Forgiven 27 times.
Well the kids are home so Master and I had to get dressed, which luckily for you all means I get to post pictures! Yay!
Master came bearing gifts, new cuffs and a new rattan cane. Isn’t He generous?…:) I’m also watching the mail for candles and lube. You can never have enough lube, right? Right.
So, earlier today, shortly after I made that last post in fact, Master was sitting on the couch and I was curled up in His arms (isn’t that the best spot in the world?..~sigh~). I touched His cheek to make Him look at me so I could see His eyes and I asked for the umpteenth time “Do You really forgive me?”
He closed His eyes and tilted His head to the heavens and sighed. In that very controlled, very firm, very you-are-so-trying-my-patience voice, He said “YES. How many times do I have to say it?”
Seeing that I was pushing my luck here, I smiled brightly and quipped, “27!” (Which was the first number that came to mind, thank GOD it wasn’t a thousand.) He nodded. “27 it is then. 27 with the new cane and you’ll repeat after each one, ‘I know I am forgiven, thank You Master.’”
And you know what? I AM forgiven! I do believe it now.
So we did alot today. Or rather, He did alot to me. It was fun fun fun. Even being in the closet with my arms stretched up high… and just when I thought I couldn’t stand the burn in my shoulders or the tingle in my hands anymore, He opened the door and pulled them higher. Even that was fun. Challenging. He talked to me from the other side of door every now and then.. just casual conversation.. to keep me from spacing too much maybe? Whatever the reason, it was very surreal. Was I really supposed to answer normally, naked, blindfolded, chained and locked in a closet??
Apparently so, because I did.
Later, He “showered” me and then we showered together. Each time we reconnect on what used to be an almost daily activity, I decide that’s the one I miss the most when He’s gone. I guess I just miss it all the most.
Master made another little video while He was playing around with His cane. If you want it, you’ll get to hear me cussing oh so politely…:) You know the drill.. email me at onlytess@hotmail.com.
Here are some pictures too.
Have a good weekend everyone!
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Uncategorized | kaya | 
Friday January 20th, 2006 3:52pm
You know sweet Kaya, Ive been thinking about this so much. It reminded me of something a lot of years ago. Believe it or not I used to be a ton more harder on myself I used to indeed really beat up on myself alot for things. M told me once that our agreement was that with punishment that once it was over and he declared it over then it was a clean slate. It wasnt to be hashed about or brought back up in the future nore could he punish me again for it once it was done and over. The thing he pointed out was that in his Dominance over me he kept his end of it so by be lingering over it again and again I was the one not allowing the closure so to speak. There are still times he grabs me by the face and sternly tells me it is OVER AND DONE WITH, and we are moving on.
On the emotional end that is always easier said then done. BUT I figure in his wisdom if he is forgiven and punishment is done then I need and should and can forgive myself as well.
Enjoy your weekend and each other wich I am sure you are at this very moment.
tia
nothing to say but i wanted to send hugs and good thoughts your way.
~ fucktoy