Just Another Kaya Rant
So, definitions and the attempt to isolate a group of bdsm’ers still runs rampant on Fetlife, as it will for time eternal, I imagine.
I have a love/hate relationship with the whole definition debate. It pulls me in like a moth to a flame, even when I mostly don’t care about the flame in the first place.
On one hand, it bothers me that it bothers me. You know what I mean? I honest-to-goodness don’t CARE what people call themselves *for themselves*. I really don’t. If they want to call themselves Master and slave when they have zero of the attributes that *to me* make up M/s, I don’t CARE.
But it bugs me when they prance around the forums handing down snarky advice to the people who ARE M/s, belittling and judging what we do. (and yes, I see my own hypocrisy here. I’m not stupid, just irrational and stubborn.) I’m more bothered that it bugs me than I am interested in trying to define the world.
Obviously, in my own little kaya’s world, there are things that define or disqualify one from being a slave. That’s something I think to myself when I hear a little nugget of advice from them that is not practical or applicable to the M/s world. And god forbid one dare to say something like “Um, but you don’t even live as Master and slave so why…?” because then the wrath of the Fetlife Tolerance Crew will rain down upon your head.
Not that that deters me in any way. As I already mentioned, stubborn is one of my core attributes.
It *really* grates on my nerves when you get the non-M/s folks spouting off on the M/s boards. It seriously does. They don’t identify as M/s, they don’t WANT to be M/s, they do nothing but snark at those who ARE M/s, and yet damn if they aren’t replying to the M/s threads with things like, “Well. IN MY relationship, where I am not a slave, I don’t HAVE to do that and you shouldn’t HAVE to do that either!” and then, of course, what may have had the potential to be a good discussion about an M/s topic is derailed into trying to explain what slave means to us and then you get 25 people who say slave doesn’t HAVE to mean THAT and the importance and necessity of including all opinions for fear of being seen as elitist or out of touch with reality or some such bullshit.
So, god knows that even what we do doesn’t meet the standards of M/s for some people and I’m really okay with that. I have left groups because I didn’t fit their definition or in any way relate to the topics up for discussion. There are other bloggers who insist we aren’t what I think we are because only they are.
It’s not an insult. Really. Because I mostly live in kaya’s world. *beams*
I’ve seriously forgotten where I was going with this. I started this about 7 hours ago, got interrupted by M on the phone, gave Jes a ride to get her brakes fixed on her car, went to the bank, took Babygirl to the park, did dishes and laundry, watered the flowers and garden onions, just came back to it and *poof*… my original point is gone.
Erm…
Surely I was on my way to something.
*twiddles thumbs*
Hey! Cake Boss is on the DVR! Brb.
I think I was just going to rant incessantly about people who don’t even want to be M/s trying to tell M/s folks how they are doing it wrong.
But I guess I’ve lost the head of steam I was apparently building up this morning.
And why do they get so offended when they’re reminded that they aren’t M/s so perhaps they should just mosey on over to another part of the forum?
It’s not as if I’m invalidating them as PEOPLE. Why does it have to be that we (general we) have to keep trying to narrow down the playing field for them to get a clue and go away. Why is the burden on me to explain why I want to hear only from slaves and not from just submissives or just masochists or just switches, none of which have ever done slavery or want to be a slave.
It’s like.. let’s say Woman A has a baby, right, and she gives the baby up for adoption. Let’s even say it’s an open adoption wherein she gets to visit the kid 2 or 3 times a year so she has some amount of input and effect on the child.
Then let’s say Woman B has 5 kids that she’s raising on her own because her husband died. She’s been on her own with the kids for several years, day in and day out.
Both women join a parenting message board. Both are included because technically, both ARE mothers. In its most basic definition of “having given birth to a human”, both ‘qualify’.
Woman B starts a thread asking for advice on her 13 year old daughter who has gotten obstinate and rebellious. Woman A’s daughter also happens to be a 13 year old.
Woman A writes a long list of what she WOULD do if she had to live with her kid everyday, and what she DID do when she visited the kid 2 months ago for a couple of hours.
Woman B reads said advice and finds that the majority of it is not applicable to everyday living. She says so.
Woman A comes back with “there are lots of ways to raise a kid. My way is just as valid as yours.”
Woman B disagrees, saying that while there are lots of ways to raise a kid, giving them away to someone else and only visiting them now and then is not one of them.
Woman A replies that seeing her kid once every few months is all she can manage to do right now but that she’s just as invested in the mother-daughter relationship as Woman B is.
Woman B disagrees and says long distance investment is not the same as every day, face to face dealing. And that Woman A cannot understand the difficulties of mothering in that way.
Woman A screams that she is a mother, too, just as much of a mother as Woman B is.
Woman B disagrees. Again.
Women C, D, E, F and G join in the battle of determining just what qualifies as “mothering”.
Round and round, on and on.. and notice that Woman B’s original question was never once addressed. And never will be. Because there are Woman A’s every-fucking-where.
Why can’t Woman B just say, and expect to have respected, her preference to hear from mothers who have similar experiences? Why does Woman A have a need to fit in where she doesn’t? Why does Woman B have to be all-inclusive? Why is it considered bad to be elitist and just say, dammit woman, you are not a mother! Just. Shut. Up. without being banned for being a bitch. Why is it considered bitchy ANYWAY!
Well there you go. Found my head of steam.
Now I’m done.
We’re having breakfast for supper tonight. Bacon, eggs, toast- I dunno what else. I really dislike breakfast foods in the morning but I love them in the evening. What’re you having?
And don’t you dare answer me if you don’t like b-fast for supper! I ONLY want to hear from breakfast lovers!!
j/k, j/k.
Only slaves can answer. ;-)
(j/k again. Srsly.)
Like
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Tuesday July 13th, 2010 12:44pm
My stepdad used to make pancakes and bacon for dinner. (They were not morning people. WTF is breakfast?)
Had french toast for dinner the other night yummy.
~isis the bratty yet collared owned something or other
[rq=424226,0,blog][/rq]Poly- please
We did breakfast for dinner last night, in fact! :-)
I made chocolate chip pancakes (with liberal sprinklings of powdered sugar, sliced fresh strawberries, and whipped cream), and my fiance made omelettes with sharp cheddar cheese, and fresh green peppers, onions, and diced tomatoes. He also cooked up several slices of turkey bacon on the side, and some simple hash browns.
It was the YUM! :D
I could eat egg and cheese on toast any time of day.
There are so many arguments on Fet that make me just want to hurt someone in the face.
[rq=424706,0,blog][/rq]
We love eeating breakfast foods for dinner sometimes.
Well it just so happens I’m trying to decide what to have for dinner, and I may just have to do the ol’ breaky for supper thing! You got my mouth all watery and stuff. Holy Suzy Homemaker up there in the previous comments! Can I come over to your house for dinner? *drools @ “chocolate chip pancakes and liberal sprinklings of powdered sugar, sliced fresh strawberries, and whipped cream, and my fiance made omelettes with sharp cheddar cheese, and fresh green peppers, onions, and diced tomatoes. He also cooked up several slices of turkey bacon on the side, and some simple hash browns.”*
Siiiiiiiigh….I guess I should get my lazy butt off the couch and get crackin…wait, I was gonna comment on something else….what was that again?….must resist cotton candy brain from couch induced apathy…..oh well, you’re doing good work here! *looks around and whistles* I like what you’ve done here….*nods* mmm hmm.
[rq=425601,0,blog][/rq]Whats with the lack of smut Geez- this is supposed to be a SPANKING Blog- Wtf
Sure, sure… come on over! We both really like to cook (mainly because we both really like to eat). Lol
Tonight?
Everyone is on their own.
Because — Master is prepping for a colonoscopy tomorrow (ick). So, the other people around here are eating whatever as subtly as we can…
But, yes, we like breakfast for dinner. Waffles and Canadian bacon are and fresh sliced peaches — that works.
[rq=425736,0,blog][/rq]Choices
my kids love it when i do bacon and eggs for tea,to be honest whos got time in the morning for cooked breakfast…not me to busy trying to fill water bottles and find the missing school shoes oh and being handed that important letter that has to be handed in that day and only just getting,oh regaring your rant i agree,whos to say whats right or wrong if it works for you and your master then thats what counts.
“Well. IN MY relationship, where I am not a slave, I don’t HAVE to eat breakfast for supper! But that’s the only time I eat pancakes (with sausages yum!), or french toast (with jam), or bacon and eggs (with toast). It’s all in how one defines breakfast and I define it the way I want, so you are all obviously doing it wrong!
Bwahahaha!
Wish someone would convince Master that breakfast is good for dinner. Sounds delicious. I had Chinese chicken salad, he had bake potato, steak and salad.
Re. the Fetlife dramas about twoo slaves… I just don’t read the Master slave group at all… or the submissive women thing… they make me gag… and I am a pillow princess slave. I yam what I yam… and I dunno if there are labels that fit for us. Plus who has the time.
[rq=427640,0,blog][/rq]Communication sucks
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1J150l/www.treehugger.com/galleries/2009/07/build-a-geodesic-dome-solar-greenhouse-grow-your-own-food.php%253Fpage%253D8
absolutely nothing to do with your ‘rant’ but I saw it and thought of you and thought it might be a happy distraction for next years garden attempt!
Fried potatoes and eggs with toast is the bestest breakfast dinner ever. We had that last night. :)
[rq=427842,0,blog][/rq]MOAR dreadlocks- Oh yes
I cooked at a frat house for a year, Lunch & Dinner, M-F and on Fridays I’d make breakfast foods. Individual omelets were a great way to use up all the leftovers for the week – I’d put the sauteed veggies, taco meat and cheese and green onions, and anything else appropriate. Each frat boy would put his desired fillings in a bowl and I’d fling them on the cooktop, pour on a good portion of beaten eggs and make a personalized scramble. Add a big fruit salad and cinnamon rolls and they were very, very happy.
Homemade beef hash is a good one. If you have leftover roast that was a little tough, you can mince, mince, mince it in your food processor. In a skillet, brown and soften some onions and then add the minced beef and some frozen potato hash browns (the loose kind) and steam/fry everything. You might need to add a little oil now and again. Serve with a poached or fried egg and salad.
Taco meat? We’ll have to try that as a filling too! :D
DH never makes breakfast or any other meal.
My father used to make..Heart shaped waffles and the BEST scrambled eggs ever.
My poor mom could not ever compete at that meal
I am a big fan of breakfast food any time. Growing up on a farm with chickens and pigs, one learns to have eggs and/or bacon with many meals. And bacon is just good no matter what.
Besides, “breakfast food” was an ad campaign in the 40′s or 50′s, to up the sale of eggs and pork producs. Before that, people just used to eat what was left over from dinner the night before.
STOP INVALIDATING ME AS A PERSON BY INVALIDATING A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.
Bitch.
Also, I wanna have pumpkin French toast. With lots of cinnamon.
~Chloe
[rq=436188,0,blog][/rq]Meme Machine II
Well I read quite a lot on Fet. Very good analogy, btw. Almost perfect, in fact.
The M/s group is just too big. I have a theory about group size over at that place. Once a group hits 500 members or so, the original philosophy/thrust/specifics of said group become diluted. The more members, the more dilute the group becomes until eventually all you have is a grotesque caricature of what once was. I stay the hell away from the M/s group mostly. Not to mention the mods there will kill a thread faster than you can say “Disagreement is baaaaaddddd. M’kay?”
[rq=436667,0,blog][/rq]“I’d like to thank the Academy…”
I totally relate to what you mean about FetLife. I’m not M/s, so I don’t tell other people how to be M/s. But I hate the idea of the “twoo sub” and the “twoo Dom” and all the shoulds and should nots. Give it a rest, people. :)
[rq=450777,0,blog][/rq]Asking Permission to Do Things
I’m glad I came over here. I have been sitting over at my blog, working up a “head of steam” over some other thing (that I really just need to let lie) and I took a break and peaked in here, and here you are, steaming head and all, talking about breakfast for dinner! Yay–I love breakfast for dinner. Had it just the other night, as a matter of fact.
And now my steam has dissipated. Thank you.
(smile)
[rq=441528,0,blog][/rq]Wanton Wednesday – A Different Kind of Bath
i hate when i get ‘Amtraked’ during a post.