Livejournal and it’s damn “friend’s list”.
I’d been meaning to post about this, an explanation, but things got rather….. busy…. on the blog so I put it off.
I recently emptied my livejournal friend’s list. Deleted everyone in one fell swoop.
For no other reason than the fact that I’m getting to the point where I hate livejournal. How it’s run, the locked posts, the “friends list” that causes so much angst for people. I just hate it. I had started making my own locked posts, stupid stuff mostly, but a few rather snarky posts about people behind their backs – and hated myself for doing it. But livejournal, with its secret locked posts, makes it easy to forget manners and morals and such. Not an excuse for my own behavior, but a reason for why I slipped.
The only reason I still have my livejournal account is because I haven’t had the time to go back through three years of entries and plug the pictures from lj into the new place. Master is not about to let the pictures disappear. As long as I keep my lj open, wordpress links to the pictures so they show up on the wordpress entries. As soon as I close the lj, that link is gone and so are the photos. The process of plugging them in, entry by entry? Daunting. Tiring. I am the world’s worst procrastinator.
I do understand why some people lock their journals. Sort of. I’m not sure. On one hand I dislike the “secret club” feel that goes along with locked journals. It smacks of cliques and whispers and rudeness. On the other hand, I really do get the desire to be private, or to be the keeper of your life, to dictate who does, or does not, read your world. (Believe me, especially recently, I GET wanting to control your exposure!) So it’s not an objection to being private really, but maybe an unwillingness to participate?
Thing is, there are locked journals on my f-list that I would be very sad to not read anymore. I realize this *after* I get fed up and in a fit of ignorance, empty my f-list… and find out I can no longer read these people I’ve come to care about who choose to remain private with their thoughts. As such, I’ve emptied, and then refilled, and emptied and refilled, my f-list a few times over now.
What I want (and it’s all about what I want, right? ;-) ) is to read people by their own link. Not through a friend’s page. But linked directly to them. I’m not sure why exactly that seems like the more mature thing to do, but it does. Maybe that’s silly, I don’t know. But then I think lj’s friends-list is silly. It really becomes a source of stress for people to be on, or not be on, a person’s list. To be removed is like not being invited to the coolest party of the year. To want to remove someone and not be able to because you don’t want to hurt their feelings?? That’s crazy. I just want no part of it.
But I want to continue reading those locked journals..lol I do. I’ve come to care about these people, am interested in their lives…So what to do? I don’t know. I go round and round.
It’s certainly not that I don’t want to read any of you. Or that I don’t want you on my f-list. I don’t want an f-list period. I want to read YOU with much more attention and respect than I tended to give the numerous posts that flitted across my friend’s page. Reading them in that sort of format, scrolling from one entry to the next, made the details blur together so that I hardly *knew* any of the ones I was reading. Plots and names and family structure were impossible to keep straight when the “story” I was scrolling through jumped around so quickly. Nicks too similar to the one before it, hell I couldn’t keep anything straight. But reading by individual link, I can associate the name to the story with ease and I feel “closer” to what it is you are trying to share.
So I am sorry that I’ve given anyone reason to suspect that I’m no longer interested. I am. I just want to do it better. There were SO MANY people on the f-list, no way could I keep up. Nor did I think half of them still read me. I think it was merely the matter of once friended, there comes all this angst to stay friended, even if you aren’t interested anymore. So what I would ask, please, is for links and I’ll link you here if you want. I probably read you anyway and just don’t even know it because I’ve not separated you from the person who had a nick close to yours or had the same freakin’ user pic.
~cunt
LikeTags: livejournal
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Tuesday April 1st, 2008 8:21am
I’m a control freak. But you knew that already *smile*
I understand and appreciate your views on this. I used to be like that when I first came on LJ. Then, well, stuff happened.
I like the friends feature because it lets me control who can and cannot see my entries. This is important to me for both business and personal reasons.
The business reasons are mainly because, there are certain things I don’t want being tracked to me. Of course, I do have what pony calls a “secret blog,” but I started that for a purely selfish reason. And even tho it’s kinda hard to link my business persona with “Min,” it’s a risk I’d rather not take.
The other reason is, sadly, I used to be associated with some really petty and small minded people. And they are on Live Journal. And since some of these people are no longer in my life, I don’t want them reading my entries. Sure, some stuff leaks out from time to time, but I am not the type that wants everyone to read my entries.
So it’s a comfort thing for me. I’ve been burned in the past, and I just don’t want to go through that silly drama again.
aw i sitll want you as a reader :( i dont know how linking to it would work though…im friends only for some very good reasons…my ex roomates are on lj and one ex friend who became an ex friend because he was texting me pics of his cock…
yeah….
hey darlin…
my LJ is locked mainly because of my “real live”, i.e. my job. i can’t have the stuff i write about come across “accidentally” by the people i work for/with. i have carefully screened everyone on the list and if people make me nervous, they are deleted.
i’ve been thinking about setting up a dummy account for friends to log into without having to be LJ members so they can read me…but i haven’t gotten that far…but if you miss me…shoot me an e-mail and i’ll c&p the dirt to ya…although there isn’t much exciting lately.
also…the telephone…it workies… :)
and we STILL need to get together assappppp
kaya, i have long wondered how you kept up with that monstrosity of a friends list, and now i know… you didn’t!
It’s entirely understandable. The few locked posts i have are for privacy reasons, not wanting those entries aired to the world, as they were just too personal, and problems with Master’s ex and his daughter also cause us to be close with some details as well. But you knew that already *grins*.
Wwe’ve long had you linked on our LJ, and you are more than welcome to link to Uus or not, as you’d like, no offense will be taken. i know that i’d love to have you still read me, your comments were ever a source of comfort, wisdom, and strength, and i don’t even know how many of your posts from LJ and here have helped me through rough spots in my relationship with Master.
Wwe’re back now (obviously) and i’ve made a post to the LJ if you want to read it, and i’ll be updating it later today as well. It’s good to get back and start reading everyone again, i feel like i’m catching up with old friends…
*hugs* Take care!
~His pet~
I can’t even get your page to load. I get that 404 error. I thought you’d given up on the journal.
nm. I got ya. :-)
Yays!! How ya been, BTW? How are the crabs? And teh kittehs? And the kids?
i also feel compelled to let you know that your dealings with Am are an inspiration for me with dealing with my daughter. She’s a free-thinker, and opinionated (in a good way), but still so prone to want to “be like everyone else”, and i’ll be damned if i’m raising a sheep. The handling of Am’s individuality, the nurturing and feeding of it, along with the sensibility you use with her has been a role-model for how i’m beginning to handle this stuff with my daughter.
OK, i’m done kissing ass today! *snicker* Honestly, you are an amazing person, and i’m betond glad i’ve gotten to know you…
~His pet~
this is wickedlilone from Lj nd I would still love you as a reader, my journal is fl only because of the harassment i received…but its open now….and would love you to come back to read me
http://wickedlilone.livejournal.com/
I guess one option for you to at least keep in contact me is with my other journal (if you want too that is)
http://snogged.livejournal.com
But my predominant reasons for keeping the penguinskitty journal to friends only is merely because I set it up for my Penguin to read and I am not ready to share my interests with the people I know in real life.
Otherwise, I’d be okay exchanging phone numbers if you want to go that route.
Guilty!
i have three basic reasons for locking my LJ.
1. My daughters know i have one and they would not be able to police themselves from reading it – even knowing they’d read things they didn’t want to know about. There is just too much temptation to snoop, and this is one simple way that i can help them avoid intimate details of my sex life. Plus, it gives me a forum where i can vent about them a little bit, and not have it bite me in the butt with their hurt feelings.
2. My youngest daughter, especially, CAN NOT keep her big mouth shut about stuff – so her friends know that i LJ. They all think it’s too funny… an old lady like me, crying in my LJ… blah blah blah. She doesn’t have enough foresight to see how easy it would be for one of those school ‘friends’ to look me up and make HER life miserable because her mom is a not just an emo blogger, but a pervert. i’ve debated about removing my listed ‘interests’ for just this reason.
3. My ex (the girls’ father) used to read my LJ when it was unlocked and then use information from my posts to leverage a little emotional blackmail with the girls. The day the youngest came home from a visit with him crying because he’d yelled at her for telling me he was being a jerk (which i stupidly vented about in my, at the time, ‘open’ journal) was the day i locked the entire thing down. It was the last straw and the biggest reason. i just didn’t want to have to mentally filter everything i said through his eyes before hitting ‘submit’.
i know it can be a pain in the ass. Sometimes i have people who don’t want a LiveJournal account, but who want to see what i have to say, ask to be ‘added’ – and i feel like a jerk telling them to get an account first. It sucks, but i don’t see any other avenue for myself.
As long as someone isn’t a relative, the father of my girls, or a friend of my daughters…. they get added (but, of course, they DO have to have an LJ account).
(And, i know that if they were very, very determined they could probably find a way to hack into my journal. Locks only keep honest people from crime, and my locked journal is just a way to help them stay ‘honest’ and avoid the random, boredom-induced impulse to snoop – i don’t think they’d make a big effort to peek in otherwise. They really don’t want to know how big a perv i am.)
i wish i felt comfortable enough to have an open forum for my personal stuff.
I will put you back on my flist if you are interested in reading my LJ. I thought I got cut for whatever reason, so I didn’t know if you still wanted to read.
My LJ is locked because I have ex girlfriends on LJ that I do not want reading my journal, and because I do not want employers googling my name and finding things like my LJ.
Like I said, I do understand why people lock their stuff. And I am keeping most of you on my f-list anyway. But maybe I could just separate anyone who *doesn’t* lock it so that way the few of you who are locked won’t get lost in the mix. Is that okay?
i worry about folks who just ‘blip’ and disappear, but i don’t think i’ve ever felt hurt because of what someone did with a f-list on LJ. i usually just assume i’m too boring, angsty or whatever and they don’t want to read my chit anymore. i probably wouldn’t read it if it wasn’t me. :-)
My opinion to the “Is that okay?” question is – do whatever works best for you. *hugs you* You’re going through a load of yuck right now and the last thing you need to be worried about is if someone like me has my panties in a bunch over something. Whatever works best for you is a-okay, with this LJer anyway.
*laughs* Been there, done that….too many times to count, too. Not so much LJ but other screennames and profiles I just got frustrated with and deleted without too much forethought. I lost several stories I’d written that way, and feel bloody stupid for it.
The flattering thing was how many folks came actively looking for me. People I’ve only ever had a cyberspace relationship with. That made me both happy and humble. I think you know what I mean…
i have a very limited friends list because i simply cannot keep up with everyone. i don’t lock my journal, and i welcome anyone who wants to read my thoughts, but my time is so limited between class, homework, work-work, Master, and sleep – i have to limit my time online. and hell, i don’t have time to comment to most of those folks anyway. i wish i did.
no worries, i won’t be offended if you need to take me off your friends list. my comment is linked to my journal page, so you are welcome to pull it up through that.
*muah*
I have had my blog for 7 years and my lj for 4 years. And I can say hands down I like LJ better. You have read my locked posts so know I don’t trash talk. I don’t really say anything that is highly secret. I like it because after having been exposed on blog and having people think they know who you are based on a blog –well it made me stop writing. And so LJ helped me open up. I like that it makes it just a safe to write when I need too. I also enjoy it because for me there is more personal interaction through LJ through the communities and commenting. And I like that I can filter…there are some things I am willing to share with my 5 closest friends. But there are some things I am not comfortable anymore sharing with a big group of people. I also have just a filter for Master so I can share thoughts with him alone there and it has helped us at times.
It used to be kind of exciting knowing people were reading my blog. But now it just makes me want to flee. It is strange you view LJ as an unwillingness to participate and I feel with LJ I have had more interaction then I do with my public blog.
i wondered why i got that “added you as a friend” message.
Frankly, i have no idea how to link without the friends list, and i’m not averse to trying. i’m just completely computer illiterate. And stupid.
i do still read ya. i like the way you process things. i haven’t had a lot of time, but i’m hopeful that will change soon.
love ya, MSk
Well, shucks. I wondered who had dropped me! Totally your call, and while I’m sorry to lose you, I hope you don’t mind if I continue to read your blog through my LJ (I made your blog an RSS feed). Or maybe I’m being paranoid–maybe you deleted me before my most recent post? Because that’s the only thing that I think you might have been annoyed by. Anyway, if I’m being paranoid and you actually do want to read me, I’m also seekerofwisdm.blogspot.com.
Re locking: I lock it because my ex has a habit of trying to find out information about my current life. He is invasive and annoying and I don’t like his habits.
I have a love/hate relationship with LJ. I don’t like the current ownership and the only reason I have this journal on LJ (which is open except for a post or two that are specific to my master and me) is so that I can read a couple LJ communities that I do like that are closed or mostly closed communities. That said, I’m probably going to be leaving LJ in the not so distant future because I don’t like the ownership and my master and I want to at some point “move” to a place where I’m comfortable posting pictures and such. I’m not comfortable doing it on LJ because of the new owners and the tendency to delete first ask and announce later.
I do have a separate LJ that at this point is just for keeping track of friends, most of whom I’ve known offline first. That journal has people under 18 and good acquaintances who are potential employers on the friendslist so isn’t very anonymous and isn’t safe for BDSM stuff.
I’ve done similar things to deleting an entire friendslist and then rethinking it so I hear you there. I think your plan of using your friendslist for only people who are friends-only and the reading others by just a link to their journal is a good idea :)
I don’t write much on my LJ (though I’ve been writing a little more lately) so it’s totally up to you if you want to read/link. I’m keeping you on my friends list so you’ll be able to see the entries if you decide to.
well kaya, i hope you continue reading me, because i do enjoy when you pop in with a comment (they always uplift me or make me smile). i have mine locked because Master’s ex wife found it and made His life difficult over it — so i had to lock it or get rid of it, and getting rid of it was not an option. so i hope you still read, either way i will continue to read yours.
hugs
slave deekitten
(holstein_kitten)
Master Ivoree’s property
my lj isnt locked, though i do set it to friends only when the pics i post are graphic, because of their content i dont want everyone on lj to view them….so im hoping that you will link me…carinastarr@livejournal
http://humble-doll.livejournal.com/
Daddy has been tweaking my kinky journal and he has made most of the posts public. A few of the darker things will remain friends only but since you are on my f-list you will be able to see them when you’re logged in. :)
Was also wondering if you want to continue to read my vanilla journal (which will remain friends only for various reasons) because then I’ll just keep you on the f-list.
*hugs*
I totally understand where you are coming from.
I’ll link, but I do keep my journal locked. If anyone wants to read me from here- that’s cool.
http://livejournal.com/darkfire007
dear sweet kaya – do want you want :) lick me, no wait, link me friend me, unfriend me, i’ll be here reading :P
(my previous comment about unfriending was that i didn’t know why that other person unfriended me, but i’m over it, life goes on)
and email and the phone works too :)
hugs hugs hugs
lee ann
Well I use my flist to filter things for OTHER people. Some of my friends don’t WANT to hear the nasty things I get up to but are ok with the tamer posts. Some people don’t want to hear what I may have to say about my ex cause they are still friends with her. I got over that last one and decided they could just skip em. But for the friends I have that can only read at work and need pg versions the flist works great.
I guess my thing is……….it is your damn journal do what you want LOL
I have been pretty absent but am looking forward to catching up on your blog. :-D
I think you used to read me, not sure about anymore, but here is a link -
http://richs-kari.livejournal.com/
I’m still at allrightwithme.livejournal.com
80%-90% of my stuff is unlocked, so you’re actually able to read me fine without having to have me friended.
If for some reason I decide (or M decides) to lock it down, I’ll definitely let you know. =)
I defriended you on LJ because I didn’t think you were going to post there anymore. I didn’t even think about the fact that you might still be reading journals there. I know my journal didn’t have a bunch of personal stuff in it and it was filled with useless pop culture but if you still wanted to read it, please feel free to friend me back and I will do the same for you.
V.