Listen to yourself.
So. Yesterday. I was cleaning the kitchen floor, right? And I see this little brown ball of goo on the floor, next to where the garbage bag was sitting, waiting to be taken out to the can.
And I says to myself, self, that little brown ball of goo looks like poop. I bet it IS poop. and then I answer myself with Self! P-shaw! Surely that is NOT poop. Because nobody in this civilized household would drop a ball of gooey poop on the kitchen floor! My goodness. You don’t live with animals here!
So I poked it with the broom, watched the broom bristles sink in before it slid a few inches.
It left a short brown trail.
Again I thought to myself. Poop. That has to be poop.
And again I dismissed such a thought. Could not accept that there was a ball of poop on my kitchen floor.
It was chocolate, perhaps. Halloween was pretty recent so it certainly COULD be chocolate. A half-melted Goober maybe.
Or cereal even! The kids eat Reese’s puffs, which are little brown balls of fat and calories. Soaked up with milk, dropped on the floor. Sounded somewhat reasonable.
It could even be cat food. They eat Whiska’s, which are little brown balls of.. of… I don’t really know.
So.
You know.
I have limitless amounts of faith.
I picked it up. With my bare fingers. It could not be poop! I would prove it by using my bare hands! I believed!
It squished.
I smelled it.
It was poop.
*sigh*
I figure a tiny turd rolled out of one of Babygirl’s diapers. Because I cannot otherwise fathom how a ball of poopy goo ended up in my freaking KITCHEN.
Now there was poop on my broom bristles (try cleaning THAT sometime), and poop on the floor, poop on my hands.
All because I ignored myself.
Never, ever ignore yourself. You could end up in deep shit.
*snicker*
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Monday November 9th, 2009 7:31am
Yep, I’m always sorry when I ignore that little nagging voice, but for some ridiculous reason, I still do it.
You are sooo funny! Of course you had to smell it!
FYI – accutane has been taken off the market – http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20091108/ARTICLE/911081038/-1/TODAYSPAPER?Title=Potent-acne-drug-taken-off-market
It’s been linked to some bowel disorders.
Hope you have a great day!
~junebug
Well, bugger that then.
It’s ALWAYS POOP when you think it’s poop. Nothing else looks like poop, except those hand rolled tootsie rolls they put in those litter box cakes.
[rq=1133548,0,blog][/rq]How Death Feels
Yeahbut- I’d have felt stupid if it WAS cereal and I went and got a paper towel to pick it up!
I’ll keep that in mind.
I always assume that it’s poop first. Then when it turns out to be not-poop, I feel foolish, but I’m not racing across the room to go hurl in the bathroom.
All them years of cna training and STILL you sniffed it? It doesn’t matter where it is, if there is the slightest chance it resembles poo, IT IS POO. Oh nevermind. Yer too damn funny, go ahead keep sniffing the little chocolate balls you find.
love ya like a sister..( a retard sister but a sister just the same lol )
I’ve been out of the field too long. I’ve lost my poop detector..lol
lylas. *muah*
I think “Trust Your Inner Poop Radar” would have been a better title. I don’t know how you managed to leave “poop” OUT of the title, in fact. You have iron-clad willpower, my friend.
~Chloe, immature.
[rq=1134539,0,blog][/rq]My Collar? No, Thanks.
Ok so Im on a diet and sitting here barely awake eating my morning oatmeal. I hate oatmeal, the texture makes me squeep. But none the less Im eating it cause Im being a good diet slut. And I click my kaya link as I pop a mouthful of the sticky thick stuff in my mouth and begin to read….. and as my gullet is trying to force the oatmeal down what do I read?? Poop! Poooop for gawd sake.
I wont how many calories I have left once I subtract the oatmeal puked??
Breakfast with kaya. Wont soon be forgotten.
Kaya,
It could be worse. It could have been a little ball of cat poop, with specks of litter stuck to it because the dog picked it up and…you don’t want to know.
Did you see the Myth Buster’s episode where they proved you could polish poop?
Dave
It wasn’t me, I was wearing panties when I walked through your kitchen!
[rq=1136953,0,blog][/rq]Sweltering Celts Contest Winner– WOW, it’s ME!
Children make for interesting poop stories. I won’t soon be forgetting the time Second decided to take a spite poop in front of the baby swing.
I knew letting the cats raise her was a bad idea.
[rq=1138758,0,blog][/rq]
Aw, no, very shallow shit. Thankfully!
Oh man…that literally made me laugh out loud. Hysterically. Love it!!
That was better than a therapy session! Very profound, made me start my day with the dogs wondering why i was sitting here laughing my ass off.
OMG you fucking crack me up! Thanks again ducks, I needed that since it is almost 3 am and I just finished work.