For me, anytime we are having fun with resistance, it is exactly that – playing around momentarily – and not something that has a place in my everyday role as slave. He knows when i’m being playful just to get a few smacks, or i can catch on pretty quickly when He’s pushing me just to enjoy the challenge.

If i am genuinely struggling with something, then i need to bring that to His attention and either work it out on my own or get His help or some other type of help to, ideally, fix the problem or overcome the negative attitude.

Other than those 2 instances, cultivating an ability to be really PRESENT and focused JOYFULLY on the ability to serve (whether it happens to be something i personally enjoy or not) is something i strive for every single hour of every single day. Snarly attitudes (eye rolling, dragging feet, sighing, etc), which i used to display frequently during the first few years, just don’t have a welcome place anymore.

And, luna, i completely agree with your insight, that this is as much (or more?) for me and my submissive development as it is for my Master’s pleasure.

It’s totally amazing that no matter how many times Master said that he wanted me to enjoy my service I never got it. It took internalizing another person’s thoughts to make it my own. Now I can practice putting it into everything I do and it really does make me feel good.
[rq=5520,0,blog][/rq]lunaKM´s last blog ..Know Your Manners when Visiting D/s Friends

Thank You

I had a bit of a chat with the M upstairs about this before and he said a similar thing – he often enjoys it more if I don’t like it, but I do it anyway because I’m wearing the s.h.i.n.y.t.h.i.n.g.

I’m think I’m one step away from giving up totally on trying to get into the ’slave head space’. I just can’t. I know it’s not ‘real’ and I can’t help sort of drifting out of my body and looking at myself trying to be slavey and thinking ‘wtf am I doing?’
[rq=2206,0,blog][/rq]subtle´s last blog ..I am what I am

I think to say that I *should* be enjoying things that I don’t simply because I’m a slave is not something I subscribe to in those simplistic terms.

I think, to make that correct for me, is that I could learn to show appreciation for things that I don’t enjoy IF that’s what pleases him.

What pleases him often isn’t just that I obeyed, but that I was pleasant and appreciative about doing so.

But, the fact is, there are plenty of things that he enjoys watching me struggle to do. The very fact that I don’t enjoy them and do them anyway is what pleases him. So, to somehow “force” myself to enjoy them would, in fact, be counter-productive. That’s not what he wants.

But there are other things where my reluctance or foot-dragging or overall attitude detracts from his pleasure. So, in those cases, what luna is saying is pretty apt. In those cases, it’s NOT enough that I just obey. I do need to adjust the manner in which I do it- IF my main goal is not simple obedience, but also to please Him.

When she says here: “Anyone can obey, but for my surrender to intensify I needed to find the right way and the right manner in which to serve”?

I can identify with those words in those certain circumstances. The intensity of surrender when you can manage to adjust your head space beyond the physical acts? I get that.