“Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.
I’m a little speechless. Well, I’m a whole lot speechless.
When you’re lying in the dark in your bedroom, depressed and feeling sorry for yourself, and you watch with horror as the world just keeps right on spinning no matter how hard it’s coming to a screeching halt in your own head, you feel very alone. Very forgotten, very scared and very convinced that nobody will notice or care if you just wink out of existence.
Not life-existence, I’m not suicidal or anything. But, meh, you know what I mean, right?
These comments have made me cry. Never in my life have I needed to hear that someone, anyone, anywhere, cares.
So, as long as I can continue to pay the hosting charge here, I’ll write sometimes. I think – no, I know – that right now, I need all of you.
Thank you. For lifting me up.
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Uncategorized | kaya | 
Tuesday December 2nd, 2008 8:57am
We all need support. We all need some kind of acceptance. Sometimes we just don’t realise that we want it or care.
Just know that you can lean on us, all of us, anytime you need it.
My place is your place.
So glad you read all your comments. Sometimes you have no idea how many people you touch. Keep writing, we will keep reading.
zin
Tess, I am glad you will continue, to write, to breath, to live, to fight the good fight…whatever. I hope the Gods smile on your journey and put a cool breeze at your back and may the ground rise gently up to your feet. Live knowing you make a difference in this world to many. Steve
I didn’t reply in your last entry, but I echo everyone else. I’ve read you every day for a year now, smut or no smut. I’ll still read your blog no matter what happens between you two. I’m sorry things have taken a turn for the worst, but I hope and pray that you’re life is a happy and satisfied one. Good luck in all you do, and I really hope you don’t just go away. That’d be just too hard on all of us!
Yours is the first site I became addicted to! I’ve always been impressed with your courage and bravery, in kinky play, in life, with kids, the move, etc. Also, your amazing cleaning skills! Now, it seems your courage shines more bright.
I wish you peace and love and strength in the things you need to do!
Radha
Dear Tess,
May the best of your past be the worst of your future.
Best Wishes,
Ally
We’ll always be here for you, Tess. Lots of love from your friends inside the computer. :D
tess,
keep writing…i need you…how can i help you?..
if you ever visit Greece, i will be honored if you contacted me..
Dear Tess,
I hope, as your life plans change, that things become easier for you day by day. You are an exceptionally strong woman.
And of course as we all try to speculate as to what might have transpired over the Thanksgiving week-end to bring you to this fork in the road, I’ll try to be brave and ask a question related to your rope metaphore in the previous post. Is the added rope hanging from your children an unborn child? I may be totally off-base, and it truly is not any of my business, but it would explain a lot…
Thank you very much for continuing your journey with us on-line.
I wondered that, too.
Tess, I didn’t reply in the other post, but I wonder if you’d consider writing a blog of some other variety. I assume UHH paid its hosting costs (and I suspect it will continue to, if you post now and then, no matter what your content is like) out of advertising. I think you have become a writer whose art is certainly polished enough to present a more mainstreamy blog if you should wish to do so, and probably do more than pay for its hosting. Considering that in usual response statistics, for every comment you got on your last post, 9 or more people felt similarly but didn’t comment at all, you certainly have readership enough to found a ‘new place’ if you should want to.
So I guess that’s my suggestion for something you might consider as you look for work (since your last post indicated you’d be finding a job). ;)
It’s been a pleasure to read and I hope to continue reading, regardless of what it is you write about, or where. Our thoughts, obviously, are with you and yours – all of them.
Kaya,
I have read you for over two years now…I found you through Lessons Learned, maybe its been 3 years. My first read I was addicted. The way your write, your openess, your honesty, your struggles, your successes. I am very much “June Cleaver” although not as old as she was…I am the mother of “wally” and “the Beave”
I am so vanilla I reek…but my mind, thoughts, dreams and wishes are not vanilla. I think I found through your writings the things Ive longed for, dreamed of. I once made mention of my thoughts to my husband and he was ready to ship me to a nut house. He doesnt get it, doesnt understand. Your blog fed my curiousity and satisfied my thoughts. I wish you ALL the best on your journey and hope you KEEP POSTING…I will read you as long as you are here. I bet even you can post an informative and entertaining post on baking cookies, mopping floors and all those boring vanilla things. You are a wonderful person and someone I look up to (weird huh? since Ive kept silent on your blog and only read) Just know there are many silent readers that are drawn to you and will deeply miss you if you vanish…
keep smiling, things will look up for you..
KinkyOne
*HUGS*
I don’t know what else to say.
Like many others, I’m addicted to your writing, smut or not – you’re always good for a laugh. I would love to read more about your kids, I cracked up over the post about teens knowing everything, except…
You are an incredibly gifted writer – please keep feeding us.
Take care of yourself Mama Bear.
~big hugs~
junebug
I think there’s real value in hearing what happens when someone leaves slavery – what it feels like, why, etc. It’s part of the experience. I’m interested in the whole experience – good, bad and the ugly.
This is actually timely in a way for me since this week I had a situation where I absolutely don’t want to give in to something my Dom has asked of me. We’re scheduled to discuss it later this week. I’m not planning on leaving him or stopping being his submissive, but I’m exploring limits these days. I’m dreading being pushed into giving in but I see it as inevitable because of our dynamic.
I enjoy reading your blog and hope you keep writing. I wish you all the best no matter what you decide.
I have been where you are now, in the depressive sort of way. I had to look for something, and I didn’t know what, but I found him, and it changed my life.
I hope that whatever you seek, you will find.
Sorry, posted that comment with links to my old blog. The right one is on this comment.
I think I may have added to your blog maybe two times since I discovered it two/three years ago.
I will admit that I found your site as a “voyeur” looking into BDSM sex but you have given us a real insight into how that relationship really works. It is not for me – I just could not do it – as much as I may like looking at it! So, your site has shown me that I remain happy being very vanilla and could not really cope with the full scene no matter how good it looks!
More importantly, you are a great writer. There is certainly a book within you somewhere or a professional column in a paper. I have enjoyed you sharing your life with us.
I sincerely hope that life works out for you whichever way it goes.
I am in an “apartnership” relationship and it does work. I have beenliving and working in Singapore, with my girlfriend from Europe visiting every 5 weeks for 2 weeks. We are going to have Christmas in Argentina and then back to Europe for the next job. I suits us.
So, I thank you for your blog, for sharing your life with us in a very personal way and I hope that you and Master find a common road.
I do hope your blog continues as it is something I now look for to see what you have been up to!
McC
Sometimes I think it would be cool if everyone who read your blog had to gather in a room to read it up on a big screen. (I mean, most of the time I think it’d be scary, but it’s cool in THEORY, yanno?)
You’d get to see hundreds of faces light up when they saw something new from you, the people who came for repeat performances (I’m assuming I’m not the only one who has read and reread certain posts!), and all who laughed and smiled and thoroughly enjoyed all the zero-kink-just-random-life posts.
I mean, sure, you’ve got all the stats on the site, but still…
I’m so glad you’re going to stick around. I’m glad for you because I think it’s good to have an outlet and a place where you can talk and see that people really do care deeply about and depend on you, especially when your world feels like it’s crumbling. But also, I’m selfishly glad because your blog is so comforting to me. Coming here and seeing something new is like… I don’t know. It just feels really good.
As another commenter said, your blog has helped inspire ME to want to keep a blog. I’m in the final stages of setting it up… But your blog was my assurance that “Hey, these blogs can be kinky AND personal, and people can really care about one another through them. There are blog success stories in this lifestyle.” (I admit, I’m very picky in my blog-reading…)
Take care of you, Tess. You are a star. Shine on.
~Chloe
You are loved! When the darkness hit me, you had a comment on your blog that made me realize MY WORTH! Thank You
Univer
I would like to add my two cents worth and tell you how very happy Iam that you will stay around. I have someone who I care very much for and we have this very special long distance relationship for 3 yrs now. It seems to be slowly falling apart and I would be that much more alone without your words to read. I wish you and your family the very best..for things like this to happen, we need the love and support of those who care. I put my mother to rest yesterday…and now I’m the grown up in the family. I have learned alot about what giving completely is about from you and how to maintain respect for one’s self. May the man/woman who watches over us, protect you…
If you vanish I will hunt you down and kill you. I don’t care if you just post “lalala” twice a week so we know you’re ok – just don’t up and vanish.
I get ill in my tummy and very worried when you do.
And, god damn it, woman, your email addy keeps bouncing.
lol… hunt her down, but dont ‘kill’ her carrie ann..lol…( i admit, i laughed out loud when i read that part..lol) but im with you carrie ann, we need kaya here- im glad you are staying sweetie, even if you only post lalala…lol..
wrapping you up in warm hugs,
Hisflower
Carrie nn,
I think it got lost when the site was quit those few days. Her old hotmail account still works and she sill checks it regularly. It’s how I contact her.
Dave
I’m with Carrie. We’ll form a posse.
*smile* sometimes it’s difficult to know behind that screen just how many lives we touch. It’s always a surprise when they reach out and touch us back. I’m glad that you’re going to try to stick around. You’ve been on my mind since I read your post. Wish wish wish that I was anywhere near you so that I could invite you out for coffee and give you a real hug.
God speed as you make your way thru this huge transition. We just went thru four days of having a teenage girl in the house and it is no picnic…by any measure. As mother’s, we always walk a tight rope of attempting to give them what they need and also teach them limits.
It is very interesting to me to read that when you discovered you have limits, they had nothing at all to do with the kink..but something less tangible. I can only surmise just how painful this is for you, and Scott, to for that matter. Moving is HUGE, no matter what the reason and children are simply not as portable when they become teenagers.
I truly believe you are stronger than you know and will meet the challenges coming your way with courage. I hope you are able to continue blogging, as you have given inspiration to many who seek an alternative view of what slavery is all about. You are special and have given so much to many. Now take care of yourself.
~slave nik
I’m glad the posts were lifting you up- a bit. It works like this~it’s my believe~ you gave a lot- you’ll get it back!
Take Care!
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIm so happy you will keep writing I thought I had lost you for ever.
I just about shit when I clicked on you and your were gone I went straight to fetlife and messaged you and now it is great I haven t thanks
SirDuke
It is human nature to fear change and feel overwhelmed by the unknown. i will have you in my thoughts no matter what you decide down the road… i must admit though, curiosity is getting to me picturing the “released from his hand” possible site. Sorry I just deal with many things attempting to use humor. Seriously though, blogging has become a therapudic means for me. i am glad you see how many people care!
Viemoira
(aka Shannon :))
Hi from Norway…so you can see that the whole world appreciate you and your words!
I’m probably a “super lurker”, but I had to get in line to say how much you will me missed if you should just disappear.
I wish you all the best with your new path. I’m sure you will make it, whatever you set for. You are stronger then you think. You are a woman after all…
So glad you decided to stay.
*hugs*
So glad you decided to keep writing!
*hugs*
I’m glad you’ve decided to stay here, but more than that, I’m happy to see that the community that gathers here around your words has been able to support you in this difficult time.
We’ll read for as long as you write.
i am sooo happy that you have decided at this point to keep writing. Like so many others, i enjoy your writing- no matter the topic.
I’ve been reading here daily for a couple of years, I love your writing and really want to continue to follow your story and cheer in the background for you in a lurker-ish fashion :0)
I think you guys have made a brave choice, but whatever happens, I’m a firm believer in the fact that what starts with open and honest communication can only ever end in good things – whatever they may be.
I’m excited for you … and humbly ask for an invite along to the next stage of your adventure. If you’ll have me. Lurking an’ cheerin’ :0)
(another) Tess
x
Thank you for not leaving. I know this is a very difficult time for you and I’m glad you were able to see how many people care about you.
You have a gift, I hope you continue to develop it.
Sending you big hugs!
I read you for you not for what you write but how. I’ll continue to do so if you continue to write!!
Doesn’t life just sometimes happen!
Hil
Tess,
You make these difficult times in the world a little easier to deal with because of your wit, humor and honesty.
I comment seldom, but read you every day and would miss you terribly.
What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger, someone wiser than I once said…
I send love, support, and wishes for a happy future
Kaye
love and luck. we’re all here rootin’ for you.
So glad you came back to blog and let us know what was happening. I was getting a hinky feeling when your site didn’t pop up like it always did before last weekend.
Have loved getting caught up with your life and times every day as an addicted superlurker, and even though I’m a celibate, vanilla female, your blog is a “must read”.
Carry on, brave Tess. Just don’t vanish on us, k?
Glad you decided to keep in touch with all of us. You know, you’ve taken us on a long journey, be a shame to see it end. You must realise, this is just one more PART of the whole, not THE whole.
Hang tight, we’re still here.
Tess
I did not tell you all I felt with your last post I felt a knife hit me in the heart because you are a friend and when my friends hurt I hurt. It felt like I lost a part of me cause you are in my thoughts almost everyday and I am so worried about you and the pain you are going through.
when I started reading your blog I looked forward to reading it waiting for another post the next day. Hugs I am also here for you.
take peace in knowing that we,your avid readers are always here, we care….and are listening……any time you wish to speak to us.
warm hugs
Just think how many are out there rooting for you who don’t even comment. ;) Frankly, I was in too much of a shock yesterday to say anything. I’m sure things aren’t always as perfect as they look in your life – no one’s is…but we didn’t see this coming.
The best of luck to you, Scott, the kids…hope to see more from you, if only to know that all are surviving.
tess,
i read your post today and i am so glad that you are going to stick around. i was worried about you and have thought about you many times today.
Take care sweet one….
Kaya,
I think we all understood that such a horendous change in your life would leave you feeling alone and unloved. I’ve felt that way in the past. It only took one friend touching base with me to break me out of that funk. What I went through them was nothing compared to what you’re going through now, and we kow how much you need lots of love and aknowledgement that you are a person worth knowing; one who will be missed.
As you enter that frightening realm of single motherhood again, it will be oh so easy to let the pressure of being the best mom you can be pull you away from this, one of your support networks, as they say. Remember to let us in to help in this small way. vent here, let us recieve any virotol that you’ll build up in a safe way, so that you can be that best possible mom for your kids. Also, share the triumphs that come your way as well. “A burden shared is halved, but a joy shared is doubled”
Dave
I wasn’t sure what to say to you Kaya – so I’ve just been lurking as many others I’m sure. To say the least, I will be praying for you, seriously. Really. You have helped me along my journey, and you didn’t even know it.
Thanks you.
@ Dave, You’ve always had such great, thoughtful comments to Kaya’s blog posts. I’ve not always agreed, but I’ve always respected what you have to say… so here I am reading your words again, and I respect you once again, more than you know. And, I agree with you too. Thanks for making this comment and I echo it 100%.
kJ
browneyedgirl
Another voice adding to the chorus. I’ve commented a few times here under the moniker “Reader in Mo.” I’ve been reading you for probably close to three years now, and I keep coming back for both the smut and your writing.
I was initially surprised at what happened between you and Scott, but I’m not a believer in “happily ever after” and “forever,” so the surprise didn’t last long. Having said that, I figure it’s gotta be hell on you both regardless, and I wish you both the very best and hope that you’re able to resolve your issues and get back together. If not, well then, what can ya say? Shit happens.
Like everyone else, I’m glad that you’ll continue writing when you can.
Take care, Tess.
Dammit woman you have me awfully close to sending huggles (I think I need a shower).
You know, of course, I don’t care if you’re a 24/7 no-limits slave, or a weekend spanko, or a 24/7 LD on-line only twue slave, or a purple cunt-lipped jabberwocky. You’re my friend.
Oh Tess,
I waited to leave my comment, because like so many of your readers, I don’t know what to say. Yours was the second blog I discovered and I’ve devoured every word you’ve posted in the past year (after going back and reading the archives). I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful I am for what you have shared of yourself and your life. It’s not the smut that has kept me here.
I too (as one of your previous commenters has indicated) feel as if I’m reading between the lines. I have those ropes also and I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going thru. I’ve long admired your selflessness – to me this is just one more indication of what a wonderful, amazing woman you are.
I with you, the kids, and Scott the very best.
Hugs,
Blush
GRR! And that would be wish (not with!)
Don’t forget that you are cared for and supported even if you can’t see us. I feel sad that saying you wouldn’t do something was enough to tear it all apart for you. You have to be true to yourself as the first step in a loving marriage, and a loving partner wants that for you, and for the relationship. I, like many, suspect I know what was asked, and that cannot be demanded of someone who does not want it. Indeed, if it was a deal breaker it should have been stated up front before marriage. I’m so sorry for your pain and sadness. I’ll say it again: you are not an albatross – you are a phoenix.
You ARE loved, and I’m glad we were able to convey that to you.
Tess…
I’ve grown to love you so much over the past couple of years of reading and such. If you are coming to your “home town”…i’m assuming you mean near me. You are 100% welcome here anytime. if you need a place to crash while apartment hunting or if you need recommendations i can give you them. If you e-mail me privately at the above address, i can give you my phone numbers and such. Please, let me help in any way i can. I’m sure my bossman will second that notion, and anything we can do, we’ll be happy to do. *Hugggss*
Much love,
pony
I’m an old LJ reader who occasionally comes here to check on you because I always liked your heart, wit and wisdom even if maybe some of your kink wasn’t my kink. No matter those differences, I always enjoyed feeling like I could be a silent champion of a person living their dreams and daring to try to make them come true. I never read a single word without having a feeling of pulling for you, so it was with great sadness that I read about your handing back your collar, and it is with continuing heart that I am STILL pulling for you. Every word you write I will pull for you, and my best is sent in the silence too.
I KNOW from reading you for years now that you have the requisite strength to make it through anything, I just think it sucks MAJORLY that you have to make it through this. I hope for the best for the both of you.
I didn’t get a chance to reply to your last post. I’ll tell you that, little as I actually comment on here, I come damn near every day. And I was in a PANIC the whole time the site was down! Okay. Maybe not a panic. But I was wondering, and hoping you hadn’t just disappeared forever.
I am so deeply sorry for the losses you are experiencing in your life right now. I can’t even begin to imagine the kind of pain you must be in, the fear you must be experiencing. Say true, I don’t want to imagine. I would hug you if I could, because I’ve walked through a lot of this journey with you and although you have no idea who I am, I feel like I know at least a small part of you. And I’ve become very, very fond of and attached to the “you” you let us see. My heart goes out to you.
However, I also have great hope for the new things and the new life you’re starting. I believe that you have a great strength in you, and I know that if you feel this is right and you choose to go out there on your own you will find happiness. And I believe that one way or another down the line you’ll end up exactly where you belong – wherever that may be.
I’ll reiterate what everyone else here has said – because why the hell not? It can’t hurt to hear one more time. Or a thousand, I’m sure. I enjoy reading what you have to say. Whatever it is you have to say. You articulate wonderfully, and your thoughtfulness and humor are… well, wonderful. As long as you keep writing I’ll keep reading. And I hope you do. Say true, I hope you do.
My heart and my thoughts go out to you. We, all of us, love you in that way that you can only a fellow blogger ;)
Hey You, ya know, I started out reading your blog cause well…you had nekkid pictures and such. Then you shared your thoughts on raising children, your childhood, and such which only made you more real. I enjoy the WHOLE blog, be it the sex or walking the dog… your crazy cats or your snarky sense of humor… sometimes a person just enjoys sitting down having a cup of joe and reading a blog that is like a variety show… ya just never know with that Tess. So please if you have to… get a free site.. I just PLAIN enjoy your writing no matter what the subject… your so enjoyable.
I’m glad you chose to keep the site up. I was a bit nervous when I saw it gone a few days ago.
*hugs*
Been reading you for a long time. You have done enough to feed your kinks, your so called Master’s kinks and the voyeuristic people who come in here to read you. There is something called ‘aging.’ And what you will need at this stage is someone who holds your hand, not whips you!
The more you give, the less it is for most people.
You were a beautiful,independent and extremely articulate woman when you began this journey with this man. Look at you today! Reduced to being speechless.
I often read the things he did to you with a lump in my throat. Enough. Fall silent and move on. Move out of this blog world too. You want to become a writer, do it real-time, big-time.
You have punished yourself enough for HIS SUICIDE.
Stop. Go away from this dark world and concentrate on healing yourself big time.
Tess has never been such a beautiful,independent and extremely articulate woman as she is right now!
I too often read with a lump in my throat, a lump because Kaya was lucky enough to have someone who understood her needs and took her where she needed to be.
How can you call this a ‘dark world’. Have you ever encountered as much heartfelt love on a blog as there has been on this one… I think not!
Sending you all my love Tess x x
Tess,
As a long-time reader and lurker, I’d like to thank you for all you’ve given us. For the thoughts and the insights, for the rants, the smut, the kitty pictures :). For the thought-provoking articles you wrote, for your intelligence, courage and dedication.
My heart goes with you, just like everybody else’s here. Good luck on your journey, whatever its path may be.
Hugs,
a.
I’m sure we can take care of the hosting charges if that becomes an issue. Be well, strangerfriend.
I get the impression that the Master/slave relationship has taken a major hit but the marriage is still intact and this would be considered a separation from eachother. (I don’t want to pry but as everyone else has said, you have shared so much of yourself here, you are “known” to everyone that reads you on a regular basis.) Is that correct?
I hope you are taking comfort in the support you are receiving from the faceless group here. Please don’t stop writing because it’s clearly something you need to do and something we all need to read. Quality writing, no matter what the topic is, is rare and your writing has clearly made strong impressions on the literary souls of everyone reading.
As the dance with my Daddy ends, and i am trying to recover, i understand the place you are in. Please do not go away. i enjoy reading all of your posts.
heather
previously known as His little one.
Tess, although I read regularly, I rarely comment. I think that most of the times I have, it’s been one of your posts about your kids.
I don’t pretend to understand how this feels for you, and I don’t have the words to make things better in anyway. But I’m sorry for your pain.
It isn’t the pics that bring me here (frankly, some make me flinch) nor it is to better understand M/s. Hell, submitting to a bedroom spanking is as far as I go, and happily so. I read because your journey interested me, and because you feel like a real person, not like one of the many ‘shells’ that abound in blogs.
Be you, be there for your kids, and be happy.
i am glad that you have decided, for now, to keep writing. your blog is one of our favorites. Mistress was inspired by a few of your posts (i am still on razor restriction & She has plans on making a tack bra for me) and i have enjoyed everything from your recipes, cleaning for less & even the pics of the crazy antics of your pets :) our oldest daughter is almost 18 so we could relate to alot of things you wrote about jes. i echo what your other readers have said in that i hope you keep writing on a regular basis-your writing is witty, honest and inspiring.
I started reading your blog when I first got involved in the BDSM community in my hometown, and have enjoyed your posts. I have come to admire you for your strength. I am sorry that things are so crazy…I’ve talked to my Daddy about your blog, and have made reference to it a few times in conversations about D/s. Take care of yourself and your kids. Please remember that you have people here that care about you too!!!
agreeing with all…. take care of you…know you will be in my thoughts…………………
hugs
THANK YOU …… More hugs here and a sholder too.
Yieepe…i’m so glad that you’ll keep writing in what ever form…even when i don’t agree with you 100% you always make me think in ways i hadn’t before…
fown
No words for this, just a big hug. Sad.
For hells sakes I hate Master lap top GRRRRRRRRR I had made a big ass post and then it ate it before i was done. GRRRRRRRRRR..
The jist was this we have all been honored to be allowed to peek in on your journey with scott. I was with you long before here and long before live journal. I fell in love with your friendship way back when. You are an amazing person, friend, and mother. I know you have had some personal struggles with parenting and slavery. Not to say this has anything to do with that, honestly it doesnt matter cause it really isnt any of our buisness. Im so glad that you have decided to stay on even if its not as often. While the porn was always great to me it was just a bonus because it was never what braught me into your written world I was a part of that long before your first nekky picture was ever posted in fact I remember that time period very well when just a booby shot had you horrified.
You mean the world to so many doll. I am proud of you for standing tall and listening to yourself for what ever the reasoning is. If it works out and so much of me does hope that down the road it will be scott n kaya kinky part duex I also look up to you for hearing your heart and mind.
Even in times of trouble you manage to always be so damn eloquent. You have a way with words and I hope no matter what that you always write rather it be a book a blog or just check in updates.
I would read daily if it was all recipes and animal love yah know?? I would have been not only crushed but very worried if you just left and went away with out a word. On my other hand if it was me I may have but then I am a hidder when it gets tough. Not a good place to be. I wish you all the luck and I urge you to lean where you need to lean for support. I am always here for you, you can contact me any day any time any hour.
One more thing if there is ANYTHING i can do no matter how small please dont hesitate to ask. You do so much for others and right now this has to be about you and your family. Your dreams and your wants and needs I have a feeling that is going to be hard for you because you have always been about everyone else.
I love you kaya, and I am standing quietly saying my kaya cheer like I have all along.
hugs
tia
As a long time “lurker” I’ve not said much in the past. I want you to know that I am wishing you the best.
Keep a stiff upper lip, and all that.
I had a big long comment here, rambling on, but it’s summed up this way: *hug* and more *hug*. I know you’re going to be okay and I know this will all work out the way it should (however that may be) and I know you’re a very, very strong woman. And so, again, *hug*.
Kaya, I have read your comments along time, the insight of your experiences have been interesting. We all become scared, lonely and confused at times in our lives, hell no one told us it would be easy or always a cake walk. I enjoy reading your journal, scared the hell out of me when I couldn’t connect with it.
Hang tough and remember their are alot of us who read and need you.
William
I’m glad you decided to stay to write. I’ll read what you write regardless of what it’s about simply because I enjoy you and your writing.
I stumbled across your blog from I don’t even remember where a while ago and have been an avid reader since. I don’t comment much, but there has been times when you’ve made my day better than it was from what you wrote. I’m sorry to know that you’re going through this rough time and I hope things work out the way they need to in the end. I’m echoing the comments about your writing that others have written as well as a post comment from KinkyOne (that could almost be me) and am glad to see that you’re posting again. You have a world of people at your back and anyone of them will come if you call or catch you if you fall. *HUGS*
pixieblue
Reading this, knowing that you’re in a lonely and dark place right now hurts a lot, even though I don’t really know you. (And yet I feel like I do, a bit.)
Please don’t abandon the site–or switch to a free site if you need to–whatever it is you do or do not want to share. Or indeed, need to vent.
When I first started reading your LJ it was mostly because I could relate to the singular view on M/s you offered, but I gradually learned that you’re very unique in every aspect that you’ve allowed us to see so far; I’d be happy to read anything you write, smut or no smut.
I’ve come to admire you a great deal, Tess–not as the Imaginairy Flawless Slave Elf but as a perfectly flawed human being who lives life and love to the fullest.
It saddens me that I can’t take away some of your pain. Luckily you wrote and feel this “and I love him still with every fiber of my being. I will always be his and nothing in that way has changed.”
Hang in there, you’re a tough little cookie!