I can has free time nao?
This whole last week has been an absolute whirlwind. Appointment and errands and company and friends and running to the store and and and-
And baby. Of course!
I do promise though, that this will not turn into an All Baby, All The Time blog. It’ll be that for just a little while longer. 
I sent out replies to those who asked for pictures. Lemme know if you didn’t get it. It’s possible that I missed your email.
I said I was going to rant, but I lost my ranting mojo for a bit. Mostly I’m just disgusted- with the doctor, the nurse, the experience that she had. One that, at 17, has made Jes say she’s too afraid to have another child.
I know that time changes things and her declaration to never ever do this again will likely not hold. But it could. And it’s just sad that she feels that way even now.
It’s supposed to be a beautiful, memorable experience. It’s not supposed to be trauma.
Amber asked why she didn’t get an epidural. Or why she didn’t get anything for the pain.
Because they were worried about the baby, right? That’s the simplest answer.
Personally? I think the nurse just didn’t want to call the anesthesiologist in the middle of the night. Everytime Jes asked for it, the nurse would talk her out of it. She was good at it too. She never (at least not until the end) explicitly said that Jes couldn’t have an epidural. She’d just be all calm and rational and say things like “Let’s try this first and then see where the pain is at, okay? Because epidurals don’t last forever and you don’t want to get it too soon and have it wear off!” or she’d say “Okay, honey. But I’ll have to call and wake the anesthesiologist up from home, and he’ll have to drive here and get everything ready and that’ll take a lot of time. So, in the meantime, why don’t you try doing this or this this… and then we’ll talk about it again, okay, sweetheart?”
Jes is not an assertive demanding kid. Well, she is with us, but not with strangers. The nurse would suggest these other things and Jes would just agree.
That’s incident number one of my own mommy guilt- where I failed to see what was happening and failed to step in on her behalf.
So, because Jes was struggling so hard through the contractions (remember, no childbirth classes, no idea what contractions were doing, no clue how to deal with them), I think that’s why baby started struggling. Jes was holding her breath through the contractions. If you are holding your breath, the oxygen supply to the baby is diminished. Results? Distressed baby.
Had Jes been allowed to get on top of the pain before it consumed her, I am convinced baby never would have gotten to the point where they were at all concerned about her heart rate.
Next. Episiotomy. As in, there wasn’t one. I saw one of the interns approaching Jes with needle and scissors in hand, and the attending doc shaking his head and saying “She doesn’t need one.”
Result? Tearing. And lots of it. I understand there are some controversies surrounding the effectiveness of epsiotomies, but I had one (and, hehe, Jes weighed exactly what Anna weighed at birth) and I didn’t tear.
Although the doctor’s report says Jes had second-degree tearing, another nurse present at the birth later took me aside and said that in her opinion, Jes’s tears were at least third-degree, bordering on fourth-degree.
So, here we have ripped, swollen, sore tissue immediately after child birth, right? There is no doubt that she needs to be sewn up.
Baby was out and perfectly healthy (9 out of 9 on the Apgar). Jes was also doing fine. No excessive bleeding, no immediate concerns to her health.
In other words, A B S O L U T E L Y no reason to rush through sewing.
Except, perhaps, that maybe Doctor Evil had a Saturday morning golf game that he was late for.
He starts sewing.
Jes starts screaming.
They give her a shot or two of lidocaine. Continue to sew.
She continues to cry out.
For 30 to 45 minutes, she squirms, cries, begs, and resists being sewn up. She repeatedly tells Dr. Evil that she can feel it. He repeatedly says that they’ve already given her lidocaine, that she CAN’T feel it, and that it has to be done. She’d cry out, scream, tell him to stop, and he’d look up all exasperated and say “Just what are you feeling?” and she’d say “Sharp! I can feel the needle!” and he’d just.. keep going.
There were, at times, 3 and 4 doctors milling about the room during the stitching process. There were at least that many nurses. Occasionally, someone would say to the doc “Let me get her something for the pain.” and the doc would wave it off. Or they’d ask “Can we just slow down for a minute and let the lidocaine kick in?” and he’d completely ignore them.
But nobody indicated, that I could see, that he was in the wrong. Not the other doctors, not the nurses. I’m sitting there, new baby forgotten, trying to coach Jes through this process just as I was trying to coach her through labor, knowing that it wasn’t “right” but thinking that I had no choice but to follow the cues of the other people in the room.
You know. The professionals? Those people that you rely on when you’re ignorant of medical procedures? Yeah, them’s the ones.
So let’s say that it was a third-degree laceration like the nurse said. “A third-degree laceration is a tear in the vaginal tissue, perineal skin, and perineal muscles that extends into the anal sphincter (the muscle that surrounds your anus).” That means she was stitched, layer by layer, and felt every bit of it.
The part that I’d assured her she wouldn’t feel. Because she wasn’t supposed to.
There was no reason that the doctor couldn’t have waited for a stronger pain med to work. No reason to ignore her. No reason to, as another nurse angrily told us later, “torture her that way. He’s lost his compassion and at this point, he should stop practicing.”
I agree.
So does Jes.
She said that portion was 100 times worse than the labor and delivery. That she hadn’t sobbed from pain through the entire L&D, but did through the stitches.
She said she will never have another baby. The pain was supposed to be over after baby made her entrance. Not just beginning.
You know. I’ve had a needle in my labia. It fucking hurts. I cannot even comprehend the pain involved through stitching up torn, swollen, painful internal tissue, layer by fucking layer. I just can’t. It makes me so, so, so angry.
At the doctor who had the needle. At the other doctors who dispassionately watched. At the nurses who stood by.
At myself.
I don’t know how many times I’ve told myself that doctors are not Gods and that there is no reason to sit back and silently accept something that hurts or is uncomfortable when nobody’s life is on the line.
And not only did I do that, I did it to my own kid. When SHE didn’t know any better. She relied on ALL of us, every single person in that room, and we all let her down.
That’s incident number two of mommy guilt.
Of course AFTER all the pain and trauma was over- they doped her up to the gills.
How lovely, you know? When she was supposed to be bonding and enjoying the little person she worked so hard to deliver, she was knocked out on narcotics for hours.
At that point, I’d been awake for about 29 hours. Jes is drugged up and passed out. And they tell me that baby stays in the room, that they only open the nursery during third shift.
Are you fucking serious?? You knock the mom out with a hefty dose of narcotics and THEN tell her that she has to take care of the baby?? It might have been a good idea to let her choose whether or not she wanted to be doped up when you tell her she has to remain functioning. I mean, the painful part was done at that point. What was the fucking hurry in knocking her out NOW.
Fucking A.
I stayed, of course, and let her sleep.
But even after she woke up, she was in too much pain to do much. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t walk. Well, she COULD, she wasn’t crippled, but… man… she was hurting. Bad.
They kept her in the hospital longer than they normally do because there were concerns that the lacerations weren’t healing well. They weren’t sure if the dark spots they could see were bruising or dead tissue. There was talk of possibly having to take her to the OR and redoing everything.
Wouldn’t that have been the topping on the sundae?
Fortunately, they decided that *most* of the dark spots was just bruising and that there would be SOME tissue that would die and “harmlessly” fall off.
Seriously. Rotting and dead tissue falling out of your vagina? How lovely for a 17 year old girl.
They kept her on a regular schedule of pain meds. And that’s the number one reason why she ended up not breast feeding. Not only was she upset that the meds would be transferred to baby, and in too much discomfort herself to function *without* pain meds, the first time she did try to breastfeed, it hurt. And I think she’d just had her fill of hurting, you know?
Fortunately, Anna took well to the bottle, and Jes is happy with the decision. So, while it’s not the ideal method of feeding, it’s working and I’m not going to judge that decision. (If any of you are? Save it. Kthnxbye.)
You’d think that would be the end, huh?
Nope.
Jes has to go get physical therapy.
Her hips are out of alignment. The poor girl can’t seem to catch a break. Most likely from the loosening of ligaments and having her legs in stirrups and from walking so funny because of the pain.
Though that part is not really the fault of anyone’s treatment (or mistreatment) during the birthing process, it’s still just another tally on the side of “childbirth is traumatic” instead of “childbirth is amazing”.
She is still on regular and heavy doses of pain meds. Now less for the perineal pain and more for the hip pain. As a result, like I said before, we’ve all had to do more for baby care than we should be doing. For awhile, Jes couldn’t walk and carry the baby. She couldn’t lift her up out of the bassinet. She couldn’t move fast enough that baby wasn’t screaming her fool head off for having to wait. Her room is downstairs, the kitchen (and bottles) are upstairs. So, yeah, there were many many times that someone was fetching, carrying, handing, moving, helping.
But it’s getting better. The last trip to the doctor (not the delivering doctor!), Jes’s doc realigned her hips and she’s been able to walk without hopping from one stable hand-hold to the next. She’s able to carry Anna from room to room. Day by day is an improvement.
We (I should say Jes) made a formal complaint about the delivering physician. We spoke with the patient advocate at the hospital. And, at least one of the nurses (the nice one!) reported the doctor herself. While Jes would like to “see him get fired!”, it’s unlikely that anything will come of it.
Doctors get a free pass to be mean. And that just sucks.
/rant
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Sunday July 19th, 2009 10:06am
And this is exactly why my friend who is pregnant now is having a home birth with no doctors. Doctors tend to do things to pregnant women for *their* comfort, not the woman’s. That whole on your back, in the stirrups thing? Yeah, that’s for the doctor’s ease…it’s really difficult for a woman in labor to actually give birth like that, because naturally- you aren’t supposed to be on your back.
Seriously- Jes was violated. That doctor needs to stop practicing.
I’m so sorry she went through this.
I would have died if I would have had home birth for my second one. I bled out after delivery and it was coming far too fast to have been stopped by anything except state-of-the-art equipment and staff.
I feel compelled to warn your friend, I understand her mind is made up; I hope she changes it. As mad as I am about Jes’ experience, it’s not typical. My daughter just gave birth and it was nothing like this, she had every respect and whatever she needed, she got.
[rq=104665,0,blog][/rq]In Threes
While I understand that YOUR experience was one that would be a vote against home birth, MOST are safer than hospital births. So while I can understand giving your opinion, research doesn’t necessarily support ‘hoping her friend changes her mind.’
[rq=106559,0,blog][/rq]Public Post
I totally respect your opinion, and I will say that your situation was unique. However- 99% of births are generally issue free. She is going to have someone with medical experience there, but she is not going to a hospital.
God, that sounds horrible. I swear my female parts hurt while reading this. Poor girl! I’m so sorry that she went through this.
This is exactly the reason why I believe in using doulas and midwives. It really does seem that if you are younger the hospitals push you around. They punish you for daring to reproduce, daring to take of their time. There is a rapidly growing homebirth movement and this is why.
For all the ‘sacredness’ of pregnancy and childbirth, no such respect is paid to it in the actual act. Instead women are treated like sick patients who cannot make rational decisions and are ‘clearly’ our of their tree. That they, the doctor, know more about what’s going on than the laboring woman.
Master knows that unless I am high risk, I will not be birthing in a hospital. A birth center, with midwives, or at home. This type of bullshit is why.
[rq=103593,0,blog][/rq]Lawl worthy quote of the day
Oh, and the pictures are beautiful.
I did a lot of squealing and cooing, lol.
[rq=103610,0,blog][/rq]Lawl worthy quote of the day
I’m so sorry this happened to her! My heart aches for her.
I too am a hardcore home-birth and birth-center advocate. Cases like Jes’s make me ill.
Pads soaked in witch hazel and kept in the freezer can help a LOT with her discomfort, BTW.
[rq=103643,0,blog][/rq]Make a geeky girl happy
Kaya,
I am appalled; and not surrised at what hapened to Jes. First, stop the self guilt. You did the best you cold, and given what was happening, anything you did to intervene would ;like;ly have resulted in your being told to leave the room.
Now, why am I not surprised? The medical profession, much like police and firemen are very self protecting. Doctors will not take actions that will put another docor in a bad light (such as critisize him or replace him). Nurses are more willing, they’re more intertested in the patinet than their own egos, but are in a subordinate position and can find themsleves jobless for crossing a doctor. So, Jes found herself i the hands of a doctor who thinks it’s all about him ad his god-like skills and no damn mere patient is going to tell him what she needs. He knows better than she does. Frankly it makes me sick.
You’re lucky the one nurse was willing to stand up to him after the fact (she can’t effectively do so during; his orders will always prevail). Please make sure to let her know how much you appreciate what she’s doing, if there’s any way to do so. We want her to not change, and to feel that stepping inn in the future is a good thing. She cold save someone’s life that way in the future.
I’m so glad Jes is doing better now. Being able to mother her baby by herslef will make it all worth it in the end, I’m sure.
One more thing, though it’s probably not pactical, have you considdered a malpractice suit against the doctor and the nurse that kept talking Jes out of the epidural? Both were flat out wrong, from this little corner of the world. A nurse should never put the interests of the patient suborninate to those of a doctor and subjecting a patient to unneeded pain is the definition of “pain and suffering.” I suspect, though, that the up front costs of sueing would be prohibitive.
Dave
Jesus. I read this and saw red, Kaya. I want to do very, very bad things to that Dr.
I hope Jes continues to feel better and the uncaring, bastard fuck of a doctor gets hit by a bus. Six times.
Much love at y’all.
ps. I want pics!
[rq=103720,0,blog][/rq]Wedge That Ass Up
Mean people suck. Mean doctors, especially. My sister (also 17 at the time) went through something very similar and I’ve been mad at doctors ever since. I could go on, but I agree with what everyone else here has said.
Best of luck to all of you.
[rq=103749,0,blog][/rq]Both
When my mom gave birth to my sister she was 18 and single, and she went through a similar experience. By the time she went through the labor, she physically didn’t have the energy to hold my sister afterwards, and she thinks that part of the reason the doctors were such assholes, in retrospect, is because she was a young single mother, and I have to wonder if that was part of why the doctors were so horrible. I’m so sorry for her, and I hope she’s able to heal well. I hope for her sake, that Jes doesn’t stop complaining about what happened at the hospital – blacklist the doctor as well as she possibly can.
[rq=103877,0,blog][/rq]
If I were Jes, I would have kicked that doctor in the face and told him to wait until the meds kicked in or give me more. Then again, I’ve never given birth and don’t know how feasible it would be. Nonetheless, I agree with everybody above, and he should loose his job. I hope she feels better very soon and sees the joy that came from the pain. Good luck to your whole family and congrats on the newest member!
Kaya, I don’t get angry easily, but I saw red for both Jes and you and the baby.
Such doctors should be struck off, if not hung, drawn and quartered.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
[rq=103955,0,undefined][/rq]If you register your site for free at
Reading this is good birth control.. Sheesh…
Like Carrie Ann said, I want to do very, very bad things to that doctor. What a prick! I clenched and my legs closed in sympathy with the horror you were describing. I would seriously be out for blood. But then I’m violent like that. hehe I’m glad you guys made a formal complaint against this motherfucker. It’d be sweet if he got his comeuppance. Grrrrr Sorry, my blood is boiling. Anyway, I’m sorry Jes had such a horrible experience, but she’s got a wonderful family who is helping her through this time.
[rq=104119,0,blog][/rq]Friday linkage II
Doctors like that make me think there should be totally legal grounds for homicidal rampages.
Just sayin’.
Anna is a beauty. And Jes is one HELL of a trooper. I know she gets it from mom.
~Chloe, who thinks you should bake poisoned cookies and deliver them as a thank-you to the doctor.
[rq=104134,0,blog][/rq]Summertime, And The Livin’s Easy
I can’t believe I’m thinking this, but I strongly recommend seeking a lawyer’s consult. This did NOT go as it should have in so many ways… and she should not have suffered and in turn, risked the health of the baby. I know that if you contact the hospital directly to complain it will be swept under the carpet and the doc will continue doing as he wishes. Please, please, consider speaking to a lawyer.
I agree.
[rq=104373,0,blog][/rq]Lawl worthy quote of the day
You really should do this. It’s sick how Jes was treated. And with witnesses and such…. You really should do this. Even if she doesn’t win maybe it’ll shock the docotor back into reality that HELLO THESE WOMEN ARE PEOPLE!!! (probably not though right?).
I hate doctors. They are uncaring were I worked, and now I’m sure they are just uncaring where ever they work……. just wow.
Also, I am concerned about the sutures. Because she was in pain and the lidocaine had not taken hold – I recommend a lawyer to help get this medically fixed – by someone more competent so she doesn’t have permanent scarring/impairment.
Oh, my God. Poor Jes. I’m horrified, that is like my worst nightmare. I feel so bad for her.
[rq=104272,0,blog][/rq]Called Out
oh my god. i can’t think straight at the moment–i may do my rants in spurts.
I was in the room w/ my 15 yr old girlfriend (I was 16), while she was in total-fucking-agony & scared out of her mind. I thought she was going to die. We both begged the nurses & the dr’s for her to have either an epidural or a pain shot…anything. The head nurse pops up & says “We don’t do that for the young mothers dear, this way they think twice before having a passel of brats.”
I didn’t have balls then. I should have kicked all of their asses. I was scared to death my friend was going to die & her family had disowned her at the time.
I’m LIVID for what Jes had to go through. I am sorry you had to watch your baby be treated so savagely at the hands of a butcher. I know you feel the guilt of this–but we TRUST doctors to be smarter than us..and you had been through a very, very rough time of it as well, but it’s Not.Your.Fault.
that’s all i can say right now thru my tears for you both. I’m sorry Jes, it just shouldn’t be like this.
Who wants to take the first swing at the doctor? (Family first of course) i am SOOOO sorry that this happened. Talking to the advocate was a good thing-if the doc was formally charged and has a hearing, keep on top of it so you know when. Also, check back constantly just to be sure. When something like this happens, it scares me to think how many other soon-to-be-mom’s and babies are put at risk because of his actions! i am thanking God that everyone made it through okay. When i had my son, i had on lv. 2 tears and they hurt soo much. i am grateful that other than that i had a good experience. But then, i had a midwife AND my chosen doctor. The midwife was there through the whole thing but because of complications during my pregnancy, i chose to give birth at the hospital just in case. For me, it was a good combination. i am still wondering why the nurses didn’t step in more forcefully!!! And why the Dr. didn’t believe jes when she said it hurt!?! Duh! Srsly, he needs to stop practicing medicine. i am unsure if they suggested it to jes but witch hazel strips can really help with swelling and pain! i wish you all the best and tell jes i hope she gets better soon!
Poor Jes! I’m doubly glad now that everyone’s ok. As for the doc, complain everywhere you can- hospital, OB’s office, etc. On top of that, get a lawyer. There’s no reason he should’ve continued against patient wishes let alone the recommendations of other staff in the room. Episiotomies aren’t always medically necessary and they may well have thought she’d be ok. Get the name of the nurse who told you it was 3rd or 4th degree and then get a copy of her medical records. She’s a minor so it shouldn’t be an issue. Make sure you get every name of every person in that room. Thank some and file complaints about the rest.
The nursery stuff is pretty common and her own doc should’ve told her that.
How awful! Glad she decided to make a complaint! I’m shocked they did not offer, at least, a Perinial Message (spelling??)…
Hopefully all the healing will work out and the pain will subside in memory looking back with time so she won’t be ever affected by the experience to the point of it effecting her decision to have more kids down the road. I agree with you that doctors do get a free pass to be mean assholes.
Kaya, I read this with growing anger, then fury and then tears. I’m so sorry, my god.
I asked Dan, who has had a lot of dealings with the medical industry in various positions for over 20 years now, paramedic for years in NYC, medical equipment company later, still an EMT, etc., what he thought and here is his take:
Dan:
well, the key to the issue is the distressed baby. If the baby was distressed for another reason that she’s not aware of (ISTR the docs huddling around the fetal monitor in an earlier post) the epidural thing is valid.
but it certainly sounds like they purposely withheld the meds so as not to bother the doc
Amber:
but Lily was distressed and they gave her one
I mean Lucy one
Dan:
we live in a very progressive area, medical-wise
it’s not the same in every hospital in the country
plus, this doc sounds like a TOTAL asshole
he might have standing orders that teenage mothers aren’t to be given ANY pain meds
Amber:
how horrible
Dan:
so as to punish them
Amber:
That makes me FURIOUS!
so the stitching? The same?
Dan:
yup
sounds like he didn’t want to wait
for stronger meds
it’s inexcusable
Amber:
FUCKERS!
Dan:
and for a nurse to tell her that he’s burned out is amazing
she must have 30+ years and no worries about her pension LOL
[rq=104699,0,blog][/rq]In Threes
OH and he added this (I promise I’m done):
Dan: just so you know docs like that are another reason I think they’re all paid way, way too much and wrongly revered as gods. I mean, at the hospital administrative level. Hospitals, at the senior management levels, almost always have MDs in charge — and they cover, and it’s part of the brotherhood and all that. And, it’s one of the things I would change. I also totally disagree with the way they handle M&M. It’s wrong that they’re one of a very few professions that are allowed to police, investigate, punish and reward their own.
They couch all of it in the “we’re the only ones truly qualified to know if another of our brethren did the wrong thing.”
and that’s total BS.
I can tell you from just that description that if what the mother perceived has having happened is what actually happened, that doc should be censured and possibly fired.
there is simply no medical reason that he should not have waited for the analgesics to kick in (end Dan’s comment)
I don’t know the med industry the way Dan does but what he says rings true. I know some very good doctors who are personal friends of mine, but there are also BAD doctors and I wish I could personally rip open this one’s scrotum and then sew it back together slowly without any pain meds. Fucker.
[rq=104716,0,blog][/rq]In Threes
I remember back when I had my second child, they withheld the epidural. Repeatedly the nurse told me to breath through the contractions. Finally I screamed I want one NOW! I had back labor with my second. It was just way to much to handle for me.
Anyway, When the doctor showed to give me the epidural, he wasn’t a happy camper. But not because he was called in….But at the nurse on duty. After giving me what I needed, he promptly rushed her out by her arm and ripped that nurse a new asshole. I quote and will never forget. “You had No RIGHT to make a judgement call on her pain level. When they ask for an epidural you call me. End of discussion. If I ever hear of this again I’ll have you fired!” I sat with a lovely little smile on my face whenever she came in the rest of the time I was in labor. Stupid bitch!.
I’m horrified to hear what happened to Jes. I hope in the future she forgets a little and realizes its not always like this. Many blessings to the new addition and mommy.
I feel so sorry for Jes. Just reading this and imagining it makes me feel terrified. I hope she gets better, and I really hope that doc gets what he deserves (ie, kicked out of his profession). I agree with everyone else who’s said to seek a lawyer and to sue that doctor. No one should have had to go through what Jes did!
[rq=104891,0,blog][/rq]The New Layout
I’m so sorry that your daughter has suffered so, and so glad that she lodged a complaint. In time, I hope that will help both of you, as will that lovely angel.
I’m sorry that she had to go through all of that, that’s awful!
Don’t beat yourself up though!
Oh my God! I’m an avid reader, I don’t comment much but I felt I had to on this post! I gave birth 11 months ago, very little pain relief, only gas. I’m Australian and the leaning here is away from epidurals in the public health system. They don’t like giving them out and often “steer you away” from them and they’re not a popular choice here. I actually wasn’t even offered one, only gas or pethidine. Women are choosing not to have them and I also made that choice. So I gave birth to an 8lb 1oz boy in 20m of pushing – FAST birth. I had a 3rd degree tear of the perineum, and after the doctor assessed me, I was taken away to theatre. He told me that with such a tear, and the potential for permanent damage, precise stitching was so imperative he was going to knock me out so that I couldn’t move, or feel it and that he could be sure he was doing the best job he could do. So half an hour, 45 mins after giving birth, my baby was taken up to the natal ward and I was taken to theatre. They said “I’m just going to put this in” and then I remember feeling dazed, wondering if it was going to start soon – it was over! I was in recovery, lol. They all warned me I’d be sore when my anaesthetic wore off but I never was! I had a bit of discomfort when sitting suddenly, or moving around, but that was it! And that 2hrs I was knocked out was like 8hrs sleep – the best sleep ever after a labour that went from 1am-9am lol.
I’m disgusted that poor Jes was stitched up like that, with no consideration to what she had just been through, or to her pain threshold. A young girl, frightened, exhausted, they should’ve been holding her hand through it. It’s not always a joyous experience, the end result is, but the bits in the middle can be nasty. It’s up to the doctors to at least attempt to make those nasty bits easier, and more pleasant. I had 2 fantastic midwives when I gave birth, never even saw a doctor other than when I was first admitted, and then the surgeon when I was stitched. It was peaceful, quiet, an easy environment. I really really hope that in time, the joys of the new baby, and the wonderful experience she’s about to have, diminish Jes’s pain and traumatic memories of during her labour and the horrific bit after. You have a very brave girl Kaya. Be proud!
Wow. And ouch. Poor Jes. I hope something comes of the complaints made.
About the Physio? Tell Jes it’s the best thing that will happen to her. I had physio whilst I was pregnant to realign my hips and it was amazing. The physiotherapist massaged everything back into position and then gave me a brace to wear to keep it all in place. Not only was it NOT painful, I walked out of the room with no pain whatsoever. I’d recommend it to everyone.
first of alll i’m so sorry that jess wnet through hell to have that precious one. there are things that you can do I would seek council and see if you can file a malpractice suit. get the medical records from the hospital but don’t let them know its for a suit. trust me on this one thats what i did years ago. call the state you’ll thehospital will not want them looking around in their records every complaint file with the state has to be investigated make administation go nuts. also call the AMA and file a complaint. as far as the anasteasialogist having to be called in from home i don’t think so they HAVE to be in house for any emergencies that nurse didn’t know what she was talking about. this is the law of the land if you have an l&D department anasteasia has to be in the hospital because of emergency c-sections. why of why aren’t they doing episomitomies any more i think its safer my daughter didn’t have one but didn’t tear that much. well thats just my 2 cents i hope all is going better now for her.
i know you have tons of “you shoulds” thrown your way but…
Thought lawyers are often one step up from a criminal and one step down from a doctor, legal routes may be an option. Heck, maybe doctor butt head would settle out of court and Jes would have savings for baby…just a thought.
tc
First of all congrats on such a beautiful lil baby. I’m glad that after all is said and done that all is well. As far as the medical experience, I can honestly say I know the pains of being ignored after repeat demands about getting what you need. I will say that I agree with a hunch that b/c this was a young teenage mother COMBINED with the possibility that the hospital you went to was far from civilized territory (big name city) that the predisposition of the doctor (who had to be closer to retirement than not) was that of prejudice. Simply put, you went to a doctor in rural country for an unwed teenage mother and managed to get the one doctor stuck in the 50′s. I am SO very sorry to you and Jess for such trauma. I hope that doc gets some sort of demerit, unfortunately in this day and age, a tenured doctor never gets his repercussions.
All the best!
I am so sorry to hear this. I am more sorry than I can say that I’m hearing the shit that happened to her was caused by a terrible doctor.
Childbirth is supposed to be uncomfortable, and I’m not a fan of epidurals…but I’m so tired of reading about doctors ruining people’s births. Or being one of those stories. My heart is breaking for her. Hopefully she can grow from this and realize that she did an amazing thing a lot of women won’t even attempt – had a big baby completely naturally. I hope that she can realize how wonderful and strong she is. Please know, there ARE support groups out there. That may be something to look into. Not being alone helps sometimes.
Thank you for filing a formal complaint – something I didn’t have the nerve to do.
[rq=106564,0,blog][/rq]Public Post
OMG how horrible!
does the states have those lawyers that work on contingency? 50% of the take kind of thing? if you talked to one and he took it on, that doctor deserves a big PEE PEE SMACK!
i noticed the different way the nurses treated my girl because she was young and alone. after 7 weeks we had many nurses we wanted to kick into next week.
imma thinking the experience you describe could be the one BIGGEST reason for a doula or a midwife. they are there to advocate for the mom, they arent intimidated by doctor gods or nurse bitches and know what is best for the mom. here, they are offered to all expectant moms for hospital births.
not that money will make it all better but it feels like suing would be the only way to get the docs attention as to how big an asshole he is.
still in time, babygirls lovely presence should overshadow the horror of the birth.
Kaya, I am in the medical profession, and I have 2 aunts that are nurses on the L&D floor, PLease PLease Please report the Dr to not only the hospital but the medical board, and you apsolutly should have your case looked over by a malpractice attorney! I promise you you did everything you knew to do, now let the system work for Jess and Anna. Jess’s labor could have been shortened by HOURS if she had been given the epidurial and it would have been much better for Anna, during labor it is instinct for the body to fight the muscle contractions because of the pain, when the epidurial is given it lets the body relax and do what it was natually suppose to. What went on in that room was Dr’s and nurses “teaching Jess a leason” It was very very worng. Please feel free to email me if you need help or more info. The system only works if it is used, they were criminally in the wrong, make them pay, at lest they will see what they did outside the moment and be forced to face Jess and the damage they caused. My the Goddess bless you all, S
Kaya,
I’m in tears! Poor, poor Jes! I know I had a tough L&D but that was nothing compared to this.
I do hope there is a way to get some sort of compensation for the poor girl! Or at least get that Doc out of practice before he hurts many more mothers.
Sadly, I’m not surprised. I’ve heard a lot of horror stories, mostly from people who are (now) 100% into natural childbirth. To hear this from someone outside the usual crowd I run with makes me realize that they aren’t isolated events.
I’m so sorry that you and Jes had to go through this birth trauma. I hope you can find support, somehow. I don’t trust hospitals or that anything will come of your report — but at least you SAID something. Too many people just let these things drop. That’s part of why doctors aren’t held accountable.
*sigh*
– Serene
(who is sitting up with contractions every 5 minutes but doesn’t want to go to the hospital)
I hope that you have the best and easiest delivery on the planet. Good luck and congratulations!
My first delivery was full of so much bullshit, too. But none of it was my doctor, thankfully. It was all the nurses and anesthesiologist. Poor Jes. Glad to hear she’s feeling a little better.
And I want pics too!
[rq=108477,0,blog][/rq]Corner of Bryce and Vanguard
Ouch…
If it’s any consolation, I always feel totally insignificant and on the level of pond scum when I’m ‘bathed in the light’ of the medical profession. I’d never be able to be assertive or anything with them.
You shouldn’t feel guilty, as you did the best you possibly could in a terrible situation.
[rq=108901,0,blog][/rq]If Master was a woman, I’d marry him in an instant
I’m very sorry this happened to Jes; I’ve heard horror stories about other young mothers being provided less pain relief than they might have been if they’d been five or ten years older and married. There is absolutely no excuse for that.
I did want to present the flip side of the birth at home experience. After my second child, I bled very profusely. I’m not sure whether or not it met the diagnosis of a hemmorhage, but it wouldn’t have been a good situation to be in at home.
With my third child, the cord got trapped and she went into distress while I was pushing. With a vacuum extractor, she was out in ninety seconds. I’m not sure whether that would have happened at home. For certain my epidurals wouldn’t have been.
My grandmother often told me that both her mother and great-grandmother had been midwives in the old country. Both insisted that she give birth in a hospital in case of emergency situations.
I know that many have had successful home births and I realize that midwives are highly trained, but I still think there is a certain safety in being in a hospital setting. Here, some midwives can give birth within the hospital itself. I’d personally feel safer in that kind of situation.
I hope that Jes heals well and fully and that her baby is as healthy as she is loved. Congratulations.
Er…I meant to say that midwives can deliver in a hospital. Obviously they can also give birth there.
(Mental note – do not post before coffee).
Don’t tell Jes this., With my second child (and ahem, last) I tried to go VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) with the encouragement and support of my OBGYN. I labored for a long time, got to ten centimeters and wouldn’t take anything pain wise (my choice obviously) then they decided there was no way the baby was coming out, and started to get concerned about me being in labor so long, so they decided on another c-section. Off we go to the OR, they open me up and the baby is so far down the birth canal they have to try to push her back UP. They were literally lifting me off the table to get her out. They finally do, and all hell breaks lose. I remember the anesthesiologist putting the mask over my face to knock me out, and had no idea what was going on, no one had time to tell me. Turns out an artory was nicked or torn getting her out, and my uretor was ripped out of my bladder. I had to have 7 units of blood transfused and they opened me back up the next day to reimplant my uretor. I was in the hospital ten days, on a morphine drip for five of them, and the other new mothers were not allowed near me. I went home to a three year old, with my new baby, carrying a bag of my own pee. So, while most deliveries are normal, there are the exceptions. I will think good thoughts for Jes and her healing, both emotionally and physically. She should not have had to endure what she did.
I am so sorry to hear of this experience. I happen to work in a hospital and in OB. This breaks my heart. Please let your daugher know that not all doctors are like this. Not all hospitals are like this. Not all nurse are uncaring. Sometimes nurse and doctors make judgments because they are working with an unwed, 17 year old mother. I am not saying that they did for sure, but at times people are so rude even in the medical field. Please stand up for your daugher. Although your case might not be the reason this doctor gets fired, it will be added to the collection, so that if and when the time comes, the hospital can fire him. It is not easy to fire a doctor, as it took my hospital two years to gather enough date to fire one. Sometimes the legal system sucks.
Take care.
Kaya, long time reader and first time poster. This post made me cry. I’m sickened that your daughter had to go through that. Taking something that should be beautiful and turning it into a horrible memory. It’s disgusting. If I were you, I would do a lot more than file a complaint at the hospital. I would get a lawyer and make sure that piece of shit doesn’t do that to anyone else again. Please let Jes know that what she went through was NOT the norm and she deserves much better treatment.
Hi,
I had a baby in early Feb this year. Am so sorry Jess had such an awful experience. I didn’t have an idea birth, but nothing like. I was stitched, and felt them through the lidocaine, and it was awful. Two things… I’ve talked and talked and talked about the birth, and that’s really helped me. The other thing, I had a shallow bath every day with a load of salt in, and it was wonderfully soothing. Also pouring a jug of water over when you pee helps too. If she’s still sore when she has sex a couple of months later, she needs to see a specialist – scar tissue can grow…
Love to you all
xxx
I, too, was refused pain meds during both of my births, and had a horrible old-school doctor for the first one who allowed me to rip and then purposely sewed me up too tight making sex incredibly painful for two years after that until birth #2 fixed that problem.
I hope you and Jes follow all the great advice given in these comments to go after these bastards. There are a ton of witnesses to what happened to Jes, and I’d bet that she’s not the only teen mom who they’ve treated like this.
Go to the media if you have to. Shine a light on this wrongdoing. This should have never happened, and they’re counting on your exhaustion and wanting to focus on the baby to distract you from following this complaint all the way through. Remember, you’re not working to get justice just for Jes, but for every single other teen mom that goes through that hospital. Every single one.
Congrats on your new grandbaby, and I hope Jes heals up well, and soon.
I’m so sorry to read what Jes has experienced.
In Germany, most women are delivering thier babies in the hospital, but here we have midwives in every hospital with childbirth wards. And the midwives are with the mother all the time, the doc only makes some appearances in the delivery room and is there for delivery – if everything is okay.
Not everything was okay when I gave birth, so I had at one time three docs plus two midwives caring for me – and that’s what they did: they cared for me and my baby.
The point is, that although the docs (male and female ones) think they are the ultimate rulers during L&D, but they are not. The mothers and the midwives are. And all the midwives I ever knew were always on the mother’s side.
The doc that stitched Jes should be kicked into his balls – for at least 45 minutes!!!
~Isis
[rq=112682,0,blog][/rq]Ahmed, the dead terrorist
You want to relieve that mommy guilt? SUE THE HELL OUT OF THEM.
Kaya,
Jess’ experience sounds pretty similar to the one I had as a 17 year old giving birth. I have no doubts her experience and mine were so terrible due to our ages. I highly recommend seeking legal help–if that’s at all a possibility for your family.
Congrats, and I love the name!
P.S. Please send pics!
I sat here reading this with memories flooding back of the experience I had and it was damn similar. Ashton is right pads soaked in witch hazel/water, left in the freezer and changed throughout the day are a massive pain relief and help with speedy healing. I understand her experience has put her off wanting another birth, it most certainly did for me. I am just glad you are all home and enjoying that gorgeous little girl now. I wantz pics too please!
Kaya, please don’t let the guilt eat at you. It’s easy to look back and think, “D’oh! I should have done ____”, but you’re forgetting that you were sleep-deprived, probably starved, and distracted (rightfully) with Jes. That’s not the best condition to handle an extremely stressful situation, and not many people could think clearly under that kind of pressure. Jes and your family do not think any less of you for it.
I strongly encourage you to at least talk to a lawyer and see if you have a case against these incompetent bastards. I’ll be the first to agree that Americans are too lawsuit-happy and have massive entitlement complexes, but that doctor and hospital don’t deserve to get away with what they did. I doubt Jes was the only patient to ever receive poor treatment at their hands.
I concur with the majority. Jes had a miracle stolen from her. Giving birth was one of the most intense, miraculous of experiences. Yes it hurt, but as soon as I looked at that little person who came out of me and felt the amazing rush of love, I knew I wanted to do it again.
Perhaps it is a day late, but one of the best things I learned in prenatal classes was how to advocate for myself, what treatments were available to me and their risks, and how to demand the appropriate treatment, who to ask and who’s ass to kick if they did not hop to.
For any other people reading, prenatal classes teach you a hell of a lot more than how to breath through contractions.
Doctors can be real jerks – I’ve dealt with more than one in my life with too much arrogance and lack of compassion. I echo the person above who says to tell your daughter physical therapy will help IMMENSELY. I’m expecting my first child in three weeks myself and suffered pelvic displacement and sciatica terribly the second trimester, but the ver competant and kind therapists who I worked with became like literal angels to me.
I want to do something equally nasty to that doctor. Something involving forks.
Unfortunately this is not the first time I’ve heard about doctors mistreating young mothers. I’m glad to hear that Jes is at least improving daily, though.
I have no words for what I want to do to that doctor. I think that if I was ever to get a hold of him he would be deader than dead. If that’s at all possible.
I started to write a lot more here, but, I think everyone else covered it.
I am glad that Jess and the baby are doing well.Love on Babygirl lots for me and let Jess know that she did an awesome job despite what the assholes in the hospital did to her.
OH! Pics please!
[rq=117337,0,blog][/rq]#259- Oa, Not Again
Though you have talked with the hospital and the advocate, please, please:
1. Put this in writing to the institution.
2. Make a formal written complaint to the A.M.A.
3. Consult an attorney.
This was blatant malpractice and surgical rape. Be the voice that will stop this doctor from doing it to someone else.
AS IF you don’t already have your hands full.
“…I will prescribe regimens for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment and never do harm to anyone…
…In every house where I come I will enter only for the good of my patients,…”
I believe, based on what I’ve read, that the doctor that did this to your daughter has violated the precepts of his profession. You have options that may help see that he doesn’t do this to a daughter of someone else. Exercise those options.
I’ll second what the others have said about midwives and non-hospital births. No method is perfect, but some are clearly better than others. Poor Jes should never have been treated like that, and I hope that as she gets older, she realises that all childbirth isn’t like that. I hope it doesn’t ruin her to having kids in the future.
I’ve been out of town and missed the opportunity to ask for pics. Is it too late?
In addition to the hospital, file a report with the state medical board.
This is unacceptable.
This is EXACTLY why so many doctors get sued for malpractice. Too bad doctors don’t have to experience their own procedures.
- Don
Wow, Kaya, I am SO disgusted at the experience that Jess had. I totally agree that she was absolutely violated and likely discriminated against due to her age.
I had an amazing home birth at the age of 18 with an awesome team of loving midwives. That birth experience was incredible. I gave birth at the age of 22 (I appeared to be maybe 16) to my 2nd child in a hospital and I was treated horribly by the head nurse. My experience was NOTHING like your daughter’s, but it was enough to give me the strength to get the experience I wanted when I had my 3rd child in a hospital.
This experience can be a really empowering experience for her. Time will heal her physical wound and I pray that with time her emotional scars will be healed to. She can really use this childbirth experience to fuel her passion for young mothers being treated respectfully by hospital staff. I hope this is something she can look back on and use for good.
I am very proud of Jess for wanting to breastfeed and yet making the decision she did without guilt. The baby will be fine on formula…the most important thing is a happy and healthy mom for the baby!
I don’t think that you guys have done “too much” to help her out! You guys have done a perfect job!!! No new mom with the tearing she experienced should be up and going. She should be resting as much as possible for at least 2 weeks…maybe longer. Not only does she have the tearing “injury” to heal from, but she also has a raw wound in her uterus where the placenta separated. You guys are doing an awesome job making sure she takes care of herself. All new moms (regardless of age) need help. Between my mother-in-law, my mom, and my sister…I had help for 3 weeks after one of my baby’s was born (when I was 27 years old).
I’m so proud of Jess! Congratulations to all of you on the birth of this amazing little girl
OMG..what Jess went through after the birth was FUCKED UP. I can understand how pissed off she is as well as you. No wonder she doesn’t want to have any more children. I would hope she would change her mind in the future and realize that not all doctors are as horrible as this asshole was. But still…I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t want to have anymore from this experience.
While I feel nothing may happen either, I do agree with Jess that the doctor gets fired or suspended. Or get a lesson on bedside manner.
[rq=139519,0,blog][/rq]Welcome to my Journal!
You know I completely understand where you are coming from.
I had a baby at 18, had HORRIBLE third/fourth degree tearing and felt every single stitch (although it was no fault of my doctors)
I did manage an epi though, thank god, but I was traumatized enough that I will never have a second child, at least not vaginally.
I was also in the hospital for a week and had to be readmitted (the hospital kicked me out everytime insurance ran out) every other day.
That lasted for two months.
I also could not lift my child, or walk because of my hips.
It sounds like your baby went though the same things I did!
She whole heartedly has my sympathies, as do you.
I hope she is up and feeling better now!
I was incapicitaed for nearly two months, it sounds like she is doing far better than I.
In that respect, that doctor is an ASSHOLE.
As both a nurse and pre-med student, I would have told him to stop, or called someone to make it stop, not just stand by.
That doctor took an oath that he violated 100%. I certainly hope you get somewhere with your complaint, that is simply NOT appropriate!
Oh my god. I am so sorry. That is just plain ridiculous. I cannot understand how doctors or nurses can treat any patient that way.
My sister-n-law just had her first baby and because of one bad snip for the episiotomy, she ended up bleeding waaaay too much. As in, turned pale and nearly passed out (she actually doesn’t remember too much of this so I think she did). My brother tried to stay calm while my mother focused on the baby to not freak my brother out.
I just can’t believe that these supposed to professionals can hurt more than help AND have no remorse. I can’t say your daughter’s experience hasn’t scared the crap out of me for the future, but at least I’ll make sure someone will be there to be on the lookout.