The tempestuous relationship between you and Jess is a challenge in itself, and will likely only be exacerbated by the baby’s arrival. Jess is young and immature, and has no comprehension of the incessant demands of motherhood. Perhaps this will serve as a wake-up call; for many, nothing is a more growing-up experience than parenthood. Sadly, maybe not.

This is a new life and it deserves every opportunity to thrive and grow in love and support, with good guidance and enough finances to ensure it doesn’t go without. There are thousands of families who are desperate to have a child, have endless love (and finances) and a deep, abiding desire to have a child. That might be the best option for all of you – including this new amazing little life. Please encourage Jess to consider it, and yourself.

My boyfriend was adopted into a terrific family. He’s grown up to be the most amazing man I know. I don’t know if that would have happened if his birth mother had kept him.

If you ever want to vent or rant or just talk you have my email address and we can talk nanna to nanna.

Hang in there.

Big hugs

bliss
xoxo

I sincerely believe that. She’s an incredibly immature and unrealistic child.

Honestly…it sounds like you did what you had too.

And I wish you nothing but the best.

:-*

I’m working on not giving unsolicited advice on my daughter’s love life at this moment. It’s a futile discussion, and leaves us both unhappy. I’m also telling her that focus on her education comes first, regardless of whatever drama she’s cooked up in other parts of her life.

We don’t pay allowance because it caused the same problems you’re experiencing now. We just have a few things they’re expected to do, and allowance or not, we still have to nag the crap out of them to get anything done. They know we don’t ask them to do much, and have acknowledged that many times. That admission, however, doesn’t keep them from the automatic “rebellion” reaction when they’re asked to get something done.

I thought we were doing really well for quite a while with our girls- 17 and 15. It’s gotten much worse in the last couple of months with the backtalk, disrespectful attitudes and downright nastiness. I’ll be glad once this stage is over- I only hope we all survive without permanent damage.

They don’t seem to understand that we have been where they are now. I know exactly how my daughter is feeling, but that doesn’t make any of this easier. They have to learn these lessons themselves, and I can’t protect them from pain forever. If they don’t experience the consequences of their actions, they won’t learn a damn thing.

I guess some of this is about choosing your battles. Some things aren’t worth fighting over, and some things are. You don’t have to allow an argument about your own decisions. Families are not democracies when kids get like this.

When my brother wanted more money for dates and electronics, he spent the summer mowing the neighbors’ yards, and then the yards of our extended family, paying for the gas he used and for the lawnmower, too. He got a lifeguard license and spent his a few evenings a month during the winter sitting in the tower at the school’s pool, when it was open to the public. (Me? I didn’t each lunch and saved every penny of the daily school lunch money, heh.)

We were not required to get jobs, and in any event they weren’t easy to find there/then. We were expected to get good grades – college was not just an option, it was a requirement and I remember only one time my parents promising some sort of monetary reward for good ones. My brother struggled with chemistry; they promised him a new stereo if he got an A- and they made good on that promise … today he’s a very well-respected scientist in a field related to just that subject.

I don’t know what you can do about Jes, except to make it clear to her that your door is always open to the baby (custody may be required) – and to her if she agrees to live by your rules. It must be heart-breaking for you, and a tough thing for B-man and Am to watch too.

Good luck,
sparkle