Give credit where credit is due.
My case of Vanilla Pox continues to run rampant. (Maybe I need some calakinky lotion? kinkymine lotion? *snicker*) So, with no tales of debauchery to tell, I’ll continue to babble about stuff.
I did, however, have a flash of something while working on crafts yesterday so perhaps there is an end in sight. I sure hope so because, I have to say, being vanilla while married to a horny sadist SUCKS ASS. Although he shows the utmost patience and support while I wallow in this mire, it’s in his nature to reach out and pinch, grab, smack, poke, pull, tug and flick which, quite frankly, pisses me off.
My station in life or not, I don’t wannaaaaaaaaa!
(I’m still selling crafts, btw. I need to update the link but Im waiting until I finish the Christmas line.)
Anyway, last night was parent-teacher conferences at the high school. Am openly admits that the reason she likes going to conferences is because the teachers stroke her ego. And they do! They lavish her with praise. It’s not only that she gets good grades because she does struggle in certain classes, but she’s just a good kid, nice, polite, pleasant. The teachers love her.
Unfortunately she inherited my math gene. The one that says that anything above grade level 4 is incomprehensible jibberish. Good thing math isn’t important in life, right? ;-) Oy.
Her speech teacher told me that he’s recruiting her for the Forensics Speech Team this year. He said that she’s a natural at public speaking and assured both of us that she’ll “win lots of trophies and medals” at the competitions. I wouldn’t doubt that this speech she’s preparing now on same-sex marriage will be one that she presents at Forensics. (and thank you all so much for the info. It’s been a HUGE help.)
It doesn’t hurt, either, that I also get lavished with praise for having reared such a wonderful child. Though I wish I could take the praise, I don’t. Not really.
I do for some things. Whenever it’s hinted that I’m a less-than desirable parent, I can’t help but reassure myself that the fact that my kids are as great as they are means I’m doing *something* right. But I’m also a pretty firm believer in nature over nurture.
Take Jes and Am for instance. They’re spawned from the same gene pool, only one year apart, raised by the same person, with identical rules, in identical environments, and up until the last year and a half, interacted with the same peer group, same teachers, same communities. Yet, they are polar opposites in personality, temperament, interests, goals, intelligence, moods.. you name it. Two strangers from opposite sides of the world couldn’t be more different than my two daughters.
How could that be attributed to anything other than nature? I believe that people are born with pre-set traits, and nurturing does nothing more than build on them.
Same with myself. If I was kinky because of nurturing, or because of my environment, why do I dip into these incredibly UN-kinky times? If my propensity to kink *isn’t* based upon a chemical or hormone that my body produces, then I would never experience these “lows”. If it were a result of my environment, I’d be steady because my desire for it wouldn’t be dependent upon whatever chemical it is that’s currently at a low dosage point.
There is a lot of speculation on how having an abusive childhood or an abusive past forces a person into kink. The theory is that it’s a continuation of abuse, a continuation of a “familiar comfort”. That one knows no other way to interact.
I don’t agree with that. Not entirely. If that were the case then ALL people into kink would be abuse victims, which is not true. All abuse victims would be drawn to kink, which is also not true. There are a certain amount of abuse victims in kink, just as there are a certain amount of abuse victims in ALL walks of life.
I used to work primarily with women, and occasionally we’d sit and gab and get on the subject of childhoods and pasts. A vast number of us had been abused in our pasts. A VAST number. I remember thinking to myself “wow. a huge number of abuse victims are drawn to healthcare careers!” But the truth is, there is simply a huge number of abuse victims, period. Everywhere.
The fact that I was abused in my past is no more consequential to who I am now, than is the fact that I’m a brunette with blue eyes. Or that I’m shorter than average. Or that I was a smoker. Or that I used to have a crush on Michael Jackson (way before he got really weird, mind you.) Point is, all of those things about me have shaped me in some ways, yes, but my hardwiring was determined at birth. I believe anyway.
Just as was my daughters’. I don’t know how much credit I can take for that.
Tags: am, jes, nature vs nurture
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Friday November 16th, 2007 12:42pm
I have often said that you can cull out anything from any group. Whatever group you want to single out…everything is in there. There are probably pleanty of doctors who like to have girls shit on their heads… Well, maybe not. But you know what I mean.
So, well done you!
BTW
I only check out your “Masters” blog once in a while. It just links to the best spanking porn in the world. Anyway I caught your responce to some A-holewho had critiqued you. I didn’t see his message but it took me to your old website and then to here. (great story huh? zzzzz)
I just wanted to say, give ‘em hell!!! If he thinks your lifestyle is wrong or that you are somehow broken, what the fuck is he doing trying to find pictures of you naked with a plug up your ass?????
By the way, are ther any pictures of you naked with a plug up your ass?
Anyway, good job, live your life, your God loves you just the way he made you.
My Master’s blog? He doesn’t have one…lol. Well, he says this one is his but, you know, it’s MINE. ;-)
There are pictures of me naked and plugged! Lots of them probably. One of these days I’ll get the tagging done and you can find them…lol
Kaya, I always say, take the praise when you can get it, and take the blame when you can’r dodge it.
I hope that your kink returns soon. :-)
Warm hugs,
Paul.
aww… well if you say I can take the credit then I will. ;-)
:::Nod:::
I’m not a victim of abuse or from a broken home with a need to replace my father in my life. I don’t have low self-esteem (if anything, it’s probably too high), but yet I’m owned by “Daddy.” Wonder how that happened!
Great post (as always). Thank you!
Blush
Calakink and Kinkmine…huh?
Perhaps we need to get you a science lab for Christmas.
I smell a marketing scheme. ;)
Hhmmm… if you guys do figure that out I’ll help you market it by building a website. :-D
Oh my gods… kink is absolutely hardwired in me. I have always liked being tied up, and always *wanted * to be tied up. I was the girl at the playground who knew what the jumpropes were *really* for.
I don’t know if my mother is kinky. Certainly, I never saw any evidence. And while my mother and I have a wonderfully open relationship, *that’s* not a topic I generally bring up! LOL
You know that is one thing that has always gotten me that something had to have happend to each person that is kinky. I could say that something musta happend to all the nilla pruddish people (not all nillas are prude mind you) just saying. Its no diffrent then when I took a few similaritys with ageplay and we wove them into our relationship I got a ass full of the ” ohh my you must have had something happen with your father or he must be this or that” You would think that kinky folk would be the least judgy people of them all but boy over the years have we seen diffrent huh??
On to motherhood I think and have always thought you are a phenominal mother Kaya, you do something all the time that alot of mothers dont and that is you listen to your children even when its not what you want to hear you listen with both ears open that is a huge thing. My sisters and I were all raised just the same just like you said and one oh my she is a ride thats for sure and has been most her life. It took years for my mom to stop trying to figure out the diffrence and just celebrate the unique’ness instead.
I am loving the look of your new place but I so miss you over there bunches. I am also loving the *more* kaya all nekkid shots hehehehe.
smooch
tia
I see alot of women who were attacked by a male; think of themselves as “damaged goods” which is soooooo not true.
Maybe I’m stranger than I realize, but very possibly the people that identify themselves as kinky are the most healthy and responsible. After all, kinky folks subscribe to self-control and self-discipline, even when they consciously relinquish control to a dominant. Vanilla folks, however, allow themselves to be limited by societal, governmental and religious controls without ever questioning it. Even when they condemn more sexually aware ‘rebels’, they are not doing so because of original thinking but via unthinking acceptance. I’ll never see that as healthy or responsible.
This is soooo true! I agree with everything you said.