Guest Post- I Obey
From lunaKM.
More than “I Obey”
There is a lot to the words, ‘I obey’. The power of submission, the control of a dominant and the surrender of self come out in these words. When I first started exploring submission these were the first terms that I had to grip and hold close to me. I must obey, I will obey and my obedience helps me surrender.
After several years these words till have the hold on my submissive heart and keep me returning back to the center of my purpose; obedience. I thought I had understood them well and that I was progressing well on the path to my ultimate surrender.
That was until I read the book, “SlaveCraft” by a grateful slave. It’s a collection of essays by a slave with more experience and eloquence for words than I have. He puts together visual thoughts and metaphors to help explain the ideas he puts forth. I was transfixed and deeply interested in what he had to say. I highly recommend it for anyone interested in intensifying their submission.
One of his essays was about obedience and for me it changed something in the way I now think of submission and the words, ‘I obey’. He reiterated again and again that it’s not just that you obeyed, but the manner and the way you obeyed. I never really thought this part through and now that I can see clearer I know that I had a huge stumbling block in the road of my surrender.
I thought that just because I obeyed that I was fulfilling my promise to Master to please him. For years now I have thought that is all I needed. Now I know I was wrong. Anyone can obey, but for my surrender to intensify I needed to find the right way and the right manner in which to serve.
For example, I have chores, things I need to do everyday to make Master’s life at home comfortable and relaxed. These things I do to obey with his wishes. But the manner in which I do them is far from satisfactory. Even if I perform my duties completely that was not enough. I needed to bring pleasure to my service in these chores. The extra things I could add to washing the dishes; like environmentally safe detergents, putting them away with less clatter and getting them done swiftly so that he does not have to see the mess of dirty dished piling up. Serving in obedience for me is serving so efficiently that he need not know the extent of my service.
I crave having him see me as a happy submissive and when my mood isn’t right I seek focus in his Dominance. Part of this obedience is expressing my struggles with my mood in terms that will not elevate the situation. I give them to him to deal with so that my service can be more complete.
If you read my blog, you already know that a reoccurring theme is my aberration of blow jobs. When I obey, it is to oblige him with an orgasm. My attitude towards this is one of, ‘let’s get this done so I can do something else.’ Realizing now, and yes even then, that the manner of my obedience was insufficient I have turned my mind to figuring out how I can obey and get through my dislike of the act for his pleasure. My obedience in this needs improvement. I used to say that, at least I obeyed, but now that is not enough. The work I have before me to change my manner of obedience is clear.
For this I have a better outlook on my life of service. I love my Master and want to obey him completely. I know that armed with this new outlook I can find happiness in my obedience once again. I can rise from my knees and say, “I obey.”
lunaKM has been in the BDSM lifestyle for over 5 years. lunaKM authors The Submissive Guide (http://www.submissiveguide.com) where she offers articles for novice submissives on the mindset and growth and learning opportunities of a submissive. You can subscribe to her feed here: http://feeds2.feedburner.com/SubmissiveGuide
LikeTags: guest post
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Tuesday June 9th, 2009 12:18pm
Loved the post. Thank you for the additional insight and link to a great site!
Thank you! I’m glad you like it.
I think I have to think back on your wisdom that every D/s, M/s can be different and still be “legitimate.” If a deeper acceptance and happiness within your obedience is what you want, then I think you have found inspiration. But I know Doms and Masters who take pleasure in the angst that being “unwillingly” obedient causes their subs and slaves. I do believe we are faced with many times the complications of vanilla lives.
Suze
What complications of vanilla times can interfere with a submissive mindset? It’s a matter of being yourself or not yourself. I am submissive, it’s not a hat I wear and can take off when things get tough. So, vanilla times are part of submission for me.
I agree that there are D-types that like to watch the struggle for obedience with things that are difficult. As you and kaya have said, it’s still legitimate.
hmm, just to clarify: I meant “many times” as in many more, or multiple times as in 2 “times” 4. I think bdsm lifestyle is more complicated than vanilla-only lifestyle.
submission goes way beyond being submissive in “doing the tasks” or “submitting your sexual self” you described it quite well Kaya – in a way it is the extra steps you take to make your submission the task, not the task itself and NOT looking at the submissive task as a “chore”
Oh. Not my words. This is an essay from Luna. I wrote none of this.
It took me quite a while to really see the reason why my obedience was not sufficient with just completing the task. I’m glad you liked my essay!
ahh, my mistake, i read this before coffee LOL – great essay. I totally “get it” even though I’m not a submissive.
Luna,
Excellent post. As a Christian, I totally understand the difference between begrudging obedience and joyful obedience. Isn’t it interesting that the ability to see and “get” this can’t come from the outside, but has to come from a realization inside us?
Dave
Dave,
It’s totally amazing that no matter how many times Master said that he wanted me to enjoy my service I never got it. It took internalizing another person’s thoughts to make it my own. Now I can practice putting it into everything I do and it really does make me feel good.
[rq=5520,0,blog][/rq]Know Your Manners when Visiting D/s Friends
I’ve got a question kaya…do you subscribe to this view?
Do you think you should be enjoying things that you don’t, for the simple reason that you are a slave (as though having that label somehow magically changes what you enjoy and what you don’t?)
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Hmm. Good question.
I think to say that I *should* be enjoying things that I don’t simply because I’m a slave is not something I subscribe to in those simplistic terms.
I think, to make that correct for me, is that I could learn to show appreciation for things that I don’t enjoy IF that’s what pleases him.
What pleases him often isn’t just that I obeyed, but that I was pleasant and appreciative about doing so.
But, the fact is, there are plenty of things that he enjoys watching me struggle to do. The very fact that I don’t enjoy them and do them anyway is what pleases him. So, to somehow “force” myself to enjoy them would, in fact, be counter-productive. That’s not what he wants.
But there are other things where my reluctance or foot-dragging or overall attitude detracts from his pleasure. So, in those cases, what luna is saying is pretty apt. In those cases, it’s NOT enough that I just obey. I do need to adjust the manner in which I do it- IF my main goal is not simple obedience, but also to please Him.
When she says here: “Anyone can obey, but for my surrender to intensify I needed to find the right way and the right manner in which to serve”?
I can identify with those words in those certain circumstances. The intensity of surrender when you can manage to adjust your head space beyond the physical acts? I get that.
Thanks for the reply
I had a bit of a chat with the M upstairs about this before and he said a similar thing – he often enjoys it more if I don’t like it, but I do it anyway because I’m wearing the s.h.i.n.y.t.h.i.n.g.
I’m think I’m one step away from giving up totally on trying to get into the ‘slave head space’. I just can’t. I know it’s not ‘real’ and I can’t help sort of drifting out of my body and looking at myself trying to be slavey and thinking ‘wtf am I doing?’
[rq=2206,0,blog][/rq]I am what I am
I’m so glad to hear you get it. I had wondered how you would respond to it with your own dynamic and the fact that you are a slave. I figured you wouldn’t have posted it though if you didn’t relate to it at all.
Where can I find this book, “SlaveCraft” by a grateful slave?
Thank You
Amazon has it. Just type SlaveCraft into the search bar of the website and it will be the first result. I got it for about 15 USD.
[rq=5532,0,blog][/rq]Know Your Manners when Visiting D/s Friends
Oh, or you can go to any bookseller and ask them to order it.
[rq=5537,0,blog][/rq]Know Your Manners when Visiting D/s Friends
Thank you for expressing your thoughts so beautifully.
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Great post as always luna!
For me, anytime we are having fun with resistance, it is exactly that – playing around momentarily – and not something that has a place in my everyday role as slave. He knows when i’m being playful just to get a few smacks, or i can catch on pretty quickly when He’s pushing me just to enjoy the challenge.
If i am genuinely struggling with something, then i need to bring that to His attention and either work it out on my own or get His help or some other type of help to, ideally, fix the problem or overcome the negative attitude.
Other than those 2 instances, cultivating an ability to be really PRESENT and focused JOYFULLY on the ability to serve (whether it happens to be something i personally enjoy or not) is something i strive for every single hour of every single day. Snarly attitudes (eye rolling, dragging feet, sighing, etc), which i used to display frequently during the first few years, just don’t have a welcome place anymore.
And, luna, i completely agree with your insight, that this is as much (or more?) for me and my submissive development as it is for my Master’s pleasure.
[...] and I’d love for you to head over there and read it; feel free to comment! It’s called ‘I Obey’ and has gotten positive responses so [...]