we’ve made, regardless of what those choices are. We are all on a journey, thank you for sharing yours!
Stiffa
(and just to be fair, if you want to judge me and my very boring life =) http://www.chuckmystuff.blogspot.com )
Best wishes!
Thank you.. I am most definitely going to check you out. Life is never boring.. not real ones..;)
Very well put kaya.
Master and i are also both smart-assed people. One thing we talk about constantly is NOT letting this lifestyle take away our conversations. We cut on each other and try to “one up” each other all the time, that is part of “us”.
i have stated before that the direction you and your master are going in may not be where Master and i are going, (but who knows) but i certainly don’t feel either of us are “doing it wrong.” i sent Master a copy of the post you made about the slave waiting for her master to do what he wanted.
His response: don’t confuse what you want with what I want. I will do what I want with You.
i think that says it all. Your master has the slave he desires just as mine is making the slave He desires.
rambling sorry, but i find it highly ironic, and irritating, to be criticized about an “alternative” lifestyle. Doesn’t alternative mean different.
Anyway, goodnight sweet kaya.
Sable
I agree… I’ve said before the ones who preach the loudest about tolerance are the first to reject you.
Smart asses are the best… as Master says, better a smart ass than a dumb ass.
[quote]And He’ll train me to be exactly what He wants me to be. Not what you want me to be.[/quote]
Period
That’s everything anyone should know.
You can’t even imagine HOW MANY times i’ve thought all that you put in this entry. i’m so tired of reading other slaves (Italian slaves) tellin me i shouldn’t accept that punishment ot that other “treatment”…or “how can you do that??” ar “how can you say your Master loves you if He causes you all that pain?!” :-/
so so so sad.
Anyway, great entry indeed kaya!!!
schiava – http://schiava.blogspot.com
Welcome back schiava..:) Thank you.
I started out sitting here in this big old recliner, drinking coffee, trying to wake up as well as warm up, one eye cracked half open ….
and now both eyes are wide open, the coffee is long forgotten and growing rather cold, and I am warm all over, glowing.
Thank you. I make you spew coffee, you make me forget coffee. I like that trade real good.
I so want a recliner. Wanna trade for one slightly used bitch bench??..:)
Right on…
I was wondering how come so many people were coming to my spot… Now I know… Thanks for the plug…;-)
What I will keep from your post are those words…
“bove everything else, Master and I love each other. Good times, bad times, screaming cussing door slamming times, couch cuddling hugging lingering kisses times… and sitting at His feet times. The very core of “us” is love. It’s not M/s or D/s or any other bdsm acronym. Strip all of that away, and I will still love Him, He will still love me. And that love.. that soul-consuming love makes this particular life all that much harder.. for both of us.”
We are living the same situation… and as you wrote, it is complicating the D/s part… but the love is overcoming all of the lifestyle…
I wish that such comment will never show up nowhere anymore… Yes, we can be surprised, and question, ask about the how and why… but judge by saying that one way is better than an other?? It is cheap, and kind of kiddish… just like what those little ones are screaming to each other in schoolyards…-’My dad is stronger than yours!!!’
After all… ‘adult content’ should warned readers that they must to behave as adults…
Re: Right on…
Very good point… and adults don’t hurl insults. Or shouldn’t.
Love does complicate matters. In some instances it heightens things and in others, it’s a hindrance. But I wouldn’t trade it out for an unloving relationship.. not for a million bucks.
and a good thing too!!
that you are exactly what your Master wants!
i wish i had that quick a wit.
i am always so very glad for the group of you that i read (blue, morningstar, you) because you seem so real to me – so much like me. i doubt. i worry. i get needy – and then Master does exactly what He wants. i have ADD, and so sometimes He just shakes His head and laughs because my forgetfulness can be really funny. Other times, He uses the same method your Master does so i DON’T forget.
It is the love, isn’t it? It’s what makes the trip worthwhile, even when it’s hard on both of Uus.
love, Master Steven’s kitten
Re: and a good thing too!!
Love is grand.. no doubt. Nice to see you again…:)
there you go, welcome to the “other” real world
most people think that Master and i aren’t “really” Ms because we happen to have so much fun together. i can tease Him, snark at Him and even sometimes talk back because He likes it. what people don’t see is the line, and the fact that i know not to cross it. pretty much like your line and His..
after all, it’s what works for you, not for everyone else.
Exactly… people are funny. So judgemental. It’s shameful.
ya know –
everyone’s lines are different. my Master, your Master, her Master, his Master — they’re all different. and i don’t have to know where your Master’s line is — or how different it may be from my Master’s. why? because i have to concern myself with my Master and his line and that doesn’t leave me a lot of time for trying to sort out things that aren’t my business.
your Master fell in love with who you are — smartassed and all. why would you change that just because there’s a collar around your neck? if he wanted someone prim, proper, and “perfect” all the time, chances are, that’s the person he’d have looked for and not a fun, smartassed girl like you.
at least that’s what i’ve been told.
anyway, i’m rambling, its early and i’m not totally awake yet. i’m glad you vent, and rant, and share, and explore here. if someone else doesn’t like what you have to say or express, screw’em. they have a lil “x” button in the top right hand corner so they don’t have to read it.
~ jade
Re: and a good thing too!!
I wish I knew what it was that made people leave those types of comments. What right they felt they had. It just baffles me.
Above and beyond anything said in the last two comments I would like to say SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!! to that slave who made the comment. We are all in an alternative lifestyle and know the feelings of being judged. I think we should all stick together whether we agree or not. kaya do not worry over her, she is a wannabe a true slave would never judge another slave.
Thank you…:)
Master Motherfucker – I love it!!
Master Bastard is another favorite…:)
From kaya’s Master
DOn’t forget Mr asshole, Mr dickhead, MR fucker, and a few other MR choice words….LOL.
*GRINS* I am very proud that you wrote this post!!! enough said.
and My favorite quote.. If “they” can’t take a joke, fuck’em.
Master of kaya
Re: From kaya’s Master
You forgot Mr fucking asshole, Master.
See? smart-assed…:)
I love how you handle the naysayers…fuck em all…
*hugs* you are happy, he is happy…that’s all that matters, no?
people just amaze me sometimes…truly…
*hugs*.. fuck em.. thats so true…:)
RE: Long Rant…
Sweet kaya,
It is precisely because, as you say, “I snag on to the important things…the important thoughts..and talk about them. And they aren’t always pretty or erotic or even coherent.. and they don’t HAVE to be. That’s what this journal is FOR. So I have a place where I can be….. less than perfect… a less than perfect slave, less than perfect mother, less than perfect human…” that I read your blog, your thoughts!
It is why I have gone through your archives, alternately fascinated, touched, sympathetic, confused….even at times wanting what you have. I have so many questions, so many stupid ones, that I can’t even begin to start. But I do know that I am grateful that you write about what you do — and since I don’t read a *lot* of M/s blogs, it has become a good resource. It is shaping some of the things that I’ve written about, exploring. Honestly, what YOU have written about has even affected some of the things that I’m now asking for in my own journey.
I’ve had a hard enough time making what little progress I have. I am not M/s…or haven’t thought I could be really. All those *perfect* slaves…wasn’t ever going to be me, you know? But reading your journal has given me a REAL world peek, what goes on in a day…and also what goes on in your mind. I’ve shared so many things you’ve written…not because it is M/s and I am whatever-other-label-in-the-kink…but because I feel you write universally to EVERYONE’s experience within the kink, that embraces all sides of the spectrum, light and fun to dark and edgy.
Lastly, about that person’s misguided comment, what is sad is that you (or anyone really) has to blog, defending their relationship or about the content of what they choose to write about. Mere words can lift one’s spirits high — or send them crashing to earth. Careless words suck. Blogs are like people’s online living rooms…or bedrooms…or basements. They are not public forums; we choose to write/read out of pure choice and freedom. Common sense protocol (how about simple respect?) dictates that one uses a degree of courtesy when we visit others in their “homes”.
As someone already said here, “Shame on them!”
Anyhow, I am blathering…thanks for letting me.
poiesia
Re: Long Rant…
poiesia,
One thing I tell everyone, especially when I am installing equipment in the field…..that the only dumb question is the question never asked. kaya and I would be more than willing to answer all questions or comments so please feel free to ask away.
Master of kaya
Re: Long Rant…
Is it silly that I love seeing You here? Thank You.
Re: Long Rant…
Thank you for that. It takes me forever to sit and wrestle with my thoughts and even longer to ask. I will be glad to write to kaya…with a slight twinge of conscience, knowing what she has to sit on in order to write me back. Eeek.
Simply,
poiesia
Re: Long Rant…
Grab Him now while He’s in an answering mood…lol.
Course if He says “because I said so”… just nod and smile. Trust me on that one…:P
Really though, questions we don’t mind at all. And thank you for the compliments. Feel free to blather all you want. We can blather all damn day..:)
(If Master says I can)
(when my chores are done)
(and for as long as I can stand sitting on this bench)
Re: Long Rant…
I was just thinking “Oh, poor kaya. Is it better to ask one by one or have a lump of questions all at once?” Good lord, I wish I didn’t know about that bitch bench!
Rueful grins,
poiesia
Re: Long Rant…
Believe me, I wish I didn’t know about this bitch bench either…lol. Someday though, my ass will be calloused and then He’ll be screwed. Right?
Yeah, right…lol
You ask them however, whenever, in whatever capacity they come to you. I’ll answer what I can.. with the added disclaimer that I am just as lost and struggling in all this as the next person. But even at that, misery loves company and if all I can do is cry with you over an as-yet unanswered issue, I’ve got lots of tissue.
This journey can get lonely.. I’m always thankful to have someone with me, for as far and as long as they want. And if it ever comes time to part ways, I’ll be better off for having known them. I’m already feeling better off for having known you.
Thank you.
*hugs*
kaya
Re: Long Rant…
at this point i am gonna be nice.. and point out that you may want to keep answers to questions on file, a sort of FAQ, because i’m willing to bet that polesia won’t be the last to come to you with questions. it could save you a lot of typing, and time on that bitch bench!!
also, purely from a selfish point of view.. if the questions aren’t too personal to polesia and you.. can we read too? please pretty please? (still greedy, see?)
hugggsssssss
keth
xxxxx