In retrospect it seems like a bit of a rant – but one I stand by.

I’ve been lucky to meet enough Doms who are men of intelligence, integrity, and grace not to be disgusted by those who give the entire scene a bad name.

It just drives me bonkers when people in the life style manage to represent a sub as worthless :) The right sub is just as amazing a gift for the Dom as the right Dom is for a sub. Encouraging “wannabes” merely makes it harder to find that precious match.

;)

I personally disagree with this. I am submissive, but not EVERYONE’S. There’s a big difference. I find it entirely DISrespectful for a Dom to bark an order to test someone that is not his. To me…that would be a way to weed out the wannabe dom. Why is it that the submissive is the only one that has to prove something?

my two cents

I read your blog fairly regularly.
This entry has been stewing in my brain for a while.

My 2 cents worth is this:

Just because a person is a sub does not magically protect them from the risks associated with bad judgement. Consequently, you should apply the same criteria to finding a dom as you would for any other kind of relationship.

When I label someone as a “wannabe dom”, all it means is that that person doesn’t meet my basic criteria for a Dom. Why would I want to sub for someone I don’t respect, like, or want to spend time with? If someone issues a command in my direction (such as the hackneyed, “kneel bitch”), on the assumption that I’m a sub and will respond to that, then they are acting as if they “wannabe” *my* Dom. It’s not man bashing to recognize (and declare) that a particular male is an unsuitable candidate for me – especially if I’m clear about why I’ve made that determination. Nor is it “un-submissive” to have expectations of behavior.

I’m in a happy Dom/sub relationship – and I don’t regret having determined that he was a sane and intelligent long before I got naked and tied up in his bed!

I don’t think that single femsubs object to dominant behavior – but maybe they differentiate between the kind of dom they are seeking and random strangers that confuse submission with an open invitation to abuse from rude jackasses. Guys who assume subs are free hookers just waiting for them to get their rocks off are not necessarily Dom material. Just because we are subs doesn’t mean that we want to suck off every hygenically-deficient and intellectually-stunted bully that can find a Ds website.

Until that time, a dominant is treated respectfully by me, in the same way as I treat subs respectfully.. or anyone that I meet.

I do not defer to someone just because they’re a dominant, but neither am I disrespectful.

I totally get what you’re saying on this, though. If you’re presenting yourself as X, then you should really be demonstrating some characteristics of X or everybody is going to think you’re faking. After all, we expect dominants to have aspects of dominance in their conversation and such–and it’s a wierd double standard that submissives doing the same is looked down on.

Obviously, it can be taken too far–I’d have the same disdain for someone who is a doormat as I would for someone who is overbearing to the point of rudeness.

But when you’re feeling out a relationship, I don’t think it would hurt at all to see how the other person responds when you act the way you’d be acting in a formalized relationship.

*Not that submissives are morons, I’m talking of a person who primarily is a moron, also claims to be submissive. Some of my best friends are submissives, and are NOT morons.