Found It!
My Christmas spirit that is. Seems I had it all along and just didn’t know it.
In an email I was writing last night, it occurred to me that the reason Christmases of old seemed so amazing was because it was the one time of the year when people were a little nicer, a little lighter. When my house was less stressed, less angsty. When everyone around me made a little more effort to be kind.
And that’s what we don’t have anymore. We don’t have that “little extra” that is so noticeable.
Because we have it every day.
I remarked to Master just the other day how lucky I am to have him, to be his. I really am.
He makes me feel loved, and cherished. He makes me feel beautiful and wanted. He makes me feel special and worthy. He’s my companion, my lover. He makes me laugh, sometimes until I cry. I never want for a hug or a kiss. I’m never without someone to talk to, a warm body to snuggle, a welcoming lap to slide onto, loving eyes to look into.
He’s a dad and he’s a grandpa (Bahmpa) out of love rather than genetics. Just the other day, B-man came home in a funk and though he refused repeated offers from me to talk about it, he did talk to Master (girl trouble, o’course) and he was fine after.
Those are the kind of gifts you can’t buy in a store. What DID I want for Christmas, empty years, lonely years ago? Someone to love, someone to love myself and my kids. I have that.
Not perfect. No. Nothing ever is. But damn close.
Jes finished her GED. Did I mention that already? I can’t remember. But she did, and yesterday she went out to the local community college there and got approved for financial aid. Today she signs up for classes to start in January.
Next month, we’ll drive Am down to the award banquet for the essay contest that she won, and to see if she advances further.
Master got promoted at work.
Nah. I don’t have a surge of Christmas spirit. I have an ongoing, constant and steady supply of it.
I think I shall bask in it for the weekend.
Like I was saying over on FL, my Christmas itinerary:
We leave late this afternoon for the first 4 hours of our trip south (funny how we’re so far north that, for us, south is actually just to the midwest), where we’ll crash in a hotel for the night in a city that actually has shopping malls so I can then finish (well, start AND finish ~fingers crossed~) my shopping in the morning. After shopping, we’ll drive the last 5 hours.
So that sucks up tomorrow.
Friday, I’ll have to try and wrap everything where nobody can see it, which won’t be an easy task as we’ll all be crammed into my parent’s house. My mother wouldn’t dream of allowing anyone to stay at a hotel; she’d be insulted and hurt. She has one extra bedroom, but there’s my daughter, her baby and her boyfriend, who live there, and then myself and Master, and my two other teens. One bathroom. One shower. So we pull out the air mattresses and try and stagger bathing so we don’t fry the old pump…~frazzle~)
We’ve never done actual Christmas morning at any place but home so I’ve been driving myself insane listing everything I have to bring. All the gifts, the stockings, the treats. It seems silly to haul it all down there only to turn it around and haul it all back, but nobody wanted to have Christmas earlier or later, and this weekend was the only time Master could get enough time off of work to make the trip. Since we only go there once or twice a year, and my mom’s health is unstable, I cherish these holidays with her and it’s worth the hassle (remind me of that when we’re trying to make everything fit into the truck, mmkay?)
Saturday, we’ll have Christmas morning all together. I’ll get to see my granddaughter (18 months) have her first real Christmas where she’s actually interested in (the boxes the stuff came in) the presents. I’ll get to see my daughter, who doesn’t know it, but her boyfriend is going to propose to her on Christmas morning. Later that evening, the rest of the family is coming. I’m the youngest of nine, though only five of my siblings, and their spouses and kids, and in some cases their kids’ kids, can make it. That’s still an incredible houseful of people. I think my parents have something like 20 grandkids, and 8 great-grandkids and I’m just so happy I don’t have their Christmas shopping list. They buy for everyone, from us adults down to the newest great-granddaughter who was born just last week. I’ll actually be meeting to two youngest babies for the first time. :-)
Sunday is the day of rest so naturally we’ll be finding clothes, finding presents, packing things up, saying our good byes and heading home. I’m unsure if we’re driving straight through or if we’ll split the trip in half again.
AND- I finally got my nails painted, and then promptly chipped one trying to open the car door that was frozen shut. Bah humbug.
So! As my parents don’t have internet access (gateway to the Devil, doncha know, or so says my mother) this will be my last bit of time online as I’m off to take my kid to get her hair did, and buy the bins we’ll need to pack the stuff in so we can haul it, and then we’re getting on the road. Let me just say–
I hope everyone has a most joyous holiday. May all of your Christmas wishes come true!
Uncategorized | kaya | 
Wednesday December 22nd, 2010 10:00am
Have a great Christmas, guys. I’ll miss you!
Biddable´s last [type] ..Biddsology
Merry Christmas to you and yours! Sounds like fun and what a wonderful surprise for Jes!
We can’t wait to see the 20 month old rip into presents either. She understands the concept, it’s going to be a blast. :)
Have a safe trip and a merry Christmas.
Have a wonderful and safe trip!!!
claudia
Merry Christmas kaya and Scott. I wish you and your family joy and happiness this weekend and throughout the year (which it seems you already have in abundance!)
lunaKM´s last [type] ..Snippets
Safe trip
And Merry Christmas to you and yours !!
morningstar´s last [type] ..YUCK
Sounds both wonderful and exhausting… but definitely wonderful.
Have a great time.
Merry Christmas
xantu´s last [type] ..Tell me why
Yay, you’re soo happy! That is something a lot of people don’t know, which is super unfortunate. I hope you have a fantastic time and a safe trip (as well as the rest of your family).
TearyFantasies´s last [type] ..My biological clock is ticking
YAYs for next month! I’ll get to SEE YOU!!!!!
Theresa´s last [type] ..Monday Monday
Have a great Christmas, guys. I’ll miss you!
Happy & Safe travels for you and the family. DId I miss something? Did Jess’s boyfriend call and ask permission to wed? How exciting that you get to partake in that. Enjoy that baby and so glad you found your spirit:)
Wow! Sounds like you’re going to have fun! A packed house is always the best. Merry Christmas to all of you!
Kellyred´s last [type] ..Do It Again
Have a safe and wonderful Christmas, Kaya.
Merry Christmas to you and yours kaya!~
Such wonderful new that you have all come so far! Marry Christmas to you all!
Glad you found it – and ya know that could explain how I feel as well.
Congrats to Jes on her GED and college if I did not already say so.
Merry Christmas! Have a safe trip and a great time =)
Have a Merry one sounds like fun,,,er ah, did I miss somthing,Jes is getting married to babydaddy, how do we feel about that?
i’m glad that you are so happy. i love that feeling of being wanted also.
Take care, drive state, and hugs to everyone
niya´s last [type] ..peeks around the monitor
i meant drive safe *blushes*
Honest…i typed that…the computer just hates me…yeah…that’s it!
niya´s last [type] ..peeks around the monitor
Merry Christmas everyone!
Drive safe and Merry Christmas :)
His mija´s last [type] ..Kink Academy Contest
Congrats on Jes finishing her GED and that she’s applying for classes at a community college. I personally think that’s the best place to go to after you’re done with high school. You can get all of your core requirements out of the way there by getting your associates and then focus on the major once you get to an university. Also congrats to her on getting proposed to…did she accept?
Congrats to Am for winning an essay contest!
I’m glad you finally found what you really wanted all those Christmases ago. It is nice to have someone that loves you as well as you love them. I whole heartedely agree with you that some things just don’t come in a box.
It sounds like a great Christmas planned ahead and I can’t wait to hear about it.
Lynnsey´s last [type] ..Welcome -
Have a Merry one sounds like fun,,,er ah, did I miss somthing,Jes is getting married to babydaddy, how do we feel about that?
[...] Kaya sums up how she feels about her Master S … which is just how I feel about Mr Defeu: He makes me feel loved, and cherished. He makes me feel beautiful and wanted. He makes me feel special and worthy. He’s my companion, my lover. He makes me laugh, sometimes until I cry. I never want for a hug or a kiss. I’m never without someone to talk to, a warm body to snuggle, a welcoming lap to slide onto, loving eyes to look into. [...]